This is a prequel to Chronicles that I've been working on. I've been affectionatly calling it "Psycho".
The Diary of Serenity and Lucian
1 ~ Antisocial
We've decided to write a diary.
She frowned. Was that really the way to start out a diary? Of all the sentences to begin with, this seemed the dumbest anyone could come up with. With a sigh, she leaned back in her chair and chewed on the end of her pencil.
Right now, she wrote, he's getting drinks for us. It's a hot, humid summer day, and we're all sweaty. I'm sitting in his room, surrounded by books. The window is open, and I can hear the locusts buzzing around outside. It is a very beautiful day.
She waited for him a little and then continued writing.
His name is Lucian; he pronounces it Lu-see-in. Mine is Serenity. He is everything I am not, and more. He is amazing.
She blushed, knowing he would read it, yet she did not mark it out.
Lucian is my best friend, my confidant, my everything. Of all the people I have known, he is... well, he is everything. He is of tall stature and athletic build, with coal black hair and the most beautiful blue eyes one could ever see.
Suddenly something ice cold touched the back of her neck, and she let out a cry, turning quickly to wrench the can of pop from his hands. "What the heck! Lucian!"
He was laughing, his face red from the heat. "You were so absorbed... what was I supposed to do?"
Serenity scowled, her canned drink burning her fingertips with cold. "Whatever," she scowled, and with a pop of the tab and a fizzing hiss, she opened the can to take a drink. It took her three swigs to down it all, and she slammed the empty aluminum on the edge of his desk almost defiantly.
"You really do worry me sometimes," he sighed. "You're always so thirsty. Are you sure you don't have diabetes?"
"Everyone is thirsty in the summer," she said, twirling the pencil in her fingertips.
"Ser, you know I looked it up. You fit most of the main symptoms... Excessive thirst and hunger, irritability, blurry vision..."
"Coincidence," she said.
"But you know your family has a history... The website said to contact your doctor if you have even one!"
"If we're going by family history, by all means, take everything into account. I must have cancer too," she said sarcastically. "And you know I won't get asthma until I'm older." The words left her mouth before she could stop them, and she bit her lip, looking away. "Come on, Lu. Let's not worry about it."
"But I worry about you all the time," he said. "Serenity. You're my best friend. I love you."
She said nothing.
An awkward silence settled between them, and his face seemed to become a little redder. The sounds of summer poured in through the window.
"Don't you want to read what I have so far?" she said suddenly, and he blinked, surprised.
He took the thick little book from her and read her loosely scrawled words, all the while thinking how he hated her quickly shifting mood. If there was one thing that he was sure Serenity was, it was psychopathic. She fit the bill: she was impulsive, fit to outbursts of rage when only seconds before she had been smiling. She was manipulative and tactless, indifferent, and she rarely ever felt guilt. Her emotions were often faked, and her smiles often came out against her will. He could count the number of times he had seen her cry on his hands. Nothng she showed was really true. She was totally incapable of empathy, and no one ever came to her for help if they had a problem.
Serenity was a scary person, yet she wasn't all bad: she was honest and tried to be as nice as possible. She understood what was wrong with her and tried to fix it. She wasn't evil or anything like that, just... she had no little voice in the back of her head.
He had to read it again, because he hadn't been paying attention.
We've decided to write a diary.
Right now, he's getting drinks for us. It's a hot, humid summer day, and we're all sweaty. I'm sitting in his room, surrounded by books. The window is open, and I can hear the locusts buzzing around outside. It is a very beautiful day.
His name is Lucian; he pronounces it Lu-see-in. Mine is Serenity. He is everything I am not, and more. He is amazing.
Lucian is my best friend, my confidant, my everything. Of all the people I have known, he is... well, he is everything. He is of tall stature and athletic build, with coal black hair and the most beautiful blue eyes one could ever see.
And Serenity is a pretty girl with brown hair, Irish, green eyes and a ready smile. She likes to play sports... but only volleyball. She's the most wonderful of artists, a beautiful singer, and she loves history.
We've decided to write this because it is the only outlet for us. We aren't really sure why this is the only way... we don't really need to do this. It’s unnecessary.
In fact, it may become embarrassing.
Actually, it already has.
Writing things like this... it's hard. People can get into your head. But maybe that's what we want.
Let me (Lucian) explain it from the beginning.
I don't know who I am. Well, I do know for sure that my name is Lucian, and I was born on the fifth of February... Coincidentally, that's the same day as Serenity. However, beyond that, I'm very much an unknown. My memories begin in the summer, when I was ten years old. Before that, there is nothing. I was put into foster care and adopted when I was twelve.
Serenity and I are neighbors, now, and best friends.
Lucian tapped his pencil against the page, wondering what to write next. They had not been able to write much in the short time they had been together: Serenity had abruptly been shipped off to her father's house, and now Lucian was alone, waiting for something to strike him.
Nothing came.
He decided to log onto the internet, and spent a few minutes surfing, checking the many sites Serenity had forced him to join. He finally resorted to opening a document he had been writing for the past week, which he had titled "Summer Sports Schedule" so Serenity would never look at it.
"Evidence that Serenity is a Psychopath" popped up at him, and he scrolled down and re read all of it.
Symptoms:
Shallow emotions: Psychopaths may smile, laugh, and show joy, but it is more often feigned than arising from experience. Many emotions serve another motive for the psychopath. They also are unmoved by and show extreme coldness toward things that would upset normal people.
Serenity once got really angry and yelled at me that 'everything seems like a joke to me. It's all just a mask, isn't it? This smile isn't real. Every time I laugh I feel like I'm just doing it so people with think I'm okay!' She has also written that 'It's almost like I'm looking at the world from a far away place, and they're too dumb to realize I'm not with them, yet they expect me to feel the same. So I just smile and act like I'm there when really I'm separate and distant. I don't understand how they can be so dumb.' Serenity is also very cold, and even noted once that her coldness towards everything was surprising. When told that someone has died or something bad has happened, Serenity usually shrugs and says 'there is nothing we can do about it' and goes on with life. When she learns of upsetting occurrences, she appears so laid-back in their presence that many have become angry at her indifference.
Irritability and rage: It appears that anger and rage make up the core of a psychopath. It is often repressed. The smallest of things, usually very insignificant, can outrage them.
Serenity often has mood swings. In a second she can turn from smiling to angry, usually set off by one person's words or actions. Even she has admitted to repressing anger that bubbles over every five seconds in her daily life. In the morning her mother testifies that "she's the grumpiest in the morning. Sometimes it shocks me. I feel like she might bite my head off."
Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies.
That is Serenity.
Glibness and Superficial Charm
Sometimes she does sound charming and glib, yet most of the time she doesn't care enough to try.
Manipulative
Very much so. Serenity usually gets what she wants.
Grandiose sense of self worth: Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
I haven't really been able to pinpoint anything like this.
Pathological Lying
She'll lie about simple things, or just say nothing. Sometimes she refuses to take blame and gives false information to sway where the blame is placed.
Lack of remorse, shame or guilt
Serenity has admitted that she rarely ever feels guilt, even when she knows she's done something totally, completely wrong.
Incapacity for love
Serenity has stated that she doubts she'll ever fall in love, because she doesn't seem to even feel anything for others. She also states that the love would have to be springing from the other side, because she would not be able to supply it.
Need for stimulation: Verbal outbursts are normal. Gets bored easily.
Serenity.
Irresponsibility and unreliability
Even Serenity has stated she's very unreliable.
Early behavior problems and juvenile delinquency
She said, when asked, "Let’s not go into detail, shall we?"
Callousness and a lack of empathy
She hates shows of emotion, and has even admitted it's not a good idea to come to her if you need to spill out your feelings.
Poor behavioral controls and an impulsive nature: Shift between small displays of approval and love to rage and abuse.
Serenity. In. A. Nutshell.
Lucian sighed. He knew Serenity was a psychopath, and every time he reviewed it and tried to study her behavior, it just seemed to get more and more TRUE. She showed nearly all the signs, and even admitted that most of the time everything to her was emptiness.
And then, there was Lucian.
He stood and went to the window, which was open and letting in the humid air of early summer.
"Ser," he sighed. "You're so far away."
He turned back and threw himself on his bed. He was a little tired.
He wasn't depressed with being friends with a psychopath. However, he was depressed because of what it meant, what he had always known was true.
Serenity never felt anything.
And she could never love him, truly and deeply.
Everything, for her, was shallow and... nothing. Yet to him...
Everything to Lucian was feeling and emotion. Why?
Because he could feel it.
His heart could feel everything. That was his power, his gift, what made him different. He could sense the feelings of others, and was very empathetic. However, it seemed with Serenity to almost be normal: he felt only the deepest of emotions from her, because usually there wasn't much. Her being a psychopath explained everything about her lack of emotion.
The edge of his heart tugged as the door to the front of the house opened and Pam Sunders, his adoptive mother, walked in. He sat up and stepped out onto the stairs landing. Pam stood sweating in the doorway, fanning herself with a hat.
She smiled up at him. "What's for dinner, my little chef?"
Lucian smiled and went down to start it.
As the water for his spaghetti began to boil, he watched the bubbles come up and explode. This water was like Serenity. There was nothing until you put it under heat; then it began to boil, and that was when you could see it.
She frowned. Was that really the way to start out a diary? Of all the sentences to begin with, this seemed the dumbest anyone could come up with. With a sigh, she leaned back in her chair and chewed on the end of her pencil.
Right now, she wrote, he's getting drinks for us. It's a hot, humid summer day, and we're all sweaty. I'm sitting in his room, surrounded by books. The window is open, and I can hear the locusts buzzing around outside. It is a very beautiful day.
She waited for him a little and then continued writing.
His name is Lucian; he pronounces it Lu-see-in. Mine is Serenity. He is everything I am not, and more. He is amazing.
She blushed, knowing he would read it, yet she did not mark it out.
Lucian is my best friend, my confidant, my everything. Of all the people I have known, he is... well, he is everything. He is of tall stature and athletic build, with coal black hair and the most beautiful blue eyes one could ever see.
Suddenly something ice cold touched the back of her neck, and she let out a cry, turning quickly to wrench the can of pop from his hands. "What the heck! Lucian!"
He was laughing, his face red from the heat. "You were so absorbed... what was I supposed to do?"
Serenity scowled, her canned drink burning her fingertips with cold. "Whatever," she scowled, and with a pop of the tab and a fizzing hiss, she opened the can to take a drink. It took her three swigs to down it all, and she slammed the empty aluminum on the edge of his desk almost defiantly.
"You really do worry me sometimes," he sighed. "You're always so thirsty. Are you sure you don't have diabetes?"
"Everyone is thirsty in the summer," she said, twirling the pencil in her fingertips.
"Ser, you know I looked it up. You fit most of the main symptoms... Excessive thirst and hunger, irritability, blurry vision..."
"Coincidence," she said.
"But you know your family has a history... The website said to contact your doctor if you have even one!"
"If we're going by family history, by all means, take everything into account. I must have cancer too," she said sarcastically. "And you know I won't get asthma until I'm older." The words left her mouth before she could stop them, and she bit her lip, looking away. "Come on, Lu. Let's not worry about it."
"But I worry about you all the time," he said. "Serenity. You're my best friend. I love you."
She said nothing.
An awkward silence settled between them, and his face seemed to become a little redder. The sounds of summer poured in through the window.
"Don't you want to read what I have so far?" she said suddenly, and he blinked, surprised.
He took the thick little book from her and read her loosely scrawled words, all the while thinking how he hated her quickly shifting mood. If there was one thing that he was sure Serenity was, it was psychopathic. She fit the bill: she was impulsive, fit to outbursts of rage when only seconds before she had been smiling. She was manipulative and tactless, indifferent, and she rarely ever felt guilt. Her emotions were often faked, and her smiles often came out against her will. He could count the number of times he had seen her cry on his hands. Nothng she showed was really true. She was totally incapable of empathy, and no one ever came to her for help if they had a problem.
Serenity was a scary person, yet she wasn't all bad: she was honest and tried to be as nice as possible. She understood what was wrong with her and tried to fix it. She wasn't evil or anything like that, just... she had no little voice in the back of her head.
He had to read it again, because he hadn't been paying attention.
We've decided to write a diary.
Right now, he's getting drinks for us. It's a hot, humid summer day, and we're all sweaty. I'm sitting in his room, surrounded by books. The window is open, and I can hear the locusts buzzing around outside. It is a very beautiful day.
His name is Lucian; he pronounces it Lu-see-in. Mine is Serenity. He is everything I am not, and more. He is amazing.
Lucian is my best friend, my confidant, my everything. Of all the people I have known, he is... well, he is everything. He is of tall stature and athletic build, with coal black hair and the most beautiful blue eyes one could ever see.
And Serenity is a pretty girl with brown hair, Irish, green eyes and a ready smile. She likes to play sports... but only volleyball. She's the most wonderful of artists, a beautiful singer, and she loves history.
We've decided to write this because it is the only outlet for us. We aren't really sure why this is the only way... we don't really need to do this. It’s unnecessary.
In fact, it may become embarrassing.
Actually, it already has.
Writing things like this... it's hard. People can get into your head. But maybe that's what we want.
Let me (Lucian) explain it from the beginning.
I don't know who I am. Well, I do know for sure that my name is Lucian, and I was born on the fifth of February... Coincidentally, that's the same day as Serenity. However, beyond that, I'm very much an unknown. My memories begin in the summer, when I was ten years old. Before that, there is nothing. I was put into foster care and adopted when I was twelve.
Serenity and I are neighbors, now, and best friends.
Lucian tapped his pencil against the page, wondering what to write next. They had not been able to write much in the short time they had been together: Serenity had abruptly been shipped off to her father's house, and now Lucian was alone, waiting for something to strike him.
Nothing came.
He decided to log onto the internet, and spent a few minutes surfing, checking the many sites Serenity had forced him to join. He finally resorted to opening a document he had been writing for the past week, which he had titled "Summer Sports Schedule" so Serenity would never look at it.
"Evidence that Serenity is a Psychopath" popped up at him, and he scrolled down and re read all of it.
Symptoms:
Shallow emotions: Psychopaths may smile, laugh, and show joy, but it is more often feigned than arising from experience. Many emotions serve another motive for the psychopath. They also are unmoved by and show extreme coldness toward things that would upset normal people.
Serenity once got really angry and yelled at me that 'everything seems like a joke to me. It's all just a mask, isn't it? This smile isn't real. Every time I laugh I feel like I'm just doing it so people with think I'm okay!' She has also written that 'It's almost like I'm looking at the world from a far away place, and they're too dumb to realize I'm not with them, yet they expect me to feel the same. So I just smile and act like I'm there when really I'm separate and distant. I don't understand how they can be so dumb.' Serenity is also very cold, and even noted once that her coldness towards everything was surprising. When told that someone has died or something bad has happened, Serenity usually shrugs and says 'there is nothing we can do about it' and goes on with life. When she learns of upsetting occurrences, she appears so laid-back in their presence that many have become angry at her indifference.
Irritability and rage: It appears that anger and rage make up the core of a psychopath. It is often repressed. The smallest of things, usually very insignificant, can outrage them.
Serenity often has mood swings. In a second she can turn from smiling to angry, usually set off by one person's words or actions. Even she has admitted to repressing anger that bubbles over every five seconds in her daily life. In the morning her mother testifies that "she's the grumpiest in the morning. Sometimes it shocks me. I feel like she might bite my head off."
Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies.
That is Serenity.
Glibness and Superficial Charm
Sometimes she does sound charming and glib, yet most of the time she doesn't care enough to try.
Manipulative
Very much so. Serenity usually gets what she wants.
Grandiose sense of self worth: Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
I haven't really been able to pinpoint anything like this.
Pathological Lying
She'll lie about simple things, or just say nothing. Sometimes she refuses to take blame and gives false information to sway where the blame is placed.
Lack of remorse, shame or guilt
Serenity has admitted that she rarely ever feels guilt, even when she knows she's done something totally, completely wrong.
Incapacity for love
Serenity has stated that she doubts she'll ever fall in love, because she doesn't seem to even feel anything for others. She also states that the love would have to be springing from the other side, because she would not be able to supply it.
Need for stimulation: Verbal outbursts are normal. Gets bored easily.
Serenity.
Irresponsibility and unreliability
Even Serenity has stated she's very unreliable.
Early behavior problems and juvenile delinquency
She said, when asked, "Let’s not go into detail, shall we?"
Callousness and a lack of empathy
She hates shows of emotion, and has even admitted it's not a good idea to come to her if you need to spill out your feelings.
Poor behavioral controls and an impulsive nature: Shift between small displays of approval and love to rage and abuse.
Serenity. In. A. Nutshell.
Lucian sighed. He knew Serenity was a psychopath, and every time he reviewed it and tried to study her behavior, it just seemed to get more and more TRUE. She showed nearly all the signs, and even admitted that most of the time everything to her was emptiness.
And then, there was Lucian.
He stood and went to the window, which was open and letting in the humid air of early summer.
"Ser," he sighed. "You're so far away."
He turned back and threw himself on his bed. He was a little tired.
He wasn't depressed with being friends with a psychopath. However, he was depressed because of what it meant, what he had always known was true.
Serenity never felt anything.
And she could never love him, truly and deeply.
Everything, for her, was shallow and... nothing. Yet to him...
Everything to Lucian was feeling and emotion. Why?
Because he could feel it.
His heart could feel everything. That was his power, his gift, what made him different. He could sense the feelings of others, and was very empathetic. However, it seemed with Serenity to almost be normal: he felt only the deepest of emotions from her, because usually there wasn't much. Her being a psychopath explained everything about her lack of emotion.
The edge of his heart tugged as the door to the front of the house opened and Pam Sunders, his adoptive mother, walked in. He sat up and stepped out onto the stairs landing. Pam stood sweating in the doorway, fanning herself with a hat.
She smiled up at him. "What's for dinner, my little chef?"
Lucian smiled and went down to start it.
As the water for his spaghetti began to boil, he watched the bubbles come up and explode. This water was like Serenity. There was nothing until you put it under heat; then it began to boil, and that was when you could see it.
