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 Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:13 am
Okay, I'm a girl firstly and second...don't laugh at me 'cause this is my first post here and it's like two in the morning and this will all probably sound dumb...
*deep breath*
My friend had this book the a while back called "Nasty Astrology" or something like that. Basically it's like the bad side of your horoscope. And I thought it'd be fun to look at mine, Cancer. And it said some stuff that hit me really hard and made me think that that book wasn't so funny after all. Some of it I could laugh off, like "they get fat no matter what they eat" and "they think of themselves as home-makers, but they are really agoraphobic" (both of which are kinda true). But there was something it said that just made me stop.
"Cancers, having no life of their own, love to listen to other peoples problems, and they are naive enough to think they can help."
That really hurt me...I can't stop thinking about that. I read this book a few weeks ago, and that line keeps haunting me. My friend suffers from depression and there have been several times I have stayed up till 3 or 4 in the morning talking her out of suicide. I help her and some of my other friends with their problems a lot of the time. And I've been very stressed about it before, always feeling like I was letting them down and such, but in the end I kept reminding myself that they must value my help if they keep asking for it, right?
But then I read that book and a whole lot of things I have been ignoring and denying just jumped out and slapped my in the face: My two "kind of" best friends have been hanging out together, and they never invite me. They say they open up to me, but they only tell me things when they need me. They tell each other EVERYTHING. I thought I was helping them, but they always end up back where they started. I'm obviously not helping at all.
The other day the three of us and another friend of ours went over to one girl's house to play DDR. And the they were all really good at it, and they looked so happy when they were just hanging out and tripping over each other and doing silly moves...I've never seen them look like that at school. They kept forgetting I was there and then trying to include me, but I wish I hadn't been there at all.
And this is all just a few in a long list of things that have been affecting me since I started this school year: I spend all my time on my Algebra II homework and never have time for anything else, and when I do, I can't find the motivation. My grades are suffering for this.
I'm tired all the time. My body feels so weak and I keep getting little injuries (I twisted my ankle three times in the last week). I can't find the motivation to get up in the morning. I feel like I'd just like to go to sleep and never wake up. I'm forgetful and I can't focus on anything. I constantly feel sick.
I'm in love with my best friend over the internet, who I never get to talk to anymore cause I'm either doing homework or she's not at home. We're both bi, but like I said, I never get to talk to her anymore and lately she keeps talking about all these hot guys at her school and how she'd like to go out with them...
I want to go on the New York trip at the end of the year, but I know I'll never raise enough money for it. My mom told me the other day, "Oh, come on. You know we'll help you pay for it." But for some reason I just started crying and yelled, "I don't want you to!" I know I won't get enough money, but this is the one thing I've wanted to do all by myself, get the money and go to New York. Oh, but I want to go so bad.
At school, I try to be the same happy weirdo I've always been, but when I get home I just...shut down. I feel emotionally dead. If I do show emotion, it's bitterness, cynicism, or anger. I lash out at everyone and then I try to make the person feel guilty for it. I hate that I do it and I wish I hadn't done it afterward. Then I just sink into myself even more. I cry myself to sleep a lot now, and I can't figure out why.
I don't get this. I've had a pretty good life. My family's not poor, I've always got what I needed, my parents love me...I didn't have a hard life or anything. It's not like I'm all battered and abused. I've got it real good compared to a lot of people...So why is everything going so wrong? I've never been one to wallow in self-pity for this long, but my life just seems to be crashing in on itself. I'm not going to start hurting myself or go suicidal or anything...I'm a coward, I can't stand pain. But everything just keeps pushing me under lately and I don't know what to do...I just don't know anymore.
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:31 am
Are you sure you want your topic deleted?
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:40 am
Well...I moved it to the LI subforum cause I'm new here and wasn't sure about posting...so I figured you wouldn't want an empty post just sitting here...I'm sorry, I'm new...I don't really know the rules...sorry...
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:47 am
Azure_Rain Well...I moved it to the LI subforum cause I'm new here and wasn't sure about posting...so I figured you wouldn't want an empty post just sitting here...I'm sorry, I'm new...I don't really know the rules...sorry...
Once again, are you sure you want your thread deleted?
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:59 am
...no, I guess not...I think I am gonna post the topic here anyway.
I'm sorry...I'm being stupid and picky and moody tonight...sorry for causing you trouble... crying Sorry...You can delete it if you want...I'm just causing you trouble...
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 3:04 am
Azure_Rain ...no, I guess not...I think I am gonna post the topic here anyway.
I'm sorry...I'm being stupid and picky and moody tonight...sorry for causing you trouble... crying Sorry...You can delete it if you want...I'm just causing you trouble...
We'll keep it here then. Post your issue whenever you feel ready.
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Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:16 pm
How old are you? I am a scorpio, cancers and I get along well, because of the whole life issues n water-element dealy. [bow]
That book really sounds harsh.. I would look further into that issue instead of making it the target of your everyday relations and life.
Sometimes knowing something like that makes life harder rather than the actual "you dont help, though you try" myth.
Although, I do remember feeling this way before my parents left me.. I would lash out, become seclusive, become angry at everything.. It was awful.
I'd have ups and downs, and nothing particular would trigger them, and as you were saying these mean things your mind was saying "what are you doing???"
Does that explain your experiences, or am I totally lost in the dark?
lol
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Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:26 pm
Astrology doesn't make sense.
That's why I'm so in love with it.
Not all of it has to be true.
Most of it isn't anyway.
Don't let the book get you down.
It's one single book, it isn't worth your time.
Stop thinking about it.
And about the rest of your life,
it seems like a great life.
Think of the people in Africa.
You are very lucky to them.
If you feel sick, see a doctor.
If you feel left out, make new friends.
If you feel just out of it, do something you really love.
It always works for me.
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Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:49 pm
What you have to remember about astrology is that the stars and other planetary objects you base your ideas off of are millions, if not billions of light years away. It's taken millions / billions of years for the light of that star to reach us. Meaning that more than likely, many of the stars that we see in the night sky no longer look like that in actuality, or no longer exist at all. It's kind of silly to base your thought around something like that when you put it into that kind of perspective.
As far as astrology with the planets goes, that makes little sense as well. Many of the planets, when discovered, were named after Roman gods, thus giving them the traits and properties each of those gods possessed as well. It also seems silly to me to base your beliefs after such a system, since well... the ancient Roman religion is all but dead now, the names of the gods just saved and taught in schools for history's sake.
You must also remember that with any astrology guide, the advice or teachings given are always in so vague of terms that they really can apply to anybody that reads them.
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Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:43 pm
You're tired all the time and forgetful...hmm. I'd suggest telling your doctor this. I had that problem for years...it effected my mood. I couldn't focus on anything, couldn't remember simple things...I was sleeping through class, sleeping when I got home. I felt so weak. Turns out, my tonsils and adenoids needed to be removed, because it was blocking my airway when I was sleeping and I wasn't getting enough oxygen. And I have Sleep Apnea. This can be treated, so you should look into it.
EDIT: And about your friends...here's something I've learned during friendship. You have to include yourself. Invite them to do things with you, and ask if you can tag along when they're going places. Invite them to go to a movie. Go bowling. Do something! I always planned things to do with my friends. We'd go bowling after school (one of my friend's father won! ;- wink and it was way fun. Include yourself, don't just make them include you.
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