|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:53 am
 It seemed that for every step forward in healing Inali took, another step back was inevitable. She had been doing so well up until this point- she had regained some her cheer, and had enjoyed several encounters with other soquili that had not ended in disaster. She was even making friends again, and it had done well to fill the bleeding gap where her heart had once been. But no more. These past few days she had reverted back to where she once was, quiet and withdrawn, staring at everyone with a veil of mistrust and hostility.
Today she walked along the beach, feeling as though the weather was not cooperating with her mood. It was pleasant and sunny, with only the slightest tinge of autumn in the air. The red leaves that fell from the trees littered the beach. It was a unique sight in a unique place, and perhaps this was why Inali had chosen to live here. It was beautiful, though she couldn't appreciate the beauty at the moment. The world seemed ugly and cruel to her, even though it was doing its best to appear beautiful at the moment.
"It's all lies!" the mare cried out, emotion growing too strong for her to contain anymore. "The whole thing is just lies." She wanted to cry, to break down and lie in the sand and let the waves lap over her until she no longer had flesh on her bones. Let the crabs pick at the chunks left. Let a gleaming white skeleton, the only thing beautiful about her, lie there for all eternity. Let no one care. There, that was done already. See, it wasn't too hard just to give up, was it?
Her legs folded of their own violation, and the red mare went down. The wet sand was chilly, and the sea was making her shiver in no time, even from those few waves. It wasn't comfortable, but Inali felt as though she was past the point of worrying about comfort. Comfort was for those who had a reason to enjoy it, or to deserve it. Comfort was not for her.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 12:13 pm
Maion flapped his mighty wings silently, he loved the night, the moon shimmered so magnificently on his black and white markings. As the light sparkled on his star markings he swore that he saw them move and shimmer with an equal beauty of the sky above. But surely moving markings were impossible. Flying above the Ocean, his protective urges flooded over him like a mighty wave, he felt drawn to the ocean more than anywhere else in the world. It was a place of tranquillity and unspoken beauty, and each wave crashed onto the shore he was reminded of its hidden power. He longed to be like the Ocean ever since his mother had passed away. To be seen as tranquil, respected by those around yet with a hidden strength reminded him of the presence his mother had always exhibited on their explorations. She had gifted him with her markings and domain, knowing this he swore he would always strive to keep it safe. He would often spend hours simply circling the waves, watching his reflection move as a dark blur upon the surface. It was as if he never existed, this silent guardian of the Ocean.
He looked up to the sky above; the stars indicated that he had been circling the ocean for hours now. Exhaustion was starting to set in so he swooped towards the land once more; it was basked in a gentle ambiance from the Moon. Yet as his eyes did their normal scan of the waves he noted a creature that did not belong. It seemed to be allowing the waves to have their wicked way with them, washing them inch by inch closer to the open Ocean.
With each movement he gained upon it, a sudden shock flooded his body as the realisation of what the creature actually was become clear. A female? His mind tumbled with questions about the cause of her presence here.
Protective urges flexed in his muscles as he swooped closer to her with a true purpose, without thinking he flew before her and used his powerful wings to disturb the waves around her, he was attempting to clear it away in order to prevent her being carried away. As he attempted to part the waves he spoke in his strong voice that echoed in the vastness of the Ocean. "What are you doing here?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 12:37 pm
Inali raised her head blearily. She had been nodding off, day turning into night, cold numbing her so that her outsides matched the turmoil on the inside. It had felt so good to just give in and forget, but now someone was yelling at her, dragging her back, bringing her to the world she did not wish to face...
What was it to him? Silver eyes widening, Inali scrambled to her feet, staring at her apparition. There was nothing else it could be. A creature of such surpassing beauty and purity could not truly exist, was not physically possible. Had she finally died then? Was he here to take her to whatever private hell she deserved? What was he doing here? But then her sore bones creaked, and Inali felt her hot breath struggle to fill her rib cage, blood pumping slowly in an attempt to warm her body. She was still alive, and he was all too real.
Instantly suspicion flooded her eyes. He was just a stallion, another one, and beauty nonwithstanding, all he would do was hurt her in the end. She couldn't trust him. But... But something in her did. Something in her warmed to her mysterious savior, and Inali found herself standing there, still panting slightly, unable to keep up her hostility for too long. Perhaps it was simply exhaustion, perhaps not.
"I wanted to become a part of the ocean. It seemed peaceful. It seemed like a good end." To be one with the waves, no conscious thought, forever floating, part of something far bigger, both loved and hated... It seemed so pure, so simple to Inali then. Now it just sounded feeble and stupid as it fell from her mouth. "I wanted everything to go away but the waves on me, and then the sensation of that to fade. I wanted everything to fade." She wasn't sure why she confided into the angelic vision, but she did, still maintaining some suspicion.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 10:20 am
Maion watched her in a light concern; she seemed ok now however something began to niggle him at the back of the mind. What kind of state would someone have to be in to attempt to end their own life in such a way, after all it would be excoriating, the pain and weight of the world forcing you under, stealing your breath as you gagged longing for more, hoping and pray for just one more chance before being stolen of your last breath and signs of life. It was not something he would wish on anyone, yet he had always admired how the Kelpi’s swam gracefully and sometimes envied their ability to swim under the water.
Swooping down he landed near her, his hooves digging into the sand forcing it to move in swirls that sprayed the sounding area softly. He looked towards the Ocean, the waves flicked the colours of the world around, he knew why she had been drawn to it as he had thought so many times of joining the waves as they danced across the world, yet he knew it was a dream that could never be. He lowered he face to look at the fragile mare once more; he didn’t want anyone to feel how she was obviously feeling. He stepped closer, lowering his head softly towards her before moving his muzzle to caress her cheek gently as he spoke once more. “We wouldn’t fit in the world of the Ocean,” he pulled away raising his head once more to look gently from her to the Ocean. “We need to find our own place in this world, you will one day.”
His mind wandered to the world around them, it was filled with a magnificent array of colours that shimmered and twinkled, there was beauty all around them you just needed to open your eyes and your heart to them. He loved his home in the Mountains yet he also loved to wander in the forest and to swim in the lakes of the world, it was always calming to travel and visit new places, meet new people. It was all to do with your heart; you needed to unlock it up and keep your mind open to the possibilities of the world. “My name is Maion,” he paused for a moment reverting his gaze towards her once more, “I am the protector of the Ocean.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 4:27 pm
Inali had heard it all before, but perhaps the arresting appearance of the stallion helped. He still looked unreal, as if he could not be part of this physical world, but as his muzzle dipped down gently to nuzzle her, she could feel his hot breath and knew then that he was all too real. It almost made Inali shiver. She wasn't sure to think of her unlikely savior. A mixture of emotions flushed through her, leaving her conflicted and bewildered. Still shivering from the cold she stood unsteadily, wobbling as much as a newborn foal.
"I'm Inali. I live here." It all sounded so stupid, coming from her mouth. She wasn't as gallant as this stallion, and never could be. He well fit the image of a protector or guardian, down to the stained bandages that seemed to encircle his feet. Suddenly Inali was fixated on them, trying to think about where they had come from, and what they might mean. It was easier to think about than her own life, though she knew better than to ask her strange companion.
"How did you find your place in the world?" Can I come with you Inali added to herself, silently, biting her lower lip to keep it from pouring out. Perhaps this stallion could teach her about having a purpose in this cruel, cold world. He would make a handsome companion, the cynical, ever present part of her mind warned. Is that the only reason? No, that wasn't just it. He was so interesting, and suddenly Inali badly wanted to know what made Maion tick. Was that her purpose in life- was it to unravel the mysteries and sadness of others? She had been counseled enough times to give her own, if she ever got to the stage where that would no longer be hypocritical.
"You probably think I'm a right idiot," the mare continued, silver eyes cast downwards as she continued to shiver. "It all made so much sense in the time. I wouldn't have to think. Wouldn't have to feel. Everything would be gone, and those that hurt me couldn't scar me anymore." It still made sense to her, in some residual part of her mind, though now she knew better than to try again.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:41 am
As Inali spoke her name Maion felt a soft twang in his heart, he felt as if he had heard the name before, a whisper on the wind perhaps hiding in his memories as he walked upon the Earth. Was it fate that he brought him here this day? Shaking the feeling gently from his mind he smiled softly at her, she seemed fragile, yet beautiful. Her hair cascaded down her face like the waves upon the Ocean, and her pelt was a fantastic blood red. He had always admired the bright colours bore by others although he had never wished to change his own, after all his Mother had gifted it to him.
Yet as he silently observed he noted the sadness that lay locked behind her eyes, he wanted to shed a tear for her, hold her close, make her feel happy and warm once more, except he knew such actions were deemed inappropriate in the world around him, he was an Angeni and with that lay heavy responsibilities’. He ears picked up her words and as he ran them through his mind he found himself wondering why he had never seen her before, perhaps they had simply missed each other, one living locked in the shadows cloaked in stars while the other roamed the land hoping to find their speckle of happiness. He nodded softly in reply.
Yet her next question was curious, how did you find your place in the world, had he found a place? Or had it been forced upon him by the concepts of honour and valour, yet now was not the time to discuss such things. Turning his attention to the Moon as its reflection trickled on the gentle waves below he spoke, his voice still strong and impressive, “I am still looking for my true purpose,” he paused, allowing himself a moment to wonder what he was actually still searching for in life before he continued, “yet I protect because I know of my strength, a strength that should not be abused by those lusting for power.” He allowed himself to remember the day with the Kalona, images flashed of him viscously tearing the life away from the Mother as she guarded her three foals, sport had been their game that day, un-honoured and unacceptable. He had struck, but it had been too late to save her life, the only constellation he had was that her three foals had been saved. Sighing his eyes wandered lazily along the shoreline towards her, “we must all do our part for the greater good.” A smile speckled across his face once more.
He continued to listen to her words, she seemed somehow embarrassed by her actions, yet he saw nothing of them other than destinies way of ensure her presence this night. Shaking his head he continued to smile at her. He observed her again as she let out a shiver, his mind calculated the variables before concluding that she must be cold from sitting in the water for too long. Raising his wings on the right side high he smiled down upon her, “Would you like me to help warm you?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 10:05 am
Maion's words were true and wise, yet Inali found it hard to believe he could not have a purpose. He seemed to radiate it, but she understood what he meant. You could have a reason for living, but finding your true purpose was something far deeper and far more difficult to do. It could take one years to find it, but once you did... She shivered in anticipation of one day finding that time, and acting out on the purpose. It made the future suddenly seem delicious, though her addled brain rebelled from all directions.
At his offer, Inali could not even muster up a protest. She enjoyed her independence. She didn't want to be seen as weak, ironically enough. But there was little else Maion could see of her, little of her weakness and her faults that he had not seen in the mere few minutes they had known each other. Instead, the red mare nodded gratefully, silver mane sticking to her neck damply. "I'm sorry. I'm cold from my own stupidity. But I find myself no longer wanting to die." Managing a feeble smile, the mare pondered.
Something had stuck them together this night, angelic vision and half-drowned mare, coat nearly black with the damp. Those few spots still dry shone out in the moonlight, blood hued and almost eerie. Her silver rump mark also shone, though a fine patina of sand now covered it. It was struggling to get through though. Not for the first time, Inali briefly contemplated the heart shape, intertwined in and around itself in a complicated, sinuous pattern. It made no sense, yet all the sense in the world. Nothing made sense. Everything did. Who was Maion, and what was he to her? She felt as if she had known him before, somewhere in her foggy past that she could no longer recall. Ah, things were getting complicated again! But for once, Inali did not mind.
Impulsiveness took her then. If he had seen all over her that was to be seen, the worst and the darkest that made up the red mare, then why shouldn't she question him? A spark of life returned to her eyes, though it was too cold and she shivered again, unable to muster up her usual fire temporarily. "Where are your bandages from? You don't have to tell me... But I like to think I know something of pain." Both the physical and the mental, she added silently to herself. She wanted so badly to unravel the mystery of Maion now. It seemed suddenly significant.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 12:53 pm
Maion dropped his wing carefully over the mare at the acceptance of his offer, his feathers were useful for insulating himself and others as they trapped in the air that was warmed up by his body heat and then in return insulated him from the cold. It had been thankful for his wings on several occasions lately, there had been a lot of snow in certain places he had ventured to. Yet as he listened and ran her words through his mind he came to realise he knew very little about her, or about what would drive anyone to the point that they contemplate death as their only escape? Surely not all those confound to the ground due to being wingless bore the same trait? Death was not something he welcomed lightly, and although he had taken a light to protect others he would not have done it if there had been another way to escape such fate. He was ashamed. Ashamed that he had been forced to use death as the only method to escape and conquer the situation. He was not some army invading from another land, the words of Aleksei rang painfully through his ears, are you some self proclaimed God? Perhaps somewhere in his subconscious he had lost sight of his original objective consumed by the praise and good manners that seemed to follow his breed around, if only his Mother was still alive, she would know the right words to comfort him.
He welcomed the change in subject although it was not something he would openly explained, most of his encounters with mares had led to questions of a similar nature as they attempted to convince Maion that he could trust them beyond anyone else. It had bored him actually, how hard they tried to impress him to simply learn his stories and secrets. Sighing softly he attempted to forget them and refocus his attention to the mare before him, it was not right or acceptable to judge her before knowing her intentions. He allowed a small smile to show on his lips as spoke, "small injury." He replayed the scene in his head once more, the wounds where from an attack of a pure skinwalker, and since that day they had simply not healed. Yet Maion wore them as a badge of humility, a reminder that not everything could be resolved by violence. He did not like to divulge all the details when he retold stuff, nor did he like them to upset another so he tended to edit them so that they where suitable for young company. "A skinwalker attacked a Mother of three, I …" he paused for a moment, it was a painful memory for him, "protected her and the children." That was all she needed to know, the gruesome details of the children becoming orphans, or that the blood of their mother still stained their eyes was not a detail to be shared lightly. Even to this day he checked on all three of them to see if they where ok and safe, he had taken them to a place in the forest where they would be in good hands, a family who would protect them as their own. Maion’s only regret was that he could not care for them himself yet his duties wouldn’t have provided him the time he needed, now perhaps he could have, but then…
He was rambling to himself. Something he seemed to be doing more and more lately as if some terrible dread lay heavy on his mind. And then he recalled her last words something of pain. Pain, real pain, was not something that could be described in words, nor would such pain leave his lips. Perhaps this mare had been through a similarly terrible ordeal, or something she considered equal to his own experience. Yet he did not want to know, pain was not something he strove to discover. "I would rather remember happier times." His words drifted on the breeze as his mind recalled the world around him, the landscape was beautiful, tainted only by those individuals who he would consider to be evil.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 2:59 pm
Inali sensed she had stepped upon a sensitive subject and mentally backed up. She shifted away slightly from Maion's warm side, not wanting her thoughts to go to where they often went in situations like this. Not again. Never again. Never again could she trust anyone with her heart, could she? As much as she wanted to... No. Angelic beast or not, she could not fully entrust herself like that to Maion.
"Yes, we should focus on happier things." It was a shame she wasn't in a happier mindset. Though she was considerably more happy than she had been before, Inali still found herself wondering what submitting and letting it all wash away would have been. Her story seemed so shallow and trivial when compared to Maion's, but it was her story all the same. How could you compare apples to pears? It wasn't compatible. She didn't even try to make a voice of soothing, or state she understood, for she knew that was far beyond her grasp.
"It is a beautiful night. I think the sun might rise soon. Do you vanish in the sunlight?" There was a note of teasing in her voice, though underlaid that was some sort of desperate longing for this night not to be a dream. Perhaps she had died already, and this was her reward for suffering. No, she would not go to a happy place. She didn't deserve that. So she was very much still alive, and getting very sleepy. It was something about the warmth and the body height and the comfort the stallion radiated... If she had leaned away from him before, she leaned closer to him now, reveling in the closeness. Unbidden, her heart began to increase tempo. No, not again! No... No, it could not be happening.
Tearing away from Maion's side, eyes wild and wide, Inali reared and whinnied before she could control herself, sides heaving. She had let her guards down, and look what had happened? She could no longer even look at him. He had become significant to her, and that meant only pain.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 1:59 pm
He bowed his head low at the mention of happier things, although it was important to never forget the evil things that tainted the feathers of his life it was also better to ensure to allow your thoughts to linger on the brighter things in an attempt to remain happy, to see that there is a purpose beyond the destruction that played so vividly.
As she spoke of the sunlight he smiled, he rarely ventured into the suns strong rays, yet he did find himself enjoying its warmth on the odd occasion, he enjoyed exploring the world around him. “I do not disappear.” He was not a ghost, although sometimes he wished he was, a figure to be watched but never touched or harmed by the burdens of the world.
Yet as he watched and listened the situation escalated from his control, something appeared to have deeply stung at Inali as she bolted from his side, his mind raced in a desperate attempt to discover the reason from his memory for the action that had driven her away. “Are you ok?” His voice was laced with a truthful desire to know what haunted her mind, yet even as he acted a small whimsical thought floated forward, he would never understand women.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 9:35 am
How could she possibly explain to Maion that in such a short time he meant something to her, and that he would inevitably break her heart and leave her more crippled than before? She couldn't trust him to return the feelings. No one ever did. No one ever would. The ocean just looked better and better, try as Inali might not to let her mind drift in those directions. Maybe she should just tell him. Perhaps honesty might one day actually benefit her.
"I can't. I can't stay with you here any more. You should just leave." The words came out far harsher than Inali had intended. She knew her rescuer didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve all of her behavior in the past hour or so.
"You can't... I can't stay here. You've become important to me. Is it possible to be struck so quickly and so cruelly with darts of love? I suppose so. You're wonderful. You're magnificent and mysterious, yet so real. And you'll just hurt me." She couldn't stop herself from rambling. There was so much to Maion, so much that appealed to her besides the outer appearance, but how could she ever possibly explain that?
"You'll just tear my heart out and leave it bleeding in the sand, and I'll just end up as I was before, waiting for the ocean to claim me as its own." Inali was still wide eyed, tears beginning to fall from silver, luminous orbs.
"I don't want you to hurt me. You already have. I can't explain it. I'm sorry." If there was such a thing as love at first sight, Inali had experienced it, and just as quickly broken her own heart to prevent it from being trampled upon by Maion. It was for the best.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 1:58 pm
Maion listened to her passionate words, she seemed as if something he could never understand tormented her very essence, gripping it with a cold icy chill that had only been pushed further towards the eternal darkness of emptiness. It was saddening. In an attempt to remain friendly he smiled softly, yet her words cut him deep.
Stepping towards her he moved his neck closer and closer to hers, before gently stroking her. He didn’t know how he could take her away her pain, especially the pain he had evidently caused her through some unknown action. It had come slightly as shock to him, he did not know how he could have caused her this much pain without doing very much, he had only tried to be friendly. “I am sorry.” His words whistled along the breeze, swirling in clouds of hope and friendship. He knew of no actions or words that could comfort he, and he felt it was almost pointless yet he couldn’t leave her like this.
She loved him the thoughts played on his mind as he pulled away softly to look at her once more, that word was too strong to describe anything he felt, but he knew it would take a while for him to form such emotions with anyone. Perhaps he just wasn’t ready, he wanted friendship, he longed to help and protect those around him, yet love seemed to great an adventure for him to embrace.
Moving his head so that his nose was inches from her own he looked her in eyes, their colour was delightful small pools that reminder him of rainclouds, suppressing that thought he spoke once more, attempting to make his voice as gentle as possible. “Please don’t run away,” he paused for a moment, his eyes revealing his sadness and concern as he watched her always scanning her for any glimpse of emotion. “Please, let me try to help you.” He watched her, eyes glancing at her, lapping up every glimmer of emotion as if attempting to discover something he had not noticed before. After a silence of what seemed like a small eternity, although it had been mere seconds he spoke once more, sincerity laced in every word, “I do not flee that easily from those who need my protection.” He smiled once more.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 19, 2008 10:27 am
Silver eyes still wild, Inali never the less managed to calm down slightly. What he had said was better than outright rejection, though that was very much what she expected from him. It was what she expected from life, after all.
At the same time, Inali very much doubted that anything Maion could do would help her, in the end. She would let him try, if only to experience a bitter satisfaction at the inevitable failure of it all. In the end, not even those who were supposedly pure good, those who screamed redemption, could redeem the condemned soul Inali viewed herself to be. She felt herself shiver, though it was not from the cold this time.
"I feel like you are engaged in a futile task. Save yourself the frustration and the anger and leave now." Her stance had changed completely, as variable as her emotions seemed to be in this state. Inali let out one bitter laugh, before shivering again, standing on the defense with all legs spread apart, prepared to bolt but unable to muster the energy that would require. What was the point of it all, in the end? There was no point. Nothing had a point, did it?
She sounded almost sad as she spoke next. "I'll just anger and frustrate you. You don't want to deal with a heart like mine. It alternates between being broken into many pieces and being made of stone. I should not expect that out of anyone, least of all someone I do not know well." Though, she added silently to herself, I feel as though I do know you very well...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 19, 2008 11:29 am
He continued to look her straight in the eyes, a soft smile fluttering upon his lips and he watched her troubled mind try to escape. She was obviously producing excuses that she had told herself a thousand times about the disappearance of others like himself, yet he had no intention of ‘bolting’ in such a rude fashion. There was someone in the world for everything after all; you simply needed to fine the one for you. He spoke once more, his voice firm with a tone of determination written within it, "Look at me Inali." His eyes twinkled in the lack of light produced by the stars, the glowed like small crystals towards her, emanating a gentle warmth and hope that he aimed to express to her. "Do not give up."
Stepping back he scanned the surroundings, the breeze was warming up, and he felt moving away from the sea would also warm her. He turned softly nodding his head beside his body in an indication that she should join him on a walk. He wanted to show her something, something he hoped would help heal her or at least open her mind to the possibility. She was not alone, he would not abandon her or anyone else with a good cause, and a simple case of being frustrated would not be enough to deter him from his duties.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 20, 2008 10:27 am
"It's not worth the expenditure of energy to try and love you. I'll just end up here again, trying to get the sea to wash away my sins and my flesh. You'll find another mare, and I'll vanish from your mind. I'll become a memory, someone you barely knew, someone you never bothered to know. Why even bother? Why bother, if the end spells only failure?" She knew it would too. Inali knew only failure, expected only failure, and could not conceive of a life without it.
"Frankly, I don't want to put up with it anymore. Just leave me be. Let me go back to my original intentions." It all made sense to her again, the sheer foolishness of her actions taking on some semblance of sanity. What was the point of continuing when she had struggled for so long to be loved, failed so much? She had tried so hard, tried literally everything, and it had all failed. She had tried not looking. SHe had tried looking. She had been friendly, off putting, flirtatious... And now it struck again, and it would happen again, and she would not survive it.
"Please just leave me." Now she would just be his project, and that seemed infinitely worse. He should just leave. She couldn't stand to be his experiment. There were some things that all the meddling in the world could not fix, and Inali was one of those. She would not be some sort of mild interest for Maion, just to be left when he gave up and grew frustrated, or when Inali lied and tried to tell him that everything was okay. It was all lies and entanglements, and she wanted no more of that.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
