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 Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 7:37 pm
The she-wolf was traveling today, happy to be able to search for her long time friend.Last time she had seen him, he had run from her,and she had left him be.
But she had something on her mind, and she'd be damned if she let him running form her stop her from saying it.
But this time,she was not alone. She had a little tag along behind her, black in color, and orange markings of her mother.
Voila! was busy trying to just keep up,because her mother seemed to be so excited to see this Chocolate wolf.
But Shezaam's green eyes glimmered,and she was so excited fo rthe opportunity to see him.. Though..She feared that with pups in tow, he wouldnt want to see her.
What if he sent her away?
She gritted her jaws, and shook her head.
"Keep Up Voila! baby."
She said, eyes turning back to the pup.
__________________
The litlte ebony and orange pup glistened in the sunlight that beamed through the trees, and she smiled, her little fangs exposed as she watched the birds scatter, and bunnies hop away.
Motehr was happy to see this Chocolate..But Voila! felt a bit of a hesitation.
Who was Chocolate?
And why did mommy want to meet up with him?
Voila! was a daddy's girl,and unknowning of the past that Chocolate and her mother shared,she was cautious.
She only wanted the best for her family..
Even if father had talked about leaving,adn only coming back to visit now and again.
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Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 7:56 pm
It had been hard, harder then he had thought, but he had managed to stay away...away from HER. She filled his mind at each moment, like air she was invisible, escaping his smell, and sight, and touch, but always with him. He was curled up now on a boulder by the river. He had never felt comfortable near the meadow, it was too open, yet here he was, because it was as far as he could bear to get away.
His ears were flat back against his skull and the fur on his back bristled and stood on end, but it was nothing new, he was tense like this all the time now. How stupid he was to continue to think of her when he knew he was undeserving. She was a part of a pack, a family, she had goals and dreams that could happen for her. He had nothing, thought a cruel pack near her own had made him curious, curious but cautious. Still he knew better then to even attempt to get into their ranks, he wasn't one for a pack. Chocolate had ruled himself too long to fall in happily with others, even if they could spark some emotion in him.
He let out a sigh that sounded more like a growl, his nose twitched a bit and he closed his eyes. He thought for a moment he had caught her scent, but of course that was just his wishful mind creating scent the way it created her shape in the darkness of the long cold nights.
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Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:09 pm
Her nose alerted her of his presence, before her eyes actually caught hold of the lump on the large boulder.
She cokced her head, and her ears went backas she saw how unahppy he looked.
Had she done that to him?
Had she hurt him that badly?
It tore at her heart, and she looked at her pup,wondering if she should turn away and leave the poor male.
But she had come all this way..
And, just as he had been thinkingofher, she had indeed been thinking of him.
Each and every day, she got a little more excited about going to find him.
Now that she was here? She felt scared.
She walked out slowly from the trees, into the open meadow where the boulderwas.
She slinked, like a submissive, ears back,waiting for hte time to speak.
She stood like that, for moments,before finally gathering the courage.
"Chocolate?"
Hervoice was soft, uncertain.
She looked back at her pup who was yards behind her and shookher head.
Come no further, that look said.I'll let youknow when you can.
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Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:17 pm
Chocolate groaned as the scent became stronger, he rolled slightly onto his side, he actually felt a bit sick. The pain did this too him, made him ill deep in the pit of his stomach. The scent didn't fade though, and his nose twitched again, slowly he pulled himself up onto his paws and shook off.
Perhaps it was time to get further away, this was too close to her, he was only two territories away from her family lands. Though forests, and sandy beaches were between them, nothing could keep him far enough. His ears suddenly shot up and he twisted slowly.
For a moment he feared that his mind had actually gone far enough, perhaps projecting her perfect color and shape, her voice, and smell onto another. Yet he knew that nothing, no fantasy, no longing could match her. He yanked his eyes away from her face and sat on the boulder trying to regain some composure. He would not let her see him weak, so weak when it came to her, she melted him when nothing else could.
"Shezaam..." Her name felt so tender and sweet in his mouth, he had longed to say it, to see her, to smell her. He tried to take the softness from his tone though, tried to stay strong enough to leave again, he didn't belong this close to her, dangerously close.
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Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:25 pm
She gulped, and knew he thought himself too beneath her to actually deserve her..But she saw it all differently.You werent beneath the one you love.
But..that was just wishfulthinking on her end..Her true fear was that love was not what he had for her..But hatred.
She shook the thought off, and steppeda bit closer, walking a bit to the front of the boulder to face him.
Afterall,couldnt have a conversation with someone who wasnt looking at you.
"How have you been?"
She asked, trying to talk softly, as to not let her own feelings show through.
She looked at the ground,then back up at him through soft eyes.
She wanted to tell him then that she loved him..That she wanted to be with him..But the last time she had allowed him to get close, he had run from her and hadnt shown back up since.
She looked once more to her daughter, who was watching from the trees, letting her know she still should not come down.
_____________
Voila! crouched in the tall grass, that also had trees sheltering it, keeping her well out of sight.
Mother was sad..and if this male made her happy, she wanted to find out why.
So the young pup continued to watch,careful not to make a sound.
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Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:39 pm
Chocolate gulped in air as he locked eyes with her, how was he supposed to live in a world where she existed to torment him? Why hadn't he dragged her off selfishly by now, when it was all he wanted to do? He already knew the answer to that one, he could never do anything that would hurt her without hurting himself a thousandfold.
"I've been...around" He muttered lamely, he wasn't about to admit he had been desperately trying to stay away from her, missing her, starving for her presence.
"You've been well?" His eyes roamed over her and stopped a moment at her stomach, something there was different, perhaps she had been hunting more often? He frightened himself with the ability to notice such little changes in her, small things...in her eyes he saw some new light.
His heart constricted a bit, he wondered if he would ever see her someday changed by someone else...changed by love, by laughter, her family, her pack. He had never seen her with her pack...he could imagine she would hold herself differently, with pride. He stood slowly and moved down from the rock to stand across from her on the even ground.
I missed you so much Shezaam"...so much" He bit his tongue as the words barely slid from his tongue.
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Posted: Sun Nov 23, 2008 12:45 pm
The she-wolf perked her ears as she heard his "..So much" Even if it had been only a brief whisper. What had he said?
She tried to smile, to be happy that he had spokento her, but he still seemed so upset.
Walking a bit closer, she cocked her head.
"Around? Seen anything exciting lately?"
She asked.
Like my having pups and coming to you hoping you'll return the feelings I have..
She wanted to say, but she held that back and blinked back up at him.
She wagged her tail a bit, giving a genuinesmile.
"I missed you..Its been so long and I.."
I love you.
But again the words remained unspoken.
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Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 2:00 pm
"No, I haven't really seen anything of interest...I keep to myself, I should be going." He wasn't going to argue with her again, he didn't want to run from her. Not that running did any good, she was always hauntingly in his presence.
"If your looking for your excitement I'm sure your pack could provide you with plenty...or so I've heard." By now quite a few lone wolves had heard of the three strange packs that were in such close proximity. One for family, light, and love. One with wolves of power and wickedness gaining their hold and raking their claws across other packs. And then her pack, her Agua Azul, the sea-dwellers supposedly allies with the great cats neither good nor evil, yet he had heard whispers of insanity, mentions from others to avoid being dragged into their schemes.
He didn't like the thought of his shezaam surrounded by such talk...his? Why wouldn't his mind accept that she was not his at all, she was untouchable for her own good, for his own sanity.
His nose twitched a bit and he peered curiously into the dark forest behind her. Odd he could have sworn he had caught the hint of a scent as if half of shezaam dwelled within the woods. He cursed his mind for being so easily torn away from reality.
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Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 4:48 pm
Shezaam felt horrible, but oddly jaded at his voice. He seemed to be..bitter. What had she done?
But then she noticed his nose sniffing the air, and his eyes were directed right towards where Voila! lay behind the tall grasses.
Damn it all..How could she get him to be her friend again with his knowing of Voila!..Her ears went back, and she gulped, nodding to her daughter to come forward.
"Chocolate..This is Voila!..Shes my daughter."
She was silent for amoment, but added.
"She was made out of friendship and not commitment.."
She looked back up at him, and sighed.
"I wanted commitment fromsomeone else."
She said, eyes staring into his.
______
Voila! bounded over to her mother, taking great care to hide under her mothers sof,warm underbelly.
She looked from the big male to her mother,and then did so again.
She cocked her head, looking backat Shezaam with very confused eyes.
"Momma..Who is this?"
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Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 4:59 pm
Chocolate stared as the small pup came forward, she was a perfect blend it seemed. She was half as bright as her mother, pretty and petite, there was no mistaking that she was Shezaams daughter. The other half of the pup was dark, as dark as he felt this moment, her father was a mystery to him, but the blend caused a strange tearing sensation in his chest.
A low growl rumbled in his throat as he took in the pup, he wasn't angry with the little one, more at how her presence made him feel. He wanted to destroy whoever had fathered her, because to father such a perfectly blended pup meant that Shezaam...and...another...
He felt his muscles locked in place and tried to control them, his whole body struggled to spring away, to flee this agony. His mind staggered and he felt a deep pain in his chest once more. What had felt like a tear now felt like a great black void, staying away from Shezaam hadn't saved him from the pain at all.
Why was she so perfect, so bright, so bright...it hurt. Why did she have to come to him and drag this little creature before him? Was this some kind of test? Did she really think he would kill the pup, or spare it? He wasn't sure of the answer himself, his hackles had raised without his notice. It hurt so much how could he not destroy it? He took in the posture of Shezaam and the pup and knew he wouldn't harm it, because she loved it...and he couldn't hurt what she loved. No matter how badly the raging agony inside him demanded recompensation.
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Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 5:05 pm
Shezaams heart broke at his reaction to her daughter. She looked to the earth, her eyes and heart both heavy.Herm ind was racing with the idea of what she would do now.
Who would love a mother who had children, and wasnt pure any longer? Who could love someone as...impure as she?
She wanted to cry, and if Chocolate or Voila! hadnt been standing there,she might have.
She looked at her daughter, pushing her back towards the trees with a paw.
"Mommy will tell you later. Go back to your hiding place,sugar."
She said,and watched the pup obey once more.
Turning her head back at Chocolate, she looked saddened.
"Chocolate..Please..Please dont hate me, or Voila!..She is so innocent, and though I may be so impure now.. I..I..She loves what I love."
She said with a gruff nod.
"And Chocolate..Im here for a reason..I wanted to tell you.."
God why were these words so damned painful? Because she knew deep down he could not return the favor, and her heart would be shattered.
"Im here because.."
She growled.
"Dammit Chocolate,I love you."
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Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 6:53 pm
Chocolate looked ready to spring after the pup, the growl resounded again in his throat and he frowned at Shezaam. "You don't have to send her off..."
He backed up at her words and looked at her pained. "Shezaam I could never hate you..." He was trying to keep up with her words but his heart was pounding so loud that his ears could barely manage to grasp them. Voila? That must be her pups name, was the pup the only one? Doubtful...Shezaam was a healthy female, there must be more...but how many more? He felt his stomach twist and churn, bile slipped on his tongue as he fought against it.
He staggered a bit, his eyes widened in shock and he snarled. I love you Those were not the words he wanted to hear, he wanted her to say she loathed him, that she came to show him she could make a life without him, that she never wanted to see him again. Anything, anything but those words. "Do not say...don't...don't say things like that Shezaam!" Or I'll be tempted to say them back...and then what a mess we would be...
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Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 7:04 pm
A Scowl rose on her face,and she started speaking again.
"And why not? Why must I keep things hidden? All my life Ive been told that secrets are good..But I can tell you that secrets have gotten me nothing but pain and anguish. Its fine if you dont feel the same Chocolate.."
She said, the scowlfading, and a saddened look replacing it.
"But tell me you dont, and let that be that. Dont tell me not to say it..Because I would say it to you every day if I could.. "
She stopped, looked away,and sighed.
"I know Im not what you're looking for in a she-wolf, my family is proof enough of that. I have a distateful family, who the only kind one is my father, and even he is in a depressed state. I want to be happy Chocolate, and damn it, I wont be happy without you."
She then took a breath, and looked downright horrified. Had she just said all that aloud?
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Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 7:13 pm
"Shezaam...I..." He growled softly and looked down, for once he felt well and truly battered. How he loved this female, to let her hurt him so...what more pain could she cause? Wouldn't it ease the burden a bit to simply let her know how he felt?
"Shezaam... I love you more then words could ever say, but you have a chance at a better family, to better your pack, and be happy. I would never try and take that from you...please understand...I can't..." I can't deny you anything. Words could not form, his heart gave another tight squeeze.
He looked at Voila and then away "You have much better now, then anything I can offer you, and now you see that you can do things without me...Shezaam..." He inhaled raggedly and looked down.
"I would be the worst kind of monster to keep you from a better life...I love you too much to steal you away for myself. Nothing could ever diminish your perfect radiance in my eyes...you've always been my breathtaking beautiful...Shezaam." He whispered her name softly, a part of him fluttered eagerly joyful at the chance to caress her name again, another part crumbled in pain, like a man who knew he had only one sip of water left with a vast desert to cross.
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Posted: Tue Nov 25, 2008 7:19 pm
Shezaam stepped closer, wanting to nuzzle him, but notwanting to scare him away when she had come so far to find him.
"What better life could I possibly have? Raising my children all on my own, because I had been extremely lonely all my life? My mother hatedmeas a pup, and my father was on the brinkof suicidal throughout most of my adolescence. Chocolate, Im not a child who needs protecting, but a she-wolf in need of love. I see the world in your eyes.. Every shining minute of it is beautiful and exciting. And when you leave, my world crumbles,and theres a void that nothing in this world can replace."
Shelooked at Voila! and then back at Chocolate.
"You say that I deserve better, as you have always said, but I deserve love, and happiness, and someone who cares more about me than anyone. Can you honestly think of anyone better for that than yourself?"
She cocked her head, stepping closer.
"Chocolate, take a chance with me..Let me show you that you are my world, and I cant live without you in it."
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