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 Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 2:35 pm
Heyz this is poem I wrote
rate mez
As days go by
You see me cry
and you just walk away
As months go by
you see me die
from the hurt that lyes inside me
As boys past me
I ignore them, you see
beacause your the only guy for me
As days go by
You see me cry
and you just walk away
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Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 3:30 pm
sad bump
no one read it
crying
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Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 8:36 pm
Okay, first off, you can't exactly expect an immediate review in this guild--on anything. Posting stuff on here happens a few times a day, but few people really care much about reviewing. (I myself usually fall in that category, sadly as it is.) If you expect some reviews, comment on other peoples works--I've gone months without reviews, trust me, it's not hard to miss something in this part of the guild.
And, now on to your poem. A lot of it seemed kind of sketchy, like you hadn't thought much about it. There has to be a certain flow with the words, and the third stanza didn't really hold much to me. Sorry, it didn't, it wasn't written at its best in my opinion. Also you had some improper grammar in this, you may want to go back and fix it.
What I think you should do is wait a few days, work on something else. After a while, come back to this poem with an open mind and see if there's anything you can fix with it.
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Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 11:47 am
Sorry for not revieuwing, I'm usually quite active here, but recently (due to a lack of sleep, I haven't been on much)
now the long awaited revieuw *kuch kuch*:
As Oatmeal says, it's indeed kinda sketchy, the flow isn't quite there yet. It has got some nice potential, so I'll be looking forward to see how it evolves.
You go girl 4laugh
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Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 12:05 pm
It has great potential like the others have said, and it can stand in it's own right, but a fix or two here and there would do it wonders. Come back to it later and see if it cannot be improved upon. blaugh
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