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 Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:13 pm
'Every river turns into a sea, right?'
Niraj thought to himself solemnly as he walked along a small river, close to the beach. He hoped to find the mouth, and when he got there, he'd sit, he figured, and watch the river turn into the sea.
'This is symbolic, right?'
He sighed, he could see it up ahead. While looking at the mouths of the river and the sea, what would he do either than look and sit? Was this pointless? No, there had to be some meaning to it or why would he come here? What made him come here anyways? Maybe thats what he should think about. He shivered a little as he heard the roar of the sea compared to the river's quiet tinklings and lappings. The sea, though pretty, seemed like it took a brave person to understand it. Niraj wasn't that brave...but that doesn't mean he can enjoy it. Plus, who can understand something as big as the ocean?
As he reached it, he sat down, crossing his legs and leaning back on his hands, staring at the place where the small, shy and quiet river met with the large, loud sea. He watched as a seabird flew around, off in the distance, but he made sure he mainly watched where fresh water turned into salt. What if the sea was all salt, and the only reason it's water is because of the river? What does the sea gain from the river? These things were not the questions Niraj wanted answered, though, they would do because he actually wasn't sure of what he wanted answered.
He flinched, thinking of last night and thinking of his wrists again, and wondering if staying here, looking at a meeting place of two bodies of water, was at any use at all.
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:38 pm
"Just because yours eyes are wide open doesn't mean you are really looking or can see."
That is what Jazz's God Father once told him a few years back, and right now Jazz still didn't understand what the old man was talking about, but he guessed he was starting to understand. Yes, technically Jazz's eyes were open and he could see just fine, but he was only seeing the surface of what his eyes saw. He wasn't looking deep enough for the answers he craved or the clues that were sitting before him.
Jazz groaning as he sat under water at the shallow end of the river sea meeting point. The male had been sitting in the water for a while now trying to sort out his thoughts. Slowly, he rose his head from the water and coughed up any of the water he had swallowed during his groan.
With a growl Jazz angrily slap and splashed the fresh salt water.
"Why is this so ******** hard!?"
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:53 pm
Niraj pulled his knees to his chest, closing his eyes and listening to the two sounds, trying to piece out the differences, the pros or the cons, of each end. The river seemed much more laid back than the ocean, perhaps it was more stressful out there? But it seemed more grand so possibly, it was a better achievement. To just go the river is easier, but everyone does it at least at one point in their lives, but the sea, though harder, not many people can go there and be happy. But what was it like in between? Medium? Not so hard, not so easy, but not as normal and not as great? But...it was neutral...and neutral is seem as an okay thing to be...but then again, it's also seen as cowardly...Niraj didn't want to be a coward. But, maybe, it was unsual, in the line of river to sea, to be in both mouths at both times? Who fished in the meeting place? It seemed less common...uncommon was good...right? Maybe not.
Niraj bit his lip while concentrating on the sound, thoroughly confused, and wanting answers to questions he didn't know. Perhaps, it would come to him soon.
He grew even more confused when he suddenly heard splashing. At first, he was unwilling to open his eyes, what if it was some creeper coming out to murder some young guy who was out alone at night, in a place that usually no one would be. Slowly, he opened one eye, and then the other, seeing something in the water. Once his eyes focused and registered what he was looking at, a person, standing in the water, he yelped and let his knees go, ready to scramble away.
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Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 12:23 am
No one ever said life was easy, nor love or finding answers was easy. Whoever did say such things though must have had an easy life, if there even is such a thing, or was just plain idiotic and oblivious to everything.
Jazz stood in the water staring at his reflection. The moving water wrinkled his reflection making it unclear, like his current state of mind. It didn't help that his wet hair was in the way or that the water on his far and in his eyes just messed his vision up even more. They were one in the same, his real eyes and his metaphoric ones. Both blurred by what was around his and unfixed by what he wanted and what he needed. Wants. He wanted his answers, we wanted to foreget and hold on, yet he still wanted to hold and and still move on with what he had. Needs. He needed to truely open his eyes and look straight if he wanted his answers, and he needed to learn to let go if he wanted to move on with what he now has. He needed to move from his shallow pool out in to the real world.
Sighing, Jazz splashed his reflection and started to move out of the water, that is until something caught his eyes and ears. Jazz stood on his toes, turning towards the direction of the yelp. Even with his blurred vision he could still see the outline of someone sitting near the water.
Knowing it would be dangerous if the person was some kind of psychotic killer Jazz thought he might as well see who is was, but still stay in his place incase he needed to run like a mad man out of the water and away from here.
"Who's there!? I swear if you are some psycho I will run out of here and find someone to take you down!"
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 12:18 pm
Niraj shivered as a small gust of wind blew across him and into the sea, whisking red-brown locks of hair across his face and across his vision. He sighed, growing a tad frustrated as it disrupted his search for truth, or closure, whichever came first. He reached up and tried pushing the hair out of his face, but he failed, miserably, and the hair just fell back in its chosen place.
He gave up on pondering his self-claimed mysteries of the mouths, and decided to look in the direction that the wind blew, to the sea. It was more attractive, indeed, just a huge, vast world of unknown delights and traumas, or, maybe just delights. It was pretty, basically. Why it was the most popular place to get married, why in the hell would you want to get married on a pile of sand, sure, it's got a pretty veiw, but think about the cake! And getting sand stuck in your dress is uncomforable and not fun, and what if a sand flea comes up and bites someone, who happened to be allergic to them, and they ended up swelling up and dying right on the scene.
'This is also a problem for bungee jump weddings. Which are illeagal anyways. What if some stupid broad jumps over the bridge for that stupid boquet? Dumbass is dead in three seconds just for a chance at luck.'
Niraj was confused even more, now, wondering why such a random thought would pop into his head when he was about to get murdered or raped or kidnapped by some fat psycho fourty year old hair ball of a guy that was into little innocent untainted boys, except, the problem was, Niraj wasn't so little anymore, and he was definantly not untainted.
His ears twitched when he heard a familiar voice, "I'm not a psycho..."
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Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 6:34 pm
Jazz sank back in to the water only allowing his eyes up to brake the water's surface. He blew some bubbles out of fatigue and depression as he stared at the rippling water around him.
Maybe he was searching for his answers in the wrong spot or just going after the wrong fish or using the wrong bait to catch his answers. Like the fish in the sea there were also many many answers in the world, and if you wanted to catch the right one you had to have the right bait and location. You also had to have a lot of patience since he knew he would come across the wrong answers and spots, but at the moment Jazz was lacking in patience since he had been fishing too long.
Whatever the reason for his bad luck on life's answers Jazz was just going to give up and give in and just let life push him around for a while. He needed a break from finishing. Plus, Jazz isn't a big fan of sea food or fishing. Bad experiences and bad taste.
Blowing more under water bubbles, Jazz turned his sight to the not too far off figure. He had a hunch of who it was, and guess they knew he was if his own guess was right, but the fatigued male didn't know if it was a good move to go over and great the boy. After all, he wasn't in the best mood and from the sound of their comment, they might not be either...
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 9:21 pm
Niraj sighed, picking up a small rock as he held it up to the moon, analyzing the shillouette of it sitting between his fingers. Suddenly, he became very aware of sounds around him, everything, down to little bugs chirping from the bushes. Also, he noticed that everything, in the moonlight, was not as harsh and complex as it was in the sun, and the way clouds formed so delicately over the sea gave everything such a gentle light. He was reminded of his childhood, his memories seemed so unclear, he could only remember a few things from when he was very young. He sighed, flicking the pebble back onto the ground, tired of philisophical musings, especially if they had no answer.
He gulped, biting his lip nervously, wondering if he should say anything else. He was pretty sure that it was Jazz, but he couldn't say he was too anxious to see him. Sure, he was happy about it, but, he was afraid. Afraid that Jazz would be ashamed to be with some cutter kid who happened to just try something bad and become irresponsible. 'Godman, Niraj, you're an idiot..,' he thought to himself, biting his lip hard enough so it hurt.
Sighing, he put on his best fake happy face; "Jazzy...? Is that you? You really should get out of the water...you'll get all sick!" He smilied a fake smile and giggled a fake giggle, hoping Jazz would buy it.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 5:42 pm
Jazz stayed in his place for a moment, unmoving. He didn't by his love's mask by any means. He could hear and sense th nervousness in his words and giggles. But, if Niraj wanted to act happy then Jazz was just going to play along with it. If Niraj wanted to talk then he guessed he would talk when the time came.
Lifting his the rest of his head out of the water Jazz wipped the water from his face, or at least tried to. Having a wet hand didn't help with that. He chuckled to himself a bit, whether out of the insanity setting in or cause he found the situation funny, he did not know. Unlike Niraj though, when he called out he did not try to mask his voice.
"Yes Niraj. It's me. I'm not getting out of the water though. It's too comfortable to get out. If I get sick...well I don't know I guess I get sick and get yelled at again. Anyway, What are you doing here anyway?"
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:54 pm
Niraj grew even more nervous, figuring Jazz would probaly see through the mask, after all, thats what a good lover did, and Jazz was a pretty good lover. He fidgeted, listening to the movements he made and the trickling of the water. He found it pointless to look, so he just listened. But he did scoot closer the the water's edge, so he wouldn't have to call out to him.
He reached out, running a finger through the water, and shivering, "It's cold, isn't it...?" He asked, flicking it, deciding to ditch the mask and just talk normally, "Though I guess it's hard to notice once you've been in it for a while..." He pulled out his finger, drying it on his shirt. Once again he attempted pushing his hair of out his face, and finally it behaved. He sighed, relieved, but still nervous.
He bit his lip, thinking of a reason to be out here, but eventually, he just told the truth. "I...really don't know."
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Posted: Sat Jul 19, 2008 12:49 pm
Hit with a slight pang of worry Jazz walked, or as much of a walk as someone can get while trying to walk through water, over to the water's edge a few inches away from Niraj. He rested his head on his crossed arms as he chose to still stay in the water.
"So..." Jazz felt a bit uneasy with the both of them not in their best moods right now. He didn't know what to say, or what could be said right now. He didn't want to ask what was wrong or bring up the bar thing. It would be stupid to ask how he was doing since it was apparent neither was doing good right now, which could tie to what the both of them have been up to since the bar.
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 2:49 pm
Even though he wasn't in the best mood, Niraj still felt a small ray of happiness flow up through him as his love came closer. He smiled, faintly, looking at him, feeling calm and content for a few moments, before he remembered that he was actually feeling isolated and nervous and worried.
He bit his lip, his thoughts were almost the same as Jazz's, trying to find away around the bar, and maybe how they were feeling. But wouldn't that just make for an akward and tense conversation, and then that could possibly end up in a fight, and then that'd just leave them worse than they already were. And on top of that, Niraj was pretty bad at creative conversation, especially when he wasn't in a perfect mood.
"So...how have you been?"
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Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:21 pm
Jazz twiddled with his thumbs as he looked away.
"I've been...," He sighed as he searched for the best way to describe how he's been. Jazz had gone through many moods in the last few days and there was no way to find a word that mixed all his feelings, and if there was then he didn't know it.
"...I've been confused, depressed, angry, worried, I've bascially been going through a PMS session of mood swings. Just trying too hard to find what I want."
Jazz looked back over towards Niraj.
"What about you? I haven't seen you since...You know."
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 1:24 pm
Niraj bit his lip, a tick he got when he was nervous, like someone tapping their fingers or jittering their leg, which, Niraj did occasionally, but usually it was just chewing on his lip.
His ears flattened out as he heard all of the moods Jazz went through, especially angry. Niraj hoped he wasn't angry at him, for being such an idiot. He sighed, "I don't know how I've been." He said, thinking a little, "I guess...confused...and nervous? Mostly nervous, I guess..."
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Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:45 pm
Jazz got a mixed look of worry and interest as he noticed Niraj's lip biting and ear flattening. He didn't know what he said or what Niraj was thinking could have set off the changes, or why Niraj was so nervous, but he was interested in finding out. He pulled himself out of the lake then walked over and sat himself next to his lover. Jazz eyed Niraj a bit before completely turning to him.
Jazz gave a sincere look and sat silent for a minute before talking.
"Do you want to talk about? If you do I want you to be honest with me you know?"
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High-functioning Hellraiser
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Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:32 am
He watched Jazz get out of the water and sit next to him. He let go of his lip and sighed. Niraj scooted a little closer to Jazz, turning to face him. He was glad it was night, durning the day it'd be light and he'd have to look Jazz in the eyes, which, when he wasn't in a good mood, he didn't like to do. Not just Jazz, but anyone. At night no one could tell if you were looking them in the eyes, it was better. Niraj looked down, listening to Jazz and shrugging.
"I don't want to bog you down or anything..." He murmered, "I don't want to make you worry...but, well..." He took a deep breath, "I'm sorry...for being such an idiot...you know...being all high when you got hurt...and, you know...that other part..."
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