blaugh The Story So Far blaugh
A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, there was a glass of chocolate milk. Unfortunately some stupid kid knocked over the chocolate milk and stained the table! Then a purple burrito burped in the kids face! "Ah, shoot!" said the kid. "Burping is rude!" He unsheathed his lightsaber and dueled with the purple burrito, thus beginning the legendary intergalactic struggle between man and food that would ultimately alter the universe...
The burrito pulled out a pig and tossed it at the kid. "Eat pork!" it yelled. Suddenly, the kid morphed into a hillbilly and said, "Har har! This here pig will be makin' a mighty fine meal fo' meh family, yup yup." He pressed a button on his lightsaber, and it transformed into a pitchfork. The kid stabbed the pig and roasted it over an open fire that had randomly appeared on the airship they were riding.
The burrito busted open and died. A bunch orphans appeared and ate the burrito remains. "That t'was a very good meal," they said in a London accent. All of the sudden it started raining. All of the orphan kids ran for cover, except for one. He was finally able to get some of the burrito and didn't care about the rain, but he tripped on a bug and broke his face. His nose bled for the rest of his life and no one would adopt him. "Wait a sec," said the story's narrator. "How can it be raining inside an aircraft?!" "Because it feels like it... OMG, the aircraft is emo!" replied a random person.
Margret turned off the TV. "That was an odd show," she commented. Margret turned to the random person. "I would appreciate it if you didn't scream in my ear that the aircraft is emo. I was watching a show. Besides the aircraft can't be emo, that makes no sense." She growled, then looked outside. "Oh look, rain. It is not raining inside the aircraft. Everyone here is insane and that show was weird."
After the plane landed, Margaret got of but had the feeling she was being followed. She turned around to see... DAVID BOWIE!!! "Oh my god." Margret said, then turned around again and ran away. A strange boy in a sailor girl outfit yelled, "I want my mommy!" but then Margaret figured out that it was a girl. Margret walked over to the girl and bit her face off!
Margret continued to run from David Bowie who was close on her tail. She put her tail back in her pants. As she was running and not looking in front of her, she ran into an elderly lady. Margret was about to eat her, but decided against it. Old people are cut but don't taste good. Instead she apologized and continued running.
"WAIT!" David screamed. He tackled her and transformed into a cute little kitten who mewed innocently. Margaret stared at the kitten, pet it, then runs away and runs into a love hotel by accident. "What planet did I stumble upon?!" She said as she looked at the fat men and hookers and teacher and students (worst dirty joke EVER) and they all glomped on her!
Suddenly, a hairy caveman who had recently broken out of jail arrived at the scene and started singing about stripes. But the caveman was so bad at singing that Simon Cowell busted in and told his orphan minions to attack the caveman, thus stopping the horrible song. Then Michael Jackson came in and took the orphans away with his *****.
"What in the..." Margaret started, but before she could finish, the police took her away. "Where are you taking me" she demanded. "More importantly, why are you taking me there?!?" "Because you like pie and you need a shave," said a police man who looked like Sweeney Todd. "BUT I AM BALD! CANCER YOU JERK! SEE THIS?!? Margret took off her wig. "It's a wig. Now put me down!" "Fine" the police man growled. "However, there is still the matter of the pie. I can smell the pie on your breath!" "That is your breath, oh and by the way you need to brush... eww much? Now if there is nothing else, PLEASE PUT ME DOWN!" Margret bit his hand off and kicked him in the crotch.
"Sister? Sister, is that you? OMG OMG it is you. Come here. It's me Luann!" Suddenly, the police man fell to to ground and died, but his spirit came back to rape Margret. Luann jumped over Margaret and charged at the police man's spirit. The police man laughed because he is a spirit and no one could touch him, but the spirit ended up getting hit after all and turned into a frog. "Ribbit!" Luann air high fived Margret. "I totally have dibs on him as a pet, and if he pisses me off, I will cook him in a stew then eat him," said Luann. "Whatev," said Margret. "I have had enough adventure to last me a long time. Lets go home."
...Meanwhile, 3 miles away...
One of the orphan kids Michael Jackson ditched ran across a bridge and sat down to think. Where could he go now? He was completely lost.
Margaret started crying. Luann sighed and walked away coolly. Margaret kept crying, until Johnny Scissorhands punched her in the gut. "What was that for, jerk?" Margret asked. But before Johnny Scissorhands could explain himself, Superman flew right behind him, raped him, and he died. However, Superman fainted from realizing that he raped Johnny and he died.
Chuck Norris then joined Margaret and Luann on their quest to save the action figures from premature rape. The sky then turned green with envy and started raining bowls of chili and killed Chuck Norris. However, chuck Norris was impossible to kill so he ate all the bowls of chili and killed the sky and the sky died. As the sky was falling down from its place in space because it was dead, that one chicken started screaming again. But nobody listened, so the chicken kept screaming until a super burrito came to its rescue. The chicken thanked the super burrito by eating it and then a random girl called Mel picked up the chicken and ate the kittens soul! "Wait a second," said the dead sky. "How could he pick up the chicken, but eat the kitten?" "Everything is possible" said the random pie in the emo corner.
Later, bunnies took over the world along with Hitler and a purple toenail. They danced on a cheese wedge but the cheese got melty and they sank in along with an emo mouse named Bob. They all suffocated from the cheese except for one kitten who escaped Michael Jackson's wrath. She then decided she must save them from Bob's army of zombie break dancers who kicked babies. And thus Good played a game of kickball with Buddha but was pawned by Confucius, who melted and turned into Hitler, who instead of starting WWII, decided to go for world peace, but ruled over fluffy bunny world, which awkwardly was full of minotaurs who are really awesome creatures but a little scary, so the bunnies were frightened. Then Tokin flew in from the sky to save the minotaurs from the rabid ninja bunnies and Bob! "Don't worry guys, I'm here now!" exclaimed Tokin. But the minotaurs actually hated Tokin and the rabid ninja bunnies and bob did too, so they all teamed up to run Tokin off.
After Tokin ran away, he decided to get even and called up some really evil guys to help him get revenge. Their names were Akuma, Scourge, and Darth Vader. They felt hungry, so they went looking for food. They fed on the fluffy bunnies and minotaurs! However, the two girls from before and Chuck Norris showed up just in time to save the day. Chuck Norris round house kicked the three villains and Tokin and killed them while Margret and Luann sat in the corner playing with a pasta noodle. After the a** kicking, Confucious turned Hitler resurrected Bruce Lee to fight Chuck Norris for control of the cheese wheel. Bruce Lee immediately started kicking Chuck Norris' a** until he realized that his Wal-Mart gift card was expired, so he decided to make peace with Chuck Norris in order to help them save the world from the Scooby Doo Gang and the raping of the world's action figures. Barbies being raped by little boys, G.I. Joes being raped by little girls.... Oh, will the torment never end?!
The next day, Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Hitler, and Dr. Octagonapuss were at Bowser's castle. Bowser Jr. came up to them and started to throw fireballs at them. It later became similar to a boss level on a video game. Bowser Jr. got tired of fighting, so he went looking for ice cream to cool him down. Then Chuck Norris snapped his neck, granted the opportunity.
All of a sudden, Chuck was shot by Hitler. Hitler yelled, "HAIL HITLER, GOD DAMMIT!" No one said, "Hail Hitler," so Hitler got angry and started the countdown to the end of the whole f*****g universe. But the universe ended up just being a bowl of soup, which the purple burrito returned and drank. And the world ended. BUT! The burrito felt bad and made a NEW WORLD without bad people using his Death Note. But the Death Note was a cheap copy from a dollar store, so there were still bad people so everyone was resurrected. Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris then killed Hitler and walked away with the two girls. However, Hitler was actually a T-1000 sent back in time to kill John Connor, so he made an evil alliance with Josh and Bob Barker.
But a good alliance of bunnies and kitties appeared with supernatural abilities to stop the bad people. They got their powers from eating radioactive burritos. But they were dumb as a box of socks so they shot themselves with carrot guns. So then, Chuck and Bruce formed their own unstoppable, immortal, good alliance so that they can save the world from the bad alliance, Scooby Doo, and the raping of the world's action figures. However, as they and the two girls were passing by Baby Farks McGee Zax Land, they left the two girls so that they could go to the strip club full of naked beautiful girls who were actually succubuses from Hell. This was because Hell was actually going through an economic crisis. The prices of any type of food gradually fell, while the Burritos kept rising.
Our heroes didn't know it yet, but their fate was bound to The Mighty Burrito From Hell That Roars When It's Eaten (also called TMBFHTRWIE among the
connaisseurs or Big B by its friends).
