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 Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 11:06 pm
Audric Name: Audric Sex: Male D.O.B: 9/30/05 Type: Ice Owner: Chegrin Please do not post on Chegrin's journal unless given permission by him.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 6:58 pm
Entry one, August 5th, 2005
Journal,
Never before have I thought that ice was sold in chinese food boxes. I never thought you know, that the cardboard would keep it cold, or prevent the ice from leaking. But- I went in to see my good friend Azyre. He said that he got a full time job in this new toy store because the owner died from 'unforseen circumstances.'
He invited me over, and I thought it would be rude to say no, so off I went.
I wasn't impressed by the surroundings, to say the least. The store was small, a little cramped. It smelled very strongly of chinese food and small animals, like...fur smell, like wet dog almost. Tiny rabbits were darting back and forth, chasing one another, wrestling, just running for the sake of running.
Azyre was there, standing behind the desk, smiling in a rather creepily serene way. He told me he was glad I came, and as a grand opening present, he gave me an ordinary looking chinese food box with an image of an ice cube on the side.
"Ooookaaaay," I said, a little incredulously, but whatever, a gift is a gift, and I love ice.
An explosion sounded off from the back of the store, followed by what sounded like gunshots. Azyre and I darted to the back of the store to the screaming of rabbits. A group of five teenaged boys were shooting at the rabbits with BB guns, laughing as though it were the funniest thing they had ever seen.
"Looks like you got an infestation," One of them said, ribbing his friends.
"Anyone call the exterminator?" Another said. The unmistakable c**k of a rifle, the lazer targeting a frightened white rabbit in the corner.
A flash of blonde, a streak of red was all I saw at first. There was another crack, but not the crack of a rifle, the crack of bone breaking. A human scream this time. A large man, bigger than I was crouched over one of the kids, his knee digging into the boy's sternum. I double taked; the man had long blonde ears flattened against dark auburn hair, whiskers and...fur?
The man was a six foot tall rabbit he snarled as he pressed into the boy's ribs, bone creaking under the stress.
"Listen you lowlifes." He said, snarling with frightening clarity of voice. "If I catch you around my shop again, there will be more than rabbit blood on the floor. Got it?" He hissed.
"Get off of me, you freak!" The kid screamed, but another creak of bone had the boy wailing in pain instead.
"GOT IT?" The rabbit snarled again, and the boy nodded, helpless.
The rabbit lifted his knee, and I saw the other boys had already fled in terror. The one who had nearly been crushed by a large bunny scrambled after them, hopping out through the broken window they entered through.
Azyre rushed to the rabbit and tsked loudly. "Teak! we're going to get in so much trouble!" He said, but the rabbit just grunted, fishing around in his pocket for a cigarette. I was dumbstruck. It took nearly two hours of explaining for me before I came out of shock.
Teak was the first rabbit to arrive at the shop many years ago under the old owner, and he was in charge of insuring things went smoothly. However, the mayor's son had seen him about before and attempted to blackmail the shop into allowing him hunting privlages in exchange of silence. Many rabbits died before Teak had enough and struck back- which I had unfortunately witnessed.
I had to help out- I had to help my friend. So thats where I am now, working part time in his 'toy shop' tending rabbits and dusting off these chinese food boxes. I looked at mine, Azyre didn't mention what was in them. The lid was sealed shut, and didn't seem like it had anything like rabbitfood in it. I turned up the box and looked on the underside.
Audric
Queer, it didn't sound like any place I had heard of before, like made in Taiwan or anything. The box became very cold when I said the word, kind of creepy. I set it down next to my things as I went out to clean the window.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 7:00 pm
Entry two, August 9th, 2005
Journal,
My many children have dragged me from my duties as a shopkeeper with my dear friend Azyre. However, I have enlisted Haku's amazing orginizational skills in cataloguing all of the rabbits running about. We have to teach them at an early age that senseless procreation is not the way to live life, or very soon we'd be swamped with rabbits. Rabbit multiplication is astounding, really.
One day, you'll have two rabbits, they don't even have to be male and female. TWO rabbits. The next day, you'll have six rabbits, six rabbits. The next day, between twelve and fifty rabbits. The next day, around a hundred and fourty three rabbits. The next day, fifty to sixty million rabbits, the next, there are more rabbits than bacteria in the world.
Okay, that's a little bit of an exaggeration, but that is certainly what it seems like. Rabbits in the wild can have an absurd amount of babies as long as there is enough food about. They're dash cunning at escaping predators as well. Being extrordinarily fast and small, as well as living in an undergound warren certainly has it's advantages. And have you ever tried sneaking up on one? Yeah, it DOESN'T WORK.
I'm actually glad Azyre has this shop to keep him busy now, before he absolutely nothing to do but to sit on his thumbs all day. He's a lot more happy looking, although a little tired. Chasing after little rabbits all day has worn on him quite a bit, as is how to design better locks to keep them from escaping. Clever creatures, these ones are.
Teak I've learned is the disciplinarian of the establishment, as is another full grown rabbit known as Franchesca. Everyone calls him Fresca, which never fails to cause him to giggle. Fresca is a very amiable coffee brown rabbit, with long black hair and tail. His favorite thing- he's told me, are toe rings. They make his feet glitter, which makes him happy.
There is another person working at the shop I've yet to meet. I've seen her working at the front desk. However, I've been so busy running back and forth, I've havent had the time to speak to her yet. I feel a bit rude doing so, but my breaks are spent running home to check on the kids, and i'm sure Azyre has told her of me.
The box I was given is sitting at home, next to the bowl of water the flower bud that contains Matt is in. I didn't notice until today but I set the box out in the sun, and every time I return home, the box is in the shade again. I thought Raissen had moved it into the shade, but Raissen claims he never touched it. Haku too, and Hikaro swore on their wings they had not touched the box. The only other one is A'Hallei, but he's at the institution right now, undergoing tests.
I left it in the shade when I left for work, but when I returned, this time it wasn't even in the room anymore! When I found the box again, I nearly passed out from shock.
The box was in the fridge.
Again, same chorus from the kids- no no, they hadn't touched the box. Nobody touched the little chineese box with the ice cube on the side. I was getting upset, but was called in to take another shift at the forge, so I had to let it be.
Where will the box be when I return?
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 7:01 pm
Entry three, August 9th, 2005
Journal,
I saw something astounding today. Liea had gotten a box, just as I had, but the oddest thing occured. The contents did not contain a toy, as I had originally thought, but something else entirely. A smallish being, much like a child. But the little creature had tiny horns and a tiny spaded tail, and was covered in small markings.
She named him Tasuda. The name she said, was on the bottom of the box he came in.
Looking at my box now, the name I see is Audric. Does my box contain a little demon as well? Hers had a lightning bolt, mine an ice cube. What do they mean? I really wanted some answers to this, because little people like these shouldn't be sold in little boxes to whoever just meandered in- They were a marvel, if they were like little fairies or something.
Audric. When I got home from the forge, the box had once again moved, this time to the freezer. I no longer asked the kids if they moved it- I trusted they hadn't. There instead, I knew, a little figure was sleeping, trying desperately to avoid the heat. How stupid I'd been to put the box out in the sun! I could have cooked the critter, for all I knew!
I looked over Haku's inventory logs of all the boxes on the shelves. They were divided quite nicely. The symbols were all catalogued, but Haku made note that none of the boxes on the shelf had names written on the bottom. It seemed as though only when someone owned a box, did a name for whoever was inside appear.
Dinner was quiet today. The house was suprisingly empty. Raissen had left to go off to who knows where much earlier than normal, and Haku was enlisting Hikaro's help in turning the study into a library by building two dozen shelves. It was just me, and Caleb- but that kid never eats anyway. He just sat still and stared at me. There are more, if you count the other little kritter things. Isaura, the cat, Tadriemos, the Skegg, and Matt, the fairy. Not terribly interesting company, all of them were still infants. Well, the cat wasn't, but you try talking to a cat.
The evening draws on. I must sleep.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 7:02 pm
Entry four, August 15th, 2005
Journal,
Because my kids have become increasingly unruly, I have employed the assistance of a rabbit who has become dear to my heart. Teak, the first anthropomorph I had met, I learned, worked as a part time bouncer and bodyguard. His friends just thought he was one of the wierd freak humans who perform drastic surgery to make themselves look like animals. Teak simply tells everyone that the ears and fluffy tail are fake, he had his original teeth pulled to make insisors, and there is a rare surgical treatment much like hair transplant for balding men that he used to grow short fluff all over his body. In the circles he hangs around with, the questions don't ever involve 'why'
So, now he also works part time as a bodyguard for our family. He's already accompanied Raissen on two trips out to various clubs-everyone loves him. Raissen, I feel is much safer with Teak there. Teak watches his drinks, watches WHAT he drinks (refuses to allow him to drink alcohol) and makes sure Raissen never gets hassled, although (So he's told me) Quite a few people ask HIM to dance as well.
We've all got full workloads, Teak with four part time jobs, Myself now with three, Azyre works full time here, and Liea...I don't know much about her, but I think she's still a college student. All I really know is that she works the front desk (Which is rather silly as no one ever comes into the shop) and always seems a bit out there, absent minded. I've attempted to speak to her once or twice, but have never gotten a response.
Fresca makes excellent coffee. I'm not normally a fan, but he can spike chocolate milk with caffiene to make coffee that really doesn't taste like coffee at all. Aside from that, he's the teacher, and is usually the one chasing the escaped younguns, since he discovered Azyre trying to do it. As a rabbit himself, he's dastardly quick, and thinks as they do, catching them in a fraction of the time it takes us.
Poor Azyre works so hard to keep this shop functioning and alive, I've decided to try and find a way to give him a vacation to take a load off, to rest and recuperate. As dedicated as he is, periods of rest are essential to heal. I've seen what overwork has done to him in the past, and it isn't pretty. Well, it was kinda pretty, but in a really sad way! Thankfully, Azyre gets over traumas quickly.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 7:05 pm
Entry five, August 19th, 2005,
Journal,
It's a severe overstatement to say that sales are booming at the shop, but three new owners have joined our ranks. Ranks sounds harsh, have joined our community of those whom Onis have chosen to stalk. All three of them happen to be dear friends of mine, fortunately. Haku's logs have been updated, as well as the inventory of new items that have joined us, on the opposite side of the shop.
Rings, rings of every size and shape, from expensive diamond rings to the cheap ones you can purchase for twenty five cents and that corrode and leave a green ring on your finger.
No one owns one yet, we're not quite sure what lies within.
Sitting down, I've watched Audric's box for a long time now, sitting motionless on the counter, when I take it from the freezer. It seems so cold, so lifeless, that I wonder if there really is a little bugger inside of mine, or if I'd killed it inadvertantly already. The thought makes me extrordinarily sad, more so than I would usually expect, and before long, I shut it back up in the freezer. Out of sight, out of mind, right?
...Right?
Not so fortunate. Despite my continued efforts at working, the box, my kids, something is always pulling at my brain, distractingly pervasive, causing my fingers to shiver and falter.
Snap.
Dread fills my being as I realize what I'd done. My chisel was angled completely wrong, and now a long arcing crack splits apart my work's chest, severing his body like a long, jagged scar. It marrs it's beauty, another reminder of how fragile everything in this life is.
My hand reaches out, and I cradle the cold stone face. The smooth surface glides effortlessly under my hands, until I am grasping it's ear, thumb stroking upon the lifeless lips. Ephemeral, or eternal? A slight push was all it took to push its torso from its legs, watching it fall to the ground and shatter with a dulled, sick crack. Ephemeral, everything was ephemeral, the very rock of the earth was not immortal.
What a waste.
What a damn waste.
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Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 11:15 pm
Entry six, August 27th, 2005
Dear Journal,
I finally had a bout of working that has ended with me finishing the final piece to the Shiva estate. Mrs. Shiva has paid, in full, for all twelve pieces, and I finally have enough now to finish working on the house. That being said, however, now I must begin looking for a new account, after all, although there aren't many funerial sculpturs left, not many people opt for anything more than a simple engraved tombstone. And with the surging popularity of cremating the deceased, and the lack of graveyard space, well, you get my drift.
I'm fortunate the country club is still buying bronze sculptures, or I'd be out of work. Granted, that would give me more time to spend with the boys, but still...
I know what the lot of us could use, some time off on a retreat somewhere, a secluded oasis where we can spend time together to learn and grow with one another. Our family has always had a 'go off and do your own thing' sort of business, but we've lost the togetherness families are known for.
Yes, actually, I know what I am going to do, I will bring it up with the family tonight at dinner, and see what their thoughts are on it. I think it will be good for us.
I haven't seen much of Hikaro or Haku of late, they both seem to spend most of their time out of doors, Hikaro at the park, Haku at the library, and I'm not talking about the one in our house. Haku has begun loaning out his own books much like a library does, and keeps very good track of which books have gone out to whom, if I do say so myself. I've picked up a couple, and he's already given me notice that in three days, the books would be overdue. I've re rented them, if anyone cares.
Raissen has been rather quiet of late, spending a lot of time with that fairy Matt. I had to go out and buy doll sized clothes for the little thing, and for once I'm glad that all twenty versions of barbie and her enteregue have two hundred accessories apiece to chose from. Matt looks rather dashing now, if I do say so myself, even if the clothes are a mite large for him. Matt has expressed the wish to accompany me the next time I go out to buy clothes for him.
Oh! Catzi has also told me that her son, Ptah and mine have met. I couldn't be happier. Being such good friends Catzi and I are, I was very suprised our boys hadn't met before, but apparently now they're fast friends. Ptah is slightly odd, but in a very good way. I mean his hair is pink, and his eyes are dual colored. It's unique, and very interesting. He also raves quite a bit, but since he works for the security and booking of places, I don't mind so much, he seems like a very responsible youth.
Ach speaking of dinner, I ought to go start it now. I have a new recipe for teryaki'd salmon that sounds killer.
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Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 11:17 pm
Entry seven, September 29th, 2005
Journal,
Forgive me for a sheer lack of entries within this past month. I apologize, I had lost the journal, but learned a few days ago, Tadriemos had stashed it in a mousehole.
I took the boys on the retreat, as I promised. We went to a lake retreat, out in rural colorado. The weather was nippy, but not foul at all, perfectly beautiful, with the clouds coasting over the sky. The lake, a perfect mirror, was an opposite sky, and as the sun set, a brilliant explosion of color took all of our breaths away. The water rippled only slightly when a trout leapt into the air on a lark, or the steady slow wiggles made by an elk on the opposite shore, dipping his soft muzzle into the water to drink.
In the distance, white peaks tinted a soft grey by the atmosphere granted a secluded backdrop to the camping grounds. The air was a delicious mix of pure mountain air and the slightly minty scent of pine needles. It was also an inspirational masterpiece, one direly needed by me, I was beginning to reach for ideas to sculpt.
Raissen seemed to really enjoy being freed from the fast paced hustle of suburban and city life. Out on the lake, time seems to slow to an endless river that starts at dawn, is marked by high noon, and ends by sundown. Without internet access, or tv, no one had much of a reason to stay up after it got dark. Haku read for an hour or two by flashlight, but eventually settled down.
I had my least stable son stay in a tent with me. Haku and Hikaro both shared a tent, and Raissen bought one for himself. Being so concerned about my newest charge escaping into the night, or going off and drowning himself in the frigid waters of the lake, I was happy to learn he did not object at all to the change in surroundings, nor did he try once to kill me. In fact, he seemed to thrive
out there, darting in and among the shrubbery, digging pits with his claw...things.
They're like cat claws, he can scale a tree straight up the trunk in moments, mere moments. The thing I found oddest was the first evening, the moon was still waxing, almost full, and he ran straight up the tree to a limb no less than sixty feet from the ground and started howling. His words were nearly unintelligible but I swear I heard him scream Samsara, once.
I learned also, Hououza don't take very kindly to the cold. Each one the boys, A'Hallei excluded, were bundled up in turtleneck sweaters. It feels odd to me to write his name that way, but it was as he told me he was to be called. A very suprising set of events indeed.
About the second night we were out camping, the boys decided to start up a campfire, and to tell stories about things that had happened to them that were funny, or maybe a ghost story circle. Plus, we brought ingrediants for smores, and had waited long enough to begin eating them. Huddled around the campfire, we formed a circle, toasting marshmallows on sticks we had found about. As the sun set over the tops of the trees, casting the campsite into shadow, we began telling ghost stories.
Hikaro recounted one he read in a book about a entire town of people, who were posessed by a spirit of the trees. Every so often, a tourist would discover the town and they would proclaim him king of the town, showering him with food, and gifts. Also, any woman he requested sex from had to give it to him without complaint. All would be fine until the second year of this, where they would sacrifice the man to the spirit by stripping him naked and tossing him into the tar pits. It was actually quite frightening.
Haku told about a demonic posession he had researched. The demon was the personification of lust, and usually controlled those who had expressed no such desires before, often children, or holy figures. They suddenly had an uncontrollable and insatiable desire for any and all things highly erotic. Unable to fulfill their desires despite such liasions, they were driven to a point of madness, and ended their own lives, sending the spirit free to find another.
Raissen had begun a story which he said was a dream that he had a while back. During the whole time, we all were sitting around and listening. I hadn't the faintest idea what story I would tell. Raissen still had the memory vived in his mind, and was recounting spectacular detail.
"I was walking along the platform, when I noticed white strings all around me. The were thin, nearly like spider webs, but when I looked up, there was no spider at all, but Caleb-"
"A'Hallei." A'Hallei said suddenly, causing us all to look at him in shock. Never before had he uttered an intelligible sound.
"What?" Raissen asked, staring wide eyed at him.
"A'Hallei. My name is A'Hallei!" He shouted then.
"Okay, whatever, like I was saying..." Raissen was cut off again when A'Hallei stood, and kicked a log into the fire. Cracking loudly, the blaze shot up to at least five feet high, and A'Hallei leapt through it, landing right in front of Raissen. He flipped long hair behind his ears, which I now noticed to be pointed, and said,
"We are watching you, we can see everything."
Just then he let out a shrieking laughter that caused the birds to take flight from the nearby trees.
Just as quickly as he started laughing, he stopped, and realizing how he had burned himself from jumping through the fire, fell over and began crying, clutching his feet.I declared the ghost stories officially over and doused the campfire. Switching on our electric lanterns, I spent damn near an hour bandaging A'Hallei's feet. He fell asleep shortly afterward. Raissen kept a sharp eye on the kid for the rest of the trip.
-To be continued.
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Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 11:18 pm
Salutations, my name is Mattenklainen, though I am most often called simply Matt. I am a fairy, one of few still remaining. I live in a house with a man named Chegrin, my friend Raissen, Hika and Haku, two bird people, Tadriemos, a skegg, Isaura the tom cat, Jack the vampire, and A'Hallei the ghost.
I live in Raissen's room, more specifically, the windowsill. The sun is strong only in the mornings, and it is peaceful and warm, I'd rather no other place be my home. Everyone is kind to me, even Audric, the demon. He's kind of cold, and not terribly nice, but he doesn't go out of his way to make anyone suffer. I think he's got an ice cream fetish, though.
Raissen takes me on occation to the place of my birth, though many of the others like me don't like me. They make fun of my green and gold striped hair, and my antennae. I don't know why they dislike me so much, I did nothing to them.
My antennae glow, I love them so much. I cannot understand why adults lose their antennae. If it were up to me, I'd keep mine forever, I don't want to lose mine, they're a part of me. It's like how tadpoles lose their tales when they become frogs. Their tales are shed for the ability to jump. What do I gain for the sacrafice of my antennae? Looking at myself in a broken piece of glass I can see they curl in a kind of spiral, very pretty.
Raissen has given me a tiny tiny lightbulb. When I place my hands on the metal part on the bottom and I concentrate, I can light the bulb, a lovely golden light. I feel almost...Almost like a firefly, blinking the bulb.
I've gone out and gotten some more clothes, courtesy of Chegrin. He tells me I now look like a bartender. I've got a white button up shirt, with a dark green vest, black belt with a gold buckle, and black pants. I got the little arm bands too, that bartenders wear. I am glad my wings phase through my clothes, as otherwise I would have to ruin them to get them to fit.
I tried buying clothes for Audric, too, but he doesn't like to wear any. They itch, he tells me, and they get too hot, but I don't mind at all. I think he's grumpy because he spent so much time alone and in the cold, like a polar bear. I wonder who can warm him up?
The sunlight is cresting over the hills again, another day has begun. It reflects off this tiny brass bell I have that Raissen gave me, and little yellow sparkles dance around the room. I love to dance, dancing like a sparkle of light. Raissen's eyes blink open, and I can see him smile at me, sitting on the windowsill, watching him.
"Salutations." I say,
"Good morning."
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Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2005 8:05 pm
Dian's a very curious fellow. I might not seem like a very good bad influence, but I find that his thoughts are very interesting to just sit and listen to, even without trying to change them at all. He's so full of contradictions and musings, I'd would have thought he'd have driven himself completely mad by now, though he seems fairly good at ignoring any negative consequences any thoughts such as those hold. It's like...impervious to dementia.
But that is not the case, I've had to silence every thought in his brain on more than one occation just to get him to sleep. He'd lie awake for hours, hours just thinking, worrying, fretting and speculating. Raissen occupies much of his thoughts, as do I. Work, A'Hallei's absence, and finances dominate his mind. His two hououza children have become subdued. Hikaro is an adult- he's not moved out yet, but can take care of himself. He and Haku are by far the most normal, which is ironic, as the two of them are known as 'phoenix' children, or bird boys.
...I am cold, which is an odd complaint, coming from someone who lives in a freezer. I need to be cold to survive, I exude frost, it covers my hands and feet, and I leave little snowflake trails wherever I go. Sometimes I sit on Dian's shoulder, and so far he never notices, only notices he becomes cold, shivers. I suppose what I mean to say is i'm lonely. I have many people around, but Matt is the only one my size...I mean...In the shop, there are a score of boxes and rings about, but I haven't found anyone like me, yet. I know they are out there, I've heard them discussed, but where are they? Do they know I exist as well?
There is a pork chop in the freezer that has succumbed to freezer burn. Every inch of the once red flesh has been covered with a white fuzz that resembles a crystalline mold. No one looks hard enough to see, but the patterns of the frost are really quite lovely. I've written my name in one, Audric, I don't yet know the meaning, but perhaps that it was divinely chosen, my creator bestowing a name upon me, my identity, my life, my existance in a single name, Audric.
I saw a show with an Audrey, but that woman, though blonde, as I am, was a simple minded empty headed driveling twit that repulsed me to listen to her speak. Every time she opened her mouth with that accent, I was reminded of an a** braying in pain as it rotted out in the sun, awaiting the onset of death the the vultures such a fate entailed, maggots too. Would that a** become a slab of meat decked in white patterns like the pork chop? Or would it be eaten stinking and whole by the carrion consumers? Such thoughts always preoccupy my mind when i'm not listening in to someone else's. I'd venture out to find another, if I weren't so afraid of being caught out without a freezer.
Audric, my life, my curse.
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Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 2:40 am
(Not quite a Journal entry, but a description of his style of dress)
Audric spun around quickly, if there was one thing a barbie playset was good for, it was that it had a mirror his height, as well as actual hangers that fit his clothes. He would live full time in that house, if only the entire thing weren't such a nausiating shade of pink. Adjusting his scarf, he looked himself over again.
He was dressed like a nobleman. A shock of white silk about his neck leant a color to his normally pale skin, folded under and down like a collar, cinched with a stone of ultramarine plastic. Wearing a white tunic under it, the caravat collar sat nicely, lending him an ancient air. Over that he wore a blue tuxedo, so blue it was nearly black, the deep vest sporting baby blue buttons and patterned trim. His favorite part was the fact the coat had tails, the split ended high enough for his own little black tail to poke throuh. Pants the same color as his coat gave him a very uniform and neat look, though he did not have shoes- barbie shoes were not in the least well made, and he was not about to go prancing about in plastic stilettos. Yes- somewhere a 'My Prom Date Ken' doll was naked.
"Audric!" A voice called, causing the little demon to prance from his manicured mansion to face the green haired form of the shopkeeper. After him followed a trail of frosty footprints, quickly melting into tiny droplets of water. Audric gave him a polite bow, beaming at the amused laughter that fell from the shopkeep. Azyre patted him on the shoulder lightly,
"I've got some errands to run, can you hold down the fort until I return?" He asked of the frosty nymph.
"With honor, I shall defend this establishment with my life." Audric replied, feeling unuaually melodramatic. Azyre's gay laughter echoed as he exited the shop, leaving Audric alone. Smiling, the little demon started doing his rounds, leaving little trails of water along the countertops.
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 5:57 pm
Entry eight, November 16th, 2005
Journal,
What is there to say, really? Not much is happening, and I don't quite feel the need to recount detail to detail about my daily life. Most of it is spent in some state of work- at the shop, in the forge, or in my studio, fashioning forms from marble, or clay. I have since found my boy, A'Hallei, who has been missing for some time. Miraculously, he's survived thus far living with another smallish lad, a tan kid named Makena. He threatened homicide if I didn't allow him to stay, so there he remains.
With the boys all grown up now, Hikaro has moved out of the house with Haku, though he is still yet a teen. Raissen is not yet old enough to own his own residence, though he sprouts taller every passing day. The house is quiet, it being only me there most of the time. Raissen is always out at work, or at a club. The smaller residents are largely silent, and Audric is often inhabiting the freezer.
That leaves me, my cat, and this lanturn. We're really a happy family. I've since moved Braeden's lanturn from the kitchen floor to suspended in the hallway. I'd keep it in my room, but it's too bright, it keeps me awake, so now it functions as a night light, flickering dimly, and chasing the shadows away. I spoke to Hakari, but she gave no indication as to when my lanturn might manifest the soul within it. I don't know if I should be anxious, or apprehensive. Every time I see it, my thoughts muse to the dormant soul within, the personality it might embody...
There is really little to do other than to wait, and see.
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Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2005 11:27 pm
Dian brought home a glowy case one day, without reason or explanation. From his thoughts I deduced what it was, this soul carrier. He leaves it out a lot, because it hurts him often, usually when other souls are about. It is hungry, I can tell, though Dian seems to just believe it is mad for some reason or another.
Braeden.
I call to it quietly. It humms awake, light flickering to attention. I could feel the power dormant within this soul spirit since it arrived here, there was never a doubt to the presense within. Reaching up, I touch the thin paper coating, watching the frost from my essence dance along the exterior, a greeting if you will. The icy patterns spell his name; Braeden. Born in the dark valley, his flickering light was the only beacon in the encompasing shadow. The light of his soul, his spirit.
What are you thinking, little lamp? I cannot read your thoughts. I know you understand me, when I speak you reply with jumping lights, but I cannot understand you. If not to the human who owns you, speak to me. Do not forget I am here too, and I am like you. My name is Audric. I live, like you, I live.
Braeden.
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Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 11:01 pm
Entry twenty, December 15th, 2005
It's official, Raissen has moved out of the house. Aside from Braeden now, and Audric, I am alone. I don't even know Asher, he's in the charge of Hikaro and Haku, who are now both adults. I don't know A'Hallei either. He's foreign to me. I saw him when he came home just the other day, and I stood with mouth agape at how tall he's gotten. Wordlessly, he regarded me with hatred seething in those neon green orbs, as though I were at fault for something? I asked him why he looked at me with contempt, and he replied that that was just how he always looked, but that he needed me to take him to the forge. When had he become so fluent? I'd never heard him speak a complete sentance before. It was proof that he was not stupid, just restricted somehow. I agreed, we're going tomorrow.
It's too quiet here now. It reminds me of the days I spent before Hikaro had first set light footsteps into the house, of the endless days of working, without cease, pause or purpose.
I don't want to go back to that.
I want to go to the beginning, when Hikaro and Raissen were young and loving, when I'd never known a hateful gaze, or the pressures of their adolescence, when visits to the park were the most exciting thing, and I had time to just enjoy them. They've grown up, I've grown old.
I had been watching Raissen recently, since I learned he was going to vacate my house. Not in the way I used to, no, where I'd stab myself again and again with how much I loved him, and needed him, how I couldn't allow myself to have him, and how beautiful he was. He still is, but something dawned on me. Never once have I caught him looking at me the way I look at him. What I mean is, when he looks at me, he seems sad, he looks at me like i'm a withered old man who let a golden oppourtunity pass him by. Was Raissen ever my oppourtunity? If we had consumated a relationship, would he come to regret it?
I'd never want to be a source of his regret. I want to ask him if he's had a good life, if he'd rather have had another father raise him, another family, another shot at sucess. I've just weighed him down, tethered him without even realizing it. Hikaro spread his wings and shot free, but I'd never allowed Raissen such freedom. It's unfair of me, so now I let him go without protest, if only he'll stop looking at me that way.
I turn and look to my salvation, the smooth marble face I've created. It was one I started ages ago, but became too distracted to finish. A yellow stone, about half the height of the others became a small blonde boy. A winged boy, tied to the sun and to the sky was a challenge I couldn't pass up. Something is different though, from how I remember it. This boy has wings, yes, Hikaro's wings, but he's got Raissen's face. Let him go, old man. You had a good run, at least you kept disaster at bay, what happens to him now is his own choice, not yours.
Whether or not I wanted to be, I was born to be a father. A companion, also, perhaps, but a father first and foremost. I've been foolish and selfish, self pitying when I should have put Raissen before me. I want him to find hapiness, wherever it may end up being.
I found myself wandering the house, crossing the hallways with quiet steps of feet clumping on hardwood floors. The walls undulate with every step, and the quiet is only broken by the wooshing of my own blood in my ears, pounding my head, flooding my eyes. I discovered a bottle in my hand, almost not realizing it was only empty, the pungent contents staining my lips, bitterness in my throat, not bile, but alchohol. When had I starded drinking? I couldn't read the hallway clock, all of the cryptic symbols swimming in place. It didn't matter anyway what time it was, I really didn't care.
Alone in my room, I looked across the wide expanse of my bed. The orange satin sheets are still and frigid, like I am, waiting for a touch to make them warm and inviting. I had the heater turned up, but the heat seems to linger in the hallway where Braeden roams like a ghost, day in and day out. Every now and again his light seeps in under the door, and fades again. I don't know where he goes...perhaps I should talk to him, start over, start again with another child. Perhaps I'm not giving the new residents of the Chegrin household a chance.
I'd like to find Audric somewhere, talk to him. I heard he can read my mind, and if these demons are as emphatic as Azyre suggests, perhaps...
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Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 12:38 am
When it really comes down to it, what is the most important thing in life?
It's different for everyone.
Of life itself, the most important thing is to live and to procreate. To pass on the little protein strands known as DNA to other life forms, to propegate the species.
Is that romance?
It cannot be, because not all romance is about procreation, and not all procreation is romantic.
Humans don't only have sex to make children. And infertile couples are not considered any less a couple because of the lack of duplication of the species.
Of love, of love and sex, of love, sex and trust.
Of life.
But what is trust anyway?
What is love?
Why is it so easy to lose your heart to someone, and not know why?
Why do we all lack control?
I am confused. My head and my soul and my instincts tell me different things, and none of those things coincide peacefully with what I am innately.
Why does Azerim find himself attracted to me?
Why does it matter so much to me that he does?
What does he see and why can't I find it?
When he tells me he's not completely repulsed by my element, that he doesn't mind it, nor my attitude; why can I not believe him?
So what is trust anyway?
Who do I have?
Who will listen to what I want to say who isn't a long dead slab of flesh ovverun by the very thing that killed it? Who won't judge me, or look upon me as different, or take what I say and twist it?
When all is said, and all is done,
who is standing beside me,
am I the only one?
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