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Well, I'm an idiot. I actually pushed all my fears aside, went up to a guy I've known for three years and though he actually liked me and asked him out. Then in a second what I thought are friendship was, was just a big lie. Atleast..I think it was. He would be so nice to me and treat me so kindly..But once I asked him out, he turned into something else. He told me he didn't go out with my kind and he didn't want his friends to make fun of him, because dating would. He said he did like me and thought I was sweet..but he was scared of what others would say. I tried to tell him that he shouldn't care what others think, but he said it isn't that easy. He told me if I lost weight he would. I wanted to go in a hole and die. EVERYWHERE I go..everyone I knows. HATES ME...BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT...I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I can't take it..Mom, friends, family, directors...everyone! You name it..Only here..Only ******** here people like me for me and you guys never even heard my damn voice! I can't take it..I'm going insane..I haven't eaten since then and that was yesterday morning..I don't know what to do anymore. I just can't take it anymore....

Oh and I'm not posting anymore pictures. I see no point. I think it's better if I just disappear for a while.

Though..I can't blame him. I mean his friends will make fun of him if he goes out with me. I guess he just doesn't want to lose his friends. I mean I don't want to lose my friends..but I would never do what he did..*Sighs* I'm a mess right now..

Your right..Why is he so paranoid when all they would most likely do is just stupid jokes. Now this is making me feel even worse. Maybe he was lying about even likeing me as a person. I hate myself..Being over weight is just a total mess for me and I am a total idiot for doing this to myself. I'm the reason why I'm over weight. It's all my fault..and I never fixed it. I just let it get worse or just don't do anything about it at all.

I don't get it. Why do people care so much what people say? I mean yes, I do care..because the whole "Your too fat, Jackie." is now getting to me, but I would not care what my friends said to me if I dated someone. I would not care. Hell, you can't marry your friends, you can't start a family with your friends. So why do people care?

That makes sense. Wish it wasn't true, but it is. Thanks for talking to me though..

So let me get this straight. He wouldn't date you because he was afraid of what everyone would think of him? If he's so shallow, then why even bother with him? If he's so concerned about his image as your boyfriend, imagine what he thinks of you as a friend. You don't need that bullshit, Jackie. Go to him, look him in the eye and tell him off. Show him how strong of a person you are. And the same goes for everyone else who treats you that way, even your mom.

Also I'd just like to say this. If I were younger... I would've asked you out a long time ago. Your a sweet and caring woman. you don't deserve what you get from people.

He was VERY wrong to have said those things - but teenagers.... guys in thier teens are dumb, they flock to what is cool at the time, and care about what everyone thinks....
You don't need him if he can't like you for your personality AND your looks....
It's hard now, but wait until you can find someone who likes EVERYTHING about you... It's worth the wait. whee
Don't change yourself for ANYONE.... and remember that he is the one losing out on something great, not you. 3nodding

stressed crying stressed
Ditto, ditto, ditto to the replies above. I don't know if what I have to say will make much sense, but I'll do my best. m(_ _)m

If he had gone out with you, he wouldn't have been dating you. He would have been dating your body, your money, your possesions, your social status, your hips, your tits, your a**... whatever part of you or his perception of you that he had decided would make HIM look good to his friends is what he would've been dating. If he had been dating you, he would never let you go.

I wish that I could give you the words to make it better, but there are no words to heal wounds like this. Sometimes, you just have to feel the pain in order to be able to pull yourself out of it. But please, don't hide. Don't direct your anger and sadness inward, that is the worst possible thing you can do. If you do that, it will just kill you. GET PISSED OFF!! Tell him how shallow you think that was of him, how hurt you were, how pathetic his self-conscious bullshit is, how dissapointed you are in him, how much better you thought he was. Talk about it, to him, to family, to friends, to whomever you need. Be proud of yourself. Be strong, don't let them win. You give up, you feel ashamed, you start pitying yourself and trying to conform to what they think you should be, and they win. Everyone who's ever looked at you sideways, everyone who's ever called you names or done anything to try to make you feel bad about who you are, you start believing those names, you start acting the way they say you should, and they win.

Take it from me, hon, I was annorexic for almost a year because I decided to try and conform to an impossible standard. No matter what you do, someone will always dislike some part of you, you may as well have fun and feel good about yourself because THEY will certainly never be happy, no matter what you do. Don't make the mistakes I have. Be pissed off. Let yourself cry. Please, just don't give up. The world needs folks like you in it, don't be afraid to be someone far better than who he would date.

Please, feel free to vent or whatever you need to. That's what communities are here for, eh? We're all right here, and we'll be here, cheering you on, helping as best we can. Please believe me when I say that it DOES get better than this. Don't hide yourself away, you're too beautiful in too many ways to keep yourself locked up in the darkness.