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 Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 12:11 pm
Ooooooooh my.
Summer days were long and dreadful, and what made it worse was that Loveless was on her own again. Her babies had grown, and Antony was probably off doing his own thing as well. Her father had escaped her wrath somehow, so lately Loveless would hide under the shadows of the forests. The heat was unbearable, and her skin couldn't handle direct sunlight during any part of the day.
For now though, she was huddled by a pond, watching the moving water sway back and forth. What had life become at the moment? She honestly didn't know, and her internal thoughts were somewhat worried for the future. Her children were all wonderful and grown, so there was no worry there. But they didn't need her anymore, but for some reason she still needed them.
She had always grown up with her own family to return home to, and lately she had been missing that herself. Should she tie the siblings together more? But would Antony even want that himself.
"Curses." she then muttered, while slashing her tail into the water. Why was her mind so plagued lately? And where was this doubt coming from?
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 12:36 pm
"Well, you can if you want, but I'd say that cursing the water is awfully strong, Lessy. Just think how withered and dried we'd be without proper hydration!"
In his life, Antony had seen and experienced a lot; being a half-breed had posed it's own challenges, as had being the product of a relationship that would be complimented by the term 'dysfunctional.' He'd grown up having a blood feud with his sister, fearing for the life of his family by virtue of his mother's insanity and the predjudices of the kalona race as a whole...and then there was having to grow up LOOKING like a kalona in a world where having a spade tail was enough to send most non-kalonas fleeing for the hills. Yep, life had thrown him a few curveballs, alright.
And in his experience, humor had always proved to be a fallback, his cushion of safety. It allowed him to break the ice, avoid addressing serious topics, or gauge the mood of those around him as give him a chance to figure out how he should react. Coming upon Loveless looking like the Gloom Fairy had kicked that survival instinct into high gear, and he now stood a few paces away, looking at Loveless with a curious look.
Which, in all honesty, was a common emotion towards Loveless. As far as experiences went, she was a category all her own.
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 12:44 pm
Antony had a horrible knack of always appearing when Loveless most needed him, but she of course could NEVER admit to that weakness. When the mare heard his voice, she paused a moment before turning to look at him. He looked as wonderful as always, but once again, she could NEVER admit that. "Antony..." His name slid out of her mouth, though she stopped herself from speaking any other foolish words.
This was her totem poll, standing so firmly in front of her. Loveless, the independent and bitchy mare from so long ago, could do nothing without Antony. Until he came into her life, she was distasteful and rude. He brought something new to her eyes, a happiness that came from their silly family and cute ideals. He was a totem poll that she could never imagine losing, but then again, Antony had his own mind as well.
Loveless couldn't hold him down forever if Antony didn't want it, and as a lover and friend Loveless knew that she had to speak to him directly about all of this. Why should she restrain him anymore? Didn't he want to be free like his father? Well, she sort of assumed that really. She truly didn't KNOW what Antony wanted, and that plagued her constantly.
"Antony, what do you want for yourself?" Her question was utterly blunt, and as usual she only glanced hopelessly into his light eyes. "Tell me everything you want, since I need to know." Her body ached slightly, since she actually FEARED what he wanted. What if it wasn't her? Well, she'd have to deal with that someday and somehow. And she would, since she could be strong. But around him, she didn't choose that.
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:19 pm
"....Good afternoon to you, too?" A bit of a bland come-back, but Antony hadn't been expecting...well, that. He'd seen Loveless in a blue funk before, but had always taken such things in the standard stride. It was just her nature, he'd always figured, the natural result of tempering her old bitter, spiteful nature into something less malicious and more affectionate. The pleasant, teasing, sweet side had emerged, but one couldn't just flick a switch and remove all negativity from one's psyche...
Or something like that. Whatever the reason, she was what she was, and that was how it meant to be. He accepted her mood swings, knowing that all she needed was an ear and a shoulder and then, somehow, things would work themselves out.
But usually, her negative moods resulted in a bit more subtlety than this. He wasn't exactly sure what she was referring to, but her directness gave him the distinct impression that he was supposed to. Frowning slightly, he walked over to the mare and leaned against the tree, looking at her with the same perplexity. "Um...we're not talking about lunch orders, are we." It was worded as a question, but the tone was allllllll statement.
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:32 pm
She was expecting his response, so she didn't act surprised. Instead she only lowered her eyes, and knew that she should probably explain herself a bit more. But how.. and where should she start? She probably had a lot to say, so she would wait and save her words for the right moments. "No, I am not talking about that." She sighed lightly, and was glad she was able to break the ice somehow.
"When I ask what you want for yourself, I mean in me, and in your future, and in your life." There, she stumbled them all together so it was less obvious. "Its a simple question, Antony. What do you want." She knew what she wanted. She wanted their silliness to continue. She wanted her insecurity to go away. She didn't want to wake up one day and have him next to her side, and then at another point never see him again.
But still. She didn't want to point that out, yet. Especially in regards to what Antony would answer. She knew what she was getting herself into when she started hanging around Antony, and she expected nothing less then some fun and games. But now she was hoping for something more, and truthfully, she wasn't sure why. This was so unlike her, and it felt strange. She wanted to escape from him, just so she could never know his answer to her. But she knew that was foolish and that that would drive her mad either way.
"I'm sorry I just need to know."
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:57 pm
Antony would LOVE to know exactly what had been going on with Loveless since he last saw her to know what brought this on. Sure, she'd had her emo moments before, but he couldn't really recall the last time they'd had a 'serious' conversation....not since the kids were young, that much he knew off the top of his head.
Actually, he wondered if that wasn't it. Since the kids had grown and 'spread their wings,' things had changed so much in their lives. Kids were really life-changing events; first they appeared and turned your world upside-down, then just when you finally got used to them being around, they grew up and left. Not that that meant they were GONE, of course...but it did change things.
Which is why he had a sneaking suspicion that their new, 'child-free' status might be affecting Loveless' mood. For a mare than had been anti-child in the beginning, she'd embraced motherhood with open wings! But now...
Yeah, now he was dissembling. Overly-long pause.
Instead, he reached out and patted Loveless' cheek. "Lessy, are you ok? Not to cast aspersions on anything, but you're so unusually somber today...I just don't want to see you trying to conceal things from me. I thought we were beyond that stage."
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 2:49 pm
He still wouldn't answer. Was she being too vague? Instead she was only making him worried. And that wasn't her intention. "Probably not. But that's why I'm trying to resolve things. All I am asking for is an answer from you, but your not giving me anything of that sort." Ugh, and this was getting frustrating. Was she doing something wrong?
"We are beyond that stage, I think." she then added, while hiding a bit under her bangs. "But maybe I am trying to bring up a new stage here. And that's why this whole conversation is very hard for me." She was starting to feel less tense at least, though nothing was getting resolved. She wished she knew how to phrase everything better, but she really had no idea.
"Ok fine, I'll try it this way. Our family, and us, what is all that for you? For me it means much more then I thought, so that is where my doubt arrives." Now, what did it mean for him? That was the million dollar question. "I am just trying to see where you are lately, even if I am making this more complicated that it should be." She just wanted to understand him better, and not have to doubt or worry anymore. Yes, that would be nice.
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Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 3:49 pm
Comprehension of a slow, niggling fashion was starting to dawn on Antony; Loveless' hedging, averting of eyes, and deliberate probing were starting to raise suspicions of a whole new sort in Antony's mind. Her moroseness was also, in light of these new-found suspicions, being cast in a new light, one that he couldn't resist a small, stifled grin at. Honestly, whoever said that Kalonas couldn't be cute had never seen Loveless acting like this.
However, he knew that now was not the time for amusement, so he was quick to school his expression into a much more solemn (though still slightly amused) look. "Honestly, Lessy, you really have to ask? Family has always been the most important thing in my life, family in ALL its forms. The kids are wonderful, and I like to think that we did a good job by them; there is no way I can think of them with anything other than love and adoration. I love every element of my children, up to AND including their mother."
Chuckling at that, Antony nosed at Loveless' muzzle, trying to get her to actually look up and look at him. "Even when said mother is being somber, serious, and anxiety-inducing."
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Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 1:59 pm
Maybe she was making him worried, and she didn't consider that as a real possibility. "I assure you, I really am fine." she then said, while nodding somewhat. Especially at his confession- so he really did love everything about their family? And even if he included her in that speech, what did that mean exactly? She was so confused, and she still wasn't sure why!
But ah well, it was time to just listen, and relax. She could do both, even if she didn't want to admit it.
"I love all of those things too." she then said, with a warmer grin. But her greatest concern involved the continuation of their happiness. Would it all remain in the future? Was that even a possibility. "Do we want our family to keep going?" she then asked, with a nervous tone. Never had she addressed such an issue, and never had she CONSIDERED just a thought. But damn. It was something she had thought about, and it was why her mind was so flustered.
"I don't mean to throw you a whim." she then said, while curling next to him. "I never thought I'd want to address something like this.. but as you can tell, not being open is totally bothering me. So I'm attempting this communication." And trying was better then nothing!
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Posted: Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:28 pm
"What, as though familial happiness is a light switch that we can turn off and on?" Chuckling, Antony settled down at Loveless' side, pulling gently on her braid in a soothing fashion. The farther this conversation progressed, the clearer Loveless' point seemed to get, until Antony felt that he'd have to be a lot denser than he thought himself to be to be wrong.
We, she'd said. Us. We and Us and Our, OUR family, OUR happiness, what do you see for US. Little words, big significance. A significance that, as far as he was aware, was totally foreign to any member of their respective families...
Up until now. Somehow, this felt right. And he'd known that for some time, in some fashion; after all, how long had it been since he'd been at all interested in physical congress with any other mare? Even though he and Loveless had been more friends than actual lovers, he hadn't felt inclined to stray, just spend his time with her and their children. Her mood swings, her snarkiness, the way that threw a comment back in his face as soon as he offered it, the way that she grinned at him, teased him...the way she'd never been afraid of him, the fact that she got along with his family, the fact she was exactly the right height to snuggle at his side without him feeling like a freakish giant...
Yes, this felt RIGHT. Stroking her braid with one wing spike, Antony rested his chin over Loveless' neck, resting his cheek against the back of her head. "Well, there's nothing wrong with open, Lessy; so, in the truest spirit of 'openness'...I think that you and I are meant to be together. And just in case there was any confusion there," Leaning close, he nipped gently at one ear, then murmured, "I want you to be my lifemate."
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Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:12 pm
Something about his words made her numb, but it was a feeling she had never felt before. She could sense how serious he was about the commitment part, and she in turn, was eternally gracious. It was exactly what she wanted him to say and she could never muster up the courage to say it herself. Finally, she knew exactly how he felt. And things were just awesome.
"I'm... I'm unbelievably happy to hear that, and I want the same thing, lifemates." she then said, while hiding her face under his neck. She wasn't a believer in love, but whatever she and Antony had was definitely better then that. "I think we are meant to be together, too." Even saying that felt nice, and she continued to hide from him only because she was feeling a girlish energy flush up her cheeks.
"I love everything about us and our family, and that's why I was so scared to lose it all. But now I know I can rest easy, and lighten up even for you." Though, who knew how long that would last technically. But still, it was a wonderful moment, and she could never ruin it for her mate. "We've had some rough times, haven't we?" she then said, while thinking back slowly.
"Thank you, Antony." she then added, while bringing a much happier face to his attention. "You make me so happy and alive, and I hope I can always do those things for you. You've always stuck with me and believed in me, and I want you to know I will always believe in you. I will continue to live for us and our children, since they are what matters most." Yes... the rockiest of times had really proven to be mere obstacles, since now things were finally settled and perfected.
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Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:30 pm
At that, Antony couldn't keep a straight face any longer; dissolving into laughter, he snugged Loveless close and gave her an amused shake of his head. Sometimes, she was absolutely adorable in her overcomplications. "You know, if you wanted to know, you could always have asked yourself. Call me crazy, but I didn't realize that evil snarly snappy life-threatening kalonas were traditionalists and couldn't make their own proposals."
Even after all this time, he couldn't resist teasing Loveless about her shady past. If nothing else, it served as a reminder of how far they'd come, from her being a lippy little foal to her being a violent mare to her being an affectionate mother...and his lifemate.
In a daydreamy sort of voice, he repeated, "My lifemate. You know, as weird as it sounds, I think I'm really to get used to hearing that, Lifemate."
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Posted: Mon Aug 04, 2008 8:36 pm
"I really like how it sounds myself." she then said, while enjoying his usual humor. It was nice to see him so happy, and finally she could relax herself. "At least nothing major can change from here, everything seems so settled now." she then said, while blowing at her bangs a bit. She wondered what her children would say, and her father most especially. "I wonder how I will tell my father." she then added, with a laugh herself. "He won't know why you kept me!"
Ah well, only Antony could handle her apparently! "We are pretty amazing as a family, that much is certain." And she couldn't have done anything without Antony, and she'd always remember that.
"So what do we do from here? Does that mean I'll have the pleasure of always being around you, following you around..." she paused then, while shaking her head happily. "I'm just kidding, we are both independent in our own ways, but compatible at the same time." And thank goodness for that!
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Posted: Tue Aug 05, 2008 2:15 pm
..."Huh." Now that Loveless mentioned it, where DID they go from there? Tony had never really contemplated the actual state of matehood that much and neither had he much experience with it among his acquaintances, so now that they were talking about the actual nitty-gritty elements... "You know, that's a good question. The only thing I really know about lifemating is that neither of us is allowed to sleep with anyone else under pain of severe displeasure. Huh."
Cocking his head to one side, Antony adopted his most thoughtful expression. Neither one of them was exceptionally sedentary, and he couldn't really see them abandoning their roaming ways just because they had an official 'other'. Then again, wasn't there something weird about dragging one's mate around the countryside? And supposing that she didn't want to go where he did, or vice versa? Did they split up and go their seperate ways, as long as they met up with each other now and then and promised celibacy in the meantime?
Bah, this was complicated, much more complicated than he'd anticipated. Darn real life complications.
Accepting that as par for the course, though, he pulled back a bit and gave Loveless his best devil-may-care grin. "Well, seeing as how we're both new to this, I say we just play it by ear and go from there. If something doesn't work, we can argue about it, storm about it, scream about it, then figure out something new to try; if we get really desperate, we can poll our friends and acquaintances and families for help, because lord knows that a pack of polygamists will know just how to behave in such a situation." Though really, said polygamists would probably have just as good an idea as the two of them did!
Laughing, he dismissed that thought and nuzzled Loveless' nose. "As to telling your father, we'll tell him the same way we'll tell my father; throw them a pretty, amoral mare with a card tied 'round her neck saying 'Enjoy with our love, the Newlymates Antony and Loveless'. Or something along similar lines. We'll play it by ear, when the time's right. But we can tell them later, right?"
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:26 am
Ha, she had pulled out a question alright. She only sat and watched as Antony mused through his words, and she herself was rather entertained! "I like your plan so far." she then said, with a hint of humor. "We always seem to figure things out anyways, so I guess we will just go with it. And I am totally fine with that."
That would mean that things would be less stressful between them anyways, and that was a much needed tactic for Loveless' sake. "But my... I've always felt committed to you since our relationship started. Are you sure you want to take the pledge and only be restrained to me?" A soft giggle escaped from her mouth, and she let her gold eyes watch his lazily. "I'll do my best to keep you happy." she then added, with a much more serious smile.
But still, it WAS a big commitment, but Loveless saw more family and memories coming from it anyhow. And that was a nice thought too.
"Hah, maybe I'll let you be the one to break the news. You are full of plans today, and I am rather impressed and thankful." Antony had stepped up completely, and Loveless was totally taken aback by that fact. She always knew he had that sort of drive and personality, and it was one of the things she adored about him. "Well, do you have a plan for right now, then? I was hoping I can take up more of your time for the day..." With a slight head tilt, she graced his nuzzle and felt herself wink in amusement. She hadn't seen him for some time.. and today was a day to celebrate and remember. Plus hell, she loved being around Antony anyways!
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