|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:54 pm
Hey guys figured I'd repost the link I put up in the original thread:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/the_fallen_/12704.html#cutid1
obviously right now its in story form but it will eventually when its done be put into comic plotting form. I also have another project i'm working on which is still in plotting stages due to problems with coming up with character names. thanks ahead of time. biggrin
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 7:49 pm
Noir sci-fi is reall hard to pull off. Xen was well worked. The relationship between Zack and V took a couple of reads. V broke his heart and he a bit too happy to see her. I don't doubt for a second that he would drop everything to help her and her dad, but he seemed a little to happy to see her, especially for a hard-boiled detective.
I was hoping for a bit more background on the locale. If I'm hanging in cyberpunk land, I don't want to have to guess at it. That is one of the drags about introducing someone to your world, it tends to lag in the emersion. I usually throw the reader in headlong, and give backstory as necessary. That's why I enjoy comics, the art gives the reader all the info they need on the envirorment so theat the writer can focus on dialogue and other exposition.
Your dialogue was pretty good. Decend pacing. The dagger with the dried blood is pretty old school, almost cliched. The damsel in distress coming to the detective ex-boyfriend is pure noir. That's your anchor right there. With that as your crux, you can explore the sci-fi aspects of the story.
The buddy aspect between Zack and Xen will make for good material. It's been done to death, but the partners that don't know each other that well works when done properly. I wouldn't go with Zack trusting him fully for a while.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Doctor Harleen Quinzell Crew
|
Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 8:57 pm
Is Zack supposed to be inept? Because not having his gun in that situation and grabbing a coatrack as a weapon isn't what I'd expect from a professional.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 9:27 pm
May just be a bad first impression, Harl.
Before I forget, Zack, drop the Odin reference. Just didn't work at all. Odin and detective sci-fi don't mix.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 10:17 pm
Sorry I've been gone all weekend so this is my first time jumping back into the thread. Marty have i told you how much I love you lately or ever? xp anyways I'm tired right now. Whered i throw in the odin reference? Nevermind found it. Whats wrong with that reference? And yeah that dagger excuse my spoiling of a small plot point is a huge red herring...so is the whole V thing. Its going to be realized real fast that shes not everything she seems. Hence is why I am agreeing with you completely that shes the crux of the story. She will be the biggest plot twist involved. Oh and Zack of course doesnt trust Xen. Hes keeping him on the top suspect list.
Harl I hate to admit it and it will be revealed in a flash back. Hs had some help with some of his cases. There are times where he is completely inept. I should stop now because I'm not doing a very good job with explaining myself. I apologize
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 11:27 am
No, it's fine I just wanted to know where you were coming from. Did you take a look at the corrected version of the prologue I did?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Doctor Harleen Quinzell Crew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 7:25 pm
Doctor Harleen Quinzell No, it's fine I just wanted to know where you were coming from. Did you take a look at the corrected version of the prologue I did? It took me till now to relaize who you were. "smakc self in forehead" no i completely forgot about it. I'll go back in the original thread and grab it in a little while.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 7:38 pm
Yay! Zack loves me! I feel so gay! xp xd
As for the Odin reference, you've got me in a sci-fi noir setting. Odin makes my impression shift over to fantasy genres. I like to be completely emersed in what I'm reading. Hold me under and don't let me up for air.
I wrote a period piece years ago. I had to craft every line carefully to not break the illusion. It was from the point of view of a young samurai in feudal Japan. I looked over everything to had to think "would he say this?" Your character making a reference to Odin doesn't seem natural.
As for V not being what she seems, women in detective stories rarely are. I'd be surprised if she was what she claimed.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Doctor Harleen Quinzell Crew
|
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 8:42 pm
Zack_Hunter in forehead" no i completely forgot about it. I'll go back in the original thread and grab it in a little while. Quote: As for the Odin reference, you've got me in a sci-fi noir setting. Odin makes my impression shift over to fantasy genres. I like to be completely emersed in what I'm reading. Hold me under and don't let me up for air.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 9:14 pm
Doctor Harleen Quinzell Quote: As for the Odin reference, you've got me in a sci-fi noir setting. Odin makes my impression shift over to fantasy genres. I like to be completely emersed in what I'm reading. Hold me under and don't let me up for air. Ah, but please note that these references are being used in names, no problem there. Dropping a mythologiacal reference here and in this fashion is what is out of place. I had the same gripe about Dwight calling Gail a "Valkyre" in Sin City. It didn't fit the character. For a character like Dwight or Zack to make such a reference seems way too much like someone trying to make themselves seem smarter than they actually are.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Doctor Harleen Quinzell Crew
|
Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 2:31 am
Fair enough, but I don't think it's out of character for Dwight, he seemed to have an interest in ancient cultures. It can work when introduced properly. I mean look at the Sopranos with Tony picking up The Art of War and quoting it and all that. I like the idea of characters that pick up on things that you wouldn't expect them to. I'm actually starting a joint research project for shits and giggles with a friend of mine on Gaia about the synnergy that's developing between American urban culture and anime/samurai culture. When I used to listen to rap music, I was surprised every once and a while with a reference to some rather esoteric mythological or historical reference that you wouldn't expect from someone like Lil' Kim or Ice Cube or whoever. I think if you stray too much into the line of thinking that a character of such and such a background wouldn't do this or that it can limit you and your characterizations. Sometimes playing with people's expectations can be incredibly rewarding and worthwhile.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 7:18 pm
The only problem i'm having right now is that i'm still stuck with my main villian. Hes making fun of the way we think of supervillians but at the same time hes a very screwed up man. I just cant come up with why hes been doing all this stuff to just come after zack the whole time.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 7:21 pm
Oh and the other thing. You'll be seeing the bartender scott mathews in another one of my stories very soon. Hes in the team book getting used to his power, after not knowing he had it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 2:51 pm
Zack_Hunter The only problem i'm having right now is that i'm still stuck with my main villian. Hes making fun of the way we think of supervillians but at the same time hes a very screwed up man. I just cant come up with why hes been doing all this stuff to just come after zack the whole time.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Doctor Harleen Quinzell Crew
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2005 3:21 am
Parting bit on the "Odin" issue. Dwight my have seemed like he had an interest in ancient cultures, but the Odin reference was isolated to the point of being awkward. If the Zack character made one or two other Norse references or something to that effect in other places then I'd see no problem. This would establish the character's interest in the subject.
As for villains, they are important in the villains define heroes. Sometimes they don't need complex reasons to be the way they are. Just keep it simple, and it doesn't even have to do with Zack. Zack might just be in the way of his plans.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
