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 Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 7:35 am
Hey folks, it's been a while since I've posted. My little fellow is 11 months old and walking now, so time has passed in a heartbeat.
I wasn't allowed to exercise for the first six months after my pregnancy because of the complications during birth. I admit, I could have probably done a little more walking or something, but that time has gone now and there's no use in dwelling on it.
I'm nearing a year in and I have yet to shift even 5lbs. I have started doing weights and taking daily walks (1.6 miles in the evenings around a lake, I'm going to be doing more now that my knee has mended) and have cut out a lot of junk food. The 4lbs I have lost came from this week alone where I've really made a push at things.
I've read that if you don't lose the extra weight in the first 6 months, you probably never will. Does anyone have any advice? This is weighing (ha, pun) heavily on my marriage and I need to fix it by means that don't involve a lot of money. (I didn't know if this was the right forum, so please feel free to move it if it isn't!)
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Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 2:25 pm
I've never read that if you don't lose it in the first 6 months.
With my first, it took almost a year if not a little more than that to lose a good portion. With my second it took a year and a half.
I also have to say though, that a lot of people have unrealistic expectations. Most people I've known at least carry some extra weight from having a kid, at least 5-10 lbs. I know I'm never going to nor want to be 110lbs before I had kids.
And with your marriage, I have to ask, is it a big deal just to you or is your husband concerned with it? I think the most important thing is being happy with yourself, no matter what size. I dwelled on my weight and looks for awhile (I even dealt with some depression issues the first year my son was born), but I had to come to a point where losing 5 or 10 lbs wasn't going to make me a better or more beautiful person. It was just me. I am greatful that my husband has been so supportive and positive through it all. I know I sound like an afternoon special, but XD. If it's a big concern for you, it really can't hurt to see a counselor and a nutritionist.
As for tips, water definitely is a good thing. I still drink diet sodas, but usually just for dinner. I noticed when I started walking my oldest to school I lost 5 lbs right there, it's just a matter of starting small and manageable. Also, for me, it was portion sizes. I don't eat as big of a plate as my husband, and I'm more of a snacky person throughout the day.
And remember, the pounds in weight can be deceiving. If you're working out, muscles can weigh more than pure body fat. I also am very deadset against "cleansing" anything in order to lose weight. I also plan on getting WiiFit cause I don't do gyms and love my Wii!
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Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 2:46 pm
I have never read anything stating that you will lose weight the first six months after a baby or not at all. I'm very curious to know where you even found that "information" and would suggest you avoid that source in the future.
I would also like to echo the sentiment about having realistic expectations. After having children, your body is shaped differently. You can not put those bones back where they were. So even if you hit some magic number on the scale you like better, you will never be shaped the same.
As we get older, our bodies change. I have read that we do not settle into our adult weight until we hit our mid-20's. So holding onto a weight you were prior to that is probably unrealistic. (And should be as your body wasn't done developing to begin with.)
I'm curious to know why you are so obsessed about weight and not focusing on health and feeling good--which, I think, should be what you're worried about rather then some arbitary number on the scale or the size of clothes you're wearing. If you're in good health and you feel good, then that's what matters. If you decide you're going to exercise and do things you hate to punish yourself, well, you'll never feel better. You'll just feel sullen and punished and negative. (And not surprisingly, there's a correlation between feeling bad and gaining weight and then gaining more weight because you feel bad.) Find something you enjoy doing and do it for the sake of the joy of the movement rather then worrying about how much you weigh.
Focus on how good it makes you feel and proud you are of what your body can do. Focus on how good your body feels when you feed it adequately and well. Focus on feeling good rather then punishing yourself; I have a feeling it will do wonders in all aspects of your life.
If your husband is the one obsessed with it and pushing, he's a jerk. Period. End of story. Anyone who only respects you or loves you if you are a specific size didn't love you to begin with.
I do not believe in dieting and I would never suggest that someone else diet. They don't work and yo-yoing your weight around does more harm then good.
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Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 10:57 pm
Weight loss is as simple as burning more calories than you burn.
The best advice i have that helped me lose all my weight was decide to make good decisions concerning one objective:
Seperating what you want form what you need. You don't need cheese on a sandwich, or mayo. My favorite lunch right now is a Carl Budding pack of beef. (90 cal) Wheat bread (160 calories for both slices), mustard and horseradish sauce (15 cal).
I'm not syaing this is going to work for everybody but really look at the calories of what you're eating and ask yourself "is this really worth 250 calories?"
Establish a baseline food, like that sandwich (265 cal total.) Ask yourself whether you'd rather have a nice sandwich, or a can or orange soda, which one is gonna leave you more satisfied in the end?
It's really all about not lying to yourself. And by that you have to stop yourself from saying "yeah I need this" because 90% of the time you don't. It's ok to have a bad day. But limit them to once every week or two.
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Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 12:27 pm
Well there's a good way to work one's self to an eating disorder.
There are MANY factors that can cause the body to retain excess weight, it's not always as simple as eating too much and not moving enough. (Food allergies, hormonal birth control, thyroid issues after birth, etc etc etc--there are literally hundreds of conditions that can cause it--can all be culprits, including genetic history.) Sure, you cut calories down low enough, anyone will lose weight, but it won't be healthy and if they get below the weight they're meant to be, they'll go into starvation mode even if they don't look like they're starving to anyone else. And you know what that does? Forces the body to slow down its metabolism to try to force weight gain and when you do return to eating normally, all the weight will come back on, and more, to make up for it since your body is now in crisis-mode. Not only that, you will shut down your immune system and make yourself sick; I have done this before. Other signs you aren't eating enough and are already there: food obsessions and food hoarding, among others.
Rai, if you are concerned that you're eating too much and want help with it, I suggest going to a dietician about it. I've had good luck with them in the past and they'll be more willing to explore what is really going on with you then a doctor will: they like to rule out non-diet factors.
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Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 1:34 pm
My husband claims it doesn't matter what size I am, but then he will push me to cut out certain foods or exercise more. I don't know what he really thinks, to be honest. I hate being overweight because I hate the way I look. I can only fit into my maternity wear and don't have money for larger clothing.
As for the six months thing, I had typed in 'pregnancy weight loss' and it came up with various hits, some of them saying that if you don't lose the weight you gained within six months after the birth, you most likely will never lose it. I thought it discouraging and just wanted to confirm it as a rumor before I torture myself.
I've cut out a lot of fatty fast foods which has helped me lose 5lbs, but I'm just feeling absolutely horrible about myself. I think I may need a support group, even if just for reassurance that I'm still a beautiful woman (hah!) and not just a fat mother/housewife.
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Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 5:35 pm
Mmm, I would talk to him about his contradictive actions and let him know that it's causing you to be insecure. You can't tell someone on the one hand that you love them just the way they are and then with your actions tell them they're unacceptable to you. Any person would be confused and hurt by that. (In another situation, it would be the exact same thing as telling you he loves your brown hair, but then bringing home a box of blonde dye and hinting that you should give it a try.)
For as wonderful as the internet can be, one also has to remember that it's completely unfiltered and most of the information on it is not going to be fact. It can be hard to find a good site with good information at times. If you're already in a low place, it can be even more difficult to filter through what is valid and what isn't.
I still think that shifting your focus from weight loss to healthy living and enjoying life will help. As will exploring the reasons you feel miserable and horrible about yourself--I know you're blaming the weight you gained from pregnancy for this, but I have to wonder if there isn't a deeper issue bothering you. I worry that even if you hit whatever size you want to be, you're still going to be dissatisified and unhappy because that wasn't the issue to begin with. The packaging will change, but not the issues. Your statement at the end about being "Just a mother and just a housewife," makes me wonder if that isn't some of it right there.
(I know I can relate to the identity crisis and turmoil having Ethan rained on me. I spent a lot of time feeling pretty down on myself and I tried to figure out who "I" was after the birth and having to kick ideas out of my head about mothers and housewives having no value...which were contradicted with ideas that if I still wanted to retain my identity it was selfish. Anywho, not going to hijack here, just saying that if some of this is going on, I can commiserate and I'm sure I'm not the only one. smile )
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Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 8:29 pm
RaiRai I've cut out a lot of fatty fast foods which has helped me lose 5lbs, but I'm just feeling absolutely horrible about myself. I think I may need a support group, even if just for reassurance that I'm still a beautiful woman (hah!) and not just a fat mother/housewife. The support group will do you no good if you're not believing it. And you're not going to believe it until you feel and look healthy. For that you'll have to lose weight, not make yourself feel comforatable with how you are now, that's the wrong way of looking at it.
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Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 11:39 pm
komorus The support group will do you no good if you're not believing it. And you're not going to believe it until you feel and look healthy. For that you'll have to lose weight, not make yourself feel comforatable with how you are now, that's the wrong way of looking at it. I'll agree that a support group works better if you want to be there. However, I'm going to sorely disagree that she should be focused on a number to an obsessive level of calorie counting. It's not healthy and let's face it, most women I know, it becomes an unenjoyable path to an eating disorder and obsession. Not to mention, there ARE statistics to show that support groups can be helpful. I even know that they even do them online now. It may work for men, I don't know, I'm not a man. And I also disagree. She should look for being happy with who she is now. Of course, I think going to a doctor before obsessive calorie counting should be a priority to rule out depression and other conditions that come with having a baby (thyroid problems are very common). As a woman who has been that route, trying to force yourself to lose weight when you're depressed and unhappy with yourself gets you no where. It starts off as an unloved chore, then becomes a cycle where you're not losing it fast enough or in the right places. I threw out the scale in my house. I don't care how much I weigh, I don't care about my BMI. The funny thing is I did a balance of exercise and reasonable eating (god forbid, I DO enjoy eating and certain indulgences!) and was shocked when I went to the doctor to see I had lost 5 lbs. Excerise is SO much more productive when you enjoy it for the hell of it. I am not trying to be contrary here, but if my husband were to tell me things like that I would be angry and extremely hurt. Rai, I do commiserate with how you are feeling, I went through that with my first one and it was a tough year of marriage and being a mother. I still have my moments of body issues, but I really feel there is much more than just a weight issue.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:24 am
I'm hoping I can resolve my issues. There are a lot of underlining factors in my bouts of depression, but I don't turn to eating while depressed like I used to. All of my weight was gained during pregnancy. I didn't eat well for the first three months and I made up for that time in the last three months by eating way too much!
(I wonder if that has anything to do with my son's bottomless pit of a stomach...)
I'm glad to know I'm not the only mother struggling to find out if I really am myself now or just someone that looks after others. I'm trying to find out more about things I like to do and things I want to do with my life, but when things fail and kick me in the a**, I get into this spiral where I feel I'm not good enough. I might be needing to tackle that side of it before anything else, huh?
I tried talking to my husband about his wording. He comes across rather accusing instead of encouraging. Like 'you haven't done enough sit-ups' instead of 'maybe you can do some more sit-ups'. It makes all the difference, I've found!
And komorus, I find that a little bit rude. Am I not entitled to feel good about myself no matter what size I am? I have to live in my body and the weight I want to lose won't shift overnight, so I'm supposed to live uncomfortably in my own body until that time? That doesn't make much sense. If I don't feel beautiful on the inside, it's going to be a damn long time until I can on the outside.
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:33 am
Yes, encouraging body hate and self-loathing is just the ticket to healthy living and enjoying life: look how well it's been working in the US the last 30 years. confused Seriously, I can not believe that a person would say that to someone else and think it's helpful and not spiteful and mean as it is. Punishing yourself and self-abnegation is the way to live life? All that matters is a number on the scale? That's what makes you a good and valid person? Happiness comes from a pantsize? How profound.
Promotion of body hatred makes me angry and it's all the more frustrating that so many people still buy into it.
Anywho.
Finding yourself and balance again after having kids can be rough, but I think if you keep at it, you'll find what works for you, Rai. In my own experience, I've fallen and failed way more times then I've succeded.
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Posted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:29 pm
I just wanted to throw one tiny suggestion in here. There is a book out called "Beyond One: Growing a Family and Getting a Life" by Jennifer Bingham Hull. She listed one of the best mommy diets I've ever come across and it's all really easy to follow. By the time her second child was five months old, Hull weighed 216 lbs. Part of this came from the weight she carried over from her first and this was way beyond her pre-kid max of 180. So she decided she had to loose 50 lbs. Unable to follow the diets in fashion magazines, she came up with the ultimate diet plan for moms. I'll list the highlights... The Amazing Toddler Diet 1. Get a program and make it a routine. - She joined weight watchers because it was a structured program 2. Manage your inner toddler like you do your little ones, setting rules and sticking to them. - Simple things like don't lick the peanut butter off the knife when making sandwiches, avoid eating food at birthday parties by focusing on conversation rather than cake and sweets. 3. Preen and play. - Make it fun. --- Buy toys - things that help you exercise like a jogging stroller or free weights if you can't afford or don't have time for the gym. --- Play dress up - in your own closet, maybe with your former "fat jeans" that are now just a fantasy to wear. --- Make it interesting - if you're tracking what you eat, buy yourself interesting notebooks to track it in, something you'll want to write in. 4. Fool the picky eater - If you can't cut pasta or crackers, go for high fiber alternatives like whole wheat pasta or wasa crackers. 5. Treat everyone the same. - Make it something the whole family can undertake. Even if dad and the kids don't need to diet, if you're establishing healthy habits, everyone will benefit. --- Turn off the TV. - don't eat and watch TV at the same time. You don't notice how much you're consuming. --- Eat before you go. - feed everybody before going to a birthday party. That way you can easily pass up all the junk food that might be offered. --- Skip the juice. - Avoid the sugar and cavities, whole fruit is better anyway. 6. Learn from your kids.--- Eat five or six small meals a day. - Also, using smaller bowls makes portions look bigger. --- Take toddler-size steps. - Develop a short exercise routine you can do every day even if you only spend twenty minutes on a treadmill. If you're out of shape, it's the best way to get back into a routine and it's more effective than you think. --- Get back up after you fall down. - If the holidays kill your diet, start over from the beginning. 7. Find support. - You'll find that as you start to feel better about yourself, someone will notice. Even if the comment comes from some guy at the gym who says "Hey, you're really looking buff!" while you're working out at the gym or someone in the supermarket checking you out. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- By the time Hull's second was two and a half, she weighed 166 lbs. Sorry, didn't mean for that to be so long, be trust me, there's a lot more detail in the book. I hope this helps you out.
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