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 Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 9:12 pm
I am constantly perplexed, fascinated, and extremely interested in death in general. Though I know, understand, and over-all comprehend it's general horiddness, the pain associated with it, and the end of a certain miracle, life, I cannot help but say that I am perplexed by it.
I am perplexed also by the actions that occur that result in death. Killing, accidents, purposeness, non-direct causes, and negligence. Creatures work so incredibly hard to survive; expelling waste, eating, thinking, having to react to things... we spend forever and endless amounts of effort to stay alive every single day; every moment of our lives. Yet it can be taken away so easily, so briefly, and so quickly.
Through my fascination with death, I am also constantly ailed with thoughts of suicide and murder. I also like to kill things, and subsequently, I'm an easy target. I've never known exactly why I've wanted to kill myself; sometimes I'm not even upset. I'm just, constantly ailed by it...
In this sense, I can conclude that I anxiety about death; thinking about it always gets me riled up and excited; even when I hate it; even if it's a negative feeling...
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 11:54 am
 sounds like you wanna know what omes after life.
If you dont have any strong sense of religion try reading the religious texts of multiple religions-this might give you and understanding of what might come after death
or you could develop a fascination for the occult like spirits and ghost hunting-what better way to figure out death than to ask the dead right-just if you wanna do this research everyrthing a millions times first okay?
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Aspirins And Alcohol Captain
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Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2009 10:40 pm
I'm not worried about what comes after death, although I am curious. This is not the reason for my ailment however.
I simply enjoy the aspect of death, yet ridicule and hate it at the same time. It's just a fascinating concept that something could be so fragile; even when 99% of the physical matter remains, something can die...
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Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 8:57 pm
I honestly was curious about death kindda like you before but that all changed the beginning of the year when two of my friends died.
One was in December near Christmas and he died because of some cancer that just pops up randomly.
Then the next one was in January probably about two weeks after my birthday, around the end of the month. He died because he froze. He was drinking or something and his car went in the ditch, it was -7 out. So he called him mom and waited. Then there was a hostage situation down the road a ways and he though the cops where after him so he hid behind his car. When they left he ran across the busy road in and went between this water plant and a farm sorta thing. There was a creek and he tried to jump it but missed, got out and died.
I don't like telling that story because many people look down on him kind of because of it.
BUT anyways after that happened I just dropped anything about being curious and got angsty about. So now whenever somebody mentions death I get all sad and try to be happy. (I've gotten good at it)
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Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 4:55 pm
Well, all I can tell you is not to worry about other people; so if they say 'DEATH DEATH DEATH' don't worry about it mhmm.
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Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:15 am
Death holds an inherit fascination. Looking through history, this is obvious. Being curious about why you are, in fact, CURIOUS about something is normal. I also think upon this subject many times. I would be a brigand and murderer if I did not have my conscience. And that is just a trained in subtext in the mechanizations that is my head... I hate getting in trouble with authority, that is one part of my own conscience, the other is simply the thought of "If I were to kill this person, what would I miss out on? What would other people refuse of me?" Video games have fortified this thought process. I regularly play rpg's that are free choice, and I constantly attempt to forgo my thoughts and simply do what I feel like at the time. I fear this is bringing me closes to apathy and murder though. I have come a long way in a short amount of time, even if the people are virtual. Oh s**t I am rambling. Long story short, I believe death is one of those extremely though provoking phenomina that draws people in. Unless you happen to be hardened against the thought of it, or are uncaring and/or full of faith in regards to it.
I am not even certain if I am coherently put words into sentence structures, my own rambling cause me to blank out! D: TL;DR DX
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Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 9:28 pm
don't feel bad we're kinda similar in a sense. i have an obsesion with death as well. though i'm really not curious as to whats after it. instead i'm honestly and truly terrified of it. it's really quite annoying.
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