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 Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 7:08 pm
This post is to put the funniest joke you have heard, I dont care if it's a dirty joke or not.
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 7:09 pm
I know a dirty one...kind of bad, wanna hear?
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 7:20 pm
ok this joke is called "Johnny Deeper" lol
Ok so there's this guy named Johnny Deeper and his father is the Princepal of his school. so Johnny likes one of his teachers. He goes up to her one day and says
take off your shirt
no
if you don't i'll tell my father to fire you.
so she takes off her shirt.
then he tells her
take off your skirt
no
i tell my father to fire you
so she takes off her skirt.
next he tells her to take off everything, she says no. he said i can get you fired if you don't. so she takes off everything else.
he takes off all of his cloths and cleans off the desk and puts her on top of the desk and starts to f*ck her.
that same minute his dad walks in and says
"Johnny Deeper" about 5 or six times
johnny says "dad if i go any deeper i'll break her in half"
thats is one of my most dirtyist jokes but it's funny. twisted twisted twisted twisted twisted razz wink
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 7:25 pm
Put any joke you whant dont hesitate!!!!XD mrgreen
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 7:35 pm
So, a guy walks into a bar.
There is already someone sitting on one of the bar stools.
The first guy turns to the second.
Looking across the room and says.
"I bet you I can jump out that window. Fly around the city. Then come back here unharmed".
So the first guy says.
"No you can't, you are lieing".
The first one knods and says.
"Sure I can, you can do anything when you are drunk".
So he asks the bar tender for a shot. Slams it, jumps out the windows. Flies around the city. Then comes back there unharmed.
Then he sits back down. Turning to the second guy and says.
"Your turn"
Well the second guy shakes his head saying.
"I don't know"
Then the first guy says.
"Don't worry, you can do anything when you are drunk".
So the second guy asks the bartender for a drink.
Slams it
Jumps out the windows
and...........
SPLAT
Then the bartender turns to the first guy and says.
"Superman, you are a d**k when you are drunk".
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 8:24 pm
Three couples come to a church asking to join. There was an elder couple, middle-aged couple and an young couple. The preist running the church sits them down and tells them what they have to do to join the church.
"As it is, you may not have sex for a two weeks." demands the preist, "If you succeed you can join."
The couples look at each other and nod to each other and agree.
Two weeks go by and all the couples return to the church. The preist lines them up and asks them how it went.
The older couple reply with "It was fine, it wasn't that hard for us to do."
The middle aged couple say, "It was some what easy but every once and while it became hard."
The you couple look down at the floor and spoke softly, "We didn't do so well."
The preist looks at them and purses his lips and says, "Well what happened?"
The husband spoke first, "My wife here dropped a soup can a few days ago and when she bended over it drove me nuts and I..."
The preist sighed and said, "I can't let you into the church."
"It's okay, we're not allowed at the groccey store anymore either." Says the husband.
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Posted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 8:40 pm
ummm, ok, here's mine....
A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"
"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"Yeah, well, it's like this....Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
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Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 9:29 am
You might've heard this one.
This blonde was working at a "Tickel me Elmo" factory and she normally worked the eye line where she put the eyes on the elmo. The foreman asked her to work a different job for the day and put her in a different line. An hour later the Elmo line was becomming congested and production slowed down.
The blonde was seen where all the havoc started trying to stuff too eyes into a pouch and hurridley sewing them inbetween Elmo's legs. So the foreman shouted:
" I told you to give him two TEST TICKELS!"
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Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:09 pm
this ones called the longest joke ever told
theres this fly hovering 12 inches over the water
and theres a fish looking at it and he says, "if that fly drops 6 inches i going to get that fly"
well theres a bear staring at the fish and he says,
"If that fly drops 6 inches that fish is going after that fly and im going to get that fish"
well theres a hunter across the lake with a gun pointed at the bear and he says,
"If that fly drops 6 inches that fish is going after that fly and that bear is going after that fish and im going to shoot that bear"
Well theres a mouse behind the hunter staring at the hunters back pocket and he says,
"If that fly drops 6 inches that fish is going after that fly and that bear is going after that fish and the hunters going to shoot the bear and that sandwich in his back pocket will fall and im going to get that sandwhich"
well theres a mountain lion behind the mouse and he says,
"If that fly drops 6 inches that fish is going after that fly and that bear is going after that fish and the hunters going to shoot the bear and that sandwich in his back pocket will fall and that mouse is going after the sandwhich and im going to get that mouse"
Well a couple minutes later all hell breaks loose,
the fly drops 6 inches the fish goes after the fly the bear goes after the fish and the hunter shoots the bear and the sandwhich falls out of his pocket and the mouse goes after the sandwhich the mountain lion goes after the mouse but misses and lands in the lake.
whats the morale of the story?
if the fly drops six inches the p***y gets wet!!!!
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Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:25 pm
There once was kingdom far away with a dieing sick King. The King worried for his daughter had not married and there was not heir to his throne. So the King gathered his Knights and brought them into the throne room. They lined up in and waited for the King to adress them.
"As you all know I am dieing and my daughter has not married. One of you men will become her husband. Each one of you will spend the night with my daughter. The judgement will become clear when you return."
The King's daughter was very beautiful and the Knight were all very excited to take her to bed. Though they did not know that the King was tricky. He stuck a rozor in his daughter's vigina.
After all teh Knight had gone to bed with the King's daught they returned to the throne rooom once again. The King came out and stood next to one of the three knights.
"Drop your trousers."
Hesitely the Knight took his pants off. As he did his d**k fell off.
Sighing and shaking his head he asked the same thing of the second knight and the same thing happened.
The stood next tothe last Knight and gave him a solomn look.
"Will you drop your trousers sir..."
The Knight did but his p***s did not fall off! The King rejoiced and hugged the Knight.
"Oh my good sir you are my new heir!"
When the Knight tried to say "thank you" his tounge fell off.
Hahaha...that is the dirtiest joke I know...>>
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Posted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 3:21 am
i got this from one of my friends....
ROMANTIC ACRONYMS:
HOLLAND: Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies
ITALY: I Trust You And Love You
LIBYA: Love Is Beautiful You Also
CHINA: Come Here I Need Affection
INDIA: I Nearly Died In Adoration
KENYA: Keep Everything Nice Yet Arousing
JAPAN: Jump And Play All Night
PHILIPPINES: Pump Harder I Love It Please Please I Need Erotic Stimulation...
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Posted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 5:53 pm
Here's a dirty joke. :3
A white horse fell in the mud.
[/is a nerd] >>
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Posted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 10:04 pm
Ok here are two of my fav.
Blonde patient
A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient after an operation.
She was awake, so he examined her.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked,
"How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied,
"Yes, you'll be fine.
It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
Baby Joke!
It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20
year old girl. After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to
give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying ... "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age ? " He answered, "You got to keep the old motor running." The following year the young bride gave birth again. The same nurse said: "You're amazing. How do you do it?" He again said: "You've got the keep the old motor running." The same thing happened the next year . The nurse then said ... "Well, well, well! !! You certainly are quite a man!" He responded again, "You've got to keep that old motor running" The nurse said: "Well, you better change the oil. This one's black."
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:00 am
DING = Police man
DING DONG = fire man
DING DONG BELL = blind man
So the woman's in the shower...la dee daa...the doorbell rings biggrin ING! She get's out of the shower puts on her towel and answers the door. There's the police man.
"I arrested my first criminal today!"
"good for you." she replies and shuts the door and continues her shower. After a while the doorbell rings biggrin ING DONG! she get's out of the shower, put's on her towel and opens the door. There's a fireman.
"I put out my first fire today!"
"good for you." she replies and shuts the door and continues her shower. After a while the doorbell rings biggrin ING DONG BELL! she get's out of the shower,and says to herself * I shouldn't bother with the towel, the guys blind* she opens the door and there's the blind man.
"I can see you now." He says.
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Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:09 am
There's the chef, the candy man and the opera singer. The chef can only say, " forks and knives! Forks and Knives!" The candy man only says "goody, goody gumdrops! goody, goody gumdrops!" and the Opera singer can only say "Me, me, me, me, me."
The three friends are walking down the street and they see a dead guy so they call the cops. The sheriff has no clue what they are saying so he comes down and see's the dead man.
"Who killed this man?"
"Me, me, me, me, me."
"What did you kill him with?"
"Forks and knives! Forks and knives!"
"Your going to jail"
"Goody, goody gumdrops! Goody, goody gumdrops!"
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