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Posted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 2:21 pm
Since I was little, I've always had the attraction towards both male and female, I've had 2 boyfriends, and 3 girlfriends, Both of which I like very muchly, I'm not to picky about which sex I should date.
Anymoose, Let me get to the point, I have recently been confronted about my sexuality, and weather not I should tell my parents, A good deal of my friends now that I am Bi-sexual, And they Have no problem with it, They don't look or feel any diffrent about me then before they knew.
Now.. My parents don't know yet... I want to tell them, But... Advice is really weak with most of my friends, Being they've never had to admit such a thing to anyone.
How should I go about doing so? I want them to understand.. So that way I can be who i want to be, Because There are some clothes that I want, but can't get because my parents don't know about me... And no, Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not a cross dressed, I just feel really comfortable in female pants and shorts, And no, I'm not emo razz
Anyways.. Any advice? ideas? suggestions? concers? I really want them to know.. so I can get if off my chest..
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Posted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 4:02 pm
Uhh...I don't know. I don't know how to tell my parents either, so I just...don't. >< Uh. That's not advice though. Sorry.
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Posted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 6:13 pm
i woudl suggest going over to a friends house and both of you sitting down and writing a note explaining everythingn to your parents...explain to them why it is you are bisexual...why it is you like both guys and girls...and explain to them how their outlook on you should not change the slightest bit...
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Posted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 8:24 pm
id tell em.. but that is with my mom and my parents..(my moms a lesbian.. an di dont thnik shed mind..) and i dont have many friends that give a damn bout my life.. soo yeah.. its your life .. they should be dissapointed..
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Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:09 pm
Wow... you're my hero for telling your parents; I'm bi and don't think I will for a long time.
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 6:47 am
Pang Tong Wow... you're my hero for telling your parents; I'm bi and don't think I will for a long time. Well, I haven't told them yet...
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 8:08 am
I'm not gay or a lesbian, so take this with a grain of salt. 3nodding
I was just thinking, how do you think they might react? If they react negatively, do you think they'd be the type to go to extremes, like not allow you to date anymore, or might they kick you out of the house? Do you think they might react in a positive manner, and be ok with your bisexuality? Would they be the type to tell other people about it, and if so, would you be comfortable with that?
If you're really not sure, maybe it'd be best to wait until you're a little older, or actually being a legal adult. That way if they do react negatively, you can walk out and not go back. Well, that's what I'd do anyways.
Anyways, that's all I can think of right now, sorry. whee
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 11:51 am
Nikolita I'm not gay or a lesbian, so take this with a grain of salt. 3nodding I was just thinking, how do you think they might react? If they react negatively, do you think they'd be the type to go to extremes, like not allow you to date anymore, or might they kick you out of the house? Do you think they might react in a positive manner, and be ok with your bisexuality? Would they be the type to tell other people about it, and if so, would you be comfortable with that? If you're really not sure, maybe it'd be best to wait until you're a little older, or actually being a legal adult. That way if they do react negatively, you can walk out and not go back. Well, that's what I'd do anyways. Anyways, that's all I can think of right now, sorry. whee
No, They don't seem the type to kick me out of the house, or make me stop dating, infact. My mom seems to be pretty understanding when it comes to stuff like that, So I think, As far as my dad goes, I'm not sure about him..... I've only once heard him say he loves me... And thats it.... And I was shocked.... I dunno. Maybe they won't get mad...
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Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2005 5:27 pm
I'm bi but i would pick a guy over a girl and My boyfriend Peter knows I'm bi But i've never been with a girl. I like to think about it tho I won't tell my mom about my sex life cause i don't want to hear about her and dad so yeah
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Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2005 2:17 am
First. find out if your parents tell each other everything, talk to your muim about something, then wait a few days and talk to your dad about it, that way you can often find out how much your parents talk about you.
If they dont, you can easily talk to your mother about homosexuality. You could start out by saying there's this guy/girl in your class thats come out to the school, saying he/she's a homosexual.
See how she reacts. Disgust? Indifference? Read her face and the way she moves. I talk best to my mum when we're doing the dishes, but find your own way. Down tell her you want to talk about this and that, just throw it up when the two of you are alone and see how she reacts. You can do the same to your dad. That way you can first get their point of view from a normal conversation and see if and how you should tell them.
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Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 5:09 pm
It's an odd terrain, really. There are some parents who don't mind the idea of homosexuality but go berserk when they find out their child is gay, and then there are some parents (i.e. my dad) who come from strict social backgrounds (namely India) and are very outspoken against gay issues, but will accept you for who you are. It's a lot of russian roulette, I'd say that you should talk to them one at a time, and make sure you have some place to go should things get ugly. Take it from an angle that they will accept. If you want an example, my dad is always telling my sister and I that we are family and that we need to look out for one another no matter what, so I prefaced it with that.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 4:25 pm
hey, ill start by saying you should be very proud of yourself for considering talking to your parents, that is a big step.. okay now that ive said that, i personally understand what you are going through, im bisexual as well, although i have a female preference. I told my mom about the same time i got my first girlfriend (mom didnt know this!)...and i wrote her a letter explaining that i am bisexual, and that i would really appreciate it if she could accept me for who i am....well needless to say that didnt go as planned for a long time...i told her in november of grade 9, and i think it wasnt until about november of gr10, that she was finally able to say, you know what as long as your happy, ill deal with it....that was honestly the biggest sense of relief.... so what im trying to say is, things may turn out great and the beginning which is fabulous...but things may not....if they dont, they MIGHT get better, like mine did...but in the long run you cant go through life, letting people tell you who you are, you are the only one who can decided and discover that.... Im currently in grade 11, openly bisexual to my family, and about 75% openly bisexual to my peers...its not easy, i will tell you that now...if you have friends who will stand by your through ANYTHING! then your one of the lucky ones, i was lucky, i had friends who stayed by me through everything. Grade 9 consisted of alot of teasing, and bullying(emotional)...but you know what I survived, it wasnt an easy journey, but i survived, and i continue to do so.... its a life long journey, but if you are ready to start it, all the power to you, and good luck...you deserve it =)...and remember all you need to do is survive, in just doing that, you will have beat the odds... much love silentskies...pm me if u need a friend...goodluck heart
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 10:07 pm
Coming out to parents is trickier than coming out to anybody else. Friends can only reject you. Relatives other than your parents can only reject you. Parents can reject you, send you to therapy to try to get you to change, force you to go to an anti-gay church or other religious instruction, kick you out, restrict your contacts with other people, or simply treat you terribly -- as long as they don't actually abuse you in a physical way, there's not much anyone can do about parents with a horrible attitude. I don't suggest coming out to parents until you're out of the house and able to financially support yourself. I know from bitter experience that it's impossible to get financial aid as an adult (meaning they take your own income as their indicator, not your parents' income, which is huge and therefore you won't get as much assistance) if you're under the age of 24, unless you get married or legally emancipated. If your parents don't like your life choices, there's nothing to stop them from yanking your college funding. Now that I've given the disclaimers, here's something useful. Whether you choose to tell your parents right away or wait until you're older and can approach them as an adult, don't tell them from a place of fear, apology, or sadness. Don't say "I hate to tell you this, but I'm gay/bisexual. I'm sorry." That would send the message that you're not happy with who you are, and that you fully expect them to react badly, and that you deserve that kind of reaction because you know you're wrong. Instead, tell them from a place of joy and strength. Maybe write them a letter, if you're not sure you could get out all the things you want to say face-to-face. Say something like, "I want you to know that if it had not been for you, I never would have had the strength to lead an examined life. I never would have the courage to really become self-aware if you hadn't taught me how to face up to an honest self-inventory, to take stock of who I am. You helped me become a person who is strong, loving, accepting, joyful, and comfortable in myself. Because you're my parent, I am able to understand myself and love myself just like you do. That's why I'm happy to tell you that I'm bisexual. Someone who is able to love anyone, and not shut anyone out of my life just because of gender. I'm proud to be your son/daughter, and I hope that you're proud to be my mother/father. I know that if this were ten or twenty years ago, this would be a lot harder for me to say and a lot harder for me to hear, and I'm very thankful that you and I are living now, when we know that this is something to celebrate, not something to mourn or try to 'cure'. I'm glad that I have a parent who's wonderful enough to make me WANT to share this with you." If your parents aren't anti-gay on principle, which I hope for your sake that they're not, this should reassure them that you're not doing this to shock them or as a form of rebellion, but because this is a part of your nature and that you're sharing it because you want them to have the opportunity to love you for all of who you are, including all surprises, and not just love the assumptions they may have made about your life when they first held you. Remind them that you haven't actually changed or become someone new; you just learned something new about yourself and were so happy when things started making sense that you felt like sharing your new-found knowledge with them. If they seem that they want to be accepting but are having problems, help them find a support system that will educate them and make them more comfortable, such as http://www.pflag.org/ -- Parents & Friends of Lesbians And Gays. That group helped my mother quite a lot, when I was first coming out, and I hope it will help your parents now if they need the help. Whatever you do, don't lose hope. If it seems like you shouldn't tell your parents, but sometimes you feel you can't stand not telling -- wait. Wait until you can approach the topic from a place of peace, strength, and happiness. And good luck to you.
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