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 Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 7:55 pm
Why, where was everbody? Kyllae stomped her foot. Really now? There was hardly anybody out at the lake at this point? Maybe because the sky was a little overcast? But really, it wasn't like it was going to rain or anything. And it was still pleasantly warm. Stupid people didn't know how to have any fun! Kyllae took a small swig of wine from her flask. Oh well. She could always party by herself! She was Kyllae! Self-proclaimed party queen. And she knew how to have fun...but it was always more fun when she had company. Really.
Everyone here at the Weyr was so serious. All the dragonriders so busy with their dragons, all the candidates so busy with chores; they never stopped to enjoy themselves. Sure, she was a candidate too, but she still found time for herself. A lot of time, in fact. Doing what you were told was mundane. Chores were a bore. As soon as she was done with them...it was party time! She was quite proficient by now at getting her hands on wine, or any other form of alcohol. After all, what was a party without drinks?
She pulled up her shirt to scratch her stomach a little, not self concious in the slightest. She hiccuped and laughed, burped a little, and laughed harder. See, she was having fun already! She couldn't help but glance around though, looking for a recruit. She would steal someone or other to party with her! Maybe even two people? Three or four or five? She snapped her fingers, an alternative to clapping, since her other hand was busy clutching the flask. Yes! What a brilliant idea! People! She had the vague notion in her mind that she might be getting slightly drunk, but that hardly dissuaded her. In all reality, it would just egg her on. If other people saw how much fun she was having, wouldn't they want to join in too? Now to find her first victim!
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Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 4:41 am
In the last candlemark or two, Selden has become acutely aware he should have found something else to do. Finishing chores is all well and good ─ he appreciates a sense of accomplishment as well as anyone ─ but idle hands often make for a busy mind, and he has much on his mind with which to be busy. There's little he dislikes more than that. It isn't that he's a particularly deep sort; he's more of an instinctive person, not the type to over-think and over-complicate things. It's just that, here, he's far out of his element, and the outrageous stupidity of it all (namely, his being here) has caused him to fall into the more broody side of his demeanor. It's a nuisance, and he can't stand it. Unfortunately, circumstance often acts something like a viscous circle. His feeling frustrated with himself tends to make him even more withdrawn and dour, which serves only to make him more annoyed, and inevitably, broody. This is one of those times.
He's sitting at the lake's edge, his legs stretched out and bare feet close enough to touch the water now and then. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Selden has the notion he's glad the sun's not too terribly bright, and therefor, it's not as hot as it could be, but mostly, he's just berating himself. He's been doing that a lot lately, come to think of it. Ever since he came here, compulsively, on dragonwing, leaving his craft and Hall far behind him, it seems like he's had little else on his mind. Consciously, Selden's not sure if it's because he hasn't had the time for anything else, or if it's because he really has been thinking about nothing but what a deadglow he is. It may be a bit, or a lot of both.
Either way, that's how it is. He's a deadglow, and now he's here at Ista, a Smith pretending, poorly, to be a Candidate. Selden sighs, heavy with a sense of self-exasperation, and wills his blue eyes to focus on the his surroundings so his mind will stop combing over his own idiocy. At least Ista's a nice looking place. Weyrbowls aren't typically much to look at, in his opinion ─ he saw Telgar's, once ─ but Ista manages to maintain a tropical look, despite the lack of tropical vegetation to go with it. He's not one to dwell over the 'why,' but it almost makes up for the horrid heat and humidity.
The dragons are also a welcome distraction; he can spot some resting up on the crest of the bowl, and someone bathing a very content looking green. Even though he thinks himself far more suitable a Smith than he does a dragonrider, he could watch them for a very long time. Despite their massive size, there's something serene and comforting about a dragon relaxed.
Then the sound of… fairly obnoxious laughter snags his attention. He sighs again, wincing, and mourns briefly the loss of his relative silence. Selden doesn't turn around to seek the source though. Maybe if he ignores it, it will go away.
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Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 5:40 pm
Fortune was smiling upon her, it seemed. It didn't take her nearly as long to find someone to hang out with as she would have thought. There was a dragonman or two with their dragons. And she was bold enough to ask them. But she figured someone bathing their dragon wouldn't be that good a party mate.
No, she was looking for someone who looked bored, or at least without anyone to do. As her eyes fell on Selden, she knew she'd found her target. He looked...bored? Reflective? Annoyed? She couldn't tell that well from this distance. What a great excuse to get closer!
She gingerly picked her way along the water's edge, awfully graceful for someone close to intoxication. Well, she had experience with drink, she knew how to be somewhat composed. And besides, she loved the water, but she didn't fancy being wet at the moment. She was going to do her chores soon, and she didn't want to be wet for that. It would be a bother, and make her a dirt magnet. Kyllae hated to be dirty.
"'Lo there!" she called, when she was a dozen or so yards away. "You look lonely, bored, pensive, brooding. Perhas I can fix that for you!" She laughed, but not racously this time, sweetly, mildy, almost teasing. After all, now she had a guest! Once she was closer, she extended a hand, smiling, eyes only slighty distant from drink. "I'm Kyllae." She offered, hoping he would see fit to offer his own name, and hand, in return. It wasn't like she was being rude, at the moment.
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Posted: Wed May 06, 2009 4:14 am
He had known it was too much to hope. Life has proven it has a way of doing this. It knows exactly what he doesn't want to happen, and then it goes and does exactly that. Selden doesn't consider himself to have particularly bad luck or anything; he just finds life has a healthy, if somewhat unfortunate sense of humor. He typically makes a point of keeping himself from being overly optimistic because of it. And he had gone and dared to hope anyway.
Still, it comes as no surprise when a voice parts the slightly damp air. He had been expecting it, he supposes. The idea of persistent ignoring crosses his mind. Then whoever it is speaks again, and at that point, he figures no good will come of pretending she isn't there She seems that sort. Too bad, really.
"Nothing to fix," he responds instead, sounding far more dismissive than conversational. Pensive and brooding may be apt accusations, but he's never lonely, and he certainly doesn't need her assistance with a problem that doesn't exist. There's nothing wrong with enjoying his solitude.
But then, things never do work that way. People don't let them. He knows it, but it doesn't make him like it, and it's with less enthusiasm than is probably polite he turns enough to greet her. "Selden." His return is as chilly and blunt as his expression is impassive, but he does offer a hand, rough with the callouses of manual labor, and takes hers in a firm, but not crushing shake. Despite himself, he does have some inkling on how to be proper. Even though, really, he doubts she's much of a 'proper' sort. She has that type of look to her.
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Posted: Thu May 07, 2009 4:37 pm
Kyllae shook his hand, noting the firmness of his grip. She liked that trait in a person. There was a lot you could learn about someone by the way they shook hands. Something told her that he wasn't exactly pleased that she was here...but Kyllae wasn't the kind of person to really act on that. Why, he was just a little reserved! She would need to make him smile, enjoy himself. He looked so solemn.
She took the liberty of sitting down next to him, though not so close as to invade his personal space. She sipped lightly on her flask, eyeing him curiously. "Selden, hm? Nice name," she commented, checking her nails. Kyllae was quite big on personal hygiene, she had to make sure her hands weren't dirty. Without looking up, she adressed him again, trying to lure him into feeling more comfortable with typical candidate small-talk. "Any thoughts on the upcoming clutch? The queen's awfully antsy, I think they'll be hatching any time now. Think you have any chance at impressing?" at this last part she offered him a smile.
Oh it was a joke, almost, to talk about impressing. There were a ridiculous amount of candidates. Even with these large clutches as of late...there were still many more candidates than dragons. And what about the clutch size? Supposedly the clutches were getting larger and more frequent, because thread was coming? Hrm, maybe. Kyllae wasn't sure what to think about thread. It was supposedly bad. If the old stories and songs were to be believed. She'd asked Argentina about it once, what he thought about it, and according to him, it was supposedly a nice snack...that's what she got for asking a dolphin, she supposed.
In a rare quiet moment, Kyllae mourned her loss of Argentina. She could always leave, she supposed. Go back to Southern, and to Dolphineering...but someone, she was a part of the weyr now. If she went back to southern, she wanted to go on dragonback. Wouldn't that be something! Argentina would be so amazed! But, it was rude to reflect so while entertaining, she had to pay more attention to her guest! She pushed memories aside in favor of the present, and in favor of Selden.
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Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 2:13 am
The moment a person takes it on himself to get comfortable, Selden's learned to read it as a sure sign he doesn't plan on going anywhere any time soon. While he is more than a little asocial, even he isn't insensitive enough to just get up and walk away. He really is stuck with her, then. So be it. He suppresses the urge to sigh.
"Thanks," he says, flatly. Names always did seem rather a pointless thing to compliment, to him. It isn't like he chose his himself. Selden… From his parents, Adenar and Seleas. That's all it is. Nothing special. It doesn't really even sound that great to his ears. But maybe she thinks it does, he tells himself. Maybe she feels differently.
Probably not.
People never were that good at being sincere. Usually, he can tell. She's likely just trying to be friendly. They do that often, as though he wants, or somehow needs their effort. Selden is fairly sure he makes it more than obvious he does not, but then, he may be mistaken. They certainly seem to think so often enough. Small talk is a common consequence. "I heard it was small." Actually, it's rather remarkable he knows even that much. He's typically the sort of person to make sure he's out of earshot from absolutely everyone.
He's not really one for 'thoughts' though. The only thing he's bothered thinking about is the answer he supplies to her next question: "Me? Never." Especially not since he intends to stand only once. His certainty of his inadequacy might lead one to wonder what exactly he's doing here. Selden's still trying to figure that one out himself. Sure, he makes a sharding good smith. But a dragonman? Not likely.
Which leads him back to his original train of thought, and the brooding she had so kindly interrupted. There's no sense bemoaning it now, though. Even if the eggs do crack any day now, he's still sure he'll have plenty of time between now and then to ruminate. And it's not like his agonizing is doing him even an ounce of good, anyway. What's done is done. A few sevendays away from the Hall isn't going to kill anyone; it's unlike him to put so much effort into something so trivial. So, for now, he refuses.
"You?" he asks instead.
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Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 3:47 pm
Selden seemed a tough nut to crack! He certainly didn't seem to be very open. She pondered offering him a drink, but he didn't seem like the type to accept. Maybe later, if she got him a little more comfortable...then she'd try.
Kyllae, amazingly enough, was sincere. She was a champion liar, if the situation called for it, but, hey...why lie now? When she was idling, talking, making friends. Sincerety was her ally at the moment. Maybe he would pick up on it. Maybe not. IT was a small matter.
"Hrm, I don't know, really," she admitted. "If I don't impress now...it's just because there's not a dragon right for me! I'll wait until there is. There's plenty here to keep me occupied in the meantime." she stated, puffing up a little with pride. Why, people like Selden were the ones who kept her busy!
"You'd be suprised at who impresses though! My cousin T'ka, she was a smith, and the last person I'd ever expect to impress, she was so into her craft and all, but, oddly enough, she impressed the first time she stood! Amazing, huh?" Kyllae laughed. She decided to leave out the fact that Haanyath was possibly the nastiest dragon on the face of Pern.
"Don't be so glum about your prospects. Dragons are fickle, you know," she informed, as if he hadn't heard, or something. Kyllae just liked to talk, was part of it. She loved her voice. It did have a rather pleasant sound to it. Other people had told her that, too! She smiled more, drawing circles in the dirt with her finger. Eventually outlining a dragon.
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Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 2:43 am
Well, that is one way of looking at it. Selden isn't entirely sure he'd care to subscribe to that train of thought ─ he's still fairly adamant there is no dragon for him ─ but supposedly a little optimism never hurt anyone. It's probably what most of the Candidates tell themselves. That there's always next time.
Briefly, he wonders what it must be like to stand, time after time, never knowing if that 'next time' is even coming. He never has been one to hinge his life on such random uncertainty. He likes it when things are predictable. When they're planned. Maybe the not knowing is most of his objection to this whole ordeal. After all, he had a steady, reliable future, and he went and willingly threw it away for a maybe. Selden can't even fathom what possessed him to do it. But he can always go back, he keeps reminding himself. He hasn't lost it forever.
"What if there isn't?" A dragon for her, he means, though the question is largely a rhetorical one, posed more to himself than it is to her. He's answered it already inside his own mind. Yes, he'll stand this once, endure his own brashness for a sevenday, or however long it takes, and then he'll go back. He'll pick up where he left off, and he'll finish off the end of his apprenticeship. Selden is sure he can do it within the next turn, and right now, that reality appeals to him far more than any fantasy. The thought of it ─ a plan ─ sets him more at ease, and this time it's a relieved sigh he squelches.
She makes it sound as though that cousin of hers had the same idea. Impressing the first time she stood? "It's something." Amazing? Maybe. He wonders if it happens often; if that could be him. They sometimes say the dragons know best. He wonders about that too.
When it comes down to it, he doesn't really want to Impress. It isn't that the idea repulses him or anything. He's not so in love with his Hall he'd shun the Weyrs entirely, and he isn't so taken in by a sense of security he'd ever question the need of dragons. It's just that… he's loyal to his craft; infatuated with it, maybe, like she is with dragons. Her scribbling hasn't escaped his seemingly distant eyes. "So are people," he replies, distractedly.
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Posted: Sun May 10, 2009 7:01 am
Kyllae smirked, giving him another look over as she sipped at her drink. "You're keener than you let on, Selden. Aye, I would say people are fickle. If anything is to be said of a rider pair, it's that the dragon's the sane one." with a quick motion of her hand she rubbed out the image in the dirt, leaving no trace. "Maybe they have it easy because they don't remember well. Maybe the curse of humans is that we're forced to recall all our past mistakes." She unconciously scratched at her side, where, underneath her shirt, lay a mark of one of her mistakes. Small scars in the shape of a half circle. A reminder of her carelessness, and the viciousness of sea monsters. But, not one to be down long, Kyllae shook it off, her face never reflecting the momentary lapse of good humor.
Rhetorical or not though, Kyllae was happy to have Selden talking. Of course there's a dragon for me! I've got about three years. And with three queens, laying more often and larger...it would seem the odds are in my favor. Though I won't tempt fate by declaring that I'll impress for sure, mind you." she took another swig of wine. "All truth be told, my chances of impressing at the upcoming hatching are slim, there aren't that many eggs. And there are a lot of candidates. But chances are that, eventually, I'll get lucky." She paused for a moment, chewed her lip for a moment, and chuckled. "Hrm, that was an odd last sentence. The chance to get lucky."
Kyllae was acting a little odd. She wasn't normally so thoughtful or reflective, especially not while other people were around. But perhaps, unconciously, she was trying to bring herself a little more to Selden's level. Maybe his calm was toning her done? It was more than possible.
"The point is, you can't go running in, determined for a bronze. You'd be setting yourself up for disappointment...and besides...it might be more fun to have a green." she laughed, but not quite as fully as she usually did. Kyllae knew that by pining for a brown, she was setting herself up for disappointment. There weren't a whole lot of female brownriders. And a green had less responsibility. She could go down to Southern all the time to visit! But...that didn't make her feel a whole lot better. Shards! Why was she taking advice so seriously; particularly her own?!? That wasn't like her at all. She sighed mentally.
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 3:26 am
At least someone thinks so. He's beginning to feel every bit the deadglow he's been accusing himself of being. As an individual who typically has ample confidence, he finds the experience less than pleasant. It's not really even tolerable. There is something to be said for it though; he's not likely to make the same mistake twice. Impulsiveness is no excuse.
"We need the past," he remarks, advising himself that's a good thing to remember right now. Mistakes are how people grow and learn. At least, he always thought so. Past experience forges the future, and out of all the things he's picked up from Harper Narilvan, Selden regards history among the most important. He can't even imagine living exclusively in 'now'. People aren't intuitive enough to make good use of it; not without their experience to guide them. Dragons though… He hadn't realized they have poor memories. It just never came up before now. They must be remarkable creatures, to be tied so rigidly to the present, and still be regarded so highly. Not that he'd know, mind; he's never really met one.
He has, however, heard Queens laying larger clutches more often herald a coming Pass. These days, there's a lot of dissent about that. He's been doing his best just to mind his own, but if the Harpers are to be believed ─ and he puts more faith in them than he does in most things ─ Thread is coming. That would surely turn Holds on their noses… But that's neither here nor there. Selden's getting lost in his thoughts again. She who invited herself is talking about Impression. "That's all it is." The chance to get lucky. If Candidacy and Impressing can really be called such.
"You're not telling me." His tone is offhanded. Disinterested, even. He seems more concerned with drawing up one knee and propping his elbow atop it. After all, he's already told her, flatly, he has no expectations except that he won't Impress. It may be pessimistic, even if it is his current preference, but it certainly isn't setting himself up for disappointment. The odds of it all suggest it's really rather probable, and therefor, realistic. He's not sure who she's harping to, but it certainly isn't him. Herself, maybe? Or maybe she's just going through motions. Who knows how many times she's shared the same speech.
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2009 5:39 pm
"Pardon my generic blathering. I guess I'm a little worked up, really. I don't suppose you can tell I'm a little nervous about the hatching," she laughed. "Now, I'm going out a limb right now assuming that you're not the gossipy type to go out and spread my secrets," she waggled a finger, as if warning him of the consequences of spreading what she was saying. But he didn't exactly seem like the social type. Perhaps that was what was prompting her openness?
"You know, I loved being a Dolphineer," her voice was soft, her words careful, hardly bold as she had been minutes before. "I loved it so much. I loved all of my friends down in southern. I loved my craft, I loved Argentina. He was a Dolphin, you know," she informed. As if any human could possibly have the name Argentina. What kind of a word was that?
"But both of my sisters impressed dragons, and so did my cousin. I never thought I'd be searched, after all, I'd been looked over before. What could I possibly have done in those few years that made the second dragon choose me?" the last part was rhetorical, whimsical in tone. "It was really hard to leave my family. Really hard to leave Argentina. To Dolphins, thread is no danger. It drowns in the water and they eat it for a snack. How could he understand the concept of dragons, or why I would leave him..." she trailed off staring at the ground.
"I miss him, all the time. I spend every moment I can at the lake here, missing him. And thinking about what I've done. Do I belong here? Unlikely. There's no one anything like me. I often wonder if that dragon had made a mistake in taking me...if I made a mistake in leaving..." she scooped up dust in her hand and let it trickle back to the ground through half closed fingers.
"Why am I staying? Why will I stay when I fail to impress? I don't know. I really don't. Why should I have to try and prove myself by impressing a dragon? I don't. I don't need a dragon to be happy...yet I'm stuck here just the same," she sighed, shaking her head.
"I don't even know why I'm telling this to you. Maybe I've just been longing for a halfway decent conversation," she mused, before breaking out into laughter.
"Look at me, sitting her talking to a stranger about all my little girlish worried." she rolled her eyes and drummed her fingers together. "Don't worry, I think I'm just about done here. Maybe I found you just to say this? Maybe I would've told this to anybody. Maybe you were just stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time?" she shrugged and tapped her foot to a tune she played in her head. "Thank you for the company, even if it wasn't granted quite willingly," she teased mildly, back to her usual self. As if that little break in her wall hadn't happened at all. Who knew, maybe it was a ploy. Maybe it was a game. Kyllae always was full of suprises.
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 3:04 am
Ironic. Not five minutes ago she was proclaiming how sure she is there is a dragon for her, and now she's telling him she is anxious.
He's not surprised.
He is, however, surprised she forges on, breaking into something that sounds suspiciously like a sob story. Honestly, a sob story? Now? At him? Selden is fairly sure he doesn't exactly send 'sympathetic ear' signals. People usually seem to make a point of avoiding telling him things like this; he thinks they have an inherent understanding he doesn't care.
So what is it about this girl that makes her think she should keep rattling on? Because he's quiet and seems antisocial, really? Obviously, he doesn't care. His deepening frown says as much, even if he doesn't.
He can relate though. At least a little… Very little, judging by the way he continues scowling.
And then he stops waiting. She sounds mostly finished. "Look." There's no trace of sympathy in his tone. "If you don't know what you're doing here, and you don't want to be here, leave." It's not hard. He still intends to do the very same!
"I don't know either," Selden says, bluntly, sounding quite a lot like he wishes she hadn't. 'Wrong place at the wrong time' seems about right to him. Goodness knows she could have found a better, more willing confidant. But is that it? She certainly sounds as though she's leaving. "Yeah." An acknowledgment is all he offers; there is no 'thanks'. No 'happy to oblige'. He doesn't even bid a farewell, and looks as though he's slipped back into quiet contemplation already.
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Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 5:26 pm
((Any complaints if I wrap this up in my next post? I figure they've gotten through everything they're going to say >w<))
That was the point though, wasn't it? Kyllae didn't want sympathy. She didn't want concern. Pity would come with it, and Kyllae couldn't stand to be pitied. She didn't want people worrying about her. That was what made Selden so perfect. He didn't care, at all. He was apathetic towards her, and therefore the ideal audience. By expressing his lack of empathy, he was grounding her. Helping her grasp more that the world went on. Good. She felt better after this little bit.
Taking another swig of her drink, she smiled and rolled her eyes. Predictable. While boring, it made him useful. And he had been. She felt better. None of her momenty anxiety showed. She was smiling, silly, light, ready to laugh. As if it never happened. In a way, it hadn't. Selden didn't seem like the one to share that sort of thing with anyone. Ever. And that's what she was counting on. What would peple do if they knew she was actually secretly reflective? Probably nothing...but it would destroy the reputation she'd built up so far! And that was important to her.
She stood up, brushing her clothes off and running a hand through her hair. "Ya know...sometimes I think none of us know what we're doing here...and that's what makes it fun," she sighed, looking out over the water. Life...was good.
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Posted: Sun May 17, 2009 12:06 pm
(Not at all; Selden would honestly be rather glad for it >>)
Selden is clearly not the sort of individual to aspire to be 'exciting' or 'interesting'. He puts his weight in with more important qualities: being dependable, responsible, dedicated, and honest. And is he ever honest; he wears his disinterest as plainly as if he'd said it. Hers is not a face he cares to see again, starting now.
"I hope you're wrong." For the Weyr's sake. For Pern's sake. What a sad state it would be, if all the Hold grousing were true. If they were justified in their ungratefulness. Weyrs would never see the end of it, and then where would they be?
No, she must be wrong. Just because he's a deadglow, and just because she's an over-anxious wherry doesn't mean they all are. Somewhere, there must be some sense here. Some day, Pern will come to depend on it. He's sure of it.
He's also sure he's had quite enough of her presence; she's even less welcome now than she had been when she first made herself comfortable. The way he pointedly ignores her standing there, still unwilling to oblige the formality of a goodbye seems to say as much.
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Posted: Sun May 17, 2009 12:23 pm
((Okay, that's my closing post. Thanks for the wonderful RP ^_^))
Oh man, was this guy drenched in a perpetual pity parade or what? Gloom and doom and frowns. How strange. He was probably her exact opposite in a lot of ways. He'd be interesting for sure. Even if he didn't think it. Kyllae liked to see different kinds of people. Life was boring if you only ever hung out with the same crowd.
She didn't respond, but she hoped he was right. And that she was wrong. There was something to say of being wrong. Being right all the time...where was the good in that? She wanted to learn, and she obviously couldn't if she was right all the time! She decided to take her leave now. The poor boy'd probably had enough of her. No, he'd clearly had enough. Hrm, she was alcohol. Some people couldn't take much before they were done. Maybe he was one of these people. Or, seeing how he seemed to dislike her the whole time, maybe he was like one of those strange people that didn't drink at all? She chuckled a little to herself. Wasn't she being strange now, thinking to herself and comparing her attentions to the effects of alcohol. She would investigate this idea further later.
Knowing he wouldn't like the gesture, but that it might be a little fun, she bent a little, giving his hair a quick ruffle, before dashing off, laughing, off to go bother T'ka and Haanyath. She felt better now. A lot better. She silently thanked Selden. He didn't need to know. He wouldn't care. And that was just fine. But this had proved a pleasant encounter for her. Even if that feeling wasn't mutual.
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