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 Posted: Thu May 07, 2009 11:12 am
Things couldn't last.
He'd known that for a while now. However, Kibaya was still firmly clinging onto whatever shreds of 'normality' that he could find in his life. With... her gone, and the scars slowly healing over, he could feel Chrno string in the depths of his mind. Any day now, he would wake up, and the nightmare would start over.
Technically, the only reason he'd been left alone and in total control of his mind was because Chrno was deep in sleep, too scared to come forth. The time was drawing near when the real... him would wake up, and Kibaya would be once more pushed to the side, merely observing events from the metaphorical edges of his mind.
When that happened, what would Ashiki say?
Hell, would she say or do anything at all? Would she even care? He wasn't even entirely sure anyone had noticed his little 'problem', aside the shaman, of course, and that was only because she'd had the pleasure of meeting him when Chrno was in charge and had seen a switch. She was a smart girl and had added two and two, even way back then, when she was a cub.
Still, how was he even going to tell Ashiki? .... Why should he? Did it even matter?
Frustrated, he growled and paced the long corridor between termite mounds in the dead of night; since the Queen had been sharing her chambers with him (he was still trying to figure out if this was good or bad - was she keeping an eye on him? What the hell did it even matter?), he had decided to slip away before his restless moving woke her up. She had, after all, a long day ahead of her. She always did. He figured it came with the fact that the health of the still... small, endangered pride rested on her shoulders.
Thus up and down he paced, up and down, till he'd practically worn a path from all his padding.
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Posted: Thu May 07, 2009 11:32 am
It had been somewhat pleasurable to have him there, she had to admit. She hadn't exactly been one for overly affectionate moments as a cub - when had any of them? - but she was getting used to his company. At least, when he didn't wake her up with leaving at strange hours of he night. She had already suspected such a sleeping schedule, true, given that he was often awake in the early mornings when she was out to look at the sunrise but that didn't mean she had to like it. It wasn't even as if it was his leaving that woke her. No, it was the sudden sense of something missing, though it usually took her mind a little while to register that he had left.
As it were, she had woken up tonight to find him missing, a sigh passing her maw. She had no idea as to what was driving him out of her den, what thoughts were plaguing him. If she had, she might have been able to alleviate some of his fears, at least. She already knew, somewhat, of his condition - her sister had hinted heavily at it before she took her to see him, it wasn't so hard for her to fill in the missing pieces. After all, they shared the same genetics, and they were each clever in their own right. She had begun to wonder when Chrno himself would make an appearance, and every day it grew to be more troublesome, especially as she wondered what that might do to Kibaya's mental state.
She pushed herself up to her feet with a frown, paws light against the packed earth beneath them as she blinked through the darkness of the night. It took only a few minutes for her to find him, though she stopped a bit short of him - no need to invade his personal space when he wasn't aware of her. That could spell disaster. "Trouble sleeping?" she asked simply, face impassive.
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Posted: Thu May 07, 2009 12:52 pm
So, assuming that telling her what was going on was a good idea... how was he, exactly, going to accomplish this? Kibaya wasn't entirely sure how to go about telling her that he was crazy. Or rather, more crazy than she had probably ever given him credit for.
Because, really, crazy was the best word to define him. To define them; Chrno and him. How else would one describe someone with multiple personalities? He was flawed and crazy and something was obviously wrong with him. However, telling Ashiki that much wasn't particularly the easiest thing to do. Best case scenario she might ignore everything he told her and shrug it off. Worst case scenario... she might decide he was a threat to the pride and force him to leave, which was something he unwillingly had to admit, would upset him.
He wasn't prepared to let go. He'd finally found a place that he liked and actually accepted him (not Chrno, but HIM), and he didn't want to leave. Sadly, he was well aware that if Ashiki told him to leave, he would most likely do that, though he hadn't yet paused to ponder WHY he was prepared to follow her order. He didn't really want to so much as begin to ponder why she was important to him; those were deep waters he wasn't ready to so much as look at yet.
He stopped dead in his track when her voice pierced through his mind, easily causing his current train of thought to derail and crash into a mountain. For a moment, he looked momentarily stunned, or perhaps confused that she'd been able to approach him without him noticing (how did she DO that? That was HIS thing to do, damnit, not hers! Damnit, damnit, DAMNIT!), "Uhhh..." it took him a few seconds to keep his mind out of second gear, his head turning to face her, "I... have things in my mind. They were troubling me," well... that was almost the truth. Except he should have said there was someone in his mind, not something. Had Kibaya known that Ashiki knew of his condition, he'd have likely kicked himself for all his worries, but... how was he to know? "What's troubling you?" there was no doubt something was because, well, otherwise, she wouldn't have been out there, right?
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Posted: Thu May 07, 2009 1:13 pm
She was tired, probably grumpy from her lack of sleep, and had he been anyone else she would have simply told him to quit his fussing and go back to sleep until morning. She might not have been pampered exactly, but she could grow just as irritable as the next lioness at having her well-deserved rest interrupted. It was only because it was Kibaya that she knew he probably hadn't meant to and, if anything, the reason he was out here pacing instead of in the den doing so was because he was purposefully trying to not wake her up. She supposed it wasn't truly his fault she'd become too comfortable with his presence near her.
"I see," she said, calm, albeit the fact that she felt like snapping at him. She hadn't truly meant to sneak up on him, finding luck in her knowledge of the home of her youth, especially after sundown. She studied him for a moment, with the little light that her eyes could pick up in the darkness, trying to decide for herself what it might be that was on his mind. What did the one lion that the pride feared most have to be troubled over? She wasn't sure Sukari or Moo would ever truly cross him, even with all their battle savvy as it were. "I find it hard to believe something troubles you here, unless it's just demons from your past plaguing your dreams." It was just an offhand comment, a dig, some way of getting him to open up. The sooner she solved it, the sooner she slept. Plus, it let her into his mind a little more, and she did love to read the minds of others - especially the odd ones.
Her brows knit at the unexpected question, though, caught off guard by it. For a moment, her impassive mask slipped, leaving behind a narrow-eyed stare and vague confusion. She wasn't troubled, really, was she? No, she was simply looking out for him. Though, that simple admission was enough to set off the little alarm bells inside her head that always told her when she was treading too close to dangerous territory. He might seem more tame, but she didn't need to get too close to him, not until she knew more about.. everything. Still, she couldn't, or maybe, wouldn't lie, so she simply let her mask fall back into place and shrugged her shoulders. "I woke up because you were gone." The words had more meaning than she let her tone carry, even she knew it, but the way she said it was almost.. dismissive.
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 2:18 pm
Except... there was no way in hell she understood. It was impossible that she could truly 'see', as she claimed. Right?
Kibaya was left confused by the simple words. That much was clear by the way he frowned, his ears flopping back to lean against his skull, more in a defensive sort of way than an aggressive one. Out of words, and still mildly confused, he allowed her to study him, "You could say that," he murmured, but then again, Chrno'd never been the demon. He'd been the demon back in the day. It was ironic that things were playing out this way, "I... don't think I'm going to be able to stay much longer," he told her finally.
Of course, what she probably didn't realise was that he didn't mean physically. His body would stay there, no doubt, but Kibaya, while technically the more aggressive personality, had never been the dominant one, and thus when Chrno finally woke up, would get no say in when or where he'd have control. He was troubled enough by his own admission that he missed the way her mask slipped; either that, or he was used to seeing it slip. After all, he spent enough time watching from the shadows, observing, to have seen the queen slip, even when she thought she didn't.
Everyone slipped. It was a matter of knowing when to look.
Her next set of words confused him more, but for the moment, decided not to move into deeper water, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to pace in there," a pause followed as he allowed himself to sit down, "He's going to wake up soon, you know. And I won't be here anymore," there, he'd said it outloud. He was looking at her again, waiting for her reaction, "I'm not the real one. I was just the shadow. Always have been. She didn't like me. No one did."
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 3:18 pm
At first, she was mildly confused by what he said. She had no idea why he wouldn't be able to stay. As far as she knew, there was nothing here to cause him any trouble, and he'd been doing very well in behaving himself. Her brows drew down into a tight 'V' shape as she watched him, the vaguest hint of her confusion shining through with the motion. It wasn't until his next ramble that it dawned upon her exactly what it was that he meant.
It wasn't that he couldn't stay physically, it was that he, Kibaya, could not stay in place of Chrno. She recalled the first night she had met him, and how he had screamed at her when she used that name in place of the one he was known by. She wasn't sure she was ready to meet the true personality that was meant to inhabit the form before her, but what choice did she have when Kibaya knew that he was slipping?
"I assumed he'd come back some time," she said with a slight frown, turning her eyes away from him and looking out and down the corridor. An aversion, anything not to look at him. She could feel something like regret, pain, stirring in her stomach and the mere thought made her uncomfortable. Attachments were silly. "But you'll always be here in some way, you always were, weren't you? Just because he's coming back doesn't.."
She growled in her throat and turned her back on him to stare down the darkness, confusion on her face as she felt a lump in her throat. Was she sad? Was she sad that he was leaving, would she miss him? What would she miss? Would it be his help, the comfort of having a psychopath dance at her paws, was it more? If she spoke, he'd hear it in her voice, and she wasn't ready for that kind of stupidity to shine through. Her body was such a traitor, and what was worse was that she didn't understand
"You are what you make yourself," she said slowly, her voice a low growl that sounded angry, but only in an attempt to cover up whatever was threatening to break out. "No one liked you because you were different, because you didn't fit in. Tell me, what will be Chrno's place here, you think?" If they had been appalled by Kibaya, Chrno must have been his opposite, and she couldn't see him fitting in here any better than Kibaya had elsewhere.
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 3:53 pm
"In the background," he murmured under his breath, bitterness dripping from his every word. He'd slipped through more often than not, when Chrno let his guard down, but in all honesty, he'd gotten used to being in charge. He'd rather liked having a life... no longer being a ghost that haunted the back of Chrno's mind. It was liberating.
Going back to how things were was... a frustrating thought. While Kibaya knew of Chrno, the later did not know, or even acknowledge the former's existence. Before, he had been able to withstand it because he'd not no real attachments except Vi, but now he actually had a place to belong to. He was no longer looked at with hatred, as if he shouldn't be there. It felt nice, and he'd gotten used to it fast. Far faster than he cared to admit, even to himself, "He doesn't even know I'm there. I can see everything he sees, and knows what he does, but he has no idea I exist. He blacks out. I'm a ghost."
It was the first time he'd admitted to that, and for some reason, it only hurt more. A mild snort escaped his nose as she spoke; he wasn't scorning her, but rather, seemed to be scorning his past, "They didn't like me because I was invading their lives and taking the form of their son. Do you even know what my name means? Do you even know why Vi named me what she did?" another shake of his head, "Chrno.... he can fit in anywhere. He'd abide to your rules. But he's nothing like me. Vi loved him, and hated me. Chrno's too nice for his own good. I hate that b*****d."
It wasn't true, not really. But maybe if he kept repeating that to himself... it'd make him feel better, "I've never had anything that was mine. And now that I do... I'm going to lose it," there was actual sadness in his voice.
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 4:29 pm
A light sneer curled her maw as she listened to him drone on and on about his dramatic and unfortunate little past, a little irritated at his sulking when she was obviously having some kind of emotional breakdown. Or rather, just experiencing an overload of emotions, which was enough of a breakdown by any measure in her opinion.
"Well, if you can see everything that happens through his eyes, then you aren't really losing anything are you?" She sighed and shut her eyes, taking the moment that she was turned away from him to gather herself back up and put all her rampaging emotions back into place. "Sure, you can't interact, but you'll know everything that's happening. I think, if anything, it's those around you that are losing more than you are yourself, no matter how pitiful you make it seem." That was a bit snarky, but then, she didn't feel like being particularly nice right now. He'd woken her up, albeit unintentionally, and was telling her now that part of her life (was she really using this phrase? it seemed so) was about to be upset.
"You'll just have to bear it while you're stuck, and make the most of the times you're here, while I, we, make the most of your sugar-coated other half." She sneered at that though and opened her eyes again, trying to imagine what he might be like. She enjoyed Kibaya, not some nicer male inside his head.
"He's not sleeping in my den," she muttered, "he can go back and sleep next to Moo and Sukari." Now she'd gone from angry, to sadness, to pure sulking childish behavior. If ever she'd acted like a spoiled princess, it was now. She still had her back to him, still staring off at the open dark corridor before her. She wanted to go back to sleep and pretend this was a nightmare.
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 5:03 pm
It was sad that they were both too busy having emotional breakdowns to notice that the other was going through something 'new'. Kibaya was too busy angsting over the idea of losing his current life to notice much of a change in Ashiki; or at least... not a significant enough change to really warrant most of his attention.
That is, till she sneered and graced him with a rather cold rant of words. It was right about then that Kibaya noticed that something was off. He wasn't entirely sure WHAT was off, or if he even wanted to go looking for it, but his instincts screamed for him to slow down and take a closer look. For one, while Ashiki was prone to snarking at others, she'd never really done so to him; she seemed more prone to almost leaning on him, in the metaphorical sense of the word. She'd never bothered to be mean to him and the novelty of the situation did the trick, outweighing the anger he'd felt bubbling up at her response.
The flashing light in his eyes died down from flames to embers and then to ashes, promptly replaced with confusion again. He still felt he was out on deep water, and he had no idea if he should even be bothering to figure it out, "Why're you being such a b***h?" the words escaped him before he could help himself, but they were honest, rather than accusing, "I've seen you be a b***h to others, but you'd always left me out of that loop," his eyes narrowed, and had the wheels of his brain been visible, they'd have been turning for all to see. And then it dawned on him; when Ashiki snarked and showed herself like some sort of ice princess, it was because she was trying to detach herself from others. This meant she cared. Needless to say, that opened a whole new can of worms.
With that realisation still fresh in mind (not to mention all the questions it brought up with it), Kibaya stepped forward till he was sitting by her side; she'd often invaded his personal space, but this was one of the first times he was doing so himself, "You actually care, don't you?" That made things easier (or harder, depending on how he looked at it), "Gods help you... you actually care," it was a new concept, really. No one had cared before. Tolerated him? Yes, but not cared, "Gods help me too, because I also care," for all his height, he felt very small at that moment in time. As if to somehow alleviate that, he leaned forward and allowed his forehead to drop till it hit hers softly, allowing it to remain there.
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2009 5:43 pm
She had just grimaced at the nothingness before her when he called her out on being a b***h, because if he was asking her about it, that meant he had noticed that she was acting differently towards him. Even if it wasn't a good different, it was still different, and she would have to explain it. Or she thought she would have to, at least, until he just kept talking over any break she would have to get a word in. That normally would have brought her hackles up if she weren't looking for an escape.
Then again, she hadn't counted on her dark knight pushing forward with the topic.
As he came to her side and sat down, she let out a long sigh and sat down next to him, listening as he spoke. He was right, and she didn't like it one bit. Her jaw set tightly and she lifted her chin a little as those bright green eyes stared off into the darkness. Despite the fact that she was grumpy with him for being the upset in her facade, even him being so close was a comfort. As he leaned over to put his forehead against hers though, she tensed for a moment. As much as she had invaded his space, she wasn't used to others invading hers and definitely not used to being.. touched. Then, resigning herself, she leaned back into him with a frown. She just hoped no one walked out and saw this right now.
"You're right," she muttered under her breath, "which is just my luck. I care, and this isn't the news I wanted to hear, even if I knew it was coming eventually." She had always wondered where Chrno was, why she'd never seen a glimpse of him, but now she understood. Whatever Kibaya had done, it must have pushed him away for a time, and now that things were calmer he was going to come back. "Wouldn't be me if I didn't pick the strangest one I could find to start caring about, Sera'd be real proud." It was a mutter, irritated, with some sort of cold amusement to it.
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 12:07 pm
She flinched for a second but didn't pull away. Somehow, that meant the whole world to him at that particular moment in time. He wasn't sure why, nor was he sure what it meant, but he figured he'd have time to ponder things when he was trapped in his own mind. Right now, Kibaya felt he didn't really NEED to understand why he was suddenly in deeper waters; he'd figure s**t out later.
For now, he was content with just wadding his way through the moment. In all honesty, anyone could have walked in on them and he wouldn't have cared. In fact, he had half a mind of quite possibly ending the life of anyone that dared bother him at that precise moment. As she spoke, his ears perked inside his mane, but he allowed his eyes to remain closed, as if to amplify the contact between them.
A snort passed through his nose again, "Good to know I'm not the only one then. Good to know you're not alone. And besides, wouldn't you rather me than... one of the rogues that came to stay? I'm much more interesting," he was trying to cheer her up, in his own unique way, while still knowing he wasn't going to be able to stay much longer, "She's not here anymore though. Neither is Vinuka. Maybe it's just time to let go," that said, he lifted his head from her and shook his mane off, apparently not wishing to overstay his welcome, "Let's go back to sleep, shall we?" at least he had the here and now.
He could only pray it would last.
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Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 1:15 pm
Despite herself, and despite the situation and all the thoughts flowing through her head, she couldn't help the soft laugh that escaped her at his comment. It was things like that that had made her grow so fond of him. In the end, he was very right, she did prefer him to any of the rogues. Thinking about taking any of them as a mate made her vaguely nauseous. Then, of course, she realized she was throwing the 'M' word around in her had and her mirth faded quickly. Enough of that, indeed.
"You're never alone," she said softly, in perhaps one of her most gentle moments, before pushing herself slowly up to her feet, "and I refuse to let go." She didn't mean let go of Seraphina though, it was clear she meant let go of him. She wouldn't let him just retreat into his darkness and leave her with his face and someone else inside. She'd beat him back out if she had to.
She flicked her tail and nodded at him before starting back towards her den, knowing he'd follow without even bothering to glance back. She had resolved a lot tonight, but opened up so many new doors, not all of them very comforting. There was only tomorrow to look forward to, she could only take it one day at a time. They could only take it one day at a time.
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