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 Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 8:07 pm
The Healers said F’sey was absolutely fine. They had reassured C’ren of this, as much as possible. Most of them had spoken as quickly as possible before moving away, since they had pegged C’ren as the explosive type. It was always the quiet ones. Much to their surprise, the younger Greenrider had merely blinked, nodded, and went back to waiting for his weyrmate to wake up. For the most part, C’ren was very… quiet. And watchful. There was just something unsettling about him when he just sat there and stared at the Healers until they went away.
Despite his outward silence, C’ren was furious, but most of it was directed at himself. Why hadn’t he stopped F’sey from going to that Hatching? The man had obviously been ill! It was just so clear now, looking back. F’sey had been waking up with a cough for days, ever since they came back from the Gather. And, whenever he thought his… roommate wasn’t watching, F’sey had winced as well when he stretched. He clearly wasn’t aware that ‘Ren took every opportunity he could to see the older man stretch. Faranth, he hoped he got the chance to spy on him again…
C’ren cleaned off his glasses carefully before looking over at the silent F’sey. Outside, in the Weyrbowl, the Hatching Feast continued, a cacophony of celebration and merriment. Inside the Infirmary, it was a very different world as the Healers bustled onwards, trying to avoid the Greenrider pair as much as possible. Aside from the occasional whispered order----people did not like to yell in this place, for fear that it would make the patients uneasy----the only sounds were coughs and wheezes. A soft harp played somewhere in the distance, discordant against the noises of the sick. Occasionally, one of the firelizards nearby would let out a cheep.
Aside from that, it was quiet. Too quiet. F’sey should never be this quiet.
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 9:02 pm
"...Ialluth."
F'seymine! Mine.
F'sey was immediately ambushed by feelings of love and affection. The was nothing but warmth flooding through the bond, his small green dragon elated to have Hers back to the land of the living. She had been very concerned, the way he just fell down like that. There was not a whole lot of warning. She didn't think much of the signs Hers was showing before; Ialluth had known it wasn't right, but she hadn't realized it was so wrong. Hers was convinced it was getting old...
The redhead tried to comfort his dragon as he opened his eyes, wincing a little as he tried to stiff. His head hurt. That had been very foolish of him, going to the Gather. He should have just listened to C'ren and- C'ren! F'sey shifted, trying to sit up as he watched his weyrmate. Er, roommate.
That was odd.
Ceylith's took good care of you, Mine...
...I know. I mean...I mean. I know...
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Posted: Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:07 pm
F’sey wasn’t the only one to be ambushed. As soon as the first word left F’sey’s lips, C’ren sighed in relief. The entire façade dropped and he smiled again. It was a little forced since mere consciousness was not proof that the redheaded Greenrider would survive, but it was something. He moved eagerly to F’sey’s bedside, and carefully pushed the other man back down before he could sit up too much.
On one hand, he wanted very much to do his I-Told-You-So Dance, but that would have been very inappropriate, no matter how happy he was to see F’sey.
Say something, Ceylith pushed C’ren. Something… sweet. Let him know you cared, Mine. While her delight was nowhere near the level of Ialluth’s, Ceylith was relieved when her friend’s Mine opened his eyes. And C’ren was happy too, she knew it. If only he would stop being such a baby about things and tell F’sey that.
Humans. They always made things so complicated. See, Ialluth? she said to her friend. I told you Mine would make everything better.
“It’s… err… good to see you again, F’sey,” C’ren finally managed, ruffling the other man’s hair. It wasn’t exactly a sweet gesture, but it was a good step, right? He poured his friend a cup of water and offered it, adding, “The Healers say it was the heat of the Sands that got to you. How are you feeling?”
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 6:14 am
F'sey heaved a sigh, tapering off in annoyed grunt when his...well, whatever he was calling C'ren, when he pushed him back down. Shardit C'ren, he wasn't three-turns-old. He could sit up without hurting himself. Despite this, the older greenrider could not find it in himself to argue. It just wasn't in him. He was completely exhausted. Clearly, he needed to stop playing poker until all hours of the night, no matter how enjoyable it was.
"Eh? What? Heat?" A long silence. "Yeah. I guess." The heat of the sands had never gotten him before, and F'sey had witnessed quite a few hatchings in his day. He ignored the cup of water and simply focused on unruffling his hair, making a small noise of dismay. Honestly now. Did he go around messing C'ren's hair? No.
What is wrong, Mine? a soft voice chimed in. She was used to Hers being grumpy and discontent, certainly, but Ialluth was also used to her rider voicing all his complaints. Voicing them loudly with little discretion, in fact. Keeping his opinions to himself was almost as odd as falling down! She only agreed with her friend half-heartedly, still slightly concerned over the change in her rider's demeanor.
Nothing, F'sey replied, not even convinced himself. I just...don't want... What didn't he want, exactly? Usually an attention hound (at least, as far as C'ren was concerned), he didn't exactly understand the sudden standoffish behavior himself. All the redhead knew was that he didn't want to be seen, didn't want to be talked to, touched, anything. He just wanted to be alone. And miserable, but still alone.
Suddenly enlightened, the small green crooned softly and let Hers be. It all made sense! Her F'sey had always taken great pride in doing everything by himself, even since they were newly Impressed. Well, shouldn't couldn't exactly remember those days, but she knew he had never changed. That was something she liked in him, how sturdy he was in his beliefs, even if it did make him a touch hard-headed from time to time. And this? This whole episode had shaken him. Everything. Because now he needed Ceylith's and the whole world had seen it. Greenrider F'sey was not invincible anymore. It had been over ten turns since he depended on anybody; the feeling was very foreign to him.
Satisfied with the decided lack of anger in her rider's conclusion, Ialluth opted to let him work it out for himself. Perhaps a bruised ego would be slow to heal, but it would heal. Turning back to Ceylith, she informed her, Tell Yours not to mind Mine so much. I think he's rather flustered he had to be carried out. In fact, she knew as such, even if he didn't. But that was okay. It was just his self-image and not his feelings towards Ceylith's, so it was okay. Egos mended much better than hearts.
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 2:36 pm
Shards. F’sey still wasn’t arguing, still wasn’t fighting back. It just wasn’t fun to push someone around unless they snarked right back. Then again, the man had just fainted and needed to be carried in… not that C’ren would mention this quite yet. F’sey had had enough trauma for one day and didn’t need that added to the heap. Patiently, the younger Greenrider kept holding the cup of water until it was clear that F’sey was more interested in getting his hair in order than drinking.
“Well… not just the heat… there’s some disease going around and they say you’ve got it,” C’ren shrugged a little, not eager to say anything other than that. He told himself it was because he wasn’t a Healer and couldn’t make announcements like that, but mostly he didn’t want to face the fact that F’sey was sick. And could easily get worse if he wasn’t careful. At least the man wasn’t inclined to get up too soon.
“So you’re feeling ok now?” What he really wanted to ask was something more along the lines of, ‘do you need anything? Can I get anything for you? Here, let me fluff your pillows…’ but he doubted F’sey would like that much attention right now. He was a grown man and didn’t need to be babied completely.
Mine. Don’t worry so much… Ialluth says Hers is just embarrassed that he had to be carried out, Ceylith said, trying to soothe her rider before he got worse. Actually, she was rather pleased with his behavior. He was being nice! Sure, he tried helping others, in his own way, but he normally wasn’t nice about it.
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 7:25 pm
"As okay as I can feel, I suppose," F'sey replied, the anger gone as quickly as it had risen. Yeah, that was an adequate way to put it. Okay. Okay, quickly declining. Shards, who was he kidding? His head was killing him (the headache had returned from wherever it had hibernated) and he had no energy. None. He just wanted to sink back into the bed and sleep for turns upon turns upon turns.
...Mine? Ialluth crooned softly, deeply concerned by the sudden shift in emotion. It had shifted incredibly quickly, too quickly. Hers was very prone to a spike in temper, but this was not as such. It was as though everything had drained out of him, all at once. The independence, the shame, the hurt. It was nothing. Silent. It was like when he had fallen not so long ago, absolute nothing. Mine!?
"I'm here..." the greenrider muttered, closing his eyes. The dragon quieted back down; all she could do was reinforce the positive feelings through their bond. Love and warmth and want and need. She could never be without him and he'd never have to be without her. And it was perhaps, at that moment, that the small mottled green realized F'sey needed more than that. It had taken turns upon turns, but that was what Ialluth was trying to accomplish all these turns. Hers finally needed someone. Wanted someone. Wanted enough to hurt, to be impossibly...impossibly...sad. F'sey needed and wanted and more than that, he wanted his feelings mirrored and yet...
...Weyrlingmaster F'sey could not bring himself to ask.
And so he would stay there, lying in his sickbed, curled on his side and closed to himself.
You are not alone, Ialluth reminded him. Come what may, Mine, you will never be alone.
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 7:48 pm
F’sey was fading again. Or at least, all of the parts of F’sey that made him F’sey were going. All of the snarkiness and biting comments. And the anger too, of course, but C’ren didn’t miss that quite as much. He rather enjoyed their verbal spars. It was why they, against all reason, actually worked as… as... roommates. And maybe some day more, provided they got the chance. ‘Sey wasn’t really actually old or anything, but he seemed to take it a little… well… harder than the other cases so far. But that wasn’t much to go by yet.
In all honesty, C’ren had always wanted tall, dark, and handsome when he was younger. F’sey only really fit one of the three categories, but he’d sooner take that one out of three than any perfect three out there. Besides, well-informed was better than well-formed. Well, now wasn’t the right time to be thinking about love, which was really just a silly fluffy thing that happened to other people anyway. Right now was time for the Weyrlingmaster to be better, so he’d be back to his argumentative self in no time. C’ren was perfectly willing to wait for ‘Sey to come back, all anger and snark.
“It’s alright, ‘Sey,” he said, putting a hand on the other man’s arm. “I’m here too.” …In retrospect, he realized that the redhead’s ‘I’m here’ comment might have been directed at Ialluth, but he felt the need to add some sort of comfort to F’sey. It would help, just knowing someone cared. And if C’ren---notoriously clean and terrified of disease---was willing to sit by the sick man, well, there was something there.
It might have been love.
But C’ren thought of it as insanity. He just didn’t care.
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 8:12 pm
I'm here too.
F'sey eyes opened again. Expressionless, he turned a little, narrowing his eyes ever so slightly as he eyed his...his...his...what the shards was C'ren? They were friends, once. They had bonded over lice and epidemics and other silly things. The over-crowding had forced them to share a weyr. Ialluth and Ceylith had been thrilled and conspired immediately; he and the other greenrider simply settled for poker. Eventually it lead to the Gather, which lead some...kisses, courtesy of some very fine alcohol. And things just caught on fire from there. Kisses happened more frequently than poker no, not that he was complaining, by any stretch, but it was just that he...wanted C'ren.
He wanted C'ren. He wanted C'ren.
Roommates? Hardly. Why were they still hiding behind that? F'sey paused, frowning at his own train of thought. They? No. He was the one hiding behind '...roommates'. He was the one who couldn't own up to his desire to be close with the other greenrider. He was the one who...had been hiding behind his reputation for too many long turns.
He is gone. He was been gone. Do not go there now.
I know...I just...
Leave the memory. Ialluth knew he was thinking about the blue and his rider from turns ago. She wished she remembered why it mattered so much.
I...I know...I-
Leave the memory and live the now, Mine. Live now or risk losing something you have just found.
There were second chances, but folks were very rarely blessed with a third and Hers would be a fool to pass something up. Especially something to glaringly obvious. Even she could see it, and she had been trying to find them both a mate! Well, Ialluth consented, she could wait. She could wait for Hers.
F'sey swallowed and fixed his gaze back on C'ren, the conversation with Ialluth finished for the time being. Clenching and unclenching fists, he ground his jaw for a few tense moments before addressing his...weyrmate. His presumed weyrmate, that was. His I-hope-we-are-weyrmates-and-I'm-not-imagining-it.
"C'ren. Stay...please."
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:18 pm
It had been a… a strange relationship from the very beginning. Lots of insults flung at each other, and snarks back and forth. Their dragons had been the only things keeping them from outrightly attacking one another. By the end of their first verbal spar, C’ren had invited F’sey to be his roommate, only because he had to find someone and figured it might as well be the Greenrider. It was just so rare to find someone who actually tolerated him.
And at some point that mere ‘tolerance’ had turned into… well… this. Into him, sitting next to a sick man who drove him crazy and yet he still loved every single moment of it. Well, maybe not… not really ‘loved’, exactly. Those moments drove him nuts, to the point where he wanted to strangle F’sey. But all of the other moments were worth it. Even when F’sey was kicking his a** at strip poker. Well, actually, that was alright because he knew ‘Sey only cheated to get things he really wanted.
Then there was the fact that F’sey was older. At least ten years older, as far as C’ren knew. That was a lot of years, almost a third of the younger Greenrider’s life. That was… well, it could be a big deal. It probably should have been a bigger one than it actually was.
But it wasn’t.
Because this was F’sey. When you got down to it, that was all that really mattered to C’ren.
“’Sey. You never had to ask.” His hand went down the other man’s arm to his hand, curling his finger’s around F’sey’s gently. “Go to sleep.”
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Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 6:27 pm
F'sey wanted to choke when C'ren took his hand. All the sudden every emotion he could list rose up, slamming against him like some sort of tidal wave. He was exhausted and confused and he wanted this and...and...there was something that very suddenly did not. He had someone. His name was X'doc, he rode blue Hesoth. He was a Searchrider. He would play poker with F'sey until he realized what a dirty cheater he was, but they still talked after that.
He had a deck of cards from X'doc. A very nice deck, in fact. It was one of a kind. He convinced Hesoth to catch Ialluth despite F'sey's reputation as a complete b*****d. And he stuck around. X'doc was wild and he was messy. Nothing was organized, not his space, not his thoughts, not his affection. He was a bleeding idiot, of this, F'sey had always been positive. They were mates, weren't they? X'doc would forget things, important things, but that stupid smile and those silky words got him out of each and every damn thing. Yes, X'doc was charming. He was charming, he was handsome and he was very solid. He was a good match. He was a good ma- He was a good- He was-
Gone.
A long silence.
Leave it. Leave it alone, Mine. Please! Even Ialluth could not keep the distress from her voice. Hers was coming to pieces right before her! Usually so strong and thick, F'sey was faultless. Unshakeable. And he was so full of grief. So much grief. There had never been this much grief. Not even when Hesoth's left. Yes, that was his name. Why hadn't Hers said so sooner?
...gone.
Yes. Gone.
Ialluth could not hold back the warble of utter despair.
F'sey turned his head and closed his eyes. You never had to ask. Of course he had to ask. There was so much fear, so much. He could never own up to it; he had no desire to, but it was still lurking there, right below the surface. It did not explain the reason he was a complete b*****d; he had always been a b*****d. X'doc could change that about him. Neither would C'ren. F'sey could never be with anyone who asked him to change.
This, whatever it was, it was completely new. C'ren...C'ren...
"...I don't want to be alone."
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Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 8:35 pm
What did you do?! Ialluth is very upset! Ceylith’s voice came quick and accusing at Ialluth’s keeling cry. Whenever anyone made such noises, it was typically C’ren’s fault, although she didn’t think that even he would go this far. He really cared about F’sey, after all. And Ialluth… well, what sort of monster could hurt her so?
I didn’t do anything! Now C’ren was starting to panic again, worried that he had indeed done something wrong. His normal reaction to hurting someone’s feelings was, ‘well, it’s their own sharding fault. If they weren’t being such deadglows, then I wouldn’t have needed to hurt their precious little fee-fees.’ But F’sey was different because he was F’sey. Briefly, he wondered if he had said the wrong thing, but he hurriedly discarded that thought. Since the sick man obviously wasn’t going to accept the drink, C’ren finally put the glass back on the small table. There would be time later.
All he had said was, ‘yes, I’ll stay’ which was what F’sey had wanted. Right? So, clearly, there was a different problem. Without letting go of the older Greenrider’s hand, C’ren stood up and pressed his other hand to F’sey’s forehead. Shards, but he was really burning up. No wonder Ialluth was getting frightened and distressed.
“Sh. I’m staying with you, F’sey. You don’t have to be alone. You won’t be alone.” Ever, if C’ren had any choice in it. Course, F’sey would always have Ialluth, but even C’ren figured that he wasn’t quite talking about dragons. Or the firelizards.
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Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 9:19 pm
F'sey shuddered slightly. Whether it was the fever or the memory, none would know, but the violent tremor was there all the same. The more the older greenrider reflected, the more frantic his thoughts became. The past started to meld with the present, X'doc just as animated as C'ren ever was. He could hear him, see him, feel him. His senses were overloaded and he just wanted to be left alone!
F'sey shuddered again and shook his head, raising his free hand to rub his eyes. Deep breath, F'sey. Deep breath. Wouldn't do to have an outright panic attack. Ialluth was radiating concern and confusion at him; he needed to calm down before the poor little green was tipped right over the edge. Breath. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale...exhale.
His heart beat slowed and his body visibly relaxed. That felt better. That felt much better. Ialluth felt better too. What was he so- Oh. Oh, that. X'doc. The redhead shook his head, trying to send the bluerider back to the past, where he belonged. That a*****e sharding left. Another shudder surged through F'sey and he gripped C'ren's hand tighter. He was still here. He was right here. C'ren was with him, waiting, and X'doc was not.
F'sey tugged on C'ren's arm.
"Come here."
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Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:04 pm
Faranth, something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. C’ren was good at solving problems. It was one of his best marketable skills. (F’sey could probably attest to some other less-than-marketable skills, but that’s a whole other story). Disease wasn’t something he could solve, a fact that C’ren would only admit reluctantly. This needed a Healer and soon. But he didn’t want to leave F’sey’s side, not after telling him that he’d stay.
Thankfully, shouting for help in an Infirmary usually got help. If only the Greenrider could get his throat to work. “H…” he swallowed again and tried once more. “H-Healer! We need a Healer over here!” Then, refocused on F’sey, he tried to calm the older Greenrider down a bit. “It’s ok, ‘Sey. I’m still here. And I’m not going anywhere.” The tightened grip on his arm hinted that someone didn’t want him to leave, so that’s what he focused on.
Also, F’sey wanted a cuddle. That was what ‘come here’ always meant. Now C’ren hesitated; sitting next to someone sick was all very well, but actually cuddling? That meant actually putting his body near their body and that meant things could just jump over the little gap and that meant he could possibly get sick and that was the …
Oh, who cared? F’sey needed a snuggle. Pulling F’sey into a hug, C’ren tried to convey everything in one single motion, how scared he was of his… his whatever-F’sey-was dying. Since that wasn’t enough, he added another gesture, a single kiss to F’sey’s forehead. “Just get better for me, ‘Sey?”
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Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 5:01 pm
"...okay."
Nothing more needed to be said.
The shivering had finally stopped; the weyrlingmaster pressed against the radiating warmth that was C'ren. His weyrmate. Yes. That was what he was. A smile started to play at the corners of F'sey's mouth and he yawned, allowing eyelids to drop a little as he tucked himself against the younger man. Perhaps this was a little less comfortable than lying down, but it was infinitely more comforting.
What was he so worried about?
Closing his eyes all the way, the greenrider's breathing started to even out. He leaned against roommate (weyrmate!), supporting himself against the younger rider completely. He was so tired. When did he get so tired? Sleep was so very tempting and having no will left from his epic battle with his love long since lost, he was more than willing to give in. Shifting his hand ever so slightly, he laced his fingers with C'ren, barely aware of reality as his senses started to dim.
"'Ren," he muttered. "Anything."
He'd give anything, just to stay like this.
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Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2009 12:28 am
C’ren readjusted himself so he could properly cradle F’sey. It was possibly the most peaceful moment he had ever spent with the older Greenrider; their… relationship was one punctuated with snarks and threats tossed back and forth, which only made it exciting. But this peace was nice too. It was just nice to be able to comfort his weyrmate. Ha. Yes. C’ren would have to ask the redhead about that at some point in the future. It was time for them to stop dancing around the whole Significant Pause Roommate thing, provided that the weyrlingmaster recovered from this. C’ren rested his chin on top of F’sey’s head for a moment, simply waiting for him to drift off. Now he was regretting his hasty request for a Healer, since the arrival of anyone else would ruin this moment.
Thanks to the loud Harper down the hall, however, they still had a moment. C’ren almost missed F’sey’s next words, his half-voiced request. The Greenrider smiled and held the other man’s hand for a moment, hoping that would tell him what he meant: there was no price for this.
Well, unless you counted F’sey’s terrifying illness as a price. But that wasn’t romantic and even the cynical C’ren was feeling a bit romantical at the moment. He stayed with the redhead until the sick man finally fell asleep. Carefully releasing F’sey, C’ren did his best to tuck him in and settled into the chair once more to keep watch and to talk to the Healers.
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