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 Posted: Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:24 pm
This poem is depicting a man's last dream before crossing over.
Please do not spam this with religious topics, I only want critics to... Critique, I suppose.
The structure is quatrain style with an 'ABAB' pattern. Though I mixed the quatrain to form a more free-style poetry.
Ocean Serenity
Waves of cerulean roll onto shore
Beauty like this only come in myths and lore
The quiet whispers of the shells
A warm bright light, heaven's bells
Is heaven waiting to grab your hand
Your final dream, on sweet white sand
The light glows, luminating the sky
Shining and shimmering, this is good-bye
The clouds of purple and blue
A cherished life in rebirth of anew
Slowly approaching is the light
Angels waiting for your flight
Your final dream disappears
A last sigh and your final tears
Ocean serenity, the dreams fade away
In Heaven, where your life will stay
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Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 9:45 pm
I like it. I think it flows along, the rhythm is also nice. It kind of rolls off the tongue when you read it. The third stanza seems slightly awkward to me, maybe because it has less syllables than the two previous stanzas, but it flows well into the last stanza.
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