|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 2:50 pm
Simply, family stroies. Funny or heartwarming.
The only requirement is that it must be true (or at least as far as you know).
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 3:01 pm
I have a funny story about my late grandpa:
When my father was a kid, my grandpa decided to go and buy some nice china plates for the family. He went and bought some. He paid with a check and a caution not to cash it just yet. He deposited money to fill the check, but the salesman cashed too soon and it bounced before the deposit registered. He calle dup my grandpa and chewed him out, only to try the check again later and have it work. The salesman came to the house to apologize, giving my grandpa the check back and offering free plates. Grandpa said he didn't want them, but the salesman begged him to take them. So granpa spilled out some jars of change (Pennies, nickels, dimes, mostly pennies and small coins) all over the floor and made the salesman count out the few hundred dollars. That's grandpa for you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 4:24 pm
Well, I mentioned this one back in August but I'll stick i on again. I will be posting in this thread regularly, I think.
My great-great-grandfather, alav hasholom, was on a ship from Latvia to New York at the turn of the 20th century, around the time Jake was slamming doors. He was a rabbi in Wodz, Poland, and was seeking a better life in America. Unfortunately, the old shmuck was a little hard of hearing. He mistook the word Cork for New York, and got off in Ireland with my great-great-grandma and their son.
Hence: I am British, and not American. Not the worst mistake ever made. blaugh
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 4:43 pm
Umm, I have an aunt who is so pale she can't find makeup easily...
( sweatdrop Running out of stories...already?!)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 4:49 pm
I've got another few hundred, but I'll let some other people post theirs first.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 5:10 pm
Oh, yeah biggrin :
One time my Granny was babysitting my cousin, only a tot at the time. When walking by two cars of the same type, she commented that they were ubiquitous. My granny was surprised at this big word from a little one and called up my aunt, who admitted that she didn't talk down to her kid and supposed it would make sense if she talked like her mom. Later that night, Granny began to tell my cousin a bedtime story about her noticing her car underwater.Cousin says she wants to finish: "So I say, 'What the hell?'"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 11:29 am
Come on, no stories?
I know Neuf had a cool one on the baby names Forum.
Behatz, you can go ahead if you want.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 1:05 pm
When I was really little I would never eat so by the time my parents finished feeding me breakfast it was time for lunch and by the time they finished feeding me lunch it was time for dinner and so on. I also used to have a German Shepherd named Coby. There were a couple times- once when I was holding a piece of chicken, and then once with some ice cream- that he came up to me and took a bite or a lick out of my food. I was about 3 years old and it really upset me. So from then on to get me to eat, my parents would say, "Cobys coming." This even worked when he was in America while I was visiting Israel. :]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 3:54 pm
A comedian from this awesome city called Bristol told a similar story. His sister used to refuse food, so his father invented something called... the Dinner Witch! He'd wink at this comedian, who'd sneak round the back and ring the doorbell.
"Oh, Hannah, who could that be at the door? With you plate still oh so full? I don't suppose it could be... The Dinner Witch?"
At which point she'd be stuffing it into her gob as fast as she could.
I love stand-up...
Anyway, storytime:
I'm sure that, at some time or other, your parents or at least Someone in your family has tried drugs. Well, back in the 80s, when he was a socialist punk (he's now a conservative b*gger...) my dad had. One day, he came home from Israel. Little did everyone know, however, that he had smuggled back a stash of hashish. My grandad made him dinner but left my dad to make the turkey's stuffing. Bad move.
My dad made the stuffing alright. And it was 90% pure hashish. Every single member of the family was either high off their heads, or fast asleep on the plates. Imagine the sight of 10 Jewish people, some approaching 70, rolling round with a system full of drugs...
The best thought ever, right? mrgreen mrgreen mrgreen
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 4:23 pm
That's great Behatz! I bet you can't find hashish in Israel anymore.
@Shalom: we'd tell my cousin when she was very young that if she didn't finish her vegetables, Rico (the cat) would take them from her. He was an avid eater of corn on the cob so this worked for quite some time. Then one year right before Thanksgiving Rico died. Of course my poor uncle forgot for a split second that Rico was no longer with us, and when he said,"Rico will gladly eat your corn", my cousin replied,"Rico is dead." It was so matter of fact and serious for such a young kid that it still makes me crack up.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 8:48 pm
Lumanny Come on, no stories? I know Neuf had a cool one on the baby names Forum. Behatz, you can go ahead if you want. It's not that, it's just my family falls under the concept of "helpless invalid, or bat s**t crazy." All the world's a hospital, I'm either a patient or an orderly.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 11:26 am
I'm pretty sure you can still get your hands on hashish in Israel, if you know the right people. They used to float it down the River Jordan and across the Suez Canal when one bank of it was ours.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 6:36 pm
Well...good hashish. I hear it's hard to find marijuana in Israel because they started some kind of crack down; no doubt because of pressure from the US to stamp out "Satan's flower". I could be wrong though. Marijuana is probably closer to legalization in Israel than it is in the States.
Uhhh...anyway.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 9:54 am
In a related note.
Possession of Marajuana is no longer an arrestable offense in Massachusetts.
However the local towns are passing laws in order to discourage people from smoking pot in public.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 3:17 pm
In Britain, it's legal if you can prove you're a Rasta, and if your not:
1st time: Warning
2nd time: Final Warning
3rd time: Confiscation
4th time: Criminal record and confiscation
5th time: Arrest
6th time: Courts and possibly short jail sentence
7,8,9,10... time: See above
Selling any illegal drug is a minimum of 2 years, but can go as high as a lifetime depending on strength, drug classification and amount sold.
These aren't entirely the legal, factual laws. I doubt it was written down like that. I'm sure it's actually entirely illegal to own marajuana or any other illegal substance... but they're the ones in effect.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
