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 Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 5:28 pm
Kohana was pacing to and fro her tail swinging in agitation and confusion. Her thoughts were scrambled by Mafunde's words and her experience helping him. Deep inside she felt a strange stirring of emotions a combination of denial, acceptance, fear, and hope.
Issue one seemed to be that she had been rambling to herself all night, her dreams had been filled with stormy grey eyes and little cubs asking her how to kill people. It was MOST disturbing and she awoke several times in a cold sweat that made her seek out a river to jump into. After jolting herself awake with cold water half the night she had spent the morning staring at her own reflection and debating with herself over her sanity. She was infact still standing infront of the shallow part of a stream and gazing into her own emerald eyes for answers.
"Why am I so confused?" She murmured to her reflection.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 5:41 pm
"It's all that steely eyed males fault." She hissed back at her own reflection, for this seemed the perfect explanation. After all was it not he who had made family seem so appealing? Was it not he who had questioned her own lack of friends and family? He also put her with that mouthy, rude, bratty, clever, sweet little cub. How dare he! What kind of game was he playing at? Did he want to trick her into baby sitting more often?
"Oh I see past his little facade, family isn't all it's cracked up to be! He wants to escape it, and he's making me think it's so great!" Except that wasn't right because she didn't think it was all that great. Well it might be nice, to have someone to talk to, or to help her hunt, or to run with. She shook her head and glared at her own reflection.
"You are NOT lonely!" She proclaimed firmly and tried to stare herself down.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 5:53 pm
Slowly her ears fell back and the hard gaze became soft and sad, her reflection blurred as tears threatened their way out. She closed them for a long moment and opened them once they were clear and under control. She looked back down at her cream colored face, at her reflected eyes so sad, so alone. She lightly placed a paw into the water breaking the image.
"Yes, you are." She sighed and leaned back.
This was her second issue it seemed, now that she was full grown, having wandered the land, she found herself strangely desiring that which she had seen among others. Family, friends, a place one might call home, a heart to share. For a wild spirit who had never been tethered to any one place or time for anyone, now she found herself oddly drawn over and over to Mafunde and his family. Somehow there was an invisible line he possessed that she could not escape until she accepted it with a reason. The reason was simple enough, she was lonely and he was like her in spirit. The solution seemed harder to grasp, how did she soothe her loneliness?
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 6:13 pm
"Maybe I'm asking the wrong questions." She sighed out loud and then glared back into her now calm pool of water. "Why am I even asking myself these things?" She growled softly.
"Why am I asking them out loud!" Yet that was the crux, she couldn't help but dialogue with herself, she had always solved her problems alone. It bothered her now because she realized she had no one else to solve them with. Except perhaps Mafu, but he WAS the problem! How did she soothe her loneliness?
"Use him..." She muttered halfheartedly. Suddenly she perked up and gazed down at her smiling reflection. "Of course, he's there, and he's alone, and I'm alone! If I use him for company I won't be alone! I'll be..." She choked back her own words and frowned. She sat down and tilted her head No...If I use Mafu, and he eases my loneliness, then that will make me happy, and if I'm happy because of Mafu...then what would I do when he was gone?
She glanced back at the water and frowned, for a long while she sat contemplating this new problem.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 6:44 pm
She found herself disliking the idea of Mafu being gone, it made her chest ache uncomfortably, as if she had just run a long ways. Maybe there was a new problem here connected to being alone, maybe the problem was that she wanted to keep Mafunde around for company. That seemed to be more of a challenge though, and she wasn't even at her second issue.
How would she keep Mafunde's company? She sighed softly and paced back and forth in front of the pool of water. Occasionally she would glance at the reflective surface as if expecting it to produce the answer she sought. Naturally there was no response from that source.
"Okay, maybe I could ask him to be my friend..." Yet friends went their own ways as well after a while and she would be alone again. "Well...mafu isn't the only cheetah around." She grumbled. Yet something about him was special, a subtle trait he had, the way he was as vibrant and carefree as she, and the next a calm and caring member of a family. She wanted him to teach her that. She gasped as she realized that in admitting to that desire she had created a new problem for herself.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 7:06 pm
"Okay, not a problem." She took a deep breath and focused on her reflection once more. "I'll just stay near Mafu and his family, I'll learn from him and...and we'll be friends." She smiled softly and sat down feeling a peace steal over her.
"Maybe, really good friends so he won't leave." Maybe more...
Her heart echoed an agreement to her thoughts and she lay back down slowly trying to get a hold of her emotions, desires, and thoughts. All things seemed to go astray in her mind when Mafunde entered the picture.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 7:32 pm
"Alright maybe it's time to think about something else..." She rolled onto her back and gazed up at the dusky sky. She could just barely make out the stars as they came to the sky. She had been contemplating all day and she was tired, and a bit hungry as well.
She dipped her head into the water this time avoiding her reflection and lapping up the cool liquid instead. It soothed her throat but made her ever more aware of her hunger. With a sigh she abandoned her place beside the water and crouched low moving along in search of prey.
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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:14 pm
Kohana moved along still thinking, she climbed up onto a grassy knoll and gazed out over the terrain. She purred softly at the cool breeze of dusk, she would make her meal quick before night came on. Her green eyes narrowed as she pinpointed a small herd of gazelle in the distance. That would have to do, with luck she could trip one up.
She approached slowly her body moving with a sinewy grace gifted to those of her species. She licked her lips and lunged forward her lungs filling with cool air as she burst into higher speeds. There they went! Here she came! She ran ahead and crouched low, just as she had taught her young charge the day before she tripped the animal up grateful it hadn't thought to jump. With pride she ate and began to devour her meal saying a small thanks that she was once again able to care for herself when she knew others might be less fortunate.
Kohana lay over her meal eating in thoughtful silence, the arguments with herself ceased for the moment as her mind and stomach urged her instead to enjoy her fresh meal.
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 4:15 pm
The cheetah femme abandoned her meal and raced away when she heard a lion roar in the not so far distance. She licked her lips full from her meal and unfettered by having given up the leftovers. With her stomach sated however her mind started back up pestering her to admit aloud the answers it had come to.
Admitting things out loud always cemented them in her mind though, and so she was reluctant to do so. Yet if she didn't solve all these troubling thoughts, it would be yet another sleepless night for her.
She decided to head back to the quiet, still stream and review her problems.
It seemed she had four main ones that kept bounding around in her skull like the gazelle she had just sent running off and about.
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 4:20 pm
Problem number one, she really loved Mafunde's company.
Problem number two, What was she going to do about keeping Mafunde's company?
Problem number three, after having baby sat she realized she really did like the idea of cubs and family.
Problem number four, she had no idea how she would ever be a part of a family, or ever ever ever have cubs.
The thought of having cubs made her shudder, she didn't know what she would do with them, and she feared ruining them somehow with bad upbringing.
Kohana reached the calm water and leaned down to drink and let her mind rest for another second. She sighed and slowly lay down her paws crossed infront of her and her gaze fixed once more on her reflection. The sun was almost gone from the sky and she was determined to find somekind of answer to each of her little issues.
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 4:27 pm
"Okay, so I love to be around Mafu..." She spoke softly now and closed her eyes. "So, I guess that means that I like Mafunde, I want him to be my friend, I want a friend to talk to, to laugh with." She nodded softly and opened her eyes looking at her own reflection.
She was pleased that her expression was open and truthful, she was no longer lying to herself or denying her desires. She wanted company and there was no fault in that.
"So, what do I do about it?" Inside she knew the answer but the words were having a hard time making it out of her mouth. "I...I have to..." She gulped and took a few deep breaths. "I have to tell Mafu...how I feel. I have to tell him I like him." She peered back down at her reflection and smiled softly. "I can do that." She tried to inject confidence into her own voice, to convince herself that a conversation would be easy.
Quickly she moved on to the next problem. "I really liked that cub, cubs aren't as much trouble as I thought. Maybe someday it would be nice to have more around, to have a family of my own." She murmured softly, sadly, for she did not think it was so easy. This time she didn't look into the water, she knew what her reflection would show her. Sad longing.
Kohana rested her head on her paws with a sigh and drifted to sleep her fourth problem lay dormant in her mind, unanswered. In her heart she might have been able to guess the answer, but she could not give her desire the words she had managed to place on the others.
FIN
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