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 Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 4:00 pm
It was hard to believe that the femme who once swore up and down that she was the most gorgeous being in the world felt insecure about how Haemon saw her. Though one who truly thought about her previous actions would realize she had been insecure for a while--worried that everyone would leave her behind just as her father had left her and her mother. Then even her mother left..
There seemed to be emotions locked on the inside she would have to face. Would Haemon really help her to work through them? Could he? The thought made her insides warmer, but she was concerned that he would realize how 'crazy' she was and not want to deal with her. Or that he would find her clingy because she would really want his help and to be able to count on him.
But she had faith that she could be a better wolf and be helpful in this pack--no matter how new and strange it was to her.
She didn't want to let Haemon or herself down.
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Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 8:13 am
 ((I am going to set this, time wise, that they have just met Chernabog and are now making their way to Haemon's den. Until the RP is finished I am not really going to talk about it much, or what could possibly come from that RP. Instead this RP is for us both to develop the relationship between Haemon and Raelin.))
He had just met with the alpha and was now making his way slowly back to his den. There was a silence between him and the female, she seemed somewhat lost in thought and this also caused him to lose himself in his. He had promised her he'd help her with calming that temper of hers, this thought caused a flicker of a grin, but he knew there would be some deep set reason for her temper, he saw that in her.
His grin faded and then returned but it was a cruel one and he felt like laughing at himself. How was he going to help this female? His soul was darker and more tainted than anyone's he knew, bar his brothers. His half brothers, Geri and Freki, had raped their mother repeatedly, the outcome of which was himself. Then his brothers had killed the other 3 pups of Haemon's litter and their mother and then bullied Haemon all through his life until he had discovered his Shaman abilities. He did not know why he fought alongside his brothers rather than turning on them, perhaps he longed for some form of love from them though he never received any, respect, yes but never love.
His history was buried deep in his heart but it tainted his daily life in some way or another. Perhaps somehow a small corner of him believed if he could fix Raelin, he'd fix himself along the way and earn a little love.
Again he restrained a laugh, for he could only laugh at his situation because he would never cry.
These deep thoughts did not bode well for his sanity, instead he focused pack on to the present and addressed Raelin, 'Our den is not far now, perhaps once we are inside and are sheltered we could get to know each other a little more...' He looked across at her and let his eyes wander across her slender body before coming back to meet her eyes. It had been such a long time since he'd truly shared the company of another female and this fiery female would certainly provide him with a great source of pleasure. He wondered if she would submit to him easily, no he doubted it and indeed he hoped she didn't.
He knew this suggestion would anger her and he grinned at her, perhaps she'd even see that as offensive. Haemon needed these distractions, for he did not really want to focus on his demons. But he would have to, if he was going to help this female and in turn help himself. His expression changed and he looked though his female companion. The foremost thought in his head, don't let her fear me, let her love me.
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Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 2:45 pm
It indeed brought a small snarl from her and she wiped her head to glare at him. "Not that easily." After all, she was not in this to be a slut, to offer her whole being just to end up pregnant and alone. Was the male just trying to set her off, or did he honestly expect that she would roll onto her back and let him do anything he wanted?
The expression change, though, was noticable and she lightened once more, her temper soothed easier than normal.
"You'll have to work hard if you want that, Haemon." She gave a smile before continuing her steps towards the den that the other was leading her to. There was a new wind in her sails, the hopeful feeling of turning out to be so good that Haemon would want to impress her to earn such a thing. Maybe.. maybe someday he would find her that much of value.
All seemed to be going well until she stepped inside the den. The moment she did, a scent caught her nose. One that did not belong to Haemon, but to a female that must have resided with him some time recently. Another snarl rang from her maw, this one a bit louder.
A new feeling seeped through her. Jealousy. Logic stated that she didn't have a right to be jealous, but she was. Did this femme belong to Haemon? Belong to the pack? She could catch the scent of comfort and it made something in her chest tangle in an odd way. Her insecurities were back. Was she just another female to Haemon, one that would stay in his den for a night or two before being kicked out?
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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 10:48 am
((You'll have to excuse my long winded reply, I'm just trying to build his character so I may better understand him myself... if that makes sense.)) 'Not that easily', the words echoed in his head and he smiled, no he hadn't thought so. But the temper that had flared in an instant had died in a matter of seconds and she smiled at him. He stared at her for a long moment then, something was happening between the two of them and he didn't know what, her temper flared as it had when they first met but it calmed quickly as well, what did she get from his company he wondered.
She had spotted his den in seemed and she now led the way, he had no problem with this, it was her den now as well. But as soon as she entered he followed her in with the sound of her snarl bouncing from the cave's wall, more vicious than it had been a moment ago. For a moment Haemon paid her no mind as he made himself comfortable, sitting down with his back to a wall and facing her, blood red eyes bright in the dim light of the den.
Part of him felt like provoking her, 'Something bothers you' the sarcastic voice laughed in his head, but it had gone past that now, he'd had his fun earlier, now he'd promised to help her and that would not. Still he did not reply to her, focusing on her circulatory system he observed the increased heart rate, the way her blood coursed through her body, yet also how there was the occasion flutter to the hearts beat, unease perhaps? With time he answered her snarl.
'Quite yourself.' His tone was demanding, he may of welcomed her to sharing his den but he could quickly change that and he would not take kindly to being snarled at by anyone in his den. 'The scent that lingers here is a female's, yes, but how there is a problem I see not. She is not my mate nor do I bring female's here simply to have my way with them. She was injured and I healed her, she has now left.' There was a dangerous glint to his eyes, almost in warning that he would not be challenged upon this subject.
She still did not seem to understand what sort or wolf he was, but then he admitted he was a complex character and they had not known each other for long. He liked to think of himself as a dark stranger, someone you approached with caution, caused a sense of unease though under that was much a gentleman as the male in full view with a broad friendly smile. He had a darker side of course, but he did not wish Raelin to know that side of him.
His memory fell upon there earlier conversation and he remembered the way in which she snapped when he provoked her with 'Perhaps you do not belong to anyone, simply because no one will have you.' He eyes widen slightly in understanding, she was insecure. His voice soften and he attempted to sooth her, 'Raelin, I will help you but you must trust me.' He looked at her, his eyes held a light to them that she had not seen before, he understood, enough to know they were both broken and they both wanted fixing. If she wasn't as broken as she was and he wasn't so scared of losing his chance of a little love he'd of moved closer to her. Instead his eyes took on a pained expression and he rose from where he was sitting to stand at the mouth of the den and take in a deep lungful of air.
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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:02 am
The demanding words caused her to flinch and silence herself. She had upset him. There was another inner storm to her at that point, hating that with simple words he simply took every ounce of dominance and she was not to disagree.
Of course the way she reacted was very inappropriate, most wolves would kick her out instantly for daring to snarl at them in their private dens. The tangle in her chest had taken control and she hadn't even really thought about what she was donig.
She was just jealous and it hurt.
Still, those words.. Was he upset that she might have thought ill of him? Was there a chance that perhaps he wanted her to find him worthy as well? Not likely, she told herself, because he was sure to have so many options and she was just one of them.
Her insecurties still rose until the very last words he spoke, and her own eyes went wide. His movement towards the mouth of the den made her chest tangle further and she found herself wishing that he would just come back.. that he wouldn't leave. Relief washed through her when he merely got some air instead of leaving for a long time.
"Haemon.." Came her voice softly, sounding a little like she was drowning. "I'm very sorry. I should not have.. snarled or demanded some sort of explination. It's not my place at all to do such." It was hard to say. She hated to admit she was wrong, especially to one that liked to pick on her for such things at times.
Just don't leave.
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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:15 am
Haemon took another deep inhalation of breath with her words and he closed his eyes. How was he going to do this, something about this female weakened him, perhaps he saw bits of himself in her or perhaps he just liked the fact she seemed to want him to help her. He did not turn to her, not yet, over his shoulder came his words to her. 'I am sorry also, this is your den now, as well as mine, you have right to question me. We were both in error, forgive me.' He turned at that moment and looked back at her, his bloody eyes meeting her storm grey.
He came about and walked back into the den and sat at ease once again close to Raelin. He did not say anything for a time and then, 'I believe we need to start opening up to each other. Ask of me what you will, I will give you an honest answer. From you though, I need to know, what is it that causes your insecurities?' He did not expect her to like this question but if they were to work through this together he needed to know.
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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:28 am
The apology was a little shocking to her, but she nodded her head to show that it was accepted. The silence was less akward this time and she moved to lay down, relaxing in the warmth of the den.
With a slightly wary look, she opened her maw to try to explain what happened in her past. "I was born into a normal, happy pack.. My parents were the Alphas. My mother, Selia, was amazing.. And my father, Devvyl, would do anything to defend her." She had to smile at that part.
"As I got older.. things started to change a lot. My father was around a lot less. And what felt like all of a sudden.. He left. The pack fell apart despite every effort of my mother. She was broken into pieces and I had to leave.. I should have stayed to help, but everyone in the pack ran off and my mother insisted I go as well." Now she was frowning, looking rather pained and upset about the entire situation.
"I joined a pack a bit like this one. A rough, dominant Alpha who ruled with power and fear. I finally felt like I was at home with them.. And then they broke apart. I got left on my own again. At the same time I found out that my mother took a new mate and formed a pack.. With a psycotic wolf that frightens me to the core. I cannot see her anymore."
A small sigh left her as she rested her head on his paws. "Everyone leaves."
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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:51 am
He listened to her story and smiled, everything was a lot clearer now. Her anger was quick to flare as a safe guard to protect her, not just from day to day life but from something deeper as well. Finally she rested her head upon his fore paws and he looked down at her, this small gesture warming him.
He pushed out his back legs and lowered himself in such a manner that he tired to kept his forepaws in the same position as no to disturb Raelin. Once laying down opposite her he lowered his head to come to rest on the ground next to his forepaws, parallel to her head and in her ear he whispered, 'I am here now and I will not leave you.' The added words of 'I promise.' were not added, his tone confirmed this.
He closed his eyes and allowed his other senses to master him. He took in her smell and the warmth she radiated he drew comfort. He shivered with the pleasure of it and then opened his eyes once more. In hushed tones they would converse now, 'We both have tales to tell and we both have wounds to heal. I will help you heal them, if you will allow it.'
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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:58 am
The words meant more to her than Haemon would probably be able to understand.The close proximity to the other made her feel rather good, a smile tugging onto her maw as sh heard him continued to speak.
"Thank you.." He whispered back to him, her own nose pressed to the other's ear. It was a slightly intimate gesture, showing that she felt hte moment was special. "I will take every ounce of help that you offer, Haemon. I do hope I can help you with your own wounds."
It was perfect to her.. to be like this against him. She felt safe and comfortable.. as though Haemon was going to protect her. Not only from others, but from herself and her own insecurities.
"Are there any tales that you are willing to share?" Raelin was not going to be pushy, though she had to admit she was very curious as to what happened to Haemon to have him turn out the way he did.. How he found out he was a Shaman, what being a Shaman really meant to him.
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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 12:24 pm
Raelin pressed her nose to his ear and the sensation was marvellous. His heart quicken and he allowed it, for a change, for no one had ever shown him this sort of affection. Always bullied or feared Haemon had never had a close loving relationship with any other wolf. Perhaps through the eyes of another wolf, Raelin's affections were minimal but to Haemon they meant everything.
At her own question he ran back to his own wall of defences and stared out at her. He did not draw his head back from hers but it took a lot of control to keep it there, worried of her reaction to what he would say next. She had told her story, brief but it was a start and now he knew he had to return this if the relationship between them was to develop.
'I'm afraid my past is a little, no, a lot more horrific than your own.' He paused and then in apprehensive tones he continued, 'My half brothers, Geri and Freki, raped their own mother, repeatedly and from my understanding she did not want to dishonour their father, her mate and I believe, part of her did not want harm to come to Geri and Freki, her son's as their father was someone to fear. So she gave birth to the litter, myself being the product of this.' He paused, took a breath and carried on. 'Geri and Freki, then killed my mother and my siblings.'
'The pack we all belonged to was cruel in nature, my brothers, fathers, being a product of this as well. I was raised in this environment, bullied and beaten, the reasoning for which was to make me stronger or to break me.' He took another deep breath, this story he had told no other and it pained him to tell it to Raelin, totally convinced she'd leave him alone in horror after hearing it, but he continued.
'It wasn't until my adolescent years where I discovered my shaman abilities, those would attacked me soon discovered the effects of them also. I master them in time but not without a lot of blood shed along the way. Family politics caused the pack to split and I wanted to escape but I know of nothing else and I do not believe I would be welcomed by any other pack, this one just seemed right...'
Haemon controlled the urge to rise, to somehow walk away from the words he had just spoken but he remained, hoping with some small hope that Raelin would return the gesture he offered her, that she'd not leave him, that she'd help him also. He clenched his jaw in suspension and waited for her reaction.
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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 3:40 pm
Raelin closed her eyes as she listened, wanting to focus on each word and how he said it. Her breathing shallowed a little as she heard what he was saying, a good bit shocked that a pack such as tha could have exsisted. When he finished, she felt her body relax. Funny, she hadn't known she'd been tensing, but apparently she was.
She made no move to get up, instead pressing her nose a little further against the other's ear. She needed to say -something- but what coild s he say? There would be no way to fully erase the pain in the other's heart, but.. she felt an overwhelming need to replace that pain with something better.
"You are a very strong wolf, Haemon." Finally came her soft tone, eyes slowly openning. "I have met no one else that could handle the things you have. I'm not sure how someone like me could help you, but I would be very happy to do everything I can."
She gave him a nuzzle at that moment, her eyes closing again.
"I want to heal your wounds, too."
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Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 12:27 pm
Haemon's eyes widen in surprise as Raelin remained by his side. True, Haemon was capable of many horrific things which was his only mechanism for survival, they only thing that had got him through it all. Though he did not wish to undertake such things again. His brothers seemed to be maturing now and they too seem to change, not so blood thirsty, or Freki wasn't at least. But underneath it all Haemon was still a pup without a mother and unloved by all.
He could not puzzle out if Raelin saw through it all and saw this or was simply pitying him. Though for now, the attention she was giving him and the tenderness of her muzzling was something he hadn't even began to dream of. It touched him and that small pup inside him wanted to cry and pull himself in closer to her. Yet that part of him was caged by so many years of neglected and having to survive that he simply accepted the nuzzle and whispered to her, 'For all my sins I do not believe you can help me but there other wounds you are already beginning to heal.'
He did not want to lose her now, not now he had shared a part of himself he'd dare not ever show anyone else but he could not help an urge to lift his head slightly and twist to lick her maw. 'Thank you.' Came hoarse words, before he took a deep breath and closed his eyes shut.
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Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 12:56 pm
Raelin had to smile to herself, the attention the other was giving her truly soothed her as well. Haemon was different from those she had met before.. She felt like she could tell him things and open up, without being torn to shreds and laughed at.
It was strange how their relationship had gone from mocking and anger to two wolves trying to trust.
"Do not thank me, for this.. This means everything to me." It was a vunerable position to be in, as at any moment he could simply rip her apart. But she trusted him not to. She trusted him.
She decided to relay another story, this one slightly more detailed and might help the other. "When I was a very young adolencent, I had been protecting my parent's lands. I was young and naive, trying to stand up to a wolf twice my size and daring him to hurt me.. Using my parent's strength as my back up. This wolf took a liking to me and lead me from my parent's lands for a small time. But as soon as we were a good distance.. He left. I ended up in a cave by myself for a long time. I guess it was a game to him. When I finally made my way back to my parents.. That was when my father started to act up."
A soft sigh left her. "I can blame only myself.."
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Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:03 am
Haemon rested his head back upon his paws. They had both only just begun to open up to each other but the key parts were over with, they had relaid their histories in the briefest of forms but enough that they could now begin to understand each other and build upon that knowledge. The comfort of this warmed his as well as the small physical affections Raelin had bestowed upon him. She now developed her story and told another part of her story.
Everything she had told him so far just pointed out to him her lack of security, also scared of abandonment but also her lack of inner strength. Haemon had been witness to her volatile nature when they first met but now he knew there was little inner strength to back up her fiery external. He hoped in time he could give her that strength. She would truly be worth having by his side then.
He tried to comfort her but also to point out her errors, 'You were young and naïve, it was not your fault. Your father should have been a better protector and should of looked after his daughter better, perhaps that is why your father started to act up, his shortcomings caused him guilt. I do not know and I can only speculate. But I am sure it was not your fault.'
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Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 1:02 pm
Raelin closed her eyes at that moment, shifting just a little closer to him and listening to what he had to say. She needed those words so badly.. How did Haemon know what to say to help her? It was such a simple thing, it made her heart warm a little. Though it would take a while for the wounds to heal, this close contact gave her true faith that Haemon would be able to accomplish anything.
He would make her a better wolf.
"Haemon," She broke the silence a few moments later, her voice soft. It was hard to decide exactly what she wanted to say to him, she didn't want her message to be unclear.
"Someday I will be a wolf you will be proud to have by your side." It sounded almost as though her inner pup was speaking, the one who always wanted to be loved. She wanted nothing more than to be worth something. To someone. Haemon saw this and as far as Raelin knew.. he wasn't taking advantage of her. Plenty of wolves would, and it showed his true heart.
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