Here is a chance for you all to critique my work. this is the prologue of my new novel. Please tell me what you think.

Pools of Ebony

Prologue:

The sky was dark outside and the temperature was closer to freezing than not, but it didn’t matter. Not on a night like tonight. Plans had been set into motion that would impact the entire country if not the world. Memory California stood out tall and strong in the full moons powerful light, the night sky was clear and the stars were shining brightly. It was a perfect night to trade a secret for financial gain.

Under the cover of night, Tevin Bankroft knew he was going to make more money with one meeting than he would ever be able to spend. He had seen something that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up on end. As unbelievable as it was, he had gotten proof. He was on vacation and just happened to have a camcorder on him as he was walking back to his hotel. What he saw scared him and at the same time made him feel like he was walking on water.

He had seen a human lightning storm!

Tevin was groggy when he walked to his hotel room in downtown Memory, he had been filming his buddies and their antics of the evening, when he saw something flash out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t see any clouds in the night sky or hear any gunfire that could explain the sudden flashes so in his inebriated state, he lumbered over to where it was going on. His camera in hand he thought he was going to get something cool on tape, little did he know that what he saw would change the course of his life and the lives of hundreds more.

He hid behind a bush and turned on his camcorder; hitting the record button, and quickly moved out from behind the bush. There was someone laughing, sounding like a mad scientist, and holding on to a jungle gym in the park. That wasn’t so strange; Tevin had been around the downtown area enough to know that the crazies come out at night. No, this was something all together different. The man he was watching, and filming, was lighting up like a christmas tree! Lightning and sparks shooting from him like he was a human generator or something.

“Holy hell!” He whispered to himself as he watched the entire scene.
He looked down to make sure the camera was recording and cursed to himself! The lens cap was on! He fumbled with the black cover and looked up to see the stranger laying on the ground, his body smoking, and still laughing. He figured he had missed his opportunity, that this weird drunk was gonna die in seconds, that he had just watched a man commit suicide, but the stranger got up and even went back for a second time. Tevin hit record again as the man lit up the darkened park with the small display of electrical fireworks! He didn’t believe his eyes, but when he watched the tape the next day, after sobering up, he was stunned. It had really happened.

He had called a friend of his in the media, and that was what brought him out tonight. He was going to sell this tape and make enough money off it to finish putting him through collage and then some.

That was why he was here in the middle of the night, at the same park that he saw the human lightning bug, waiting for his friend.

It was getting cold again, Memory’s summer long over and fall almost past; the temperature during the night had dropped considerably. Tevin pulled the collar of his letterman’s jacket tight around his neck and blew into his hands trying to keep feeling in them. He shoved his hands back into his pockets, hoping that his jeans would keep them warm. He started to pace, getting nervous that his friend hadn’t shown at the right time, in fact he was two hours late, but that wasn’t uncommon with his friends. They all seemed to go by their own clocks and those clocks were always at least two hours slow.

As he started to pace to keep himself warm, he saw a pair of headlights turn down the street and head toward the park. If it was his media friend’s car, he couldn’t tell, but he eagerly moved toward the sidewalk anyway.
The car pulled to a stop just a few feet from him with the engine still running. It seemed odd but Tevin wasn’t going to complain, he had been out in this cold night long enough to understand the comfort of a heater. When no one exited the car he walked over to the driver’s window and knocked on the window. His smile quickly fell from his face as he saw someone that he had never met before looking back at him, a quick glance to the right told him all he needed to know. He saw his buddy beaten and handcuffed in the back seat. Tevin broke out into a run,
putting as much distance between himself and the car as possible.
He was just about to the other side of the park when movement to his right caught his eye. He turned quickly to look, having sworn that the bushes had moved from where they were just seconds before. He looked back at the car he had just sprinted from, only to see that no one had exited to follow him. Thinking he was in the clear, he turned quickly and started to run again. A movement to the right told him that he was dead wrong. The bushes had indeed moved, all of them seemed to explode with men dressed in camouflage and face paint. He let out a small scream and turned to run back the way he came, as his head whipped around, the last thing he remembered seeing was the butt end of a rifle flying in to greet him. After that, all he saw was black.