After All That's Happened....And Yet

[Neferet -House of Night-]

I've been friends with this guy for a year now, and I've helped him out through tight spots and what not. He's hurt his ex and his ex has hurt him. I've had feelings for him for a while, and I blurted it out again due to the fact he was making me flustered. However he wants to go back to his ex. After all that's happened. He says she can choose if she wants it all or nothing, but really what does he have to give her? Happiness? Love? Trust? He's screwed all those things up for her and vice versa. He said that friends stay friends and lovers stay lovers. But friends can be lovers. I don't know what to do. I'm more hurt than we he initially turned down my feelings. -sighs- Just thinking about just makes me cry and hurt more.  

[Zora Dee]

I'm really sorry to hear about this. I wish I can help, but sadly I have never experienced anything like that.

I am sorry sad  

[Xahmen]

Just get naked in front of him.  

[Writerly Ink]

Zahwomen

Just get naked in front of him.

Hey this doesn't help anything, whatsoever. Knock it off.

And Lady? I'm not sure if he normally acts that way but it looks like he hasn't quite gotten rid of his tunnel vision yet. He only sees those things directly in front of him and he has a place for everything (the friends and lovers thing), and to him that's how the world runs. Maybe he'll grow out of it, and maybe he won't.
What you need to do now is the same issue I'm facing with someone else: should you wait for him, or move on? I still haven't even figured anything out as far as that goes, so I'm not going to give you any advice that might mess something up between the two of you. For now, I'm sorry that you're stuck on this guy and he doesn't have what it takes to see that you were there for him all along, when that ex wasn't. I hope things work out for you, I really do.  

[lordstar]

-xXLady RaiXx-

I've been friends with this guy for a year now, and I've helped him out through tight spots and what not. He's hurt his ex and his ex has hurt him. I've had feelings for him for a while, and I blurted it out again due to the fact he was making me flustered. However he wants to go back to his ex. After all that's happened. He says she can choose if she wants it all or nothing, but really what does he have to give her? Happiness? Love? Trust? He's screwed all those things up for her and vice versa. He said that friends stay friends and lovers stay lovers. But friends can be lovers. I don't know what to do. I'm more hurt than we he initially turned down my feelings. -sighs- Just thinking about just makes me cry and hurt more.

hard to tell what is really going on here

two main questions
Why does he want to only think of you as a friend?
and
Why does he want to get back with his ex?

I also don't know what he can give her...or you for that matter
I just don't have enough details on the dynamics of personality or relationship

Now then
the friends stay friends thing is a bunch of crap
but why did he say it?

does he not find you attractive? or is his attention so focused elsewhere he does not notice or perhaps he does not want to notice? This is not to say you are not attractive so don't even think it.

I don't think it is a matter of attraction though. I think she has something he wants (her pants most likely). Think about it...he is invested in the relationship and that alone is enough for some to choose to endure even the worst relationships. Does he seem like the clingy type?

"but really what does he have to give her? Happiness? Love? Trust? He's screwed all those things up for her and vice versa."

Although I am sure he could manage and perhaps she can too, the above is really you projecting. Rather than really asking if he can give her those things you are saying what you want to give him. If I’m right this incident must have been rather recent...maybe only a few hours.

maybe he has some sort of fear...remember now that fear rules the heart not love. perhaps he is fearful of loosing her...or maybe of loosing you. Chances are the last thing he wants to do is drive you away (looks like he did a fine job with his ex).

Perhaps it is best for you to let things run their course
let him chase her and see what happens but be there for him anyway like a friends should

or

Perhaps you should assure him that no matter what happens you will always be his friend even if a more intimate relationship doesn't work

this assumes that what he really values is your friendship above all else
and if this is the path you choose just telling him how you feel is not going to be enough. You need to show him. although the suggestion of getting naked in front of him is probably not the best choice it is in the right direction. Show him your feelings.  

[Neferet -House of Night-]

He views me as a friend because, I have been a great friend to him even though he's hurt me. He's afraid that if we get romantically involved, he'll hurt me. -.-

He wants to get back with his ex or wanted to because he still loves her. I don't know why. But he still loves her.

Heh. He does think I'm cute, adorable, I have goregous eyes, etc. But he doesn't want to hurt me.

I dunno what he could give me, maybe true happiness....

He's going through a bad divorce so he is clinging to what has shown him light before.

The incident that caused them to break up happened months ago. He cheated on her with a few women. She kept things from him and is still keeping things from him.

He's afraid of losing me as a friend, which is why he is more careful when talking to me.

I did tell him my feelings which started this issue. >.<  

[lordstar]

-xXLady RaiXx-

He views me as a friend because, I have been a great friend to him even though he's hurt me. He's afraid that if we get romantically involved, he'll hurt me. -.-

He wants to get back with his ex or wanted to because he still loves her. I don't know why. But he still loves her.

Heh. He does think I'm cute, adorable, I have goregous eyes, etc. But he doesn't want to hurt me.

I dunno what he could give me, maybe true happiness....

He's going through a bad divorce so he is clinging to what has shown him light before.

The incident that caused them to break up happened months ago. He cheated on her with a few women. She kept things from him and is still keeping things from him.

He's afraid of losing me as a friend, which is why he is more careful when talking to me.

I did tell him my feelings which started this issue. >.<

Sadly thats what happens in relationships
people hurt the ones they love and there is no way to avoid it
your only hope is the good times outweigh the not so good times

don't you fear he would cheat on you if the two of you were together?
how would you react to such an experience?  

[Neferet -House of Night-]

lordstar

-xXLady RaiXx-

He views me as a friend because, I have been a great friend to him even though he's hurt me. He's afraid that if we get romantically involved, he'll hurt me. -.-

He wants to get back with his ex or wanted to because he still loves her. I don't know why. But he still loves her.

Heh. He does think I'm cute, adorable, I have goregous eyes, etc. But he doesn't want to hurt me.

I dunno what he could give me, maybe true happiness....

He's going through a bad divorce so he is clinging to what has shown him light before.

The incident that caused them to break up happened months ago. He cheated on her with a few women. She kept things from him and is still keeping things from him.

He's afraid of losing me as a friend, which is why he is more careful when talking to me.

I did tell him my feelings which started this issue. >.<

Sadly thats what happens in relationships
people hurt the ones they love and there is no way to avoid it
your only hope is the good times outweigh the not so good times

don't you fear he would cheat on you if the two of you were together?
how would you react to such an experience?

It's a small fear I have but it's a risk I'm willing to take. As long as I can out of this shell of mine and emerge as a happier person I'll be happier.

Btw it's -xXGodslayer_RaiXx-. ~__^ Nice to see you again lordstar. I missed you.  

[lordstar]

-xXLady RaiXx-

lordstar

-xXLady RaiXx-

He views me as a friend because, I have been a great friend to him even though he's hurt me. He's afraid that if we get romantically involved, he'll hurt me. -.-

He wants to get back with his ex or wanted to because he still loves her. I don't know why. But he still loves her.

Heh. He does think I'm cute, adorable, I have goregous eyes, etc. But he doesn't want to hurt me.

I dunno what he could give me, maybe true happiness....

He's going through a bad divorce so he is clinging to what has shown him light before.

The incident that caused them to break up happened months ago. He cheated on her with a few women. She kept things from him and is still keeping things from him.

He's afraid of losing me as a friend, which is why he is more careful when talking to me.

I did tell him my feelings which started this issue. >.<

Sadly thats what happens in relationships
people hurt the ones they love and there is no way to avoid it
your only hope is the good times outweigh the not so good times

don't you fear he would cheat on you if the two of you were together?
how would you react to such an experience?

It's a small fear I have but it's a risk I'm willing to take. As long as I can out of this shell of mine and emerge as a happier person I'll be happier.

Btw it's -xXGodslayer_RaiXx-. ~__^ Nice to see you again lordstar. I missed you.

And I you m'lady
I recognized your writting although it seems you are more confident in your words these days.

If you are willing to take the risk then go for it  

[Neferet -House of Night-]

lordstar

-xXLady RaiXx-

lordstar

-xXLady RaiXx-

He views me as a friend because, I have been a great friend to him even though he's hurt me. He's afraid that if we get romantically involved, he'll hurt me. -.-

He wants to get back with his ex or wanted to because he still loves her. I don't know why. But he still loves her.

Heh. He does think I'm cute, adorable, I have goregous eyes, etc. But he doesn't want to hurt me.

I dunno what he could give me, maybe true happiness....

He's going through a bad divorce so he is clinging to what has shown him light before.

The incident that caused them to break up happened months ago. He cheated on her with a few women. She kept things from him and is still keeping things from him.

He's afraid of losing me as a friend, which is why he is more careful when talking to me.

I did tell him my feelings which started this issue. >.<

Sadly thats what happens in relationships
people hurt the ones they love and there is no way to avoid it
your only hope is the good times outweigh the not so good times

don't you fear he would cheat on you if the two of you were together?
how would you react to such an experience?

It's a small fear I have but it's a risk I'm willing to take. As long as I can out of this shell of mine and emerge as a happier person I'll be happier.

Btw it's -xXGodslayer_RaiXx-. ~__^ Nice to see you again lordstar. I missed you.

And I you m'lady
I recognized your writting although it seems you are more confident in your words these days.

If you are willing to take the risk then go for it

-giggles- Aye that I have been it seems. A lot has changed in the past year. :3

My friend, Lupis, is emotionally damaged at best. Like I said he's going through a tough divorce. I don't think he honestly knows what he wants, and he's rushing to get married to one of his friends in a few months. One week he wants his ex, this week he wants his friend.

I had dated him in the past, which seemed so much similar to when I dated my ex Dom, the first time.

What really pissed me off is that I tell him almost every single secret of my life and he has never told me his. With my friends, I at least ask for common courtesy when it comes to personal matters. He gets pissed off if I don't tell him what's wrong..

It doesn't feel right to me.

I went as far as telling him I hated him...but now...my hearts cracked..and I feel like I can't really trust anyone really..anymore..

he's going to lose a good friend...

I doubt he really valued my friendship. -.-  

[lordstar]

woh

I take it things did not turn out so well  

[lordstar]

lordstar

woh

I take it things did not turn out so well

I
but

............................

I confused  

[Neferet -House of Night-]

Me and Lupis dated back in Feb. 09. He cheated on me and for some odd reason I still have feelings for him. It's just a crush really.

However he has said hurtful things to me, when talking about his new love interest. I'm going to believe that the things he said about being glad I'm an honest person are nothing about lies. Since all he wants to hear from me is "I'm happy for you". For me to say that would be a lie to me and a lie to myself.

I do want him to be happy but he needs to not get so bloody impulsive and focus on the task at hand. His kids. I know he wants a companion and all, but honestly, if I was going through a bad divorce, I wouldn't want to look for a companion just yet. Even if it has been a year. The wounds are still fresh and need to be healed.  

[lordstar]

-xXLady RaiXx-

Me and Lupis dated back in Feb. 09. He cheated on me and for some odd reason I still have feelings for him. It's just a crush really.

However he has said hurtful things to me, when talking about his new love interest. I'm going to believe that the things he said about being glad I'm an honest person are nothing about lies. Since all he wants to hear from me is "I'm happy for you". For me to say that would be a lie to me and a lie to myself.

I do want him to be happy but he needs to not get so bloody impulsive and focus on the task at hand. His kids. I know he wants a companion and all, but honestly, if I was going through a bad divorce, I wouldn't want to look for a companion just yet. Even if it has been a year. The wounds are still fresh and need to be healed.

perhaps he craves companionship
some people are like that  

[Neferet -House of Night-]

lordstar

-xXLady RaiXx-

Me and Lupis dated back in Feb. 09. He cheated on me and for some odd reason I still have feelings for him. It's just a crush really.

However he has said hurtful things to me, when talking about his new love interest. I'm going to believe that the things he said about being glad I'm an honest person are nothing about lies. Since all he wants to hear from me is "I'm happy for you". For me to say that would be a lie to me and a lie to myself.

I do want him to be happy but he needs to not get so bloody impulsive and focus on the task at hand. His kids. I know he wants a companion and all, but honestly, if I was going through a bad divorce, I wouldn't want to look for a companion just yet. Even if it has been a year. The wounds are still fresh and need to be healed.

perhaps he craves companionship
some people are like that

That's what's funny. He asked me to move in with him a month ago because he wanted companionship. He threw this ******** out there and I'm wondering if I should or not.

Though he said it's not set in stone but he sure is acting like it is.