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The Oxford Comma

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2008 7:17 pm


She was lost,
in emotion.
Living in her thoughts.
She was selfish,
and very flawed.
But did she ever,
tell a single soul?
It was in her eyes,
the way they would fade.
The way she would,
smile but you could read,
right through it.
She knew it was the end.
Her death will be sly.
And everyone will,
that it wasn't fair.
Her smile with leave,
her eyes will be gone.
Nothing will be left,
for you to find.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 5:22 am


I had to think about this one a bit. To me it didn't flow to well, but all in all I liked it.

And everyone will,
that it wasn't fair.

are you missing a word here?

FalIenGrace


ello pudding

PostPosted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 8:56 am


its very grim sad
Truthfully, I didn’t like the ending that much, it was very strait forward, and lacked the subtlety the first half had.
But it was, all and all, a good pome. 3nodding
PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 7:14 pm


FalIenGrace
I had to think about this one a bit. To me it didn't flow to well, but all in all I liked it.

And everyone will,
that it wasn't fair.

are you missing a word here?


I believe so. I agree. This is one of my least favorite that I have written.I've done a lot better.

The Oxford Comma

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x-moon-x-daughter-x

PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 6:23 am


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i'd like to see some of your other things. this was pretty good, though i do agree with pudding, the ending was kinda anticlimactic after the subtlety of the beginning. i Really like the beginning though! it could be taken different ways and i kinda related



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