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Ok, I'm grouping this all into the same topic because it all has to do with the same topic. I'm sorry if I misspell anything or make a typo, I misplaced my glasses and took out my contacts so I pretty much can't see right now.

So yeah. Musical. I probably won't be on until Saturday or Sunday. Seeing, I just got back right now and I'm so freaking tired. But I need to rant.

I know this isn't the biggest thing in the world, but I'm still extremely pissed off about it. Well, we're doing "Kiss Me Kate", and I'm one of three stagehands. We back up the character Paul in "Too Darn Hot". So one girl is sick and hasn't shown up to as many rehearsals as I have (so her voice cracks and isn't that loud, kind of nasel), the other one, such a sweety, she has a pretty voice but it isn't that loud. I've shown up to every single rehearsal so I know this song like the bakc of my hand, I know exactly where I"m supposed to come in and where, I've even gained confidence and have been able to really spice it up (for the first time in my life).

Stage hand meeting with director:

To sick person: You're doing fabulous!
To sweat girl: You sound marvelous
To Me: Hun, I can't hear you at all, you're always drowned out. You need to sing louder so the mics will be able to pick you up. I can hear the other two but not you.

OMG! I'm probably belting it out more than the other two. Why is it people always find something wrong with me and not anyone else? I know it sounds like I'm doing the 'poor me' thing right now, but it always feels like I'm the odd one out. Its always "you need to be more comfortable with boys" or something, and I've fixed almost everything she's asked me to do, but no. There's always going to be something wrong with me.

I was kind of upset about it, of course. I'm always one of the odd ones out in things, left in the corner to sit while everyone else has fun (and talks and obviously nothing's wrong with them). So my friend Andrew comes over and asks what's wrong. I said nothing, but he gave me a huge hug and that's when I break down and start crying. I held back from all out crying, but you know that's one of the things I hate. I'm always so weak and I will break down for small things. Like my director always said, I take things to personally. Yet another thing I do wrong.

So I'm sorry if I sound like a brat. I'm just upset. I've been doing this stuff and it just seems unfair that since I'm always trying to make it to every rehearsal, and all the people who never show up always get rewarded. I'm sick and tired of it all.