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 Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 4:56 am
Do I have the right to be mad?
Okay here is the deal..My mom baby sits for me because I cant really afford childcare. Well here is the deal my mom treats me like I don't know what Im doing. I tell her how I want things done for kaylee because well she is picky and well is quite demanding.
Here is what goes on kaylee wise.
My version
She throws a tantrum.. I let her finish and then I sit her down and Explain to her Why I took away what ever she had and why she cant have it and why throwing the tantrum was uncalled for.
My mom's version
Smack her hands and tell her to stop and fuss at her and tell her to knock it off.
Now I smack her hand but only when she grabs things like pennies or sharp things like scissors and half the time I do it out of panic!
My question is Do I have a right to tell my mom Im unhappy with whats shes doing because its not my way? Because All she does is yell at me to shut up and remind me she has plenty of experience..I have to tell her I do too I have baby sat kids from ages 0-10 years old and from what doctors have told me Im doing a great job with her! Her personality Is Way outgoing she expresses her self all the time and Loves to play! While my mom tells her to stop squealing and to not talk so much and such.. Im kinda lost at what to do with my mom..
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Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 1:13 pm
That's a tough one! If you know, she's okay - and nothing's wrong (she's fed, she's changed, she's not sick or hurt)....I'd let her cry a bit, but reassure her by playing peekaboo or making a silly face at her, using a reassuring voice from where she can't see you - but I wouldn't automatically pick her up everytime she cries.
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Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 5:20 pm
Thats what I was doing XD
I would sit there and be all Silly girl Im right behind you! and tickle her feet. I mean if she feels hot I check her temp lately I realized she is like my husband feels like she is on fire but has no temp at all and is not acting any different from her usual self.
She did just get a tooth so I knew what most of her fussing was.
My mom made me mad because is she was fussing or felt hot she would give her tylenol and I told her to knock it off and stopped packing it now she has to call me if she wants to do it and thats why I barely let her watch her half the time..
But now that I know im not wrong I feel better
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Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 6:51 pm
Oh and before I forget
The same freind also fussed at me about how im feeding my daughter.
See because of busy schedules with work and such (and my husband not understanding and kaylee not wanting to coperate) she just now got to step two baby foods because she is a hungry girl and slowly starting on solid foods
Now this is how a normal day goes feeding wise
Wake up at 6- 6:30 get an 8 oz bottle of milk.
at about 9-9:30 she gets one whole jar of fruit and another 8 oz bottle
at about 11:30-12 she then gets Half a jar of a veggie and half a jar of fruit and a 6 oz bottle of juice (as a treat )
then at about 2 I give her snack time a 8 oz bottle of milk and a graduates toast or cookie (big enough to gum and for me to retrieve if she bites )
then at about 5 she gets dinner the same as lunch half and half but with 8 oz bottle of milk then at about 7:30 she gets maybe a 6 -8 oz bottle of milk then goes to sleep
now here is where my freind says im wrong....Im teaching her to eat her veggies and important things first then the sweets like the fruit. I thought it was a good idea and she is fine with it because when she sees the fruit after eating XD the yucky veggies she gets so excited she cries because im not dishing it fast enough then i give her the bottle after she is done and some star puffs so she can try then and get the feel for them.
She told me that by not alternating them its confusing her (seems im confusing her alot O_o) But I thought I was once again doing fine XD and its giving me an ulcer just thinking about it.
So should I keep teaching her to eat the important food like veggies first or should I alternate?
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Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 10:25 pm
I think all of this is just a matter of different parenting styles - and mine is more in line with yours, it sounds like you're doing a fine job. More to the point, I can't say I think very highly of a friend who is constantly criticizing your parenting methods. It would be one thing if you were asking for her input, but this sounds like a lot of unsolicited negativity. Maybe she's already got children, and notices that you seem nervous and not completely confident in what you're doing, so she thinks she's helping. What she's really doing is basically making you feel like a bad parent, which is not okay.
Not to mention, an outsider constantly criticizing a parent in front of a child will give the child the idea that Mommy's authority isn't the highest one, and that it might be a good idea to look around for better offers from anyone handy. I know that trick - I have a very well-meaning sister-in-law who has tried that with both my children. And for the next month or so, in both cases, the child was an absolute troll to me until they figured out that I did in fact run the house, and that trollish behavior would be punished on my terms. Oy, were those fun times!
So what you need to do, assuming this is all well-meaning advice, is let your friend know that her attempts to advise you are making you a nervous wreck, and that you really just want her to be supportive of what you are doing on your own, and that you would like a chance to learn with your child what works best for your daughter and you. After all, every child is different - what works for your friend might be terrible for you and your daughter. If she's really an awesome friend, I think she'll be able to respect that.
As for your mother - yeah, mothers are a bit trickier. If they insist on treating your children differently than you have asked, they really have no right to expect to see you or your baby much. It is absolutely your right to say what is and is not permitted for your child. And unless you are putting the child's life in danger, it is your right to expect that your rules will be followed. A grandmother who will not honor your rights as a parent is pretty much refusing to admit that you may in fact have grown up and be capable of caring for your own children in your own way. I haven't found a way to fix that one yet, other than steering clear for a while, and never leaving the child in her care.
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 10:32 am
Yvaine I think all of this is just a matter of different parenting styles - and mine is more in line with yours, it sounds like you're doing a fine job. More to the point, I can't say I think very highly of a friend who is constantly criticizing your parenting methods. It would be one thing if you were asking for her input, but this sounds like a lot of unsolicited negativity. Maybe she's already got children, and notices that you seem nervous and not completely confident in what you're doing, so she thinks she's helping. What she's really doing is basically making you feel like a bad parent, which is not okay. Not to mention, an outsider constantly criticizing a parent in front of a child will give the child the idea that Mommy's authority isn't the highest one, and that it might be a good idea to look around for better offers from anyone handy. I know that trick - I have a very well-meaning sister-in-law who has tried that with both my children. And for the next month or so, in both cases, the child was an absolute troll to me until they figured out that I did in fact run the house, and that trollish behavior would be punished on my terms. Oy, were those fun times! So what you need to do, assuming this is all well-meaning advice, is let your friend know that her attempts to advise you are making you a nervous wreck, and that you really just want her to be supportive of what you are doing on your own, and that you would like a chance to learn with your child what works best for your daughter and you. After all, every child is different - what works for your friend might be terrible for you and your daughter. If she's really an awesome friend, I think she'll be able to respect that. As for your mother - yeah, mothers are a bit trickier. If they insist on treating your children differently than you have asked, they really have no right to expect to see you or your baby much. It is absolutely your right to say what is and is not permitted for your child. And unless you are putting the child's life in danger, it is your right to expect that your rules will be followed. A grandmother who will not honor your rights as a parent is pretty much refusing to admit that you may in fact have grown up and be capable of caring for your own children in your own way. I haven't found a way to fix that one yet, other than steering clear for a while, and never leaving the child in her care. Yeah my freind is a tricky one even if i tried to talk sense to her I just ignore it but just that few stuff bothered me.. And my mom I have actually stopped letting her watch her except for like maybe once or twice that we need her. The reason being she sat in a hot car waiting to pick me up I was a little late getting off I asked her why she didnt get out of the car and she said...SHE was fine I went Yeah well the baby isnt and then she went she is fine she isnt fussing not five seconds later she started fussing and I told my mom she got to hot and now she is gonna be sick the rest of the evening or until I gave her something cold to drink..My mom got pissed off told me I didnt know what I was talking about blah blah blah ..Lets just say She isnt allowed after that and her telling me I was waiting to long on solid foods...My mom thought she should be eating it >.>at 3 months when she could barely sit up right with out falling over! Mind you I got tired of trying to enforce my rules and she got mad so now she doesnt watch her unless she has too.
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