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 Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 10:30 pm
He must've been staggering like a drunk, he realized. It was like walking on stilts, leaning too far; the walk home was a nonsensical blur in his eyes. He couldn't remember anything he'd seen, any people who might've been sent running from his bloodied form. He remembered trying to keep to the shadows, at least.
He couldn't get the taste out of his mouth, and the blood was still curiously slick upon him. That was the least of his worries - most distracting was the gaping hole in his own chest, the weights slamming down upon his shoulders. He was painfully numb - past the point of shock, and slipping into quiet terror and misery.
Quinn had left him, of this he had no doubt. And why should the other godling have stayed? Valeriu was a monster. A murderer. Hell - a cannibal. He was no better than the most rabid of dogs; inhuman and a beast.
No one would stay by the side of someone like himself. Quinn wasn't at fault.
Soon enough, he was stopped by his door, and stared dumbly at it for a moment before realizing enough to shakily pull out his key from his pocket and unlock the thing, quietly slipping into the home.
Where he walked, bloody footprints remained. Across the living room, up the stairs, into the bathroom - even the brush of his tail against the wall left a faint red smear. He just as quietly closed the bathroom door behind himself with a soft click, and began mechanically running water for a shower.
He didn't dare look in the mirror. Didn't dare look upon his visage now. Didn't even take off anything beyond his shoes - just stepped into the shower, letting the spray of water hit him, before he folded down underneath the stream, wrapping his arms around his knees and burying his head in them.
He didn't cry.
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Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 10:58 pm
The door clicked-- her face lit up. Today had been another successful day of guarding the home on her own. Varu would come in, smile, and praise her. Of that she was sure. But when the door opened, and he entered… It wasn’t… That--
Her first thought was terror-- Varu had to be hurt, that was why---
The blood.
His expression.
He--
She tailed him, but slowly. Only once he had reached the top of the stairs did she raise from the couch, the panic spreading through her body and holding back her voice. He was hurt-- he had to be. There was no way--
He needed help. She knew that. No matter what, Valeriu needed help. Her small form flew up the stairs, only to slow as she closed in on the bathroom.
The door was closed, the handle smeared with blood. Still…
Still…
She took a cautious step, and then another. Before she knew it, she was at the door, staring down at the bloody footsteps with a terror she had never felt before.
Her hands pressed against the door, her mouth slowly, silently forming his name.
Her head pressed against the door, the sound of the shower reaching her ears as if nothing was wrong.
She mouthed his name once more, this time, her voice escaping in a quiet squeak.
“Valeriu…”
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Posted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 11:09 pm
The squeak pulled him out of the maze he had gotten himself lost into, ears just barely catching the noise over the spray of the water.
He hadn't even noticed. He remembered - remembered that he hadn't wanted to come home, hadn't wanted to take a shower, because he was afraid of letting his girls see him like this.
So much for that.
But he couldn't move. Couldn't unwrap his arms from where they were clenched around his knees. Couldn't even open his eyes to watch the water turn pink the moment it hit him, or watch it swirl down the drain to take the evidence far, far away from here.
He wanted to speak out, to reassure her. His first attempt ended in failure, a strangled hiccup that barely ventured beyond the bounds of the shower. He cleared his throat, swallowing dryly, biting back the bile that wanted to rise at the movement.
"Ee't ee's alright, Tepin." Of course it was - this blood? It was just red paint.
Who was he fooling? It wasn't alright. Was never going to be alright. He shook, clenched his hands harder, pushed down more nausea.
"Ee's ee's alri-" He couldn't finish, throat seizing up in revolt. He closed his eyes tighter, burying his face deeper into his knees to muffle his wayward noises.
Never going to be alright.
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:49 am
The door opened with a quiet click, pushing forward slowly against the bathroom rug. Her hand slid against the metal of the doorknob-- it’s metal slick with the blood that Valeriu had left behind.
She didn’t know what she would do if it was his… What could she do?
“Varu…” her voice was quiet, her eyes drooped low-- she didn’t want to see him, not like this. And she was sure that he had the same feeling. Of course he didn’t want to be seen in such a pathetic state.
“It’s alright.” Her arms spread, a strained smile on her face. “Look, it’s fine.”
She was forced to look at him. It was almost more frightening to see him, crouched and beaten, than to see him covered with blood.
“I-I’m fine, so…” It was excruciating. She had to push, she had to keep going. To show weakness… To show fear… It would go back on everything that they had spoken about the night before.
He was doing this for her. She could not be weak-- she had to appreciate his effort with everything she had. He fought for her, the least she could do was support him when he came home. Even if the bile rose in her throat, even if her heart had skipped a beat at the site of the blood… She had to do this.
“I’m fine,” Her voice held much more resolve, though her eyes still stared at the bloody bathmat, “So it’s alright.”
It wasn’t alright. Not with him huddled in the tub like a beaten dog. Not with the look on his face as he entered the door. Nothing was alright. But…
She had to make it alright. No matter what.
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 9:01 am
He was quickly learning that it was impossible to curl up into nothing. A flinch at the sound of the door opening, and his heart sunk lower with dread.
He didn't want her to see him like this - a monster, hiding in a bathtub. Even if the water had washed away most of the blood by now, he could still imagine it upon his hands, just as slick and wet and red as it had been from the first moment.
But she didn't run, like he'd expected. Didn't scream, or cry, and flee from the house. It jerked at his heart, until he could force himself to move.
This wasn't - she shouldn't be in here. Shouldn't be seeing this. Even if he wanted to block out the rest of the world, he couldn't block out her. And she didn't deserve this.
What did he want to do? Curl up and die? He couldn't. He had to be stronger than that. He had - he still had people depending on him. Her and Sydni. Monster or not, he was all they had. He couldn't -- couldn't do this to them.
It took a lot of effort, far more than he thought, to even open his eyes. To look at Tepin was harder, but it helped - no, neither of his girls should be in here. It didn't look right, to see her in here. He could focus - could focus on something else. Focus on that, push towards that.
He did. Managed to snake an arm out and shut off the spray that had gotten far, far too hot. The water that dripped off his nose and hands was clear, now - he was thankful for that. He felt like a stone uncurling - his knees seemed stuck where they were, his shoulders permanently hunched over. But he unfolded himself, pushed himself up.
For the first time, he noticed that he was almost eye level with the shower head. Before, he'd had to look up.
He'd changed again. Really changed. Running a hand over his cheek to wipe away some water, he felt the prickle of two days of not shaving bristling down towards his chin, and his bangs practically hung down to his nose, now. He was glad for it - he didn't want her to see this weak expression on his face.
"Tepin," it was easier to speak, though his voice was a little bit rougher, a little deeper now that he thought about it, "you do not have to. Not for me." He crouched down, gently took her hands, cleaned them of the blood.
"I am sorry."
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 1:08 pm
Compared to Varu… She just felt so small. Even now, looking up at him, she felt the distance was too great. He was too impressive, as a human.
To be able to get up after-- what? What had happened? She didn’t know-- she didn’t want to know. But whatever it was, whatever had caused Varu to look like that…
It wasn’t alright.
And yet… He… He--
She pulled her hands free from his, gripping him in a tight hug. Her head pressed against his wet clothes, the warmth from his body and the steaming water seeping into her clothes and reaching all the way down to her skin.
He felt so large, so formidable compared to her. It wasn’t…--
Was she really that small? That weak? Was this really the best that she could do?
“I-- ..”
Won’t leave?
Want to help you?
Don’t want to see you this way?
“Love you.”
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 3:36 pm
"I love you, too." It was easy to say that. Of course he loved her; her and Sydni both. It wasn't the love they deserved from a normal brother, but it was the best he could give.
He tried not to see the blood on his hands, tried not to shake in apprehension when he hugged her back.
He was terrified. Terrified that he was going to hurt her - that the blood on his hands would coat her instead. He was stained, forever. She was hugging a murderer, a man-eater.
But he was selfish; he couldn't stop himself. Couldn't protect her from him. He needed this, so badly; to hug onto someone and never let go.
He'd thought he'd had that. He was wrong; and that just made him all the more desperate. Like having the life saver jerked away from his waiting hands, left to be buffeted around in the stormy seas. He'd swim three miles to reach a piece of driftwood, at this rate.
Gingerly, he picked her up, carrying her up and out of the bathroom and to his room, making sure not to accidentally track more blood around the house than need be. He set her just as carefully on the bed, ruffling her hair with a weak smile.
"V'ait here, please. I v'ill - I v'ill clean everything up. Just v'ait here, okay?"
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 4:42 pm
“Wait--”
A small hand clutched at his shirt, she wasn’t ready to let him be alone, not yet.
It was a pleading beg, but for his sake. He was… He--
Varu just looked so lost, so hopeless… Something had to be done. Something-- he was doing this for her. He had promised her he would not get trapped in the game… And yet he had to do this, for her sake. She wouldn’t let him struggle, not like this.
Whatever it was, she would find a cure for him, just as they had done for her weeks ago.
“Stay with me… For a little bit. Don’t leave me.”
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 4:58 pm
How could he say no?
He didn't want to be alone, either. Didn't want to spend the next half an hour scrubbing away his own sin off of the carpet. It already repeated in his mind.
He was tired of it - weary from the strain, no matter how powerful and energized he might've felt. So when Tepin asked him not to leave, he was all too willing to stay, pulling himself onto the bed with a quiet "alright" and leaning back into the pillows, wet clothes and all.
He could fix some of that, somewhat. It was a bit of a struggle, but he managed to peel the soaked button-up shirt off - only to discover more changes, beyond the physical growth. His mirror, as if being embedded in his chest was not enough, was starting to turn the veins around it black. And spots. He had spots now. Little rosette, black freckles dotting his shoulders and probably his back, even venturing onto his arms in some areas.
He'd never had freckles before. It was strange to see. And another much-needed distraction.
"Hm," he hummed in disinterest, before turning his attention back to Tepin with a frown, picking at her similarly wet clothes. "V'e should get you changed ee'nto something dry, before you get sick. I do not v'ant you catching a cold."
Even mired in shock and distress, Valeriu's priorities never changed.
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 5:53 pm
She frowned, peeling her dress free from her wet skin. She knew the moment she dropped it back against her chest, it would simply stick once more. And while the wet clothes had been warm against her skin while pressed against Varu, now she was just cold.
The bed was slowly getting soaked… They’d have to do laundry too if they wanted to sleep on something warm that night… And that would not do- there would already be enough effort to scrub the blood off of everything without having to do laundry too.
“Get off the bed! And don‘t look!” She ordered him, before scuttling off and picking at the clothes that had been shoved into the closet. Some were Varu’s, while some were leftovers that his parents must have abandoned. Regardless, any shirt that would fit Varu would be a dress on her. She tugged at a hanger, pulling a free t-shirt down before peeling her wet dress from her skin. The switch was quick-- her face bright red; but her heart unwilling to leave him. So long as he didn’t see anything, then it was fine.
She repeated that to herself, time and time again, it was totally okay-- She was a kid, it wasn’t like it would mean anything.
“Hey…” She turned now, smoothing down the shirt against her skin as she crawled back on the bed, “You…”
She frowned, trying to think of just how to phrase her words without sounding like a moron, “And Quinn too… You both…”
Her frown widened-- how was she supposed to do this without looking like a loon?
“You look different.”
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 6:05 pm
Obediently he'd hopped off the bed, still able to find some amusement in him as he turned around for her. He wondered when Sydni would reach that age, too - and how much she was going to hate on him for reminding her that he'd given her baths as a baby.
He fiddled and prodded at his chest while she changed, ears flying up and then down as he alternated between listening to her and frowning with more energy at his mirror.
He and Tezcatlipoca had a long, long talk in store.
He turned back to her when she returned to the bed, expectant - although something cracked in his expression at Quinn's name. His ears flattened down again - he looked nothing more like he belonged in the corner, curled up and depressed.
Trying to shake himself out of it, he frowned half-heartedly and rubbed at the freckles on his shoulders.
"Yeah. Godlings, at least once - they grow. This ee's my second time. Ee't ee's like a power jump and an age jump at once." He hesitated. Should he tell her? She would find out anyway, it wasn't uncommon knowledge. "Ee'n reality, I am...actually not all that much older than you."
What was he now? His birthday had come and gone in the jungle, he knew.
"Eleven, now, I think," he added. It seemed like such a strange thing, now, to try and remember when his birthday was.
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 6:33 pm
His explanation was like the elixir of life, and she drank it up heartily. This… this was probably the closest thing that she would ever hear to an explanation… It was certainly more than Mixcoatl had provided her regarding the strange power ups that Godlings received.
Her mouth gaped open when he explained his age. There was no way. There was absolutely no way. This man, who had been taking care of her for so long… There was no way he was almost the same age as she was!!
Deep, in the back of her mind though-- God, how she hoped that was true! Maybe then… she’d get older, and taller, and her breasts would grow… Then she wouldn’t have to be taken care of by a kid around her same age that looked so much older… It would be so great!!
Oooh, she was mad at him! Going and teasing her like that with something so great as that!!
“You’re lying!!” Her voice was a squeal as she jumped back onto the bed, tugging at him in protest, “There’s no way I’d fall for that!”
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 6:47 pm
He chuckled lowly as she tugged at him, a wry smile pulling at his lips.
"Haven't v'e been over this before? I do not lie." Admittedly, this example was harder to prove than before. But the evidence was right in front of her.
"You can ask the twins for confirmation, ee'f you v'ish. Anybody at the site, really." He ruffled her hair, sitting back down on the bed and crossing his legs. He rubbed at the back of his neck, fingers thoughtfully brushing at the scars and newest freckles there. "I told you I started playing v'hen I v'as ten. Ee't has been a little less than a year, now. I still have many of my old clothes."
Back when he was a shrimp compared to his height now. Scrawny and headstrong - he remembered what it was like trying to fulfill a day's work quota at the site, how much his arms hurt and how often he came back and just died in his bed. It was different, now.
Very different.
He frowned, and his hand dropped away from his neck, staring thoughtfully at his knees with his brow knit.
He wasn't anything close to human anymore.
"Back v'hen I v'asn't a monster," he murmured to himself. He didn't know what to do with himself, now. How did murderers live with themselves?
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 7:18 pm
Tepin froze at his words, all her force of tugging lost in a single instant. What had been playful merriment had turned so instantly into painful thoughts. It was as if all the effort she had made to cheer him up had disappeared instantaneously. She had heard him… But she couldn’t even begin to comprehend just what his words had meant.
Just what had happened?
“Varu,” She was frowning now, dwarfed in his oversized shirt as she leaned over him, red-blue eyes staring into red. “You have to tell me what happened.”
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 7:47 pm
She shouldn't have asked that. He froze - he'd been hoping. Hoping to any god who would hear him now, that she wouldn't ask that.
He wanted to explain, so badly. To confess, and have someone tell him he wasn't the monster that he was. Wanted it right now, more than anything. He clenched his hands into the material of his jeans, biting his lip.
He couldn't. Shouldn't. She'd run - she would run too. He could still hold onto this; still have her by his side. She didn't need to know, did she? Didn't need to know how inhuman he was.
That would be a lie, in and of itself. His breath shuddered as it left him, hands now twisting around each other anxiously as he stared in concentrated avoidance at his knees.
"I v'as going to check on the place Ciro and I had claimed, but the people v'e had evicted v'ere v'aiting," Them, and others, he knew. "I v'as ambushed, hit ee'n the head--" He brushed a questing touch against the back of his head; yeah, the wound was still there, and still hurt to the touch. "I don't...don't remember much after that."
Nothing but those horrible flashes of insight.
"V'hen I came to, Quinn v'as there, and I'd...I'd done something horrible." He couldn't stop the shaking in his voice, or the tightening of his throat. "I'd killed them all. Every last one. But more - more than that."
"My god, my growth - he does something. Adds something to me, each time," he laughed, hollowly, ears flattening and tail curling tightly around his haunches. "I am not a kitty ee'n just looks. There are ee'nstincts, as v'ell. Ee'n the same v'ay a cat cannot help hunting birds, ee't ee's hard for me to not do the same. But v'hen I grew, ee't got too strong--"
That hunger. That damned hunger. And these, these stupid tears. Monsters shouldn't be able to cry.
"I ate them. I think. Their hearts - their hearts v'ere gone," he admitted lowly, rubbing uselessly at the salty water trickling down his jaw.
"Quinn - Quinn saw. V'hat I did. He v'as smart, he ran away." Just like Tepin would, now that she knew. Now that Valeriu had thrown what little comfort he had right out the window for the sake of honesty. "I v'ouldn't - I v'ould not blame you, ee'f you v'anted to leave, too. Ee't ee's okay - I'm not, I v'ouldn't, I v'ouldn't do anything to you--" He would never attack them. The mere thought of it broke his voice. "But I can - I can find you a new home. Ee't ee's okay. I understand."
He couldn't look at her. Couldn't see the horror, the face she would make right before she bolted out the door.
He was such an idiot.
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