[PRP] Music's Way (Ronan and Kani'noe)

[Kimaria]

He was almost ready to take his drum quest, though he had to admit he was getting rather nervous about it. Kani was an odd little guy.

Somedays he'd wake up chirpy and content, so sure that he'd find his music and that everything would be okay. And other days he'd hit a sort of block and he'd feel himself useless and a failure. His confidence was easily gained, but it was easily destroyed as well. He was a frail personality.

But it seemed that every day that passed without a single hint of inspiration, the lower his confidence got.

Even thinking back to Mawi Mai's conversation hadn't been able to bring his little spark back.

So here he was, lying in the shade, watching his tail flicking lazily and listening to the buzz of the insects.  

[MoonRazor]

There were days when Ronan would wake up and not see any of his family for the entire day. It was on those days that he really started to wonder. Did he really belong here? He remembered conversations he had had with his mother as a cub, and he had asked her the exact same thing countless times. Did he really?

But each and every time he asked her, she would tell him, of course he belonged there, and that he was being silly for thinking otherwise. And back then, as a cub, he had taken her word for it and gone one his merry way each time.

He was really starting to doubt it. It wouldn't have much mattered to him if he had ever even heard the music, and understood it. Even just once, and perhaps he would have felt less the way he did, because really, he had no idea whatsoever what music was supposed to sound like.

He knew how to make it now - thanks to Nyack - but he couldn't hear what was so special about it. He couldn't hum "in tune," as the others called it, and he certainly couldn't sing properly. But he could drum. By keeping a close eye on his paw, he could control it to make different combinations of beats and rhythms, but he never knew whether or not he was doing it right, or whether or not it would sound horrible.

The blue gray lion padded along, deep in thought, when all of a sudden he paused. Tan under a shade, not fifteen strides away, he could see. The cub looked something like a lion, and a tad like something else that Ronan couldn't quite put a paw on.

He was good at noticing details. They sprung at him whether he wanted to or not, and he had lived with it all his life. He had often wished he could trade it in for an ear for music - he could live without all the details.

He broke into a walk again, heading for the cub. He seemed rather down, and there was little Ronan liked more than seeing another sad.

"Well, hello there."  

[Kimaria]

Kani was not yet aware that he was different so far as looks were concerned. He was very different as far as personality and talent went and he was painfully aware of this fact. However, the fact that his tail bore no tuft and he was built smaller than most male lions had not made itself clear.

As far as he was concerned he was a lion cub, and why not? His mother was a lion and he'd never met his father. It probably wouldn't be too long before he found out about it, though.

The voice startled him, but not enough to bring him too his paws. His head snapped up, eyes wide and anxious as they lifted to look at the adult male standing in front of him. He had an odd colour to his coat but it was calming and cool, like a pool of shallow water in the evening light.

He tried his best to smile and sat, lifting his ears and nodded his head slightly. "Hello." And then after a moment's thought. "I'm Kani'noe. You live here too?" But his eyes went to his neck and saw no drum hanging there. Sure, his mother didn't have a drum either, but everyone else he met had one. He wanted to ask but decided not to. It seemed rude to bring up so suddenly. "I haven't seen anyone with your pelt colour before."  

[MoonRazor]

Closer up, it was even easier for Ronan to notice the subtle little details about the young lion - his tail was the most obvious one. He assumed that the other was still a lion, despite these difference. He had little reason to think he was anything else, having had little experience with other species.

"Ronan," He said in reply to Kani'noe's introduction, and he nodded. "Yes, I do. We came when I was still a cub." He caught sight of Kani'noe's gaze glancing up at him, and though he couldn't be sure what he had seen, Ronan decided it was most likely the lack of a drum around his neck.

It had been one of those days when he had woken up and decided that perhaps for a day, he could make do without it. He liked the drum, indeed, he was quite proud of it. He had always been careful when he made things, and this drum of his, to him, had been made to perfection.

But sometimes having that drum made him wonder all the more whether or not music was really the life for him, and often he wished that the question would simply fade. That he would find his musical inspiration and all the doubt would leave him.

Ronan smiled. "It is rather rare, isn't it?" He said in agreement. "Although my father's pelt is quite like mine, if you ever see him wandering about here. His name is Juke. And my brother looks a tad like me, too."

He had always enjoyed the fact that his pelt was so much like a combination of all of his family. The spots on his back, he shared with his mother and Jumuu, as well as his yellow eyes. The pelt, she shared with his father and brother, and the his pelt of different shades he shared with his other sister, Gharadi. Being so attached to his family, knowing that he looked like all three of his siblings and both his parents was womething he treasure far beyond any drum he might ever make.  

[Kimaria]

His eyes lit up. “Nice to meet you Ronan.” He coiled his tail and pulled himself to attention, not wanting to see rude or uninterested. He was shy, yes, but he was polite too, quietly polite. He bobbed his head in acknowledgement and put on a slight smile. “So you come from…out there?” He tilted his head towards the borders, his eyes dwindling on the place he had met the cheetah cub. The meeting seemed long ago now but it couldn’t have been more than a couple of weeks.

Briefly, he wondered where the cheetah cub was now and whether he’d achieve his goal and become a warrior someday.

Then he snapped back to attention and looked across at the adult uncertainly. He was always in this situation, wanting to say more but being afraid it was too much. He wasn’t used to talking to others outside of his family and he felt he could say anything in front of them.

And then the topic of family came up. Like Ronan, Kani’noe adored his family. His mother meant the world to him and his brother was someone to depend upon for anything. His sister was a little weird, but he was at that age where girls were all slightly ‘odd’. “I have a brother too!” He chirped. “Selador. We sort of look alike, but he has darker fur than me. So does my sister. They look far more like mother than I do.” He’d never really thought about that before. “I guess that means I look like my father then…” He watched his tail tip curling, seeing the stripe of dark brown against cream.

“I don’t know my father, but I wish I did…sometimes.” His ears turned. “Is it normal, do you think, for the father not to be around for his cubs?” As a cub he hadn’t spared much thought to the father he had never seen, but as he grew and as he met others he was slowly becoming more and more curious. Who was his father? What was he like? Did they look very similar? If he was as nice as his mother – and he had no reason to doubt that – then he certainly hoped to meet him one day.

“It must be nice to have all your family with you. Family is the most important thing…I think.”

Yes, family was even more important to music, but only just. To Kani’noe, music and family were so closely knit they almost meant the same thing. But his inability to grab hold of his inspiration had meant that he depended on family more and thus appreciated them more than if he’d found music as easily as others he knew.  

[MoonRazor]

Ronan nodded with a small, nostalgic smile. "Yes, a long time ago." He thought back to those free lands. They all looked different, and still all the same, somehow. He had noticed that about the pride lands. Everything simply looked the same. "Sometimes I feel like I want to go back out there. Last time I saw it was on my rhythm quest."

The mention of the quest made him pause. It was something he couldn't escape, this rhythm thing. It plastered to him like a shadow, so that even when he thought he might have found some shelter from it in another's company, it popped back out. Why.

He returned his focus to his conversation, realizing that they were now on the topic of families. That suited him just fine, he loved his family. It was probably the only thing that kept him here. It wasn't that he didn't like the Nchi lands, but there was always that feeling. Like he didn't really belong there.

Kani'noe's question took Ronan off guard. He didn't fully understand the structure of the younger's family, so he chose his words carefully. "I guess... sometimes families have one parent, and sometimes they have two." Come to think of it, it rathered seemed as though many of the lions that had grown up in the Nchi lands were living there without a father. As far as he knew, it was just his family that had one, but he couldn't be sure. He didn't know everyone first hand, much as he wished he did.

Ronan smiled. "I think family is the most important thing, too." He nodded his agreement. There was little that made him happier than knowing that there were others out there who also valued family above all else. Because when it came down to it, what else was there in the world?

He took a quick glance around him. "Can you keep a secret?"  

[Kimaria]

He listened without a word, ears forward, eyes bright, listening intently. He loved to hear about other people’s lives, listening to their experiences. He was still so young but he had a feeling he’d never really lead an adventurous life. He was happy here, so long as his family was around him and the outside world was foreign and strange. He shuddered at the thought of leaving the borders and heading out into the unknown.

“I guess.” He replied. “Mai doesn’t have a father around either. I mean, I’m happy and everything but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a complete family. At the very least I want to meet him just so that I can picture him in my thoughts.” He nodded cheerfully and felt a sudden connection with the adult. They both had one thing in common: love for their family.

That was the reason he loved this place so much – besides the music of course. Family. The pride held great importance in family and love. It was what kept him here, what would always keep him here.

He was about to go on to the drum quest – something he was greatly interested in since he’d soon be partaking in one himself. But Ronan’s question took him off guard.

“Secret?” He smiled. “I’ve never had a secret before!” He nodded, drawing closer. “I’ll guard it with my life.”  

[MoonRazor]

Ronan tried to picture life without his father. It was difficult, to say the least. He didn't know what it would have been like to grow up without Juke around. But then again, he had never experienced life without both his parents and all three of his siblings, so he could hardly be expected to be able to imagine.

Still, he supposed that if he had grown up without a father, he would have been used to it. But given how highly he valued his family, hew ould most probably have felt just like Kani'noe. He would have wanted to meet his father too.

"Maybe you will, someday," Ronan said with a optimistic nod. You couldn't go through life without ever knowing your father, could you? The thought of it was strange, although he knew it probably was not the most bizarre thing. Stranger things had happened, he knew that.

He grinned at Kani'noe as he drew closer. Ah, secrets.

"If it wasn't for my family, I think I would have left this place a long time ago," He said quietly.  

[Kimaria]

“I hope so.” Until then he would try his best to imagine what his father was like. Deep down, he wished he was like his father, that he wasn’t such an oddball, that he actually got his personality quirks from someone he was related to. So, until proven otherwise, he would think himself a miniature version of his father.

The fact that probably wasn’t the case was pushed out of sight and mind.

And then the secret. The first secret that had ever been shared with him since the beginning of his short and rather uneventful life. And then the words hit him and Kani’noe’s expression changed very slightly. From one of excitement to a kind of confused shock. It wasn’t extremely obvious; because he did his best to cover it as much as possible, but it was clear he hadn’t expected that sort of secret.

He couldn’t ever imagine leaving this place. Ever.

But, if his family wasn’t here, would he feel so strongly about staying?

If he thought about it, if he was here all alone, struggling to find his muse with no one to encourage him and help his confidence, then maybe he wouldn’t be here now. Maybe he would have felt so ashamed he would have left, never to return.

Maybe Ronan and he were more alike than they realised.

“But, what about the music?” Kani whispered. “Wouldn’t you miss playing drum with the pride or dancing with others or singing songs passed down from generation to generation?” His voice was hushed, almost as if he feared speaking the words aloud.

“Wouldn’t you miss that if you left?”  

[MoonRazor]

He knew how strange it must have sounded. This pride was so unique, so full of warmth and love. There was no conceivable reason for a lion to leave.

Except for that feeling. That feeling he got some days when he woke up and just felt deep inside that he didn't really belong there. He knew the pride had open arms to all, even those that did not understand the ways of music. But he had grown up in these lands, his entire family were wonderful with music. It was all second nature for them.

But somehow, not for him. The only way Ronan could make music was by planning it out in his head, seeing - not hearing - where everything was, and then setting it in motion. He couldn't play by ear, he couldn't simply listen to a rhythm and hop in with his own. He didn't understand, really, what was so special about a bunch of sounds melding together. It was interesting, but to him... they were still just sounds.

"Don't get me wrong, I love these lands," He began. "But... Sometimes I just feel like there are other places that I was meant to be." He didn't really know how to explain it. He believed there were places he was destined to be, but he had chosen to stay where he was and not fulfill that destiny. And that was his choice, but sometimes he wondered. Was it the right one?

But then a voice inside his head would come to him and tell him, he was thinking nonsense. He couldn't have made the wrong choice if his family was here. He couldn't even begin to imagine life without his family. He just didn't have it in him to leave them, ever.

"I..." He searched for words. "I like doing all that. I like playing on my drum, I like watching and sometimes dancing. I like the songs, but... Music is... It's harder for me." He said finally.  

[Kimaria]

Kani'noe listened with a compassionate sheen in his eyes. Whoever had passed down his or her personality down to him had truly been a gentle, kindly creature. There was no hate in him, no anger. He was calm, a little shy, and very understanding. He was the gently flowing stream.

Besides, Ronan's words sounded familiar. In fact they echoed his own thoughts. Just before the grey-blue pelted lion had come by he'd been thinking about the exact same thing.

Music was hard. But not for everyone, but apparently not just him alone, either. He had someone here who could understand him too. Maybe he wasn't so odd after all.

"If you truly feel like you don't belong here, then maybe you should go. I know you love your family, but...if it's makning you sad being here...I don't think your family would want you sacrificing your happiness just to be beside them. You could always visit..." He shook his head and then shifted a little closer again.

"Do you want to know a secret, too?" His eyes flickered from side to side and then settled on Ronan's bright, golden ones. "I find music hard too. My brother and sister are already proving musical but...but I can't seem to get it. I can't find the inspiration. Sometimes I think I'll never find it and want to give up and then other days I feel confident and go searching. I worry that I'm going to grow up a failure." He hesitated and then continued. "But I think if you want something enough and fight hard enough for it, you'll be rewarded eventually."  

[MoonRazor]

He had thought about that before, leaving. But every time he did, he always reached the same conclusion - he couldn't. A rational argument would have ended in him leaving to find the place he truly belonged in, find true happiness. All that stuff.

But this wasn't a rational argument, and every way he tried to peace it together, if there wasn't his family in the picture, it wasn't nearly good enough for him.

"It's not as simple as that," He began with a small shake of his head. "It sounds like a fine idea, but when you really think about it..."

He paused. "I'm good with thinking. I have good ideas, my mind works better than most lions I've met - not to brag or anything. I think it has something to do with my eyes... But. I'm good with ideas. But every way I try to put it, it doesn't work. Leaving, really, it isn't much of an option for me. And I don't have any other ideas."

Ronan nodded his head, glad to know that he could be allowed into the circle of secrets. "I'm not the only one, then," He said with a wry smile when Kani'noe had finished. "But you'll get there. Even I'm halfway decent with music, and it... It's really harder for me than I can describe. But for me, I don't really find much inspiration by listening. I just plan it out in my mind. And then I do it."  

[Kimaria]

It sounded like Ronan was in a slump, one that was deep and hard to climb out of. Kani wished he could help somehow, wished that he could say or do something that could make things better for the lion. But who was he? He was just a shy little cub with no more inspiration than a warthog.

He sighed, his ears dipping, and then he lifted his eyes slowly to look into Ronan's face. He was an adult, a lot older than himself, but somehow they were the same. The difficulties in their lives seemed to be drawing them together.

"Maybe, maybe you could do something else. Maybe you could help fix or make instruments, or maybe you could write some new lyrics for a song." He nodded. "You should do whatever your heart is telling you to do." He was unsure if that even sounded right but it was the best he could come up with.

"Maybe we could help each other to become better? Sounds like we both could do with some tips. As soon as I make my drum, we should meet up again, see if we can find out what it is we're doing wrong?"  

[MoonRazor]

Kani'noe was the first lion that Ronan had met who seemed to have about the same problem as him. Except his was a problem of inspiration. Ronan had plenty of inspiration if he needed it - he could find anything in almost anything - but for him, it was the problem of actually truly understanding it.

But the results of the two problems was close enough that they could be put together. Music was hard for the two of them, that was what it was.

"You're probably right," He said with a nod. It was good advice. "Fixing instruments..." He mused. That was something he would find easy, and he would be good at it. He thought back to his drum. His perfect little drum. He could do that for other drums too, and not just his own. It was an idea worth chasing down, he decided.

He grinned, and nodded. "Yes, maybe we should help each other. It sounds like we have much the same problem, in any case."

((Oh, I lose xD

Aaand I'm thinking the Jiza/Aapep RP can count as being over?))  

[Kimaria]

Kani nodded, standing and stretching in the pale light. The sun felt delicate today, more delicate than usual and filtered through the leaves of the tree it was actually rather pleasant. His whiskers seemed to shine brilliantly and then he stood, looking up into Ronan's grey-blue face.

"I'm sure things will work out to be okay. Besides, sounds like you have your family for support when things get tough."

He flicked an ear. "I'm...going on my drum quest in a couple of days. As soon as I'm back I'll come find you. Then maybe we could practice together." He smiled. "I think maybe that's one of the reasons I'm finding it hard. I think that you can't do everything alone. Sometimes we need a little help along the way."

He smiled. "Or that's what I'm hoping, anyway."

(( <3 Yup the other one can be finished. We can wrap this one up in maybe one or two more posts and if you have time I can start another between Aapep and Jiza? ))