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The purpose of this topic is so I can get second opinions as I work through this story I'm wanting to write.

Originally, I was wanting to dedicate it to my family because of how I've been raised and how they all believe something great is going to happen to me, etc. It was going to be centered around my father who had a knack at engineering and how my uncle has told me that he believed every shooting star fell because of my father. (LOL)

So last night, I made an outline. It didn't go the way I had first wanted it to but I like the way it is now. Here's my outline:

-Winoni begins her journey and begins to reflect on what had possessed her to travel beyond her village. Suddenly, she is surprised by a jester named Sky who wishes to travel with her.

-The two travellers arrive in a town and are immediately arrested because the king had decreed that all jesters were criminals, therefore imprisoned. They are cellmates with a woman that knows about the machine that Winoni's father had worked on.

-Winoni picks the lock and the three of them escape, along with Sky's new pet rat, Philip. Winoni offers Althea to travel with them but Althea declines, claiming that she is too old and she does not want to ask the machine anything; she'd rather go on living her life mindlessly.

-Winoni and Sky continue to another town where they start to hear about a man who wants to use the machine for his own evil advances. They then run into a man who knew Winoni's father and had helped him build the machine.

-After a day of recooperation at "uncle's" inn, Winoni and Sky set out for the city of knowledge to seek more information on the machine.

-In the city they bump into the antagonist, Marduke, who recognises both of them. Winoni asks him about her father as Sky tries to lead her away when he sees an enslaved jester of Marduke's appear.

-The two are then pursued by Marduke until they lose them at Whispering Falls, where Winoni finds her father. Sky is missing but Philip stays with Winoni as she grows worried about her friend during her stay with her father.

-Mordecai, the enslaved jester, finds Winoni and tells her that Sky is being held hostage in exhange for the blueprints and map to the machine.

-Winoni goes to free Sky so they can go to the city of the machine together. Mordecai finds Winoni and Sky as they try to sneak out and takes Winoni to Marduke while Sky runs like a coward.

-Winoni is questioned about the machine as her father, Songan, appears and announces that he had destroyed both the blueprints and map years ago. He then creates a distraction so Winoni can escape with Sky.

-They go straight to the machine as Songan had given sky the blueprints and the map. Winoni must go in alone to finish it. Philip prevents her from doing so as he hides away an important piece and Sky explains to her why the machine must never be finished.

That's the basic plot of it. Seems short to me though. I applied a couple ideas that I had a long time ago like the jesters being outlawed and the two jesteres, Sky and Mordecai. I plan to make a kind of rivalry between Sky and Mordecai involving Katherine because Sky fancies her.

Any questions?

Thanks for replying! 3nodding

Well, I was thinking about leaving the machine a mystery until the part that they come to it and explain what it looks like and stuff.

What would you suggest to put between the two events? Maybe like flashbacks or one of the two explain something about themselves during the journey. I'm not sure.

I thought it was a cool idea too because they were both outlawed jesters, Sky had worked for Marduke and Mordecai took his place. It just adds to their characters.

I like flashbacks. <3 I might do flashbacks of Sky's past throughout the story and I will have Winoni and Sky say something about themselves.

I sure will! 3nodding

Winoni could see patches of blue sky through the foliage of the tall trees. She wondered what made the tree so much taller here than at home near the village. She refocused on the well-trodden dirt road ahead and wished she had gotten a horse before she left the village. According to the map she had drawn up herself, based on her mother’s description, she still had a long way to go until she reached Whispering Falls and Injin to find her father.

It had started when Winoni’s mother would find her young seven-year old behind the hut, putting random objects together and creating tools to use to improve her chores. She had created a bait pole to get the oxen to pull the plow faster, a makeshift cart to carry water jugs from the river, and many more useful tools that were soon in demand by the village.

“You’re just like your father,” her mother had commented from the corner as she watched her daughter tinker.

Since then, Winoni had hounded her mother to tell her more about her father but she would only talk about how he left long ago after she was born and never came back. Winoni learned a lot of bad words then.
When Winoni turned thirteen, her mother wished Winoni’s father, Songan, was there to see her Coming of Age ceremony. Winoni couldn’t take it anymore, she had to know more. Since she was now of age, her mother thought it right to tell her everything about her father.

Her father had left long ago to finish a project with the guild. Winoni had no idea what the guild was, and neither did her mother. He never returned. Winoni’s mother began telling her how her father was so talented and made things called machines. Winoni had watched as her mother dug a hole in the floor of a hut and brought up a box. Inside was a copper bird with a metal object sticking out of its side. When her mother turned it and set the bird on the ground, the bird began to walk around and sing. Winoni was fascinated and wanted to know how the metal bird sang like a real bird.

“Your father knew. He made this for me when we married,” her mother had told her as she put away the bird and buried the box again.

“Then I will go find him and ask him,” Winoni said, thinking it would be so easy, “I will bring him back here and we will be a family again.”

Winoni began to pack and her mother didn’t attempt to stop her. She remembered Songan telling her how certain objects, called magnets, attract. Winoni was Songan’s daughter. She was bound to find him sooner or later. Like magnets, they were attracted. As the people of the village would say, it was Winoni’s destiny, designed by the gods.

Her mother described to her how to get to Whispering Falls. When Winoni’s parents had gotten married, Songan took her mother there to see the Falls. She also told her that not too far away was the city that Songan often went to on guild business: Injin.

When Winoni left, her mother was crying and Winoni couldn’t understand why. “Momma, I’m going to find Papa and I will bring him back. Be joyful,” she reassured her mother, who tried to stop crying for her daughter’s sake.

And that was how Winoni’s journey began that morning. She couldn’t believe the progress she had made in a few hours, but then again, her mother said it was a day’s walk to Injin, and then Winoni would stop every now and then to marvel at something new. She did not seem to have any fear. She never knew anything to be scary. When she heard footsteps behind her, she supposed it was a fellow traveler but every time she would look over her shoulder to see who it was, it dashed into the honeysuckle bushes with the jingling of bells.

Winoni squatted down in front of the bushes and reached her hand out to the bushes, assuming it may be some kind of animal. She cooed and tried to call it out but to no avail. Finally, she pulled her pack off of her shoulders and pulled out a slice of bread, offering it to the bushes. Suddenly, something blue leapt out at her and snatched the bread out of her hands. Winoni fell backwards and lay sprawled on the ground from shock. She turned her head to see what in the world it was and saw a boy standing near her, nibbling on the bread.

She had never seen a boy dress in such tight, colorful clothing before, especially in an outfit with so much detail such as his. He wore a blue outfit with different shades of blue diamonds all over, and he wore the weirdest hat. It was made out of the same blue material as his outfit and had three points with bells attached at the ends. His hair stuck out from under his hat, Winoni had never seen such beautiful blonde hair, almost golden. She felt almost unworthy, her long, dirty brown hair was nothing compared to his hair.

“Thank you so much, I was starving,” the boy said when he had finished the bread.

“You’re welcome,” Winoni muttered as she sat up. The boy came over and helped her up onto her feet. His skin was pale, like an eggshell and his eyes were as blue as his outfit.

“Where are you heading?” he asked her as she adjusted her pack onto her shoulders.

“Injin,” Winoni replied as she looked away from his gaze.

“May I come with you?”

“But I don’t even know you,” Winoni said to him.

“Oh, my goodness, I forgot to introduce myself!” he exclaimed, “My name is Sky,” he bowed to her, “and you are?”

“Winoni,” she replied, bowing slightly. She wondered why Sky bowed and figured she had to do it too.

“So Winoni, now that we know each other, may I come with you to Injin?” he asked her again with a smile.

“I suppose,” she muttered. She did not think of him as a threat. Winoni didn’t know what a threat was. She only felt uncomfortable because he was alien to her.

The two began to walk down the path that Winoni was heading. Sky seemed to have a skip in his step, as if he was hyper or super happy. This made Winoni ask questions as it sparked her natural curiosity.

“Why do you skip like that?” she asked him suddenly.

“Oh,” he was caught off guard by her sudden question and began to walk normally, “because I used to dance. I still have it in me I suppose.”

Sky’s smile made Winoni feel more comfortable. It was like when the villagers would smile, Winoni knew she wasn’t in trouble.

“Might I ask why you’re going to Injin?” Sky asked her as if to return the question, “I mean, judging by your clothing, you’re not from around here are you?”

“No, I live in a village, way back there,” Winoni stopped and pointed behind them, over the hills and through the tall trees, “I’m going to Injin to find my father. Nearby is a place called Whispering Falls where he liked to go a lot. He could be in either place.”

“Has he been missing for some time now?” Sky asked her, interested.

“A long time, since I was born,” she replied.

“Why do you think he never came back? I wonder if he got badly hurt or something,” Sky gazed up into the trees.

Winoni looked away, hoping that it wasn’t true. She convinced herself that her father was alright and he was waiting for her in Injin.

“Sorry, it just made me wonder,” Sky apologized seeing that Winoni seemed hurt.

Winoni shook it off and turned her head towards Sky. “What do you plan to do? Is there any special reason why you want to travel with me?”

He only smiled and looked at her. “No, no special reason. You must always travel with a partner, to be safe. Seeing that you were alone, I figured you needed a partner,” Sky stared ahead, “As for where I’m heading, I’m just a traveling jester.”

“I’ve never heard of a jester before,” Winoni said to him, intrigued.

“That’s what I am. Ever since I was a kid, I was a jester for the king’s court, a dancing jester, specifically.”

“Wow,” Winoni said quietly in awe.

The sun was soon in the West, approaching late afternoon. The trees were getting shorter and becoming less. The two travelers stopped and Winoni pulled out her map from her backpack. There was only a little while to go until they reached the town of Liberi. She predicted that they would get there by evening. Sky was booming with anticipation and was doing cartwheels every now and then as they walked. Winoni asked him to teach her how to do a cartwheel and when she tried it after his instructions, she was able to stand on her hands but then she fell over onto her back. She started to laugh at herself and Sky joined in. He helped her back up onto her feet and they continued on their journey, Sky promising to work with her on cartwheels.

The town of Liberi appeared in the distance and both Winoni and Sky were relieved to have finally reached it. The town sat in a grassy valley as the sun was setting behind the hills. In the outskirts of the town were farms and figures of cows and horses. The country was dotted with houses, their chimneys emitting smoke, and then in the center of town, larger buildings rose up, forming the market place.

The merchants on the streets were packing up their wares and stalls as Winoni and Sky came through. People stared at Sky as they passed and he began to feel uneasy.

“Winoni, can we go get a room at an inn please?” he said nervously, “I’m awfully tired.”

“Do you see one nearby?” Winoni asked, remembering that her mother had mentioned staying at one with her father when they had gotten married.

“Probably up here,” he murmured and led her further through town, under the hateful eyes of the townspeople.

Sky began to panic when he saw two soldiers clad in armor up ahead by a pub. They caught sight of him just in time as he took Winoni by the hand and dashed off into an alley.

“Sky, why are we running?!” she shouted at him as she willingly ran along in her buckskin boots.

“Don’t ask questions, just keep running!” he shouted back. Winoni pouted and looked back to see the soldiers chasing after them.

“Halt!” one of the soldiers called after them, “We have a warrant for your arrest, villain!”

“Who are they calling a villain?!” Winoni ran alongside of Sky, letting go of his hand.

“Please don’t ask any questions right now, Win. I’ll explain later,” he told her as they turned a corner into a street and they bumped into another soldier. He quickly grabbed both of them and waited for the other two soldiers to come.

Winoni looked at Sky for support as the soldiers tied their hands behind their backs. He looked defeated and avoided her gaze. She didn’t understand it at all.

“Why are you tying us up?” she asked the soldiers as they herded them through town.

“Shut up, girl!” one of the soldiers growled. Winoni clenched her teeth and remained silent as the questions ran through her head.

So how's chapter 1?