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 Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 11:31 pm
What is the big deal about being alone? So many times have I seen thread is LI about how some one is now alone because of a break up or death. I choose to walk alone, in life. Go to the Intro section to see my views!
I think that people today are shallow and need to validate their existance through that of another. WTF. People realize that friends, family, and who ever, come and go wasting your time on how much you miss them is only going to make you miss the new friends and life changing experiences that will only come around once in a life time.
People being alone isn't the end of the world, I hate to say this but if you are to lonely get off of gaia and go to a park. when a ball or frisbee flys you way ask if you can play with the people. MAKE NEW FRIENDS!
Sorry if this comes off as a rant, but People are getting depressed over stuff that is simple to fix. The best way to recover from a lose is to move on.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 12:08 am
Yes, but see, just because you chose to be alone and you're fine with it doesn't mean that everyone else is fine with it. I think one of the main reasons that you're posting this is because you're frustrated or sick of all the threads that come in with the same problem such as that. However, when you go to a forum like that you're going to deal with those types of issues because a lot of people go through that in this time in their life and the average age for Gaia is around 14-18 or so. So, you're going to have to deal with it.
That kind of depends though on what you're talking about. Some people usually don't validate their existence through someone else, they simply justify it that way but usually doesn't mean that way. Most of them are just a little upset that the person that meant the most to them has just left them. A lot of them are dealing with people that don't care for them in that kind of way they felt for that person and they want that and it's hard to sort of let it go.
A lot of people on Gaia seem to be generally shy so it's not as easy as it looks if you're a shy person to just make new friends. You might have to conquer some fears that you have, you might not find anyone interesting, or you don't want to make new friends.
You say it with such simplicity and such grace in your life because you probably haven't gone through something like that or maybe you forgot what it was like. That, or you might just be saying it that way. For some people it's not exactly that easy for them. Again, they're losing that good feeling that they used to have with that person. That falls, then something else falls, then it's harder to get through the day, and it's a domino effect until they learn to cope with it and move on.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 3:51 am
I have to agree with ButterBalls. To add to it, I don't like being alone in life. I spent a good 8 years being alone, 'locked up' in my house. I guess that was my fault, and I did go out to fix it, even though I am seriously bad at meeting people.
I am one of those people who needs to have company, to have their hand held if you like. Does that make me a bad person? Does that make me shallow? I don't think so. I still believe the phrase, 'it isn't what you know, it's who you know.' If that validates my existance, then it validates my existance. I hope you are validating your existance with whatever you do.
Making friends isn't as easy as 1-2-3. You can become a companion, so that you can talk about rubbish (phatic talk), or play frisbee in the park. But a true friend is somebody who you would trust a lot, who would be there for you, and would not leave you no matter what happens. These people are hard to find, and when you discover somebody who seemed like that who isn't, or dies, then you will probably get depressed and/or angry. Those people need help - and where better to get help than LI when they probably can't talk to anyone in RL about it?
For your moving on statement, think of people like cars. It's hard to drive onward when you're stuck in a ditch, but with enough people to help push you back on the road it will be fine. It sounds like you have big wheels and a big engine, so you can get yourself out of ditches without help.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 7:15 am
ButterBalls Yes, but see, just because you chose to be alone and you're fine with it doesn't mean that everyone else is fine with it. I think one of the main reasons that you're posting this is because you're frustrated or sick of all the threads that come in with the same problem such as that. However, when you go to a forum like that you're going to deal with those types of issues because a lot of people go through that in this time in their life and the average age for Gaia is around 14-18 or so. So, you're going to have to deal with it.
That kind of depends though on what you're talking about. Some people usually don't validate their existence through someone else, they simply justify it that way but usually doesn't mean that way. Most of them are just a little upset that the person that meant the most to them has just left them. A lot of them are dealing with people that don't care for them in that kind of way they felt for that person and they want that and it's hard to sort of let it go.
A lot of people on Gaia seem to be generally shy so it's not as easy as it looks if you're a shy person to just make new friends. You might have to conquer some fears that you have, you might not find anyone interesting, or you don't want to make new friends.
You say it with such simplicity and such grace in your life because you probably haven't gone through something like that or maybe you forgot what it was like. That, or you might just be saying it that way. For some people it's not exactly that easy for them. Again, they're losing that good feeling that they used to have with that person. That falls, then something else falls, then it's harder to get through the day, and it's a domino effect until they learn to cope with it and move on. IT has happened to me more times than I can think of, friends killed, Father was never home and when he was home he was yelling and Pissed(no not booze or drugs he flys for United Airlines and because of he job he was never home) My mother was to busy with my little sister. I learned in JH and HS that keeping a low profile and Fight when you have to is the best way to deal with things. I have never really known the value of family and I am not curious to what value a family holds, I don't want one. Because of this I have never put high value on relationships. the good feelings and bad feelings will end at some point. Now sometimes the relationship ends for factors outside of the person's control. In those cases since it is out of you control why worry about it. Worrying about stuff that you can't do a thing about will absorb you life. and Life is to short to spend it worrying
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 10:37 am
I have to agree with ButterBalls. Also, while some people can deal with being alone, they'd prefer to not be. When your situation suddenly jolts you from one to the other, it can be quite upsetting.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 1:33 pm
MrMadman I have to agree with ButterBalls. To add to it, I don't like being alone in life. I spent a good 8 years being alone, 'locked up' in my house. I guess that was my fault, and I did go out to fix it, even though I am seriously bad at meeting people. I am one of those people who needs to have company, to have their hand held if you like. Does that make me a bad person? Does that make me shallow? I don't think so. I still believe the phrase, 'it isn't what you know, it's who you know.' If that validates my existance, then it validates my existance. I hope you are validating your existance with whatever you do. Making friends isn't as easy as 1-2-3. You can become a companion, so that you can talk about rubbish (phatic talk), or play frisbee in the park. But a true friend is somebody who you would trust a lot, who would be there for you, and would not leave you no matter what happens. These people are hard to find, and when you discover somebody who seemed like that who isn't, or dies, then you will probably get depressed and/or angry. Those people need help - and where better to get help than LI when they probably can't talk to anyone in RL about it? For your moving on statement, think of people like cars. It's hard to drive onward when you're stuck in a ditch, but with enough people to help push you back on the road it will be fine. It sounds like you have big wheels and a big engine, so you can get yourself out of ditches without help. I guess you can put it that way. I have big wheels. And that was a choice that I knowingly made. Yes, Would consider some people I know to be friends but I would not call them If i got stuck in a ditch and for that matter I would not call my family. I really wish people would be able to stand on their own two feet for a while. I know it is hard but think about it. If you live alone for a while you will be more greatful for the friends and Family you do have or you become like me. Living with out makes you realize what you have.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 2:15 pm
I think that the need for companionship is just basic human nature. Even if you go through life fairly alone I bet you have more people around you then you realize. After working many different jobs I have realized that people group. It isn't intentional but it happens. A ton of people come in all at once and then it's empty. And then all of a sudden there is a large group again.
Also I think that simply exchanging information and evolving and growing within yourself is really dependent on the people around you. Everyone has a different mind and will have different ideas about different topics. By talking to each other you learn their points of view or creativities and whether you agree with them or not it still adds to the person you are. Even this chat is interaction. You are talking about a subject. We are all responding in our unique fashions. Even if you don't need close friends or a companion in real life you are still reaching out for the interaction.
There are a few reasons people pair up and make couples in my opinion. One of them is because society says it is so and we have been raised on the notion of family. One of them is the emotion of love. When you feel so closely connected with someone that not being in their presence is emotionally painful why would you not what to be around them as much as possible? I think some people do it just to feel the success of doing it. This ties into societies demand that married and with children is the only way you can actually be happy with your life. Soem people seek the happiness and see this clear cut answer and follow it even if their heart tells them it is wrong.
I know a lot of people will disagree with me but this is my view on life. Make it a happy one. You don't know how long you are going to be here so you better get as much enjoyment out of it as you can. I told this to someone once and he responded 'I could sit at home masturbating all day and be happy but that wouldn't work would it?' and that isn't really the kind of happy I'm talking about. Living a life like that would give you no sense of fullfilment. Not to mention you would be evicted pretty soon and masturbating under a bridge while you are starving isn't all that much fun and probably won't make you happy. Basically ignore what society says you should be and says you should like and do what works for you. Don't get stuck on your opinions of the moment because if they stop working for you you can always change them. Do what brings you joy in life and you will be on the right track.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 4:12 pm
Liera Unullagata I have to agree with ButterBalls. Also, while some people can deal with being alone, they'd prefer to not be. When your situation suddenly jolts you from one to the other, it can be quite upsetting. Agreed: That one phrase really says alot; Its not about being alone, its not about developing skills to be alone and happy; Ive been alone alot of my life, as I believe MrMadman has as well, and well.. I tire of being alone constantly. Its not that I cant find anything to do; there is definitely plenty I could do... But its about that human contact and bond that helps you realize that there is more to life than carrying on by yourself and relying solely on your own. I think, and use this how you will, that depending on yourself for everything is not possible. I thought that I would love and enjoy being by myself all the time, but I found it depressing after the 5 or 6 years of living far from people. Having a vehicle is also an easy solution to loneliness, nobody mentioned that, I dont think.. But its a huge step towards getting OUT. Chalda:Your words were very well said, although That Last bit there really captivated me; It was really well-thought out, and it makes a lot of sense. heart
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 4:41 pm
L33tB4K4 IT has happened to me more times than I can think of, friends killed, Father was never home and when he was home he was yelling and Pissed(no not booze or drugs he flys for United Airlines and because of he job he was never home) My mother was to busy with my little sister. I learned in JH and HS that keeping a low profile and Fight when you have to is the best way to deal with things. I have never really known the value of family and I am not curious to what value a family holds, I don't want one. Because of this I have never put high value on relationships. the good feelings and bad feelings will end at some point. Now sometimes the relationship ends for factors outside of the person's control. In those cases since it is out of you control why worry about it. Worrying about stuff that you can't do a thing about will absorb you life. and Life is to short to spend it worrying
The value of family really depends on what kind of family you have. Most people think it's a good thing because you have people that you've grown up with that care for you and things like that. It doesn't really mean that you have to have one but a lot of people seem to like it.
Yes, that might be true that it will consume your life, how you feel on a daily basis, and other things but that's what they're choosing to do.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 4:46 pm
Liera Unullagata I have to agree with ButterBalls. Also, while some people can deal with being alone, they'd prefer to not be. When your situation suddenly jolts you from one to the other, it can be quite upsetting.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 7:34 pm
Chalda I think that the need for companionship is just basic human nature. Even if you go through life fairly alone I bet you have more people around you then you realize. After working many different jobs I have realized that people group. It isn't intentional but it happens. A ton of people come in all at once and then it's empty. And then all of a sudden there is a large group again.
Also I think that simply exchanging information and evolving and growing within yourself is really dependent on the people around you. Everyone has a different mind and will have different ideas about different topics. By talking to each other you learn their points of view or creativities and whether you agree with them or not it still adds to the person you are. Even this chat is interaction. You are talking about a subject. We are all responding in our unique fashions. Even if you don't need close friends or a companion in real life you are still reaching out for the interaction.
There are a few reasons people pair up and make couples in my opinion. One of them is because society says it is so and we have been raised on the notion of family. One of them is the emotion of love. When you feel so closely connected with someone that not being in their presence is emotionally painful why would you not what to be around them as much as possible? I think some people do it just to feel the success of doing it. This ties into societies demand that married and with children is the only way you can actually be happy with your life. Soem people seek the happiness and see this clear cut answer and follow it even if their heart tells them it is wrong.
I know a lot of people will disagree with me but this is my view on life. Make it a happy one. You don't know how long you are going to be here so you better get as much enjoyment out of it as you can. I told this to someone once and he responded 'I could sit at home masturbating all day and be happy but that wouldn't work would it?' and that isn't really the kind of happy I'm talking about. Living a life like that would give you no sense of fullfilment. Not to mention you would be evicted pretty soon and masturbating under a bridge while you are starving isn't all that much fun and probably won't make you happy. Basically ignore what society says you should be and says you should like and do what works for you. Don't get stuck on your opinions of the moment because if they stop working for you you can always change them. Do what brings you joy in life and you will be on the right track. I 100% agree with you
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 7:36 pm
I don't know maybe I have grown to hard to the world. and some people whom I have discussed this with think it is a self defence that I some how developed over time and have no idea on how to stop it.
Oh well
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 10:04 am
L33tB4K4 I don't know maybe I have grown to hard to the world. and some people whom I have discussed this with think it is a self defence that I some how developed over time and have no idea on how to stop it. Oh well I was seeing a bit of that as well.. :/ Self-Defense is something I really find confusing.. I dont mean this in a bad way, though I feel as if it is a form of lying to yourself in order to protect yourself.. an its a very foreign technique after finally opening up to people.. Is there anyone out there you would trust any really personal information to? Are you willing to open up and really recognize what it is that makes you play on the defense? Im definitely not a professional, and these are just my thoughts, although.. I think they could quite possibly help you come out of the darkness and see yourself in true light. Maybe then you would be purged from all that haunts you, and you would know for sure a little more about yourself. Its like the quotes: " Believe it or not Everyone have things that they hide,
Believe it or not Everyone keep most things inside,
Believe it or not Everyone needs to feel loved
But we don't and we won't
until we figure out
Could someone deliver us
Just send us some kind of sign
So close to giving up
Cause faith is so hard to find
But you don't and you won't
Until we figure out
I've seen it alot every time the world turns upside down
Believe it or not, most of us feel like we're losing ground
Believe it or not, everyone hate admitting fear
Believe it or not, Most of us wanna know why we're here
But we don't and we won't
Until we figure out
Most of us have nothing to complain about
Most of us have things we could live without
Everyone needs advice on how to get along
You don't we won't
Until we figure out
This really opened my eyes when I was jaded, so I did some exploring and found out alot about myself that Id been missing! Does that make any sense? heart
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 11:18 am
Gald to hear. I hope spme of what I said helps you. It is likely that they way you feel now is a defence like you said. When the pain of not being with people gets to be more then the risk of being hurt then you will come out of it or have to force yourself out. Only time can really tell. If it is working for you now then run with it. Just don't get hung up on it.
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 6:48 pm
Mavole L33tB4K4 I don't know maybe I have grown to hard to the world. and some people whom I have discussed this with think it is a self defence that I some how developed over time and have no idea on how to stop it. Oh well I was seeing a bit of that as well.. :/ Self-Defense is something I really find confusing.. I dont mean this in a bad way, though I feel as if it is a form of lying to yourself in order to protect yourself.. an its a very foreign technique after finally opening up to people.. Is there anyone out there you would trust any really personal information to? Are you willing to open up and really recognize what it is that makes you play on the defense? Im definitely not a professional, and these are just my thoughts, although.. I think they could quite possibly help you come out of the darkness and see yourself in true light. Maybe then you would be purged from all that haunts you, and you would know for sure a little more about yourself. Its like the quotes: " Believe it or not Everyone have things that they hide,
Believe it or not Everyone keep most things inside,
Believe it or not Everyone needs to feel loved
But we don't and we won't
until we figure out
Could someone deliver us
Just send us some kind of sign
So close to giving up
Cause faith is so hard to find
But you don't and you won't
Until we figure out
I've seen it alot every time the world turns upside down
Believe it or not, most of us feel like we're losing ground
Believe it or not, everyone hate admitting fear
Believe it or not, Most of us wanna know why we're here
But we don't and we won't
Until we figure out
Most of us have nothing to complain about
Most of us have things we could live without
Everyone needs advice on how to get along
You don't we won't
Until we figure out
This really opened my eyes when I was jaded, so I did some exploring and found out alot about myself that Id been missing! Does that make any sense? heart That is a nice poem. As far as the trust factor I don't even trust my family. nor any of my friends. No one. it is safe that way. Also a little up date. I did have a GF once and it was the worst thing I have ever done! It confirmed all my beliefs. She still harasses me months after I Dumped her
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