I am more than annoyed.
Ok, well you all know about my mum and the b***h she is..
Next thing.. I have a chemical imbalance in my head meaning that I get depressd really easy and cry almost all the time. (The only time I don't is when I am with my boyfriend) I refuse to take tablets for this, because, I am still young and all these tablets that people are trying to shove down my throat are going to ruin my insides before I even get to the age that people would start taking as many tablets as they want me too.. If that makes sense.
So, I get depresed easy, my mums a b***h, lets continue...
Earlier today, my mum rang up and said that she is going to pick my up from my boyfriends early. Now early is about nine or ten pm. So half five, she turns up, says that we have to go home straight away. So of course, this has upset me.
I get home to find out that she has opened my mail and been on my computer and gotten a virus on it, of course, blaming the virus on me! (Even though my computer was fine when I left it the other day.
My room is a mess where she has just dumped things that aren't even mine in here.
Well that annoyed me enough.
So now I am annoyed and upset because I am without my boyfriend.
Well, I'm sitting in my room and my mum comes in and the following convesation starts.
(Mum=green Me=red)
"You know you are really selfish?"
"Why's that?"
"Because you always get upset when you come back from Nathans."
"Well do you blame me? He is the only thing that keeps me happy apart from drugs. And I don't want to start taking drugs again!"
"Well it's not fair on your little sister"
(Here comes the emotional blackmail)
"It's not like I cry infront of her or anything."
"But she misses you, you are never here and you hardly talk to her."
"Well she is shy, she doesn't talk to me when I try to talk to her, she is at school all the time and you never even try to contact me when I am at Nathans. Apart from if you want something."
"-- Well how do you think she feel because she hardly ever gets to see you?"
"I don't know mum, but of course the fact of being rejected by your whole family can't compare, can it?[/scarastic] At least I try to do things for her when I can, or when I am well enough."
"And since when am I ever well enough?"
"Since you have the money or if there is a bloke to flirt with. Not at all when either of your children need you for something though."
"-- I am iller than you are, and I have been like it for alot longer too!"
*Stays silent*
"You are really unfair and selfish on others for getting so upset when you have to leave Nathan's. And you don't always get this upset!"
"I do, you just never notice because you are always in the kitchen, on your computer or asleep."
"I think I would notice when one of my children was upset."
"Well then you obviously don't. Otherwise you would know that I spend most of my time in this house crying. Your bedroom is even next to mine, I can hear you snoring at night, and you can't even hear me crying in the day?"
*Walks out*
I am really fed up of the way she treats me. To her, I am always in the wrong, I am too young to know what I want, I am too young to have any experience in life.
I'd leave, but I have my little sister to think of. Last year her dad walked out on her, and my mum, for another woman. She doesn't make friends easilly and my mum basically controls her. If I don't stay then my sister will be a mess when she is older. And I can't take her away from our mum either, that would be just as bad as me leaving..
I don't know what to do. Because of the way she says things, I feel like I am the one that is in the wrong, I feel that I am the bad person.
If I give in to her, I will fall to pieces. If I don't, she will screw my sister up for sure..
But the thing that bothers me most.. Am I selfish?
Anything to say?
Any advice?
I feel too crap right now to do or think anything.
Now I will destroy him.
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