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 Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 10:35 pm
Chapter One - Her death, and his...
Sanity is a tightrope strung above a violent maelstrom that we balance on through life; the slightest breeze can leave us shaken, but if a single sharp moment ever slices the rope itself, hope of recovery is just about lost, Clare thought idly, madly, as she lay tied down to her own bed naked in a pool of her own blood. She had heard that saying somewhere before, perhaps from one of her teachers a while ago, but that wasn’t too important right now. Nothing was important anymore.
It was Thursday night, getting late, and she hadn’t had a chance to start on her homework yet… trivial. She was exhausted, but they wouldn’t allow her the dignity to sleep even for a minute… pointless. Her virginity was stolen from her today, and her lover left her right after… painful yet empty. Her friends - correction his friends - were the ones torturing her like this… betrayal at its worst. No one responded to her screams… she was alone. She brought all of this upon herself… cruel irony.
She had just enough strength to look at her clock; it was Thursday night, and 9:59 pm! He should be getting home any second now, she hoped wildly, trying not to tip off her torturers. She heard the faint sound of a door opening, and immediately screamed, “Alex, help me!”
The apartment came to life right then. The guy on her right reacted by yelling “Shut up!” and punching her hard in the face, leaving Clare dazed; the other two ran out of the room to try and catch her twin brother off guard; Alex ran to the kitchen to get some weapons since he didn’t know how bad it was. Clare’s head was spinning too much to figure out what was going on after that. she was dehydrated, and lost a lot of blood; it’s a miracle that she hadn’t passed out yet. She vaguely noticed that there was movement in the room, but couldn’t hear much or focus her eyes enough to see anything.
“…re… Cla… Clare… Clare!” she heard her brother’s frantic voice as her head slowly stopped spinning. He had her head on his lap after he cut all of the ropes tying her down, and was crying over her. She looked up at him quietly, and saw blood on him, lots of blood. She was so glad that he came through for her again that tears welled up in her eyes, for the first time in hours; she tried to lift her hands to touch his face but was just too weak.
“I’m sorry, Alex,” she whispered. She was sorry that she didn’t listen to him about those guys being the wrong guys to be around, was sorry that she always seemed like a burden to him, was sorry that he had to kill those guys to protect her, was sorry that he got hurt because of her, and was sorry that she was going to have to ask him to do something even more painful of him. “I don’t want to go on any longer.”
“Please, don’t ask me to do that… I’ll go get revenge on the rest of those bastards for you, but I need you here…” his voice was cracking, because he knew her determination. Why did we have to be so stubborn? Why couldn’t I have just allowed us to go to a foster family? Why did I accept that stupid job? Why does she have to die? he questioned god, fate, anyone who could hear his thoughts. “You are fine now… I promise I’ll make it so those guys never bother you again… So, please…”
Countless thoughts went through Clare’s mind right then: she should stay alive long enough to watch her brother get revenge; if she lives she’ll be scarred emotionally and physically for the rest of her life; it would be impossible to continue to go to school without moving far away from here; her brother will probably hate her; she is so glad that her brother came through for her; why does such bad stuff happen to good people.
“No, I love you, Alex, but I can’t go on. I’ve lost everything today, and I can’t keep being a burden on you… so please just finish this with your own hands. Things will just be better this way,” she said weakly but in her usual determined way. The twins had such a painful understanding of each other right then, that they couldn’t stand it. The world attacked their purity, twice now, and Alex hated it all.
Alex slid out from under Clare’s head, pulled the knife out of the dead body by her bedroom door, and turned back to look at Clare. He knew that she wouldn’t be able live with herself after today, he knew that if she did live it would be almost impossible to look after her and try to provide for her at the same time. He knew it all, but still it was too much to handle. The knife was shaking in his hands; it would have to be fast and painless for her or else he couldn’t do it.
Clare couldn’t watch him after he got the knife, and closed her weary eyes; he was too good to her. After their parents died, he took take of her, and made sure they wouldn’t have to go to a foster home, or even move in with a distant relative. He gave up being a star athlete so he could work part time to make sure they had enough money to survive comfortably. He just saved her from her nightmare, and was even going kill her because she asked… “Thank you, Alex,” she said as her last words. The knife sank into her heart once, quickly and deep. She hoped that she would see her brother again sometime on the other side, and that he would still be strong without her. And then it was done.
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Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2009 9:20 pm
Chapter Two: A Sign
There was a full moon looking down over them from a clear and starry night sky. The wind was playing in the grass, dancing among the leaves, and caressing Clare’s long hair as she sat upon a blanket in the field. She was feeling rather depressed with due reason that she tried her best to not think about right now; especially since her brother took the time and effort to try to comfort her a little, she didn’t want to dwell on sad thoughts tonight, if at all possible. I don’t know what I would do without you Alex… she thought thankfully.
Alex was sitting next to her looking up at the night sky, quietly being the supportive “older” brother, handling the emotions within his own heart. “I think I’ll give up football… probably get a part time job,” he said in his normal deep and soothing voice. At first Clare was confused because if there was anything that Alex loved above almost everything else it was sports, and then it slowly started to dawn on her. She pulled up her legs close to her body, wrapped her arms around them, and lay her head down on her knees looking away from Alex.
She knew that he was saying he was going to be sacrificing so they could keep their lives together and so she wouldn’t have to make any of those sacrifices. It was both a comforting blanket and another knife that was sitting in her heart at the same time. “You’ve already made up your mind?” she asked quietly, really internally asking herself why she couldn’t be the strong one between the two of them. He was always protecting her, and it always seemed like she was burdening him… holding him back from what he really wanted to do.
“Yeah, I guess I have,” he responded with a kind of pained confidence and looked over at Clare. He reached over and placed his hand upon her head in a “this is what brothers are for” kind of gesture. “When was the last time we came out for a moonlit picnic like this, sis? It has to have been at least a year… maybe more.” he asked as he searched for the answer himself; as he wondered, he looked up at the full moon reminiscing putting his hand back on the ground for balance.
She closed her eyes when his hand was gently placed on her head, and tried to calm her worries. She was afraid of going back to school, of breaking down again, that people would be too fake around her, too cautious and tip-toeing over every little issue with her; she was too afraid of putting her heart out there and losing someone else she loved, afraid of having her brother give up on her, of being too much for him to handle. His hand seemed to channel his hopes that everything will turn out alright in the end and she slowly felt better just sitting next to him.
When his hand left her head, she opened her eyes again still looking away from him. “About two years ago… after your championship game… that night we came out here, mom and dad too, and just relaxed together…” she said slowly, looking over at him to see him looking up at the moon. She looked up herself and wondered aloud, “Do you think they are up there watching us?” Are they proud of us? Will we see them again? she finished the questions in her thoughts trying not to seem depressed again.
Alex knew what she was getting at, and answered without a doubt in his heart, “They are. And someday we will all meet again.”
Clare opened her eyes to her room in the academy; a kind of restless night like any other, but this time the dream was different, more like just a solid memory. She sat up, and held her hand to her heart wondering about the reality of that last message. “How is life treating you… and will I see you again Alex?” she whispered quietly.
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Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 7:53 am
Chapter Three: Paths
What does it mean to be strong? To have power?
Clare was stretched out upon a spider's web that was glowing a deep red in total darkness, wide awake; it didn't make sense she should be sleep in her bedroom in the dorms at the Academy. She tried to move a little - an arm, a leg - but it was futile. She was stuck, completely immobile; the web itself felt like a very think fluid, like it was grabbing at her body, struggling to end her struggles. She could feel the thick lashes splayed beneath her body, and could even see herself clearly in her bondage as if a mirror hung above her silently.
Become stronger...
The words broke the silence, and yet were the silence. It came from the distance and echoed from deep within her mind. It clawed at her hopes, at her dreams, her fears and desires; it was exactly why she was here, upon this simple and beautiful trap in life. "How do I become stronger?" she called out to the nothingness, knowing full well that there would be no response. The mirror fazed her image and split, showing still her, but at different times in her life.
A happy five year old playing with her twin brother in their shared innocence; a teenager trying to find meaning in the world by studying to make a future; a broken girl being comforted by her "big" brother when they found out a car accident had taken their parents from them; a crumbling girl tied down to her own bed naked to have to endure a torture that no one should face; a crying dead girl who said she would never cry again when she realized she was alone again; a woman determined to get stronger yet again studying, training her body and mind; a little girl deep inside still without a path to walk.
You are lost...
The red web wrapped around Clare tightly, painfully, squeezing the air out of her lungs. Feeling fear, she struggled violently against the bonds. Red was all she could see, blood all she felt, tasted, smelled, breathed. She was sinking, swirling, spinning, suffocating, screaming... And her hand broke through to cold, black air. Clare climbed her way out of the blood grave, onto black soil under a black sky. Weak from the struggle she collapsed to the ground.
Why do you fight?
"To get stronger," she responded quickly to that... voice... if it could be called that. Silence. Her breath was heavy, as if the black was crushing her from above and below; each inhale stung her lungs with the cold, and each exhale threatened to crush her ribs. All of her energy was drained, but she was still alive. She was confused and tried to move her body slowly.
What is strength? What does it mean to have power? Why do you fight?
She didn't know how to answer. She WAS lost. Blood started to seep up through the soil, slowly rising higher. Again she had to struggle to get to her feet, struggle to move through the growing tide to reach higher ground if there was such a thing here. The red had reached her knees when she tripped and fell through the hard surface, through the liquid, into a pure white fog. She was falling still, but not getting anywhere.
Why do you struggle? What feeds your will?
To live... to survive... to find the truth... to defeat the obstacle... to not be a burden... to make a path... to live by my honor... to not give up... to see Alex again... to see how strong I can get... because I can’t do anything else... she thought, and thought, and sifted through more of her thoughts. They didn't seem to end. She floated back down and landed with her feet upon the red spider web again, and the fog dissipated into blackness again. Clare looked around and counted 12 paths each heading in a different direction, but each holding up this center. "Tell me what you mean!" It was all beyond her capacity to figure out, and she was starting to get frantic.
Strength for strength's sake... Knowledge for strength's sake... The Code for strength's sake... One Self for strength's sake... Peace for strength's sake... Sacred energies for strength's sake... Balance for strength's sake... Technology for strength's sake... Tactics for strength's sake... Elements for strength's sake... Stealth for strength's sake... The Ally for strength's sake... The Sword for strength‘s sake
"I just don't want to be a burden to others any more..." she admitted thinking of her brother forlornly. She was being torn between her desires for strength to destroy and strength to protect. It began to rain drops of blood, and Clare just looked into the empty sky. She could hear her own screams mixing with the screams of others, tens, hundreds, thousands... too many to count, growing to a defining roar. If we could stop the blood from falling... she thought as she started to cry.
Yours or theirs...
She always felt like she was holding the people she cared about back. "I would endure hell again and again if they wouldn't have to..." she whispered, fearful of what her honesty would bring. "I want to get stronger... to protect life."
Clare woke up in her bed to the last day of her first year of her time at the Central Spirit Academy; her skin was matted in a cold sweat, she was panting, and her body was weak. She sat up and looked at the room quietly, not able to see anything different, out of place. However one thing did catch her eye: her zanpakutou catching the first rays of the morning sun and reflecting them in a warm red light, filling Clare with a deep hope.
"Brother, can you hear me? I want to protect you and everyone else. I know what path I need to take now."
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