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 Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 5:35 pm
AIM Log -- Kisoni & Felyn
Panu Panu & Nerida It was an adverage, hot summer day, even this close to the shore--or especially this close to the shore. Humidty caused manes and fur to puff and thus get caugh on thorns and vines and..well everything. This lead to a very dingy looking lion sprawled half underneath a bush atempting to loose his mane from the twigs that ensared it. It wasn't an easy process, especially as he didn't have any opposible thumbs.. or arms. While Panu was a flexible boy as things went, putting his paws directly behind his head wasn't something he was capable of. He'd gone cross-eyed trying to find a way to view behind him, but a poke on the nose brought his attention back to the front again. The lion stared for a moment at his shelled visitor, then blew a sigh at the crab. "Help or go away, please. this sin't the time."
The crab--some female he didn't know--shrugged and scuddled off back down the shoreline.Unsurpsingly, Nerida had already taken to the shore by now, and had probably been there for quite some time to boot. Nothing in the world pleased her more than to talk alone the shoreline, stare out at the ocean, and listen to the worlds that danced along the sea breeze. Despite the rather hot summer day, or the fact that being so close to the ocean only seemed to make it worse, she was humming quite pleasedly beneath her breath. Her feet were light upon the sand, half-dancing and half-bouncing as she traveled along to the tune that she had probably created herself - or a tune she claimed to hear from the ocean. In her mouth she was carrying what looked like a little pouch of seaweed, and knowing her, there was likely some precious 'gift from the ocean' lingering inside.
As she made her way up the shore, she seemed entirely oblivious to most things around her, though her eyes were scanning the sand nearer to the waves as she went along. She halted suddenly, abandoning her tune all at once, ears twitching in the breeze, and suddenly her eyes swiveled in the direction of the pale male. She hesitated at the look on his face, glancing down the shore as if she were trying to decide between continuing her morning exploring or going to see what was the matter (she could tell by the emotions on his mug that he was irritated). With a little grumble around the seaweed in her mouth, she began to head up towards the bush, setting her little pouch down next to him as she stopped at his side.
"Do you need some help?" she asked slowly, her tail twitching. She had noticed the twigs and such tangled in his mane as she approached, and even her rather distant mind realized that he had helped her that night in the storm, and she owed him a favor. She probably would have helped regardless, but that nagging feeling gave her no room to even think otherwise about it. Oh no. He saw her coming and adverted his eyes, trying to struggle a little more. It wasn't that he didn't want to see her, but that he didn't want her to see him like this. It was embarassing, to say the least, and quite distinctly unmanly. Struggling only succeeded in making it worse, and by the time she got to him he'd finally given up and sunk back onto his stomach. "Ah.. just.. enjoying the view from.. down... here." He replied lamely to a question she hadn't asked, and grinned up at her.
That really didn't work, however, and even Panu knew that. With a slight huff he sighed and surrundered to the inevitable. "Yes."She couldn't help but smile at the words, knowing for a fact that it was a terrible attempt to cover up what he was really doing. Writhing about rather unsuccessfuly in an attempt to get those twigs out, no doubt. She tilted her head at him curiously, trying to keep the amusement from her face. Her first impulse was to ask him how he had managed to tangle all of them in there, but then, she realized that it was likely to injure his pride and piss him off. She had been making a conscious effort not to do that, so she simply righted her head and gave him a nod. "Of course you were," she chirped, and then flopped down into a sitting position at his side, not even bothered by the fact that she was leaning lightly onto him.
"Make sure that doesn't blow away, okay? It would too hard to find that many of those again." She hummed lightly as she reached out with her paws to brace herself upon his shoulder. She knew she wouldn't get those out with her paws (she didn't have opposable thumbs, after all) and instead leaned into to use her teeth to tug them free, though she did use a paw here and there to hold his mane down. It was a hard process (how he had managed to do this was beyond her) but she was soon collecting a little pile of twigs at her side. In an attempt to ignore the at times painfull tugging of her teeth in his mane, Panu reached a paw forward to hold the seaweed packet upon the shore. His nose twitched a little and his curiosity sparked. The first words to rush to his mind nearly came out his mouth before he clamped it shut again over the tiniest of syllables. After all, it wouldn't do to go stating something rudely and piss her off.
"ahh.. sure, 'pookie.. What are you gonna do with the seaweed?"
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 5:38 pm
She was a bit surprised that he was managing not to curse, or complain to her about how very hard she was tugging. There was really nothing she could do about it, though she wasn't the sort to exactly go out of her way to be gentle. He was a big boy, she wasn't going to baby him and make this take longer than it needed to. She frowned at a particularly defiant twig, furrowing her brows at it as if it were consciously keeping her from tugging it out. She growled irritably at it, though her wandering mind shifted back to him at his words.
"The seaweed? No, not that." She reached up and tried to part his mane around the twig, giving it a tug until it finally came free, almost causing her to fall backwards before she deposited it. Well, she'd finished with that side. She finally turned her eyes down onto the little pouch he was now holding closer. With a hum, she leaned down and spread apart the top of it with a paw, revealing probably close to a dozen mermaid's purses. "Those," she said brightly, with a pleased smile, "mermaid purses. I spent all morning finding them."
She picked herself up and hopped over his reclined body lightly, landing on the other side with a slight splatter of sand, though she chose to ignore it as she settled back to concentrate on the other half of his mane.
He turned his head to avoid the sand spray and made a gutteral 'huh' sound at the shells. When she was settled he gave her a glance, but said nothing. What she was doing hurt, but it wouldn't do any good to shout at her for it. It'd hurt when he was stuck, after all, so it wasn't as if much had changed. At least this way he might get away.
"I was wondering... er. not that i.. expect you to be here." He coughed a little into one paw, glancing off down the shore, "Just you're usually close by and I hadn't.. that was, i wasn't looking for you persay, certainly not under this bush since that's a rather silly place to find a person, but i had noticed that you.. weren't, y'know, around here. Not that that bothers me! You're allowed to go where you want after all!"
Panu winced and came close to literaly stuffing his paw in his mouth. Why was it he could never say what he meant around her? His ears flattened. "What are the purses for?"
She knew it had to hurt, but she was sacrificing making it feel as nice as possible for the quickness. Besides that, leaning in so close earned a few pokes in the nose and head from the twigs still sticking out - she was just lucky she didn't have a big old mane for it to all get caught in. She managed to untangle the last twig from his mane, a content and triumphant smile turned upon the bush that clearly read something along the lines of 'take that!' She moved to flop down onto her side, away from the bush and looking more at him instead, blankly at first until she remembered that he had actually started speaking.
She narrowed her eyes at him for a moment at the rambling, trying to discern just what it was that he was trying to get across. Why would she be under the bush? That was a silly thought indeed! "I've been around, collecting pretty things. I've been trying to spend a little time with my brothers, and my mom, since I don't really think I'll be at home much longer." She flickered her tail as she said that, realizing that she had never really talked much about her family with him. Strange, being that she knew so much about his - but then, she had spent a lot of time here, after all. It was her decision to finally move to this sea pride instead that had made her spend a few final days devoted to her family - not that they were too interesting or anything.
Her serious face faded immediately as she looked back down to the pouch of purses before him, face lightening and a pleased smile showing at her accomplishment of gathering them. "They're not for anything, but to look at it. I like them." She reached out to scoop one out of the bag, drawing it close and leaning down to almost poke her nose against it as she examined it. "Sometimes they call them devil's purses, but y'know, that doesn't make sense since they come from the sea and all. Why would the devil be in the sea?" It was an idle thought. She had really been going to show them to Nili, but then, she knew he wouldn't want to hear that and she wisely kept her mug shut.
"You're not?" He lifted his ears a little, looking to her. At least she hadn't caught on, or at least hadn't pointed out, that he'd been babbling. He used the time she was talking about the purses to pull himself from under the bush. He threw an aggitated look towards it, then flopped down upon the free sand as well, positioning himself so that he could look at her without straining and the purses were between them. "I really don't know. What's a devil?"
That was one creature he'd never heard of before, though mermaids had been talked about in legends. Now why there would be a half-fish, half monkey swimming about under the water Panu really couldn't fathom, but the secrets of the Ocean were for creatures like Kapuki-Nerida and his father, not creatures like him. Though his muse was of both land and water, he'd rarely felt the need to explore the liquid depths his breatheren often enjoyed.
"Well, no," she said, frowning as she looked up at him again, tilting her head as if he really were dense, "I plan on coming to stay here. I had.. always planned to stay here. The Bahari lions love the sea, but not the same way." She shrugged a little, thinking that it should have been obvious from the very first day she had met he and his father. His father loved the ocean like she did. Then a thought hit her, and she paused, considering him for a moment. "Unless that's not okay, now?" She knew there had been a shift of position, from his father to him, and sometimes she forgot that. He was really just Panu to her still - stubborn, silly Panu.
She grinned lightly though as he asked her the question, pleased to be able to share her wealth of stories she had heard from her father or mother. They had traveled and knew more things than the lions that had simply been born here and had grown accustomed to local lore and not much else. "Devils, demons, they're nasty little things. They're supposed to be evil things in the world, they corrupt and destroy. I think kind of the opposites of gods, in a way?" She considered that for a moment, her eyes growing distant before she turned to look down at the mermaid's purse between her paws. "They're fiery in a lot of legends, which is why they wouldn't make sense in the sea. I guess it might be because of the curly ends, though, since they look a bit like horns." She was rambling now, half to him and half in thought as she stared distantly down at the small things in between her paws.
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 5:40 pm
"Huh." Panu shook his head as he shifted through the information a little. Pretending not to look at her, though he really was, he tried to seem as if he was studying the purses. "I don't know. You never called this home, or told me.. so.. " He coughed, realizing that that had likely sounded... whiney. "I mean, I don't always.. assume things right."
That sounded worse, but he winced and tried to go on. "Anyway. I mean, why would that not be okay? You've always spent a lot of time here.. now you'd just spend.. more."
Now he let himself really consider the purses. "Well.. those stories are odd. I don't see why there'd be any creature out there that would deliever only evil. there arn't any creatures out there that are ONLY good after all. Even the muses kill, and a lot of people consider that to be evil."
For a moment, Panu allowed himself some silence to really think about it, "Though I suppose playing tricks on people and killing for no reason is a little more evil than most. If thats what they do? I've never met anyone like that but... Well. There are stories."
She glanced up at him with a bit of a frown, trying to figure out just what it was that was making him sound so strange. What made things so awkward? She was no good at this sort of thing, not when he sounded that way, and she couldn't help but think that maybe a lot more was underlying the words between them, she just couldn't figure it out. She never pretended to be observant. "I guess I didn't," she said slowly, her tail flickering as she obviously pondered it, "but then I never really called Bahari home either. Maybe I haven't really had a home this whole time, just stuck between both of these prides." She furrowed her brows as she stared at nothing, obviously thinking. She shrugged it off, turning her eyes back up to his.
"I'd like to call it home, though. I fit here." She watched him a moment, then glanced down at the purse and nudged it lightly with a paw. It would also give her more time to be around him, with him, which she wanted - even if she had been away due to the sheer awkwardness lately. "It'd be easier to not have to travel so far just to see you.. and Nili, too. You're like family, after all." More close to her than her family actually was - she had always been such an oddball to them.
"Well, they manipulate others into being cruel to each other as well. I think stories show a lot of black and white with things that are mostly good, or mostly evil." She tilted her head at the, humming lightly for a second as she did so.
"Perhaps. but those stories are rarely from Kizingo'zaa," He replied softly, looking away from her. What was it about them that made things so awkward? He rarely knew what to say, and even when he did he stumbled over it for fear she'd take exception. Oh it was hard to get used to... just being nice. That was a sad observation, but weighted in truth. "I hope we're not too much like family," He heard himself say softly, eyes on the ocean. Of course what he meant was that he didn't want to be viewed as a sibling. He had never been good with words, though.
She opened her mouth to say something, but shut it slowly as she looked away. Talk of demons and devils and stories seemed to fade away from her thoughts, trying to think in the presence of the thick awkwardness in the air. She had vowed to change, as much for the ocean as for Panu himself, and after the night in the cave she had felt less hostile surely, but she was still not quite sure what she was supposed to do. "No, not you," she said slowly, picking up the mermaid's purse she had been examining it and setting it back into her make-shift pouch with the rest of them.
She viewed Maua-Nili as a sister, certainly, but even if she felt as if they were family, in a way, she wanted more of Panu than that. It was a thought that made her pause, her paw wrapping the seaweed back around the cluster of purses before gazing back at him. Would they dance around this for the rest of their lives? They were both so.. them. The thought was frustrating, and she would have growled irritatedly if she didn't think he would interpret it wrong. "Not that I wouldn't want to be part of your family, but I don't.. see you the same way as I do Maua." She supposed that could be interpreted badly, but it was as close as she could manage to say what she needed to.
"Good, I'd like to think I have some balls." He heard the words leave his mouth even as his brain screamed for him to shut it. Too late, though, and he gave a very physical wince, as if he'd been hit. He was half expecting TO be hit, after all.
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 5:42 pm
She heard his words, pale, icy eyes flashing towards him with a slight frown on her maw. They had been doing so well, and there he had to go and blow it. She felt the familiar rolls of anger wash over her, paws digging into the sand around her. "You make it hard sometimes, you know?" she managed to push down what she was feeling, though she was heavily considering just getting up and leaving at this point to just.. avoid this.
"It wasn't what i MEANT!" He growled in protest, though the tone would certainly earn him no points. A part of him suggested apologizing... but why should HE have to apologize? She always took things the wrong way, and he'd only been joking! Sorta.
"Why do you always have to take everything I say seriously?"
She frowned openly at this growl, but turned her eyes away from him instead, in favor of looking out at the ocean. It certainly was hard to take him seriously when he was growling at her, or when he talked about such a.. sensitive subject like that. She had to step lightly around the subject of she and Nili, even now, because she knew he disliked it. The least he could do was not joke about it, if that had indeed been a joke.
"Why shouldn't I?" she said with a frown. She had never really been the sort to joke around, not really, even if she was in a happier mood. "You shouldn't joke about that, it's a sore subject." She shifted her paws in the sand, letting it half cover it, and forced herself to bring her pale blue eyes to his lighter ones. "Would it hurt not to do that, for my sake? I'm trying not to talk about him when I can help it." It had been hard to force the words out, but they were genuine, if somewhat slow and forced. It was hard not to talk about Nili - he was her best friend in the world.
He huffed slightly, chest and cheeks puffing in a way that would have been positively hilarious if it wasn't for the rebellious look in his eyes. Even then, it probably was cause for some laughter. Finally he let it out all out slowly through his nose, and turned away from her for a minute. Before him his paws kneaded the sand, claws out and flashing in the sunlight.
"fine," He replied eventually, words short, though he'd calmed again. He hated not being able to just make his sarcastic little comments around her without her freaking out about them but what was, was. "fine. I'll avoid the subject."
She had seen the puffing of both his chest and cheeks, and under any other circumstance, well, she probably would have laughed and picked on him a bit about it. In fact, that was really her first instinct even now. It wasn't the time to laugh and pick though, she could feel the heaviness in the air.
She heard the short, clipped words and despite it all she felt a pang deep in her chest. Had she hurt his feelings? No, she didn't owe him an apology. She could have taken the sarcastic little remarks if they had been about anything else in the world. Part of her wanted to know why he didn't realize what was and wasn't appropriate to joke about. Even she knew that, and she, as she knew, wasn't really the most comprehensive at times. "You don't have to avoid it," she said with a sigh, reaching out to drag her seaweed pouch closer to her and holding it against her chest with a paw, "you just don't have to be like that." Had something changed? She frowned and stared down at the seaweed pouch, as if it held all the answers in the world. She didn't know anymore, where did it go from here?
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 5:45 pm
"Like what, Pooki?" He asked, his tone waring between exasperated and a childish whine which proved he really did care about what was being talked about. He shook his head and managed a more calm, adult way of speech before he continued.
"Like what? Joking about things that are true?"
Panu lifted a pause, "And don't start with me about 'Maua is just as much of a man as you are' because he is not. Physically he may be a man, but that one is a woman in everything else. I never said it was bad just that its true. Or am I the only one that realizes that?"
"I wouldn't call him a man," she muttered softly, still watching the pouch curled between her paws, "it just sounded.. mean when you said it." Her words had progressively gotten quieter as she spoke, pausing now to chew at the inside of her cheek. Even if it had been true, she still didn't want him to say it like that. Or maybe she had just interpreted it wrong?
Why was everything like this with them? She wondered it in her head, eyes narrowed on the pouch before her still. Where was the easy happy ending from the stories? She was sure it wasn't supposed to be this hard. Unless, of course, there was something wrong and this was going to be a terrible story where the lovers didn't actually end up together. She felt that twinge in her chest again, like a sinking heart, at that simple thought and her maw parted in a manner that looked as if she might actually cry at the feeling. "I don't want it to have a sad ending," she said softly, mostly to herself, as if she had almost forgotten he was there. Unsurprising, given her affinity to drift off into her own world.
"Because you have to def--" Panu clamped his mouth shut, and swallowed hard. It wasn't that he was upset at that point but that the old anger and jealousy had surfaced again. He let himself think about it a few moments and calm down; it wasn't exactly rational how he was acting, either.
The whisper almost went unnoticed until the back of his mind clubbed him with it. Panu's brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what she could possibly mean by that. SLowly the male turned to face her and the expression he saw there made his heart twist.
"Aw geeze," He breathed, contrite if a little grudging. The male scooted over through the sand until his side was next to hers and moved in close to nuzzle under her chin. He still didn't quite understand that statement but... it looked like it might help.
She had obviously gotten lost in her own thoughts, not even really registering what he said. She couldn't understand how he could still be angry all this time, even if it was deep down. She knew that he didn't like her being so close to Nili, but she wouldn't ruin what they had for him. He had friends too, and she needed Nili. She just thought that after she had reassured him so many times, after Nili had done so himself, that it would.. go away.
She seemed almost shocked out of her thoughts as she felt his body against her side. She turned her eyes towards him, almost as if she had only remembered he was there again. The nuzzle was even more surprising, despite having seen it coming. She sighed a little and leaned her head into it, though the expression on her face only ebbed away a little. "What happens if our ending isn't happy, Panu?" It was an elaboration on what she had said before, though she had likely not even realized she had spoken the first time.
".. what do you mean not happy?" He blinked, frowning. He thought things between them had been going well! It was, perhaps, a little awkward but... one of the lessons he'd learned out by himself was that good things were rarely just good. If something seemed perfect.. it was usually a bad thing in disguise.
Though he stayed at her side he lifted his head up and gave her a straight look. "I thought it was getting happier." He frowned, "I guess it depends on what your idea of happiness is."
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 5:47 pm
She fidgeted lightly, but managed to force herself to meet his gaze. Things hadn't been going badly, but she wouldn't lie and say she didn't feel as if they had somehow gotten stuck in this inbetween. Her mind seemed fogged, thinking about things that were far harder than she had ever thought about before. It was frustrating, and her brows furrowed as she watched him, even though it wasn't exactly directed at him. She wasn't suited for this sort of thought - she did things on whims, more often than not. Deep thought wasn't her thing.
"It's not bad," she said slowly, shaking her head and sending the black mane tuft wavering slightly, "and it's getting happier. It's just that sometimes I wonder.." She sighed and trailed off, leaning to lay her head on his shoulder, taking comfort in the motion. "Why it's hard. That's what I wonder." She sighed, shutting her eyes against what she felt was a near headache. Why did they have to work at this so much? It was always easier in the love stories.
Because things that are worth it ar," Panu replied softly. His gaze didn't waver off of her, however. Instead he looked at her as if he'd never seen her until that moment, never really had. It had finally clicked what she might be talking about.
"Listen... There's a lot I don't really talk about.. in regards to where I was and what all happened. but.. i learned a lot out there."
His ears twitched, nearly flattening, before he figured out what it was he wanted to say. "I don't want things between us to be perfect. Ever. Perfect is... false. Its untrusted. Nothing in life is ever perfect... its like what yous aid before. Black and white is something that exists in stories, but its rarely seen in nature. If things between us just suddenly flattened out.. if we got along perfectly... i wouldn't be me. and you wouldn't be you."
He turned his head a little, looking out to the sea. It was too hard to watch her like this, but he gradually forced himself to anyway. He had to look at her. "I don't want us to agree all the time. And even though I don't like the fighting, at least I know we're not some... weird thing with one mind and two bodies. That doesn't sound like... ....l-..." He cleared his throat and voice dropped to a whisper, "Love to me. It sounds like a trap."
She had gotten quiet as he started to talk, something about his words seeming like he wanted to say something and say it all together. A speech, of sorts, if softer and more personal than what she really thought of a speech being like. She did open her eyes, to meet his as he finally looked back at her, letting the words wash over her as they went along. It made sense, everything he said, and the reality ebbed away at the thoughts of perfect romance stories.
"I don't know what love is like," she said softly, slowly, attempting some answer that could possibly live up to what he had just said. It had made her heart.. flutter. Yes, flutter, she was sure that had been the feeling. "I thought that maybe it was like the stories, simple and beautiful, but you never really hear anything about lovers after the first story ends." She chewed at the inside of her cheek for a minute, weakly smiling. "Maybe because there's nothing left to tell."
She glanced towards the sea, thinking for a moment about the love she had for it. It was harsh with her, sometimes very cold, and yet she still loved it. "Maybe love is gray," she said softly, leaning more into him, a purr on her words, "but I think that gray may be prettier than black or white, even if those are what you see in stories." She smiled weakly, flickering her eyes up to him.
A smile drifted up onto Panu's maw as well. He hooked his head over her shoulders as she leaned into him, and settled his chin among her fur. Through half closed eyes he noted something that made him smirk a little more broadly. "Yeah. Love is grey.. even if we are black and white."
She had let her eyes lid slightly as she curled up so comfortably against him. His words washed over her, and despite the rather heavy conversation they had just been having, she couldn't help the laugh that spilled out of her lips. "I didn't really think of that." She managed a little smile, flickering her eyes up to him. "Though we are more than that, too."
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 5:50 pm
"Well of course.. black and white would be so boring." He didn't think about his mother when he said that. If he had he would have laughed, and she probably would have taken some exception to that. As it was, they had a great thing going right now. Despite a few awkward moments, there was... feeling here. good feeling. "yeah. we are more than that."
She smiled, nodding at him, letting hereslf settle into the simple feeling that had overcome them. Something about it was right, not as hard or strained as it had been before. If she had considered all the swings in their conversation, all the shifts of mood and feeling, it might have seemed a lot odder to her to be in this place. She wasn't capable of that, though, she didn't have the ability to peer into that sort of depth. "Yes, so much more," she muttered contentedly, burrying her face against the feeling of his fur.
"So you're staying?" He asked softly, in one last hopeful breath.
She smiled, forcing her eyes open again, as they had been lidding. "Of course," she whispered softly, her tail flickering lightly and batting against his side, "this is home."
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