There are two sets of eight letter words in the human language that mean the word to me. Bullshit and I love you. To say I couldn't live on only those two words for the rest of my life would be a lie. I think they're the two words I use against myself the most. Its bullshit that I love you, and I love you so much its bullshit. Sometimes I wonder to myself, why am I so lucky to get such an amazing guy who means the world, to the moon and back, and I love him more then that still.. Then I tell myself its bullshit for leading him on like this when I know he's better then me.

I'll start off with I love you because it's the most nonchalant. I think it started about 12 years ago, when I wasn't as old as I am now. I was a lot younger, a lot more pleasant to be around. I had just recently come off a big drug and alcohol addiction (this doesn't mean I didn't occasionally drink). I was fresh out of Belleville High School and it was summer of 95. I had it going very good for me, you see. I had this big idea that I was going to be some "famous lead singer" and if that didn't work out for me, I was going to fall back on comic book illustration. I was going attend the School of Visual Art in New York in the fall, instead of some other one where I wouldn't amount to anything since that s**t didn't appeal to me very well. I had three months to kill, and no body had to worry about school anymore. I was 18, I could buy cigarettes, so I was set. It was basically just Matt, Ray, my kid brother his best friend Frank, and I. I didn't really know Frank at the time since we had such an age difference. About four years or so, I guess you could say. It just wasn't my priority.

It was a late June evening and we were all bored as ********. Basically, we were all sitting around, doing absolutely nothing about our shitty a** lives. I had a summer job at Barnes and Noble, so I could pay for my now legal cigarettes. I knew mom and dad wouldn't give me money to ruin my body, being that I had to make my own dollar bills. It was around 7:30 and the sun was slowly setting. We were all hanging out in Mikey and myself's garage, and it was humid and for the most part, smelt like guys. But that's all we were, bunch of guys. Ray and Matt sometimes had their girlfriends with them, but not often enough to take the guy smell from our garage. I have to say that it just wouldn't be our garage without the wretched odor.

"I'm bored, " Mikey complained tossing a pebble he found at the floor and looking up at me, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Mikey was always bored, because he rather be doing something else then hanging out and basically doing nothing.

"Shut up Mikey, " Ray offered in picking up the pebble that had fallen near his feet and tossed it at him, missing wildly but it still made my kid brother flinch like the wuss he was. I laughed softly, swirling the soda I held in my hands and took a sip, setting it near the leg of my chain, yawning slightly.

"I think we should play a game, " Matt laughed softly, putting down his soda can too.

"No!" I and Ray both bolted at the same time looking sternly at Matt.

"Not like tag, guys. Like truth or dare, unless you have another amazing idea to make us un-bored? " He frowned, sinking back in his chair from the grunts against him.

"Last time, I had to eat dirt though!" Mikey pouted, crossing his arms stubbornly across his chest. He smiled through it though and sighed. "I'm in, " he mumbled. Last time we played, Mikey was fairly happy for some reason. I mean, he was dared to do all the stupid stuff no one else would. Like kiss Ray and myself and, of course, eat dirt.

"I'll do it, " Ray sighed rolling his eyes. He patted his hands against his legs looking down at the ground with a mad evil blush on his face that I couldn't quite figure out but played it off.

"I'll play, I guess. Only because I'm bored though, you here? And what happens in this garage, stays here, got it? Mikey, no telling mom, " I said looking over at him and he rolled his eyes.

"I didn't tell mom, she forced it out of me! And she only knows about you guys making me eat dirt and such, okay? So shush it, I didn't do anything, " Mikey intervened.

Frank looked uneasily at the ground. He was little, and he didn't talk. How was Mikey friends with him? "Uhm, I guess I'll play? " he offered shyly. I looked up and over to him and shrugged, lighting myself a cigarette and blowing the smoke out slowly, pushing my hand out. The guys joined in and we all moved our fists up and down three times shooting into either rock, paper or scissors.

Matt got to go first.

"Mikey, truth or dare, " he said plainly, his eyes shooting over to Mikey who wasn't paying much attention.

"Uh, truth? "

There were a few call-outs of wimp then Matt spoke up, silencing them all. "Is it true, you masturbate at least twice a year? " He said to hold back a laugh. Everyone was. Even Frank was biting down on his lip so he wouldn't laugh at the situation as we all watched Mikey turn tomato red.

"... Yeah, " he whispered gently sinking back in his chair pushing the beanie as far down as he could and sliding the glasses up the bridge of his nose again looking at anything but us, because by then everyone was laughing at my kid brother.

"Okay, knock it off, Mikey go!" I said rolling my eyes. Mikey nodded slowly and looked over at Frank.

"Truth or dare, Frank? "

Little did I know that this little decision would change the rest of my life.
















(End chapter one.)














































"Dare?" Frank volunteered sitting up in his chair suddenly. His eyes flashed over at me for a moment, then looked back at Mikey. He was fidgeting with the knee holes of his pants, which I noticed were massive. They basically showed his whole knee.

Mikey grinned deviously, and glared over at me with a revenge-filled glare then looked back at Frank.


"I dare you to kiss Gerard."

Frank's POV


Kiss Gerard? I didn't even KNOW the guy.

"Y-you're brother Gerard?" I asked softly, biting down on my lip and looking over at him. He wasn't bad looking, not in the least bit. He was rather gorgeous. I guess you could say in lighter
terms. He had long raven black hair, and deep brown eyes. I knew I had gotten myself dug in deep when I came here, but this was insane.

"I don't really know any others, besides Gerald but that's a totally different name. " Mikey stated with as much smart-a**-ness as he could muster. I sneered looking away and stood up, hooking my thumbs into my belt loops.


"Do I really have to do this? " I said softly, shifting my feet a bit and clearing my throat, licking my now officially dry lips.


"It's a dare, Frank, you have too. " Mikey intervened, rolling his eyes and chewing on the edge of his pinky finger, crossing his legs and yawning.

I could hear Gerard get up slowly. As I looked over he was dropping the cigarette he had been holding and put it out with the heel of his shoe, blowing the smoke out. He looked so at ease, is
what their usual dares were. I walked halfway, and he met me halfway. With one little lean forward we'd be touching each other.

"Are we going to do this? " he asked in a soft voice. I could smell the smoke on his clothes. A smell I had hated for a long time now, with no real reason why. I just didn't like cigarette smoke. I nodded and he must've sensed how scared I was (Did I have a fear scent? ) Because he laughed softly.





"I'm not that bad," he promised with a wink. It was a simple peck, what was I afraid of?



Our lips were brushed together, and instead of pulling away I think we both pulled in. I could smell the smoke on his breath but it was the least of my worries. His hand found its way to my neck, his

fingers cold against my skin. I lifted my hand to his cheek, and our bodies came closer. Their was a certain... connection there. It wasn't like every other kiss I had received. It wasn't half hearted.

As soon as I was about to pry his mouth open with my tongue, he pulled away and winked, taking his hand back and simply walking over to his chair, sitting down, and leaning back in his chair
cooly. I was shocked, had that really just happened? He wasn't even looking at me, but he was looking at the floor. Had that not meant anything?


I cleared my throat and made my way back to my chair, sitting down and looking across the room at a man sitting near Gerard. Mikey had introduced him as Matt, and I could go with that.


"Matt, truth or dare? " I asked in a sheepish voice that squeaked softly when I talked. It made me blush a red bouquet of roses but at least no one seemed to notice.


"Uhh.. Truth. I'm not going to trust anyone on dares after that, " he said with a sneer, like a security guard would give a civilian for 'just' wanting to 'borrow' his gun.


"Is it true... you... w-were born in a hospital?" I stuttered out, not sure what else to say. I was usually quite good with coming up with stuff, but not after that.


"Haha, yeah. It's true. You're okay Frank," he winked at me and then turned to Ray, asking him the big truth or dare question. I wasn't really paying attention because my eyes had diverted back to Gerard. He was still looking away from me.


It was just a game though, wasn't it?

Wasn't it?



((end chapter 2))




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