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 Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 3:05 pm
Why did she always find herself in front of bodies of water?
Alania lay on a long towel, soaking up the last rays of an afternoon sun. It was getting chilly, and soon she wouldn't be able to do this, but for now she lay there in jeans and a sleeveless shirt, with sunglasses hiding her eyes from the sun's blinding rays.
In front of her, a bubbly youth walked the edge of the lake, looking for the safest place to enter. He had to make sure this next lesson with Joce would leave her feeling safe and comfortable, and not at all frightened at the water.
He would have brought her back to the pool, but Alania had closed it up for the winter already! He was outraged at this, but grateful that the days were still warm enough to head into the lake for now. He would take advantage of them while he can.
He found a particularly safe looking spot, and smiled. Yes, this would do fine! Now if only Joce would arrive.. it had been so long since he'd seen the girl he still considered his best friend.
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Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 3:23 pm
Fall was most definately falling away and the beginnings of winter could be felt nipping at its heels. At least it wasn't snowing yet - Lucifel, how she hated the snow. But for now she would grit her teeth and bare the chill, even though it was barely there. Sukkubus was paranoid.
Jocelyn walked at her side, arms hidden under the folded towel she carried. The she-devil had finally given her money to buy her own swimsuit, something that fit, though it was hidden beneath the giant T she wore and the jeans concealing her legs. The clothing fit awkwardly, and jeans were a change from the norm, but it wasn't bad. She still preferred her skirt if anything...
Seeing a splash of color against the dark of the lake caused the young girl to brighten, though as always, she hid her happiness. She had missed Asra so much! How long had it been? She suddenly forgot the anxiety that had plagued her for the past few days and unintentionally quickened her pace. Growing up couldn't be so bad when you had a friend by your side, right?
She lengthened her step, leaving her caretaker behind, and raised her hand and called an incoherant greeting to the boy; she was much too excited to really form her words properly. Her pace suddenly slowed...
Why was Asrafel's shape growing bigger when she came closer? Granted, distance made a person look smaller, but this...he was getting too big. She stopped, took a hesitant step forward...
And took two steps back.
What...?
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Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 3:40 pm
Asrafel swivelled when he heard Joce calling out, and let out a greeting of his own. "Joce!" He cried, and lifted into the air, fluttering toward her when she'd stopped moving. He didn't notice the look that was crossing her features just yet, he was just too happy to see her.
However long it had been for her, it had been triply long for him. It felt like years!
He stopped a few feet away, and looked up to smile politely at Sukkubus before touching down onto his feet and grinning at Joce. "How have you been? What have you been doing while I was gone? Did you get to swim without me? I found a perfect spot for us here on the lake, it looks really safe so you won't have to worry a bit. Soo.. tell me everything!"
He reached out his hands, but hesitated. She looked.. well, not happy, and he didn't want to intrude on her just yet if something was wrong. Maybe she was sick?
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Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 4:01 pm
Sukku rose a silent hand in greeting, barely noticing the size change in the boy. Hell, kids grew every day, right? Just goes to show you who ate their vegetables and wheaties and who didn't.
She just stood there. And stared. And stared, and stared, and stared.
It looked like Asra. It sounded like Asra...sort of. But...but. It...it couldn't be him, could it? Her arms tightened their hold upon the towel, her willowy form bending backwards awkwardly. As if the slight wind that had ruffled her hair momentarily had managed to push her over as well. Her eyes traversed his feet and moved up, scrutinizing every bit of the young man before her, settling upon his face in the end.
Dark skin, bright ribbons, wings, pink hair, blue eyes...He had answered to her friend's name, but. But.
It just couldn't be him. It didn't make sense.
"I'm fine," she answered, lacking tone. She proceeded to answer the questions one by one, eyes never moving from his face. "Nothing. No. That's...good."
She knew. She knew, but the cold hole that had dug into her stomach and swallowed up all reason...left only her stubborn refusal to believe.
Jocelyn swallowed with much difficulty. "Who...are you?"
Oh, how she knew.
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Posted: Thu Oct 27, 2005 5:35 pm
He should have expected that last question to be answered with another question, but he just.. sort of forgot that he'd grown. Well, everyone else had recognized him, so it was easy to simply assume Joce would, too. The fact that she didn't struck a stinging pain in his heart, and his bright smile faded. The violet wings behind him drooped down as it to mirror his thoughts, and he took a step forward, stopping just in front of her and bending down to one knee.
"Joce, you really don't know?" He whispered, half in wonder and half in sadness. He bent his head up and tried to catch her eyes with his own, his head tilted slightly. His voice remained a whisper as he spoke. "It's me.. Asra."
He bent his arm up and scritched his hair, confused as to how to prove to her that he was really who he said he was. "I haven't changed that much, have I? I mean, I just grew a little." That was the understatement of the year. "You don't.. you're not, I mean.. you don't not like me just 'cause I'm bigger, do you?"
Taken from a strangers perspective, the scene was comical at best; The boy turned man prostrated on his knees in front of a young girl, looking like a hurt puppy.
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Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 4:03 pm
Reality picks the worst times to rear its ugly head. And it went as far as to send a blow to her stomach when he had to kneel to be more or less at her height. Her arms squeezed the towel in her arms and had it been solid, it surely would have been crushed. Since when had he had to bend down to look her in the eye?
Why did it hurt so much? Why did she feel betrayed? Shouldn't she be happy for him? It's every child's dream to grow up, isn't it?
No...not mine. How can someone face the realities of adulthood when they had never even had the chance to face the fantasies of childhood? And then there was that other fact - the other little selfish want that steadily grew in her chest like a cancer. Because Asrafel had been her only friend.
And he had grown. Without her.
Jocelyn's knees bent, her feet itching to step back away from him. She could barely even look at Asrafel, feeling so hurt, so small in comparison to him. And she indeed looked smaller, how she drew her head in like a turtle escaping into its shell, how she turned her face away and focused instead on the leaves scattered upon the ground.
Every time she got ahead, she was always left behind.
"I know," she mumbled quietly. "I know." She dug her nails into her arm, scratching relentlessly at an itch that wasn't even there. But now we can't play anymore because you'll be too busy. Grown-ups are always busy. And they don't like to play... Red bloomed across her nose and spread through her cheeks, her eyes swam...she was getting mad.
"How..." It sounded as if she were asking how it happened, but when she continued, she clearly didn't care. "How come?"
It didn't matter to her how he had grown, all that mattered was why he had done it.
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Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 2:35 pm
Asrafel received his answer before she even spoke. When she turned away, his heart turned to stone and fell to his stomach, shattering. It was horrible! Joce didn't like him because he was bigger! He disliked Halexei even more right now, if it meant that he had just lost his best friend as a sacrifice in order to grow up!
If that's what growing up meant, he didn't want to be a grown up anymore!
'How come?' She asked him. His brow furrowed deeply, trying to think of a valid answer to that. He wished he knew. "Joce, it's gonna happen to all of us eventually. I didn't choose to grow up. And if I could have chosen, I would have said no if it meant that you wouldn't like me anymore!"
He felt a little absurd, getting so emotional in front of Joce's mother. He sounded like a little kid.
And deep down inside at that very moment, he still felt like one, too.
He pouted deeply, and sat back on his haunches rather harshly. "It shouldn't change things, you know. It shouldn't." His voice took on a higher pitched tone, almost desperate, almost stubborn. He just couldn't understand why this was happening, nor did he know what he could do to stop it.
"Joce, please don't be mad."
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Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 7:48 pm
Her nose prickled, an odd and foreign sensation. It itched, but she refused to lift a hand to alleviate it; she couldn't anyway...the itch was under her skin, below her eyes, in her eyes. Her head twitched, minute movements from side to side as he spoke, answering her near rhetorical question with logic. She felt like her breath was being squeezed into her chest, choking her. It hurt. It all hurt.
"It shouldn't. It shouldn't...but it will." Her voice was strained with the pressure of trying to hide her pain. She didn't know how to express herself, and her anger and sadness continued to build, becoming interchangeable, undefinable.
Words tumbled from her mouth before she could stop them.
"I'm not gonna grow up. Not now, not ever! I don't want to change...I don't want to. You just forget your friends! Things change...things happen. I-I'm confused enough as it is!"
She gave her head a vehement shake, "Grown-ups forget how to play...everything becomes so serious! I don't want to grow up! I..."
Jocelyn knew she wouldn't know how to handle it...she'd be lost, it'd be too much. She'd be left to fend for herself, and she didn't want that. She hated being left to her own devices, as independent as people thought she was. But she wasn't.
She was a child.
Lifting her hands and dropping the towel, she clamped her hands over her ears, eyes pressing shut.
"I didn't want to grow up on my own, Asrafel," she began, voice breaking mid-sentence. "I didn't want to be alone. But now I'm gonna be...because you grew up without me."
Something warm slid down her face, but she refused to acknowledge that it came from her eye.
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Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 9:13 pm
Asrafel's pout disappeared as he listened to her. He blinked, opening his mouth to dispute her claim, but she just kept going. He pursed his lips tightly, his brows furrowing in stubbornness.
"Did I forget you, Joce? You haven't even given me a chance! Why would you think I don't want to play, if you haven't even tried? You're making harsh judgements and it's not fair!"
He shifted closer and picked up the dropped towel, flinging it over his shoulder and bending to look up close into Joce's face.
"You're wrong. You're never going to be alone, as long as I'm alive. And you're going to grow up too, and I'll be here the whole time, if you'll just let me. You're still my best friend, Joce. You always will be. Please don't take that away from me just because I'm taller than you. I'm still the same Asrafel on the inside."
He reached out and plucked her hand from one of her ears, pulling it to him and holding it against his heart, which ached curiously. Asrafel had never experienced heartache before this.
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 8:07 am
"I-if I give you a chance, you will! You will...because...because..."
She had no reason and logic chose to fail her. Everything that was coming from her mouth sounded insane, sounded selfish. But she couldn't help it, this was her at her worst. How was she to tell him her fears? She didn't want to grow because she didn't think she could. She was afraid that everyone was going to get ahead and that she would stay the same for...for, well, forever. After all, she hadn't a childhood, so she figured she'd never grow any older than this. And if she denied wanting to grow now...maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad when she didn't.
Jocelyn's fingers curled against the warmth of his skin. She ducked her head and raised her free arm to her eyes, hiding her face as she sobbed.
"What if I don't?" she suddenly said, hiccuping. "What if I don't grow up? Even if I want to. Will you still stay and wait? Even if nothing happens?"
She sounded so crazy, borderline hysterical. She didn't want to lose Asrafel, even if she was pushing him away right now. She didn't want to lose her best friend.
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 11:43 am
Asrafel let out a little motherly sigh and pulled her with the hand he held, so that she turned to the side and he gathered her up in his arms, cradling her gently.
"Joce, you will.. you will. But don't be in such a rush for it, it's nothing special. I can promise you though, I can't explain how I know but you've got to trust me. You will grow up. And even if you didn't, you will always be my best friend. Nothing can never change that." He knew better than to even think for one second she wouldn't have to grow like the rest of them, but for the sake of comforting her he promised what she asked for. "Even if nothing happens."
His free hand brushed the top of her hair softly, repeatedly, and he rested his cheek against the platinum lengths.
Joce's hysterics finally caught Alania's attention, and she snapped back from the half-nap she'd been dozing off in on her blanket, and took off her sunglasses to look over at the group. She cocked her head, watching Asrafel comfort the girl, and pursed her lips.
"Breaking hearts already. So typical of a man."
She slipped her sunglasses back on and returned to reclining.
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:15 pm
"It's gotta be special, though..." she said quietly, her sniffling causing her chest to constrict painfully. She pawed at her eyes with her knuckles, some semblance of security returning even though she felt awkward being held by Asrafel. Not because it was him, but because he was bigger now and it just felt overwhelming; she didn't protest.
"It's gotta be...'cause you grew, didn't you?"
She rubbed the corners of her eyes with her palms, pushing so hard that she began to see small lights dance in front of her. Maybe she would grow...but she was in no rush for it. She wasn't going to count on anything, even if her friend's assurance was enough to convince her.
She had long since stopped watching Jocelyn and Asrafel, but listening...that was an entirely different story. She couldn't help it if her ears could damn near hear a pin drop seven miles away. As much as Sukkubus had tried to block out their voices from the small distance where she stood, she found herself rooted to the spot, eyes lowered as she listened to the girl's voice.
So that was what had been eating at her...how come she hadn't seen it? How could Jocelyn never told her? Her brows furrowed in worry and frustration; she needed to pay more attention. But first...she needed to do something about the child's anxiety.
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:19 pm
Asrafel was glad Joce wasn't pushing him away. It was really all he could hope for, for now.
"No, it really isn't, Joce. I had to grow up, we all have to. It's not something I asked for, or chose. It's neither good nor bad, it's just how things are, you know? I don't mind being bigger.. but I will mind it if it means I'd lose you. So.. what do you say?"
These last words he said a bit quieter, as he tilted his head far enough to get a good look at her, while pouting gently.
"Please don't trade me in for someone shorter?"
He reached out with both of his hands to pull both of hers away from her eyes and hold them, while waiting for her verdict. His eyes were earnest and his pout heavy, and it was clear he had no idea just how ridiculous his request sounded, or how cute.
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Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:36 pm
It was hard to look at him, not because it hurt, but because the Asrafel she remembered constantly overlapped with this new one. He wasn't a different person, this much was clear, but...it was still hard to grasp, and it would continue to be for some time. She would get used to it eventually, or so she hoped.
Maybe one day the only thing she would miss would be how she had once outsized him.
She stared down at their hands, how much larger his were in comparison to hers, how much darker. Her fingers twitched, twisting in his grasp as if to pull free, when they only turned to lay flat against his. She coaxed his straight and studied them, thoughtful. Hers were round and nail-bitten, holding the adolescence, the traces, of childhood. His were long, slender hands. Pretty, pretty hands.
Her head didn't lift, but she stared at Asrafel through her lashes, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. She sniffed, before her face broke into a watery smile. She was still a little sad, but she would live. She would accept it for his sake.
"Trading you in wouldn't be any fun, 'cause now you can to give me piggy-back rides." She sounded serious. Hell, she was serious.
A spark of mischief darted through her clearing green eyes, the corner of her smiling lips hardening to transform it into the ghost of a smirk.
They would overlap. And then she would be able to see this Asrafel clearly.
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Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 7:28 pm
Her words elicited a broad, giddy grin that plastered his fact in response. He giggled softly, and hugged her tighter, before letting her go. At least, it seemed that was what he was doing.
"If that's what it takes, gladly!" He chirped happily, and reached around her middle to sling her around to his back, hitching him up on it before standing up with his arms under her legs. "I'll carry you anywhere you want, Joce!"
Of course, he hadn't forgotten what they were doing there in the first place, and his bouncy piggy back ride would lead her straight to the spot he'd found near the edge of the lake, where he set her down and plopped against a rock.
He splayed out and looked up at the sky, sighing deeply. Everything felt like it was slowly sliding back into place. Slowly.
"So! Are you ready for your next lesson?"
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