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 Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 12:30 pm
The month was over. There were times where she didn't bring too much lavendar, but she had faithfully spent every spare moment she could fulfilling her promise. It was exhausting, more mentally than physically, and she could feel a toll on herself. She was tired today.
It was midday, a calm, quiet day, nothing to make it stick out from any other. Mafunde waited patiently outside of their home, the cave they had found that night. She looked up to the sky, her eyes closed as a breeze washed over her. It felt so far away, their banishment happening a lifetime ago. The danger was still there, yes, but hopefully their old pride had given up by now on finding them.
She swayed a bit with the breeze, just taking a moment to enjoy life. And being alive.
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Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 10:58 pm
Behind her, slinking out from the darkness of the cavern, came Yanisin. His fur had thinned with the scarcity of food, making sure that his ladies and children ate before he did. But he was content. In fact, he was happier than he had ever been. Smiles came more freely to his face and even though he was grim and solemn with thoughts of their survival, Yanisin was laughing more often. He played with his cubs before he went out for hunts and he let them bite his ears and bury their faces in his mane. The large lion was relaxing and releasing his tense muscles after the first couple weeks of their trying month. Of course, Yanisin was constantly on the look out and he constantly debated over sleeping near the entrance of the cavern to watch or to lay protectively around his family. But overall he had relaxed.
Yanisin took a seat near Mafunde and stayed there in silence for a while. He wanted to enjoy the moment with her, the state of existing and just being. It felt nice. Then, after moments had passed, Yanisin rumbled, "Your month is over. You have done everything I have asked for you in return of your sins and the sweet smell of lavender has bathed us and our family in cleanliness. Your time to start yourself anew, to start over and do things right and good for the family, is neigh."
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:31 am
Mafunde's ear flicked as she heard her mate next to her. Her brown eyes slowly made their way to look on his face, feeling a bit of relief, yet still feeling sadness. They were doing alright, surely, but they were also not as well off as they had hoped. It was obvious in their bodies that they were not flourishing out here. She had to remind herself often, though, that the cubs were well, and that mattered most.
"That may be true," she said quietly, "but I still do not feel whole. I have done what was asked, but I still feel like I should do more." Her gaze shifted to the horizon before them, the lands peaceful from the warmth of the sun. Mafunde did not know why she felt this way. Perhaps it was because she was tired, her body aching from the long month of searching and hunting. She turned again to Yanisin, a small smile in her facial features. "But, thank you, Yanisin."
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:41 am
Yanisin turned to her, his orange eyes watching her and calculating everything she said. What was it that she wished to do? She claims that she has not done enough, that she feels as if there's something more she must accomplish before truly forgiving herself. The evil she had committed was a selfish one, but it wasn't intentionally evil. It was fear that drove her to do so. However, Yanisin thought, if she wanted more to make her atonement, then she will have more.
There's always more to do when you're fighting for survival.
"You wish for more, Mafunde?" the older lion asked, his voice deep and rumbling. This time though, it was soft and it was respecting, and somewhat surprised by her eagerness to do more than what she was asked. "And no, do not thank me until it is over. But...You wish for more. What do you think you should do? What would appease your guilt? What will let your conscience sleep?"
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:48 am
Mafunde looked at him blankly, then broke away from her gaze with a small laugh. "Well, sleep would certainly help my mind!" She had not been sleeping well lately, but it was for a number of reasons, and not only the guilt that hung in her mind.
She drew her head upwards, looking at the sky. There were little clouds, though many birds were flying today. She watched them for a moment, her posture still. "I do not know, Yanisin. I don't think I wish for more, but I just wish that I felt whole again. On that night, I felt like I left something behind me, and I've yet to find it again and put it back in place." She shook her head slightly. "If that even makes any sense," she mumbled, snorting a bit at herself.
"It is comforting that we have returned to cleanliness, though."
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:57 am
"Yes," Yanisin agreed, "It is very comforting. To be clean and rid of that place..." The lion stretched his long body and he rolled back his muscled shoulders. It felt nice to be under the sun like this. In their old pride, it was always dusky or they would be secluded to their homes and not allowed to leave for fear of breaking ancient rules.
"There is something, there has to be something," Yanisin mused softly, "What's different from here that you left behind there?" The lion kept his gaze trained on her, watching and waiting for a response. His questions were gentle, but they were filled with power, the strength of a leader. Though he was just the leader of a small family.
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 12:14 pm
Mafunde let a bit of silence grow between the two of them. While it could seem rude, it gave her a bit of comfort that Yanisin still stood by her side, even while Lololi needed more attention between them all, as she was the one with the large litter and needed to be cared for. Her tail twitched at that thought, though not for any sour reasons.
"I have a guess," she started, though she kept her voice calm. "Though a piece of me is nervous to expose it." She looked over at Yanisin, shyly scooting a bit closer to him. She felt vulerable explaining this, but she should air out her concerns. She had learned that she shouldn't hide anything at all from her family.
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 1:09 pm
"Nervous?" asked Yanisin as he let the other lean onto him. He enjoyed the feeling of her leaning upon him and he didn't feel the least bit bothered. He was glad to serve as a stone on which his ladies could support themselves. It made him stronger, in a way. Besides, if they were comfortable, then he was comfortable.
"You have no reason to be nervous. Just come and tell me, Mafunde," Yanisin gave the top of her head a gentle lick. He would be calm for her. Yanisin would be strong so she could be strong too. Then, if they were all strong, they could move out and find a pride to belong to.
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 1:32 pm
Mafunde paused a moment, feeling more comfortable. "Well...." she let her voice drop for a moment. "I feel like I am less of a lioness, of a female because of what I did. Lololi might have forgiven me, and the children are clueless, but it is something that still eats at my heart."
She avoided looking up at him, but kept her body up against him. Thoughts danced through her mind, about the past, but also about the future. She felt safe and protected like this, even if her heart felt vulnerable.
"Will I ever get over it? I'm unsure, but merely waiting for the time to pass is more painful for me than anything I could imagine. It is so slow, and tortures me fron the inside out. They are hard questions, though, and for that is why I feel so nervous about exposing them."
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 2:01 pm
"Time...May be slow...But time will heal everything," Yanisin replied to the lioness. He didn't really know what to tell her. It kind of broke his heart in a way, that he couldn't come up with an answer to heal her worries and concerns, but there was nothing he could do. He could listen to her. And listen he did. Yanisin let her talk and he simply stood, as giant and as strong as a stone pillar.
One of the few things that his father taught him, few things of actual importance, was that you could heal things about yourself if you asked questions and sought answers. Sometimes you just needed a prod in the right direction to figuring out the puzzle for yourself. This must be one of those moments. So, Yanisin did his best and thought of another question that might be able to help Mafunde. "Exposure is the best thing, my lady. But...What do you think will help you feel more of a lioness? As a female?"
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 3:30 pm
She was shy to admit it. So she wouldn't straight up. No, hopefully soon though she could tell him just what it was. She kept herself quiet, again, a habit that she started to pick up as she thought about it.
She let herself think about the cubs again. "Maybe something like a better aunt..." she mused, letting her eyes peer over her shoulder towards the cave. She hoped that the group of 5 liked her, but she never outwardly asked any of them, either. Why wouldn't they, though? She never did anything against them. Perhaps she was just being paranoid.
"I feel like I'm losing it," she teased, laughing at herself. "Maybe I am okay. What do you think, Yanisin?"
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 5:15 pm
Yanisin's chest puffed outwardly. He knew what Mafunde was slowly getting at. All the clues where leading to the same place! Mafunde kept on turning and glancing towards the innards of the cave where the rest of the family rested. She had said 'better aunt', that she could be a better 'female'. The answer was clear:
Mafunde wanted to be a mother.
She wanted to have cubs of her own, to finally be able to say that she was going to be a mother without a lie staining her black lips. They were to be a burden, sure, but it was atonement for Mafunde. Now that he knew, Yanisin held his tongue. It would be better to wait than to blurt out the answer. This was a time for his lady to grow and fix herself for the errs she had created. Yanisin simply held himself against her, resting his chin upon her head, "Mafunde, I believe you are dodging the answer. Just come out with it, my lady. Tell me."
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 6:05 pm
The black and white lioness shifted her weight uncomfortably. Did he know? She hoped not, but it was hard to assume otherwise. Yanisin wasn't dumb, that was how he was able to keep them all alive and safe. She admired him for that, because she doubted that she could of been strong on her own. She depended on him to give her the backbone she was now developing.
"Umm...well..." She fidgeted more, moving her head a bit so she could peek up at Yanisin between her bangs that decided to flop in front of her eyes. "I guess...I would....like to really....be a mother, Yanisin," she said slowly, her voice just above a whisper. It felt embarassing, really, considering what she had done in the past.
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 6:24 pm
Of course, Yanisin knew. He was the protector of his family, the upbringer, the herded, the lord. He didn't think of himself so highly, but he did follow their duties. He had to know everything he could about his family, every inch so that he could use that knowledge for himself in order to protect them. He was a father, a husband, a friend, and more. Yanisin was a lot of things.
And he had no qualm with becoming a father again.
"As you wish," Yanisin let a slow smile spread across his face and he gave one deep purr in his chest. "This will be your burden to carry, understand? Your cubs will be your atonement, Mafunde. You can't make any mistakes with these."
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Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 6:31 pm
Mafune nodded. She did understand, but...was it really alright? She wouldn't be able to hunt as much. The other cubs were growing more independent, though, maybe Lololi could help out now....not that Mafunde could ever ask her sister for a favor. She would never be able to bring herself to ask anything of her.
"I understand," she said quietly, though there was a spark of life in her eyes. A bit of hope mixed in with the deep brown colour. "I promise to not make any mistake, and raise them as best I can, loving and full of knowledge."
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