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 Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 9:15 am
The feeling,
Of something so small,
Of something so weak,
I can't hold on.
I can't breathe.
The sight,
Of something so strange,
Of something so cruel.
I can't imagine.
I can't believe.
The sound,
Of something so precious,
Of something so alone,
I can't trust.
I can't be intrigued.
The taste,
Of something so bitter,
Of something so harsh.
I can't take.
I can't see.
The smell,
Of something so bile,
Of something so unreal,
I can't leave;
I can't stay.
It's something,
That holds on to you,
That you trust.
You can't move.
You can't believe.
It's something,
That you hide from,
That you don't believe.
You just sit back,
You just let it be.
Why wouldn't you?
It's just your heart,
It's just your feelings,
It's just your being,
It's just your life.
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Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 12:47 pm
The smell,
Of something so bile,
Of something so unreal,
_______________________
That's the wrong word. I believe it's some sor of acidic compund produced in ones liver, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to use it as an adjective.
Also, there's a lot of misused punctuation. I could go on about how there is punctuation after every line, but you don't care. It's just mainly the commas that should be semicolons. 2nd to last stanza and the last stanza in particular. Also, I noticed that you changed the punctuation from periods to a single semicolon, to commas, and I don't understand why, it there some specific reason why you did that?
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Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 12:54 pm
Prince Interrobang The smell, Of something so bile, Of something so unreal, _______________________ That's the wrong word. I believe it's some sor of acidic compund produced in ones liver, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to use it as an adjective. Also, there's a lot of misused punctuation. I could go on about how there is punctuation after every line, but you don't care. It's just mainly the commas that should be semicolons. 2nd to last stanza and the last stanza in particular. Also, I noticed that you changed the punctuation from periods to a single semicolon, to commas, and I don't understand why, it there some specific reason why you did that? Before I answer your questions, answer one of mine. What did you take out of this poem?
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Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 1:42 pm
You're breaking away from something that was dear to you?
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Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 3:20 pm
Prince Interrobang You're breaking away from something that was dear to you? okay, let me rephrase that, what did it mean to you?
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Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 4:48 pm
It didn't mean anything to me, because it doesn't apply to me. That is what I took out of it, not just for your case, but because that IS what I took out of the poem.
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Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 4:52 pm
Prince Interrobang Also, I noticed that you changed the punctuation from periods to a single semicolon, to commas, and I don't understand why, it there some specific reason why you did that?Yes there is; Prince Interrobang It didn't mean anything to me, because it doesn't apply to me. That is what I took out of it, not just for your case, but because that IS what I took out of the poem. but, because you can't relate to it, you don't understand it.
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Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 7:04 pm
Well, then, explain it to me.
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Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 7:30 pm
maybe tomorrow, good night, thad
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Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 7:39 pm
-sighs- In a different thread, wasn't it you that said that we should pull our own meanings from poems? Yes? Thought so, you're just contradicting yourself by saying that I don''t understand it. No, you truly don't understand poetry. You may write it, but it doesn't mean you understand it, and, God, you don't.
God damn.
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Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 7:54 am
Prince Interrobang -sighs- In a different thread, wasn't it you that said that we should pull our own meanings from poems? Yes? Thought so, you're just contradicting yourself by saying that I don''t understand it. No, you truly don't understand poetry. You may write it, but it doesn't mean you understand it, and, God, you don't. God damn. but, see, I never said that you should have my meaning, I said that if you can't relate to it you can't understand why I did certain things to my poems. If I don't understand poems, than maybe I shouldn't write poems anymore.
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Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:22 am
Well, apparently you can't explain to me why you put these certain subtle differences in your poem, so I am assuming that they are there for no particular reason.
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Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:32 am
whatever, I don't care anymore, I'm done writing poems, so you don't have to worry
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