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 Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 2:36 pm
This hasn't happened to me in like a year. I've found myself wishing that I'm straight again. -sigh- I suppose my major coping mechanism was the fact that I was in a stable relationship (at the time) and that made me feel better about who I am. But now that I've relocated and all of my friends IRL are hetero...I feel very insecure. I keep thinking about how much easier it would be if I just liked guys. confused I'm usually not one to openly talk about it, but I figure no one here can really judge me. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? If so, how did you make it better? I just feel really lost and out of place and any kind of advice yall can give me is appreciated more than you know.
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Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 2:49 pm
The grass is always greener they always say....
And I get what you meen, people's generally assumption is that other people are straght (I did have this point detailed more eliquently in my head but lost my train of thought sweatdrop )
And finding other gay and bi women in the real world is difficult as it is. The bar sceen in London in mainly men (Not that you guy's are complaining xp )
But the only way liking guys would make things easier would be to get a date ect
But BIG hugs and good luck with feeling better and that smile
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Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 2:55 pm
Well I can't help you from the lesbian/gay perspective due to me being bisexual but I can tell you that I used to wish that I wasn't transsexual.I'd lay awake in bed thinking about how my life would be better and wish I wasn't.I eventually accepted it and now I wouldn't change it if I could (my sexuality.I still wish I was female.)All that really matters is if you're happy with yourself.
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Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 3:40 pm
-sighs-
Sometimes i do..
When it comes to telling my parents or talking about it around themm..
BUt other then that noo because i Was ment to be this way.
And i'm going to live my life to the way it i think its "suppose" to be.
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Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 10:17 pm
Sure it would be easier to be straight but then again, it isn't possible to change to who you're attracted and suppressing your feelings for woman doesn't sound healthy...
But I get your point, when I'm at Leuven (city where my university and dorm are) then I'm completely out, and all my friends accept me and I feel comfortable (I have straight and gay friends) but when I'm at home, even though I'm out to my folks and they completely accept me I feel like I can't be myself and don't know any gay people there...
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 12:23 am
i've been there. i was raised going to a religious daycare (baptists) and going to a catholic church for years. plenty of self-hatred goin on in the sixth grade cuz of it. i couldn't relate to anyone, i couldn't tell anyone, i was afraid to admit it to myself. i used to cry every night. like, when i was lil, i would cry that i was a girl. when i got older, i cried cuz i liked girls.
but ya know, you just gotta have faith in the fact that everything happens for a reason. i don't care if you take this from a religious point of view, or if you believe that because the stars or you believe in fate or whatever. as long as you are sure that everything happens for a reason, and that you were born this way for some strange reason, youll be able to cope.
i still sometimes find myself thinking about all the hate i'll get, all the hate my potential god may have for me. but then i stop caring. love yourself, accept who you are, and others will follow suit.
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the_forgotten_thought Captain
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 1:12 am
These storys;; Make me.... ... Sad
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 7:14 am
the_forgotten_thought i've been there. i was raised going to a religious daycare (baptists) and going to a catholic church for years. plenty of self-hatred goin on in the sixth grade cuz of it. i couldn't relate to anyone, i couldn't tell anyone, i was afraid to admit it to myself. i used to cry every night. like, when i was lil, i would cry that i was a girl. when i got older, i cried cuz i liked girls. but ya know, you just gotta have faith in the fact that everything happens for a reason. i don't care if you take this from a religious point of view, or if you believe that because the stars or you believe in fate or whatever. as long as you are sure that everything happens for a reason, and that you were born this way for some strange reason, youll be able to cope. i still sometimes find myself thinking about all the hate i'll get, all the hate my potential god may have for me. but then i stop caring. love yourself, accept who you are, and others will follow suit. Sometimes you speak so wisely that I forget you're only 15 :p
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 8:16 am
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 12:14 pm
Itaghai the_forgotten_thought i've been there. i was raised going to a religious daycare (baptists) and going to a catholic church for years. plenty of self-hatred goin on in the sixth grade cuz of it. i couldn't relate to anyone, i couldn't tell anyone, i was afraid to admit it to myself. i used to cry every night. like, when i was lil, i would cry that i was a girl. when i got older, i cried cuz i liked girls. but ya know, you just gotta have faith in the fact that everything happens for a reason. i don't care if you take this from a religious point of view, or if you believe that because the stars or you believe in fate or whatever. as long as you are sure that everything happens for a reason, and that you were born this way for some strange reason, youll be able to cope. i still sometimes find myself thinking about all the hate i'll get, all the hate my potential god may have for me. but then i stop caring. love yourself, accept who you are, and others will follow suit. Sometimes you speak so wisely that I forget you're only 15 :p haha, yeah. i should be kinda stupid from all the cartoons that i watch =P thanks
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the_forgotten_thought Captain
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Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 12:37 am
I honestly don't really have a clue how to make the feeling better, I run/take the train to my dorm everytime I think I'm going crazy 'cuz of not being able to fully be myself since everyone at home is straight... (I don't know what I'd be without my dorm sweatdrop ) And once I reach my dorm I call my gay friends and we go out playing board games or hang out at the gay bar or go to a local (gay) event... I don't know if you're old enough to visit a gay bar, I'm not sure how the age thingies go where you live, but here in Belgium (Leuven) there is no age matter, the place opens at 10pm so no kiddies go there since they're already asleep, but I've seen 16 year olds and such hang out there smile (alcohol is legal starting from 16 as well) Try to get to know some other gay people? Here we also have min19 for the gay people younger than 19, soo I don't know if there's a (how to call this erhm) youth movement for gay people near your place... On the whole they're pretty discrete smile since they understand that not everyone who comes there is out yet. Maybe tell it to one of your friends in confidence... then you can like to to her/him about how you feel... talking about it really helps smile
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Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:40 am
Never in a million years would I do that. I love my lifestyle.
However with your problem, how can you be forsure that where you live there are only straight people? I bet some are just in the closet. Perhaps you should drop some hints to your friends about the positive side of gay people and how you knew some gay people from your hometown, or wherever you moved from.
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Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 7:31 am
I live in a college town. I'm 19, so bars are an option. I know there's an LGBTA, but it hasn't started yet. There are 4 men living with me in this apartment. I don't exactly have...er...personal space. If I want time to myself, it's gotta be really late at night when they're all sleeping. So you, my friend, are fortunate. The night that I posted this thread, I went to a birthday party and played bartender for almost 3 hours. Everyone knew my name, everyone knew that I'm gay. I was wearing boy shorts and my Take This Oath tshirt for pete's sake and was wearing my rainbow bracelets. It's not that I'm not out or that I'm embarrassed about it. I just know how hard my life is going to be. That's the main thing. I mean...my family doesn't know and they probably never will. I hate that. My dad is so conservative and I know that he'd scrutinize me for me. That really hurts because I was the only kid that stayed with him when my mom left. In the past 9 years, we've been through a lot together, and yet I was so alone the entire time because I couldn't say "Daddy, I like girls," among other contributing factors to my 10 year depression. My sister knows and my cousin knows. I want to tell my brothers. I get the feeling that my oldest brother already knows. -sigh- I'm rambling. I know. It happens. I'm just venting. I have no one to really spend time with. I don't like hanging out with the guys ALL the effing time. I love em, but I need a girl friend (Notice the space. Not to be confused with girlfriend)..maybe. Idk. Grargh! Idk what I'm doing.Itaghai I honestly don't really have a clue how to make the feeling better, I run/take the train to my dorm everytime I think I'm going crazy 'cuz of not being able to fully be myself since everyone at home is straight... (I don't know what I'd be without my dorm sweatdrop ) And once I reach my dorm I call my gay friends and we go out playing board games or hang out at the gay bar or go to a local (gay) event... I don't know if you're old enough to visit a gay bar, I'm not sure how the age thingies go where you live, but here in Belgium (Leuven) there is no age matter, the place opens at 10pm so no kiddies go there since they're already asleep, but I've seen 16 year olds and such hang out there smile (alcohol is legal starting from 16 as well) Try to get to know some other gay people? Here we also have min19 for the gay people younger than 19, soo I don't know if there's a (how to call this erhm) youth movement for gay people near your place... On the whole they're pretty discrete smile since they understand that not everyone who comes there is out yet. Maybe tell it to one of your friends in confidence... then you can like to to her/him about how you feel... talking about it really helps smile
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Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 12:58 pm
Das Otae Aelo I live in a college town. I'm 19, so bars are an option. I know there's an LGBTA, but it hasn't started yet. There are 4 men living with me in this apartment. I don't exactly have...er...personal space. If I want time to myself, it's gotta be really late at night when they're all sleeping. So you, my friend, are fortunate. The night that I posted this thread, I went to a birthday party and played bartender for almost 3 hours. Everyone knew my name, everyone knew that I'm gay. I was wearing boy shorts and my Take This Oath tshirt for pete's sake and was wearing my rainbow bracelets. It's not that I'm not out or that I'm embarrassed about it. I just know how hard my life is going to be. That's the main thing. I mean...my family doesn't know and they probably never will. I hate that. My dad is so conservative and I know that he'd scrutinize me for me. That really hurts because I was the only kid that stayed with him when my mom left. In the past 9 years, we've been through a lot together, and yet I was so alone the entire time because I couldn't say "Daddy, I like girls," among other contributing factors to my 10 year depression. My sister knows and my cousin knows. I want to tell my brothers. I get the feeling that my oldest brother already knows. -sigh- I'm rambling. I know. It happens. I'm just venting. I have no one to really spend time with. I don't like hanging out with the guys ALL the effing time. I love em, but I need a girl friend (Notice the space. Not to be confused with girlfriend)..maybe. Idk. Grargh! Idk what I'm doing.Itaghai I honestly don't really have a clue how to make the feeling better, I run/take the train to my dorm everytime I think I'm going crazy 'cuz of not being able to fully be myself since everyone at home is straight... (I don't know what I'd be without my dorm sweatdrop ) And once I reach my dorm I call my gay friends and we go out playing board games or hang out at the gay bar or go to a local (gay) event... I don't know if you're old enough to visit a gay bar, I'm not sure how the age thingies go where you live, but here in Belgium (Leuven) there is no age matter, the place opens at 10pm so no kiddies go there since they're already asleep, but I've seen 16 year olds and such hang out there smile (alcohol is legal starting from 16 as well) Try to get to know some other gay people? Here we also have min19 for the gay people younger than 19, soo I don't know if there's a (how to call this erhm) youth movement for gay people near your place... On the whole they're pretty discrete smile since they understand that not everyone who comes there is out yet. Maybe tell it to one of your friends in confidence... then you can like to to her/him about how you feel... talking about it really helps smile I'd go to the LGBTA, I know I went there (here it's called &of (and/or) and all the people were like reeaaaally friendly, trust me, it's not just a girl friend that helps, just someone else who is gay as well and who understands what you've been trough and such... Someone to talk to about how you feel. You'll get to know lot's of people there, and they'll probably invite you to go with them to the gay bars, a college town is always nice to live in, since most people are like pretty open minded (at least here it is like that, I haven't met single soul who didn't accept me being gay so far) It's ok to vent heart , I'm sorry to hear your dad's pretty conservative, I'm not quite sure how to help you on that one since my parents are pretty cool about it. I have the same problem with my grand father though but I rarely see him so I can't compare that... If you want to talk or vent, you can always pm me, I'll be your online girl friend 3nodding
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Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 9:50 am
never even though men can be buttheads or choosy i wouldnt go to being straight
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