my dilemma | Page 1 | The Gay Bi Curious Guild | Guild Forums

seiryuuchan

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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 12:32 am

Hi everyone,

I've got a frustrating and somewhat complex situation that I'd like to ask you all for advice and help on.

So, I am a bisexual woman who had some flings with other girls as a teenager, but I've been married to a wonderful fella for six years now and I've been agonizing over how to approach other women with the intent of dating/ltr. My husband has absolutely no problems with me dating or making love to a woman as a separate relationship, in which he would have no direct or equal part. You know.

Basically, I'm afraid that since I'm married, I'll get dropped faster than a hot potato when the woman in question finds out. However, I don't want to conceal the fact that I'm married just to have a w+w relationship, that's not honest or open and I prefer honesty and openness in my relationships.

On top of that, I haven't dated...well, ever really...that's a long story...so I also don't have a good idea of how to find or approach someone. It gets especially complicated by the same gender thing; a lot of women are still unsettled by the idea that another woman is attracted to them romantically/sexually.

That's the basic situation...any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks! 3nodding heart

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 2:26 am

well that is a toughy.........hmmm.....................well let's just say, when/if I get married to a guy, I hope he is as understanding as yours is because woman are a big part of my life as well.
Yes, I can see your dilemma and such a pickle it is. There are some woman out there, you have to look hard, that would be willing to have a relationship or just a fling with a married woman, but not many. My best advice is to be open and honest with a woman that you meet, explain your situation to them and if they understand and would be willing to still be a part of your life in that way, than go for it.

starr_child_of_dragons

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WiccanJoe

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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 12:13 pm

Personally, I think it's important for you to keep honesty at the forefront of any relationship in which you choose to involve yourself. If the woman really loves you and is ready for a long term commitment, then she will appreciate the honesty and love you that much more for it. It would be important for you to disclose your personal details at the very beginning of a budding relationship in order to avoid severe problems later on.

As far as actually approaching someone of the same sex...I can't really help you there. I have problems with that too. People have told me that going to where gay people hang out and inserting myself into the action should be enough. Maybe you should do that...don't become a wallflower. There are very few places down here where one can go and be him/herself, but one has to try anyway.

Good luck. xd

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 2:26 pm

Then just talk to your husband about this. Ask him if its okay if you have lil flings while your married. And make sure you talk to the girls to see if they are okay with you married. Usually people are ok with this. I have a boyfriend and he is okay with me having lil things with girls. Its really up to them and how you want to deal with this.

hope u got 10bux

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seiryuuchan

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Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 11:37 pm

TheGrim17

Then just talk to your husband about this. Ask him if its okay if you have lil flings while your married. And make sure you talk to the girls to see if they are okay with you married. Usually people are ok with this. I have a boyfriend and he is okay with me having lil things with girls. Its really up to them and how you want to deal with this.

yes, it's in my first post that he's all ok with this. 3nodding

thanks everyone, for giving me advice and encouragement. I don't feel nearly so hopeless now.

hm, now where to find some cool potential dates...? ninja

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 11:39 pm

you are welcome. try joining some clubs

hope u got 10bux

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seiryuuchan

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Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 1:44 am

TheGrim17

you are welcome. try joining some clubs

clubs? confused what clubs?

Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 7:58 am

seiryuuchan

So, I am a bisexual woman who had some flings with other girls as a teenager, but I've been married to a wonderful fella for six years now and I've been agonizing over how to approach other women with the intent of dating/ltr. My husband has absolutely no problems with me dating or making love to a woman as a separate relationship, in which he would have no direct or equal part. You know.

Basically, I'm afraid that since I'm married, I'll get dropped faster than a hot potato when the woman in question finds out. However, I don't want to conceal the fact that I'm married just to have a w+w relationship, that's not honest or open and I prefer honesty and openness in my relationships.

On top of that, I haven't dated...well, ever really...that's a long story...so I also don't have a good idea of how to find or approach someone. It gets especially complicated by the same gender thing; a lot of women are still unsettled by the idea that another woman is attracted to them romantically/sexually.

That's the basic situation...any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks! 3nodding heart

Sounds quite familar. I had been married for 7 years now, only that my body is a guy's one and that I am divorced. I don't think she would have appreciated if I had a boyfriend... But anyway, it is quite hard for me to find a "date", too. Doesn't even depend on if it's a female or a male one. I'm quite shy, and when going out I feel completely misplaced when knowing noone....

Where do you live? At least over here in vienna/austria there are quite some clubs you can visit, like TheGrim17 suggested already. Every more or less bigger city should have some, and depending on the society around they are more or less hard to find. Have you tried to search for something in google or similar for your area?