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 Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:39 pm
It was hard to really believe that her cubs were grown - it seemed like just yesterday that they had been crying, bawling little balls of fur with nothing better to do than drive her up the wall. Some of them had left home, some were planning to leave still, and others, while still in the pride, were beginning their own lives. It was hard for her to believe that she was actually becoming the sentimental type. While she loved her cubs, they had always been somewhat of a burden, and she had always thought that she'd feel relieved when they were old enough to be self-sustaining. Now, however, she felt completely the opposite; she felt alone and empty. Her large cave was no longer filled with the peaceful snores of her slumbering darlings at night, the bickering was gone, and she found it.. so empty and deserted.
What was worse was that now that the cubs were old enough to leave, it also meant that Shaji had no reason to say. At first, she didn't know why this simple thought bothered her so terribly. Then, over time, it began to dawn upon her. While she had been caught up in the thrill of Vulcan's charm, the spark between them, Shaji had managed to wedge a different sort of feeling into her heart. Affection, passion, endearment - she knew the name, but it ached painfully every time she even thought to speak it aloud.
A deep sigh exhaled from her maw as she reclined her head upon her paws, her form reclined outside her empty den and her deep, ocean blue eyes watching the horizon before her. The world was out there, some of her cubs with it, and she was going to be alone in this pride very, very soon.
He didn't know what to do - he was so used to the hoard of cubs running around at his feet... and now there was nothing. Shaji had always been destined to be a family man, but now 'his' family was gone. The cubs were grown, and though he still saw some of them... he ached at the loneliness. He wanted his children to shrink back into cubs so he could snuggle with them just for that little while before sunset. But, he had to face the truth... they were grown up, and now he had no reason to be here. He had no excuse to stick by Kiasi's side, and it pained him.
He didn't /want/ to leave her. He knew that within his heart it would be too painful to leave. He felt loyal to her, he cared for her, found her to be strong physically and mentally. She was a role model for any lioness, in his opinion... and now he would have to go because he had no reason to stay. The golden lion sighed softly to himself, leaving his den (which was only a few yards from Kiasi's in reality - it made it easy for them to switch roles of taking care of the children when they were cubs).
He knew he had to talk to Kiasi. He had to tell her... that he didn't want to leave. He'd have to tell her that he had no other reason to stay other than...
Other than...
His heart beat hotly in his chest, and a blush was rising to his cheeks, even if it couldn't be seen under his golden fur. Slowly the lion made his way to Kiasi's den, anxiously glancing to the reclining lioness. "Kiasi...?"
The gentle eyes of the lioness swung up as she heard someone approaching, though her thoughts had dimmed her senses and she didn't truly notice until they were nearly on top of her. That would have been unfortunate if she didn't live in a pride - such instincts were careless. However, she'd always lived in a pride and would always live in a pride. She couldn't be concerned with what was dangerous or not, especially as she had never put any real thought to it. Underneath it all, she was still the spoiled princess her parents had raised her as.
"Shaji," she said, pushing herself up into a sitting position, the smile that broke over her maw genuine, though it didn't ebb the sadness in her eyes. Though she was overjoyed to see him, it only reminded her that he would probably be leaving soon. It was a bittersweet moment, really - joy and pain mixed into it all at once. "Is everything alright?" she asked, after a moment, knowing him well enough to know that he seemed to be a little.. off.
His features flashed with concern, because he could see the sadness in her eyes, and he wanted nothing more then to put his problems on hold so he could tend to her's. Knowing him, though, he'd probably mess it up somehow and fumble over his own words. He had never been known to do well in any sort of stressful situation, and seeing Kiasi so sad did make him stressful. Shaji wanted to do something for her, but he just couldn't figure out what. So, all he could resolve himself to do in this moment was smile the kindest smile he could muster (without looking sad).
"I'm fine," of course he wasn't, but he didn't want to worry her. "I'm just a little sad that we don't have the cubs anymore." He had always silently called them his cubs, but publicly... he still wasn't certain he should. He knew he was their father more than anyone else, but he hadn't helped make them. He had helped raise them. So, he usually avoided calling them by 'Kiasi's' or 'our's' or 'mine'. "What is more important right now is if you are all right? Kiasi, you look so sad... I'm getting worried."
She frowned slightly as he brushed off her question, pushing away his own problems. It was so very like Shaji to put everyone else before himself that sometimes it frustrated her. She knew that it couldn't be healthy for him. However, there was little she could to about it, so she simply dwelled upon what he did admit to her instead: he missed the cubs. She didn't hesitate to think of them as 'theirs' for as much as she had birthed and Vulcan had fathered them, Shaji had raised them. The cubs adored Shaji beyond reason. "I understand that," she whispered softly, turning her eyes away from him to look at the horizon, "I miss them terribly too."
"Me?" she let out a little laugh, shaking her head and letting herself relax into a laying position again. "It's just the cubs. With Vati and Jiryan off on their little adventures and Tutsie who knows where, I'm worried. That, and the rest of them are going to be starting their own families soon, I have no doubt. It's a hard thing to cope with." She flickered her tail, frowning for a moment as she considered what else she should really say. If he left too, she really didn't know what she would do. She had never really been completely alone.
"You'll be leaving soon too, won't you?" she asked, glancing at him with a frown. She tried her best not to look sad, though she knew her eyes would give her away - they always did these days.
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Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:42 pm
His own hurts he could deal with later, because he didn't truly want to burden anyone else with him. It was a little contradictory that he went out of his way to make sure that everyone else was happy, to take their burden upon his shoulders on top of his own worries. But, that was just how he was, and that was something that would likely never change. To change that part of him would be to change Shaji completely, and he would never want to be anything other then what he was now. He was Uzalishaji, adoptive father to an impressively large litter of cubs, aid to their mother and hopeful lov --
He stopped his thoughts there. It was just too hopeful.
"You have no reason to worry, they're strong and they will take care of themselves. You raised them well, I doubt any of them would enter the world outside of the Pridelands without one strong backbone." He smiled reassuringly at her, because he was confident that Jiryan, Vati, and Tut would be fine. All of their cubs would be fine. "But, you're so right... it's hard. I wish they were little again. They were so... cute, and I could get away with snuggling with them." He was reminiscing a little upon those days, because those were the happiest days of his life... because they were /his/ family, all of them.
He was stunned at her question, though, and a brief flicker of pain crossed his face before he bowed his head to try and hide it. His ears pressed back flat into his mane as his mind tried to... bring itself to what it wanted to say. "Well... I know I'm not much needed here with you anymore, but I have nowhere else to go, really..." That sounded bad, he realized, and he blushed, glancing shyly at the brown lioness. "That's not what I mean! It's... it's just that... I would rather stay here with you then leave. It wouldn't feel like home, moving to some place else. I feel right... being here with you."
"You're right, I'm sure they're fine," she muttered, frowning out at the horizong once more. It was an odd thing not to worry about them when they were around her, simply because she could see them and know where they were, but to suddenly have her motherly instincts go into overdrive the moment they were gone from her site and her care. She had never really been that overly affectionate, or anything remotely of the sort, but now she felt the sting of regret and nearly wished that she had been. "I just wish that maybe I'd been here for them a little more, or something," she said softly, curling her paws against her chest.
She felt a stinging in her eyes and tried desperately to push it back - she refused to cry over this like a ninny. As he spoke, it gave her the distraction she needed, and she let her eyes turn back to meet his. "Well, I certainly wouldn't want you to have to go somewhere alone," she whispered to his first words, knowing that that feeling was one that was overwhelmingly painful. She felt it now, though it was ebbed slightly with his presence. His next words, though, brought a jolt through her heart and she watched his eyes with a fearful hope. "You'd stay with me, Shaji?"
"You were the perfect mother for them, and it was your first time. I think you did splendidly, considering the situation. Kiasi, you were the best mother your cubs could have hoped for. They'll be fine because you did such an amazing job raising them." His smile was sincere, but it pained him to see her so torn up. He wanted to do nothing more than sit besider her and nuzzle their cheeks together, so he could comfort and reassure her. It hurt him to see her so sad, so helpless even. But... it would be out of the line to comfort her in such a way, he wasn't her lover, he wasn't her mate. He was the helping hand, and he was determined to remain that way if that was what Kiasi wanted.
Oh, gods... he saw the hope in her eyes, and it made him crumble. His smile was soft as he stood up, walking over to nuzzle their cheeks together sweetly. "I don't want to go anywhere else... I'd very much like to stay with you, if you want me. I don't know what I can do to help you, but I want to stay. Please?" His voice sounded hopeful, because he suspected she wanted hiem to stay... but he wasn't sure. He had to be sure, because he truly wanted to be nowhere else but here with her.
She nodded at his words, thinking over what he said. She really hoped she had been as good to them as he said. At the time, she hadn't been overly concerned with raising them, especially not with Shaji around. She had always enjoyed her alone time (which she still enjoyed, without much guilt). She had been there, for sure, but she just hoped none of them blamed her for not realizing quickly enough that they were growing up too fast.
"Of course I want you," she whispered, her eyes widening slightly as she watched him. The nuzzle had surprised her at first, but she leaned into it, letting her body take support from his own. "You've been my support the whole time the cubs were here, my friends, my confident, my everything, Shaji." She smiled weakly, shutting her eyes as she leaned into him. "If you were gone too, I don't know what I'd do with myself."
Shaji could find no fault in how she had raised the cubs, because he doubted she would have taken so much time to herself if he hadn't been there. He firmly believed that she had been more good to them then she thought she had, and he knew for a fact that their children loved her as much as he did. Shaji just couldn't see how someone wouldn't love a lioness with so much inner strength. Their cubs would be fine out in the big, wide world, because Kiasi had raised them well. If she hadn't been there, they would have turned out to be as much of a pansy as Shaji was himself. The thought could almost make him chuckle.
He was outright blushing at the words 'I want you', and it took all of his effort not to duck away shyly. The words made his heart skip a few beats and his pulse race, and he could do nothing more than nuzzle her and purr softly, hoping that it would be enough to comfort her. Her words, though... they were overwhelming him. He felt so happy, he felt giddy to hear them. "I want you too... I don't think I have any other purpose then to... be here with you, to be here for you. I wouldn't know what to do without you... because you're my life. I..." His shyness took over, and he stepped back a little, but it only proved to give him better access to her eyes, to her beautiful face with that cocoa pelt that could make him melt. "I love you."
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Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:45 pm
Kiasi felt her heart lift as his words poured out, her eyes shining as he leaned back to look into them. Could he really mean that? The only male she had ever really known to show this sort of interest in her had shown it in an entirely different manner and he had never, ever stayed. It was like two opposite ends of the spectrum and her head was whirling with the thoughts. How had this snuck up on her without her even noticing it?
"I.. love you too, Shaji," she whispered, feeling her breath fleeing her lungs even as she spoke. She did love him, and it had taken until this moment to realize it. "I don't know where I'd be right now if you hadn't come along when I needed you," she whispered, not even pretending that she would have been capable of raising all those cubs by herself.
With a glance at her cave, she turned back to him quickly. "Move into the den with me? It's too empty now.." She trailed off, her voice pitiful - most of it was from true emotion, though some of it, a little fraction, was her own ability at being a spoiled princess.
Oh, he did mean it, he meant every single word that came out of his mouth, because when he said it, he knew it to be true. He knew that he loved her, had known it for a while now... and it shamed him a little that he had only gotten the courage to tell her when his ability to stay with her had been threatened. But he was glad for it, glad for the possibility that he would be leaving, or else he was certain he would have told her too late. If pressure was all he needed to be convinced to confess, he would gladly handle the pressure and the stress... just so she could hear those words from him, so she could know what he felt for her.
But, he couldn't help but feel shocked to hear that his feelings were returned, and then he couldn't stop the overwhelming happiness. He felt giddy, he felt on top of the world, because Kiasi loved him too! He probably looked ridiculous in those few moments, red eyes shining with happiness, the goofiest, happiest grin possible on his face. Unable to hold back, he nuzzled their cheeks together, licked her face tenderly, because he had no idea how to hold it all in. If he didn't believe she'd think him stupid for prancing around, he would have.
"Of course! I'd love to move in... in to the den with you." He was having difficulty with sounding calm, feeling a little overwhelmed by his emotions. But, he loved the idea, because instead of moving away from her, he was moving closer. It was the seal of the letter, the truth that he would never, ever have to leave. He could stay with her... for the rest of his and her's life, if she wanted it.
Her eyes widened a little at the lick to her cheek, though she supposed she shouldn't have felt so suddenly shy about it. After all, she had gone through the process of getting with cubs, had she not? She had been involved in acts far worse than licked cheeks, but something about the pure love and affection in it made her heart writhe with a new emotion that had her stomach flipping end over end and filling with what felt like fluttering bugs. If she didn't have the overwhelming sense that this was purely a good feeling, and all stemmed from Shaji, she would have been worried that she was sick.
"I'm so glad," she whispered softly, moving to press her head into his shoulder and squeeze her eyes shut as she felt the gentle fur of his body against her face. The sting of tears gathered in her eyes, leaking past her closed lids and staining his fur, but she couldn't find the urge to pull away and save herself the shame nor him the awkwardness. It was such a joy to suddenly realize she wasn't all alone in the world and that there was someone out there that truly loved her and wouldn't abandon her. She loved him, she did, she only wished that she had realized it sooner. "I'm so, so glad," she whispered again, content to lose herself in the moment, in the feeling of their love and affection. If there was anything left for her in the world after her cubs were gone - it was this.
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