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Describe Love

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evolvingwolf

PostPosted: Wed Sep 09, 2009 6:15 am


Describe Love

I can't believe how lucky I am to have gained the love and trust of such an amazing man. How is it that I have come to deserve such a glowing light in my darkness? He's gone from friend, to lover, to life long soul mate... he's everything I've ever wanted and more. Even with the most tender and caring words in my vocabulary, I find myself speechless to truly explain how I feel about him. Describe an angel with his own demons, describe dark coming into the light, describe true love finally revealing itself. It's true that in order to be a writer you must be able to do such difficult things, such as describing the aforementioned, but love ties my tongue and my pen comes to a stand still. Maybe I am not making much sense here. Maybe my point is getting crossed in the translation. I don't know. Do I even have a point in writing this? Just taking a step back and actually looking at what I've found makes me tear up with happiness and utter relief. I love him more than the stars, the sun, and the moon. I love him more than the song that the earth emanates from long lost years past. He is my everything... and I am grateful.
PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 3:14 pm


Wow, I really need to get back into doing this, I haven't been able to read and critique much in the guild lately. So, here I go!

I'm not quite sure what your intent with this piece is. Are you trying to write a really moving description of love or are you just venting, really? I'll go for the former, just so I can give it a nice little critique. If you are just meaning to get some feelings out, I don't mean to offend, not at all.

I found some of the phrases you used to be a bit trite, love is after all, the uncontested winner for the sheer amount of descriptions it has. It's quite a hard topic to make sound fresh. I'm okay with hard though, so I expect it with other people as well. It always bothers me when something is said to be indescribable, my first reaction is to yell 'try!' I like the way you went into the tangible detail of being at a loss for words, not being able to move your pen, but it still was just being at a loss for words.

I'm going to quote a poem to help with this prose. I came across this poem a while ago and I immediately fell in love with it, even if it's about love.

Quote:
New Love

I am telling my hands
not to blossom into roses

I am telling my feet
not to turn into birds
and fly over the rooftops

and I am putting a hat on my head
so the flaming meteors
in my hair
will hardly show.

-Eve Merriam


It has a poignant description of the physical feeling of love, and it's not at all cliche. It set a new standard for me of how to describe love.

This is getting abit long, so I'll end on a high note.

There was one phrase in this that I just adore. 'Describe an angel with his own demons...' I love that imagery, and I think I've been sufficiently inspired from just that little tidbit. As with all of your witing, I find, I can really feel the emotion you put behind it and that is priceless in writing. It fels sincere and so that can draw the reader in and help them empathize.

Keep it up, Wolf! Stelle out.

Stelle Cadenti
Captain

Prophet

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