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Tags: polyamory, polyamorous, poly, nonmonogamy 

Reply Polyamorous Pondering
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:15 am


Even though I consider myself poly, I usually only stick to one person when dating/in a relationship. It's never been a problem before until these past couple weeks.

I was in a long-distance/online relationship with a girl I still love and care very much for. We had been together just over 5 months when this happened.

I went to my friend's birthday party the day right after my actual birthday. No alcohol, no drugs, nothing of the sort. If we were/seemed high or anything, it was because we were feeding off each other's vibes. I was more or less expecting to see everyone that was there, save for one girl. I've liked this girl since I was a freshman even though we didn't really see each other or hang out too much since we were in different years and classes.

Well, we were goofing around and we ended up kissing, twice. Once in front of a church when walking home a friend, and again when I asked her to teach me how to kiss.

Even though I knew I could've gotten away with this without telling my girlfriend, I told her anyway because I believe honesty is the best policy. My girlfriend and I broke up, which I wasn't too surprised about but I wasn't happy either because I knew what I did was wrong.

Me and the girl I kissed have not hooked up yet, but could quite possibly end up doing just that tonight at another friend's party we're going to. But I also just found out that my ex still loves me and still wants me back. She's torn because part of her is glad I'm starting to move on and date someone offline, but at the same time she's hurt because she wants me back. I haven't been in this situation before and I don't know how to handle it. I still love my ex so SO much, but I've like this girl since before her and I had even met and I want to know what it's like to have an offline relationship. I've never had one... (which is sad in my opinion). I just really don't know what I should or could do in this situation...

Oh, and before I forget, my ex knows that I'm poly, but she thinks she made me non-poly because I only wanted to be with her. I can't remember if I told the other girl I'm poly or not. :/

And sorry for the wall of text. >_<
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:26 am


Well you could try talking with your ex and this new girl about how they feel about having a poly relationship with you. I think the biggest thing to work on is not acting before you have a chance to talk with them about something to make sure everything is okay, it may not have been so bad that you kissed this girl if you'd have told your girlfriend about it first and discussed it with her (then the intentions are clear and feelings can be worked through and there is no breaking of trust). I understand the intense moments and sometimes it just sort of happens but sometimes you really need to control those impulses to prevent hurting those involved in your relationship.

If your girlfriend thinks that she can turn you monoamorous it's not really going to work if you are genuinely poly and have a good desire for that sort of relationship, and just because you are in a monoamorous relationship or don't have any other interests at the time doesn't necessarily mean you aren't poly at all or that you've turned mono. So that should be addressed in any future talks with her.

But yeah, I'd say just talk to them about it see how they feel, what they want and if they'd be okay with a poly type happening and tell them how you feel. Also it would be pruden to tell the girl you kissed that at the time you did have a girlfriend, that way everything is out in the open and you're starting on a completely open footing as well.

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Polyamorous Pondering

 
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