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 Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 8:08 pm
Jar of tears
Kept in a house of depression
Come to find out you are the reason
For all my regression
you beat me down
like so many times before
watching you come and leave as if
my life was a revolveing door
pining in the pain of my dreams
everything we never became it seems
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Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 11:54 am
I don't really get the last sentence, but the other parts of your poem are great. It has a nice flow and I could feel the sadness going to my heart as I read it
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 12:08 pm
It had a good beat and flow, but the lack of grammar seemed to make it feel as if it was a bit rushed. The story itself is good, but slow down when typing the thoughts out and grab the grammar properly to make the poem sing. blaugh
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