(( Just to set the scene... 'Lor has just rescued Nash from a group of slavers who kidnapped and abused him... among... other things. And this is the conversation that comes after~
And yes, this is an AU set in Firefly-verse, but the characters are still very much themselves :3 ))
'Lor finally let himself break down...let his facade crumble away. Tossing outer clothes aside, he rubbed his face on a sleeve, bothered by the make-up he'd used to change his appearance. And with a soft cry, he turned to wrap his arms around the other. "Nash...oh gods, Nash..." The tears were coming...he couldn't stop them... Slender shoulders were shaking...with both relief and sorrow...and some desperate, vengeful part of his mind wanted to march right back and kill those slavers....except for the part of 'Lor that had been completely -terrified- the entire time.
Nash froze for a second, not understanding ... how the hell ..? But arms had come up to wrap around the other in turn - almost automatically ... and half because he needed the support. Then he blinked, and comprehension dawned. " -'Lor-?" he choked out, eyes widening. Oh -hell- ... if any of them had even suspected what 'Lor actually was ... ******** ...
Blue eyes shimmering, the Companion looked up at the other and nodded. "I...its me...yes..." He whispered, one hand reaching up to touch the other's face. "Hell, Nash...I was so worried..." Still was, if anyone was counting...he'd been afraid to lose the other...so afraid that he'd went far beyond his comfort zone and range of influence...in order to bring him back. Not that he thought Nash would understand...Nash never had...but somehow...it didn't really matter...so long as he was -safe-.
Nash shook his head slightly at that, taking the tiniest step back, away from the other. "Would've been fine..." he kind of muttered, ducking head to stare at the floor. "Why the hell'd you come after me anyway? This really isn't the type of place for you ... even with what you usually do."
'Lor dropped his hands, trying as hard as he might to pull himself together. He couldn't think of a handy retort...couldn't put the ice or annoyance in his eyes now... "Fine?! Nash...you..." The Companion shook his head, eyes searching the other...looking for something...anything. "You can't understand even now...that I might be worried?" The words were wavering, just barely even... "That I might actually care what happens to you?" There was genuine hurt there...the familiar slight to 'Lor's 'job' somehow having a bite to it now...he'd nearly gone out of his mind with worry...and now...this was all Nash could say?
Nash kind of blinked at that, glancing up. 'Lor had never done anything like -that- before, even with their constant sniping. Hell ... probably he actually had been worried. But still... "You should care, you're part of the crew. Doesn't mean you oughta go risking yourself though," he replied, almost flatly.
'Lor bit his lower lip...trying to think of something...anything to say...but he just...he'd hidden too much today, he couldn't act now...not after this. "Gods, Nash...it doesn't matter..." He said softly, glancing down at his hands, which had currently fisted in his own clothing. "I don't -really- matter, I'm just your cover...I...I don't think that I could forgive myself if something happened to you...and I'd done -nothing- about it." It wasn't about the fact that 'Lor was one of the crew...because he wasn't, not at all. For so long...he'd fought with this...the fact that he, as a Companion...was supposed to be the respectable one...that Nash was supposed to be the scoundrel...the no-good...but the truth was that Nash wasn't really that at all...and it was harder to cope everyday with the fact that the captain saw 'Lor as nothing but a high-priced whore.
Nash blinked, jaw dropping open for a moment as he -stared- at the other. What...? What the -hell-? "I ... that's not what I meant!" he protested, also fumbling for words now. Yea, 'Lor was a Companion and... all that crap, but Nash -still- thought of the other as a part of his crew ... not just a cover or whatever. Truth was, Nash didn't necessarily agree with his choice of jobs, but he liked 'Lor well enough as a person... just, for some reason, he'd thought their verbal sparring was ... exactly that. Sparring. Never though 'Lor would take all that -seriously-.
There was something infinitely sad in 'Lor's expression as he glanced up at the other. "Its all right, Nash...come on...you should probably get cleaned up and rest for a while..." Wiping the back of his hand over his eyes, the companion sighed shakily, "And I don't know what you meant, Nash...but you make it easy to tell what you think of me...but I've been looking for you all day...and...I...just can't pretend things don't matter right now..." Gods above the other had probably never even considered him...it was laughable to think he could be considered seriously anyway...unless 'Lor was willing...to give up a hell of a lot. And even he wasn't quite sure of that answer just yet.
"No ..." Nash said at that, reaching out to grab a wrist. "Wait just a damned minute here. I don't... hate you or anything, 'Lor," he said, fingers tightening just a bit. "And I meant it when I said ... you are part of my crew." Part of his -family-, like therest, in ways that really no one else had ever been.
Surprised, he turned to look at the other, a vulnerability in those blue eyes, "I..." He knew how Nash valued his crew...knew what that meant...but... "How? I'm just...to you I'm just..." And he found that he couldn't say it...that right now it hurt too badly. 'Lor had torn himself open today, and there was no closing the door on this particular closet of secrets. "Nash..." There were tears in the word...an emotion that he had told himself couldn't be for a thousand reasons...and yet...in the end...he loved him anyway.
Nash winced at that. "Dammit, no you're -not-," he said quickly, tugging on that wrist. Apparently he'd been an utter idiot and oh hell was he paying for it now. This was almost worse than when Ty decided he wanted something and whined about it consistently until he got whatever the hell it was. Not to mention -this- one was his fault. Good job, Nash...
"Yes..." He murmured, "I am...but I don't want you to see me like that...there was a point once...where I truly didn't care what you thought about me..." Carefully, 'Lor took a step closer. "But...it's not like that anymore...Nash...I care about -you-...not the captain of our ship...I, Allorsion...not a Companion, not a member of your crew...care about Nashorme." The words somehow caused the slender companion to tremble...pent-up emotion coming to the fore after he'd hidden it for so very long.
Nash blinked at that ... and blinked again. Well -hell- ... now he felt like even more of an idiot. "Why..?" he asked softly, not even trying to hide his utter shock at that. He wasn't the type of person people cared about ... not like -that-. Cause yea, he wasn't totally dense. He'd gotten the underlying meaning well enough.
"Because, Nash..." He replied, voice just barely above a whisper. "Because you're a good man, despite all your claims...because you have qualities to be proud of...because you're loyal and you know how to treat the people that are important to you, even if you have to be hard on them sometimes...because you have courage and because you refuse to give up...and because you're the only person I've ever considered giving up my occupation for..." The last was a soft confession, though he was still uncertain on that score...the idea most certainly had a prominent lean about now.
Nash stared at the other throughout that little recitation, eyes widening. Well ... damn. He'd never even really seen -himself- like that, much less thought anyone else would. And now ... he had no ******** clue what to say in return. "I ..." he started, but broke off, shaking head slightly. Speechless...
'Lor smiled sadly, "I know...in contrast it feels like my own good qualities are sorely lacking..." And he didn't think that the other wanted to see them... "it's really all right, Nash...I never expected you to reciprocate..." He'd already heard rejection in his heart and mind, which was why he never should have done this anyway, made a fool of himself. Really...what was the worth of a few words from someone who had slept with countless people on hundreds of planets...? Probably nothing to Nash... "I...didn't mean to put you on the spot...hell, I'm sorry, you really should be resting." He laid his hand atop Nash's own, meaning to at least tug him to go sit down on that bed...and somehow, 'Lor just couldn't bring himself to meet the other's eyes.
Nash frowned at that, wondering for a second... if he'd said something -else- without even knowing about it. He turned that hand over then, catching the other's fingers. "Did I say you were bothering me with this?" he asked, frowning slightly. "I don't even know -what- to think right now but ... never said anything like that.."
'Lor made a soft, helpless sound. "Nash...please...come sit down...I know you've got to be hurting...I..." He stared at that hand for a long moment. "I really do care for you, Nash...I didn't mean to, it was something that just sort of happened...and I hardly know what to do with myself...There were so many times today...where I had to pretend...pretend so I wouldn't break...act like I wasn't terrified of finding out what had happened to you too late...And now I'm making a fool of myself."
Nash pulled a bit of a wry face at that, shutting eyes for a second. "I dunno how good an idea -sitting- would be right now.." he murmured with a little shudder. Lying down would be -really- nice though, as 'Lor mentioning that brought all the pain crashing back in a sort of wave. -Hell- ... and Nash kind of swayed a bit on his feet but stubbornly refused to do anything like pass out. Moving slowly, he headed for the bed and crawled onto it, lying on one side. "C'mere..." he said then.
'Lor winced, "Sorry, Nash..." Apologetic simply for not thinking, when he rather supposed that he should have. Slipping up on that bed, he lay down on his side facing the other, propped up on one elbow. He wouldn't say no to anything the other asked anyway...not now...
Nash sighed softly, relaxing a bit into the give of the mattress. Gods, it helped just to get off his feet. Eyes lidding, he eyed the other. "Now ... I kinda know what you -expected- me to think and say about what you just told me. But ... truth is, I don't think that at all. I like you 'Lor ... I do ... just ... I dunno how much. Never really got past the dumb s**t kids do in high school," he murmured, wincing slightly.
The Companion offered a shaky little smile, "Well...I guess since you aren't going to be shipped off to be a slave someplace...and I'm still renting your shuttle...I suppose we have a bit of time to find out, don't we?" A small hope was better than none at all, and that was precisely what Nash was offering 'Lor. Hope.
