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 Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 4:44 pm
this may not be the right subform but if i dont get some advice on this soon im going to explode...
Ive been dating a born again christian for about 4
months now. But ive known her a year. And well to be blunt I just found
out that she is not a virgin and that when she dated my best friend two
years ago they had had sex more than once.
apparently she has gone to christian consuling and has asked God for forgiveness since and what not..
but
for some reason i feel torn inside beyond anything i have felt in along
time, and i just want to scream. I dont know how ill ever look at two
people that are so close to me the same ever again. I know Jesus
teaches us to forgive no matter what, but i just know how to feel right
now...to be honest. I still care for her so much but i wanted to marry
a virgin like me someday...and now i dont know what to do...
and yeah...i need advice please as soon as you can...thank you
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 5:23 pm
I know what it's like to have a girlfriend who's not a virgin. I've been with mine for about seventeen and a half months now, and the only thing that's kept me condemning her for it is the love of Christ. She told about this a few months before we hooked up, and I didn't condemn her then, either. She's asked forgiveness and a very good Christian by modern standards. If you ever need advice, come to me. I know what it's like.
Remember, love is patient, kind, merciful, and understanding, and it is not envious, not boastful, and doesn't keep a record of wrongs.
In a situation like this, 1 Corinthians 13 helps me out a lot.
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 5:39 pm
rillegas08 I know what it's like to have a girlfriend who's not a virgin. I've been with mine for about seventeen and a half months now, and the only thing that's kept me condemning her for it is the love of Christ. She told about this a few months before we hooked up, and I didn't condemn her then, either. She's asked forgiveness and a very good Christian by modern standards. If you ever need advice, come to me. I know what it's like. Remember, love is patient, kind, merciful, and understanding, and it is not envious, not boastful, and doesn't keep a record of wrongs. In a situation like this, 1 Corinthians 13 helps me out a lot. thanks...its not so much that i dont think i can forgive them, its just...how can i ever even talk to them knowing that my possible future marrige is ruined now? it just makes me want to vomit And if i break up with her and never talk to either, then i make her devestated and myself because we love eachother, and if i stay with her and stay friends with the guy its always going ot be in my mind constantly making me sick and depressed
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 5:55 pm
ShenHazuki thanks...its not so much that i dont think i can forgive them, its just...how can i ever even talk to them knowing that my possible future marrige is ruined now? it just makes me want to vomit And if i break up with her and never talk to either, then i make her devestated and myself because we love eachother, and if i stay with her and stay friends with the guy its always going ot be in my mind constantly making me sick and depressed Talk with them about it, whether you want to or not. It's more of a "have to" thing. I know it takes a lot of courage to talk to friends, because you're worried they night not want to be friends anymore. I've gone through that a lot. In Hamlet, Shakespeare notes that when making hard decisions, thinking about it is not the thing to do when you want to do something quickly. It's hard, I know. Here's what I suggest you do: get them together in a place where it's just the three of you. Sit down with them and talk. Don't delay the crucial topic. That's also hard to do, and I've done it a few times. Allow for a few formalities, but get right on the topic. I'll pray for you, ShenHazuki. God be with you as you make the decisions and while you talk with them.
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 6:02 pm
Please forgive me for my bluntness. I only want to get the log out of your eye as I am honest with my own.
Since when is one's marital stability based on how in-tact one's hymen is or whether one's p***s has never penetrated anything?
If you've so much as lusted after a girl, you've done the dastardly deed already and ruined your marriage. I know I've "ruined" my own marriage thousands of times over, and as my hymen is still in tact. But in my heart I have committed adultery thousands of times. I've lusted after a guy AND his best friend, at the same time, plenty of times. The only difference between your girlfriend and I is how put-together our hymens are. Why are you so saddened by her "ruining" things with her sexual sin when chances are you've committed sexual sin just as many times as she?
But here is the grace - God makes all things new. God redeems everything. And because I am washed in the blood of Christ, I am still able to come into my marriage pure. God made me pure. And in God's grace, He can do the same thing for you and for your girlfriend. That's what the cross is all about.
Again, sorry for my bluntness. I hope this helps, though.
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 7:06 pm
Yeah your both right, thank you. My sin is no better
God is reminding me that through Christ none of our sins are remebered through that forgiveness...i just wanna forget so badly
but God heals all wounds...i know this...
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 4:28 am
You should definitely talk to her - and him too, but she's the one you're thinking about spending your whole life with. And if you can't talk to your her about this, your relationship isn't mature enough to be thinking about marriage yet.
It had to be very difficult for her to open up to you about her past - but she did! She trusts you...that should count for something!
Also remember, they're not together any more - she's chosen YOU!
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:31 am
ShenHazuki Yeah your both right, thank you. My sin is no better God is reminding me that through Christ none of our sins are remebered through that forgiveness...i just wanna forget so badly but God heals all wounds...i know this... That's where you're just going to have to lean on the cross. As others have said, if you must, do talk to them about it. But don't forget to talk to God, too. Tell Him everything on your heart in this matter, and just spend a buttload of time with Him. Let Him do His healing thing. Unfortunately, forgetting what has happened probably won't come about, though it might. If it doesn't, let the forgiven sin serve as a reminder of how preciously bought the purity both of you now have is, and cherish every moment all the more because once, a pure relationship would have been impossible. But thanks to God's forgiveness and healing, you can now have a pure relationship. Though it is a stretch, be willing to give grace to your girlfriend and your best friend. After all, you are in need of it just as much. If you can expect her to forgive you for your own impurity, forgive her for hers.
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:51 am
my friend
love is unconditional
the only questions you should be asking yourself are
does she make you happy? (rule out current self sabotage)
will she be a good partner?
heavy questions m8
think them over
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 10:05 am
Me and her had a good talk about it last night, and i feel considerably ebtter (though afterwards I couldnt sleep all night)
and im trying to forgive my friend, but hes being a real jerk and saying that i didnt ask permission to go out with her (mind u when i mentioned orinaly that i thought she liked me he told me to go ahead cuz he didnt liek her anymore) and basicly i dont see how thats a comparison.
then i tried having a light conversation with him on the phone and the only thing i could hear in my head was "he banged your girl he banged your girl" so i had to just let him go.
so its just going to take time to accept things...and....hope things can be how their meant to be. I willl always love her and i told her so
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:28 pm
my advice is its in the past. it's not like she cheated on you with him or anything. they had a relationship in the past and they went a little further than was meant to be. yet she regrets this and asks for God's forgiveness.
and im assuming she told you ??
if she did, you should be thankful that she can even be that honest with you. that she loves you enough to tell you the truth even when she doesnt have to. you shouldnt forsake her love.
and you wanted to marry a virgin you said. well, my question is would you marry a virgin over someone you truly love ??
it was probably a shock. just give it some time, and try to forgive your girlfriend.
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 10:05 pm
ShenHazuki Me and her had a good talk about it last night, and i feel considerably ebtter (though afterwards I couldnt sleep all night) and im trying to forgive my friend, but hes being a real jerk and saying that i didnt ask permission to go out with her (mind u when i mentioned orinaly that i thought she liked me he told me to go ahead cuz he didnt liek her anymore) and basicly i dont see how thats a comparison. then i tried having a light conversation with him on the phone and the only thing i could hear in my head was "he banged your girl he banged your girl" so i had to just let him go. so its just going to take time to accept things...and....hope things can be how their meant to be. I willl always love her and i told her so I'm glad you two had a good talk about that! Sorry your friend wasn't so helpful, though. Take time, dude. =)
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Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 10:18 pm
I'm curious; if "born-again Christian" DOESN'T mean that you've repented and been forgiven of all your sins, what does it mean exactly?
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Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2008 8:39 pm
Mein Kulturkampf I'm curious; if "born-again Christian" DOESN'T mean that you've repented and been forgiven of all your sins, what does it mean exactly? i didnt say nobody wasnt forgiven or anything but its still a touchy situation thats hard to deal with
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