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 Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 9:13 pm
Log between Felyn & Kisoni
Issy and Embamba It had been many, many days since Isithunzi had left the comfort of his pride. Well, comfort in the sense that it was home - the actual pride itself provided very little for him. Traveling had given him something of comfort, and his companion had provided even more. He stole a glance in her direction, green eyes alight with the slanting beams of an afternoon sun. Things were nice with her, despite the awkwardness as of late.
"Does any of it look familiar?" He asked, eyes turning away from her and out towards the direction they had been travelling. He was here as her companion, to help her when she needed it, but he couldn't find her pride for her. He'd never been, and thus, it was all up to her to find the place. He offered what he could along the way.She sighed and shook her head, "i'm afraid not...and I don't know why. We should have reached it by now!" The female was growing distressed--and not by what she should have been. In the past few days she'd become extreamly close to a relative stranger! The idea of it was... horrible. Exillerating..... and perhaps the worst of all, it felt right. She had fun when she was with him... but did it matter? This would all be over as soon as she could find her pride.
"i'm sorry, Issy, could we take a break?""Well, you had gone a very long way, and you were probably not paying attention. It's understandable, Emba, it is." He said it calmly, in a reassuring manner. He didn't like to see her upset, not even the slightest little bit. He loved her laughter, her smiles - and he wanted to be able to keep her from losing them to her distress.
"Of course we can, if you're tired, we don't have to go any further today," he shook his head, moving a few steps closer to her before he sat down. "Are you alright?""I..." She looked up, suddenly finding him rather close and when her eyes met his she faltered. No.. no she wasn't allright. There was a large part of her that wished to do nothing more than throw herself at him and stay with him forever, even if it meant that she would never see her pride or family again.
The other half was that ever present loyalty. This wrenching, heavy loyalty that clung to her and threw the faces of her children and grandchildren into her face... and ndege. She didn't love him, she'd come to accept that, but there was a retaining loyalty to the thought of him.
The female sat down heavily. "I'm.. alright," She lied and there was that awkwardness, because a part of her thought that he'd know she'd lied.Issy was aware of her loyalty to her pride, though he knew nothing of her mate. He should have suspected, or at least guessed that she had one if she had children, but he hadn't found the heart to ask. It wasn't something he wanted to know, or, better yet, he was too scared to. He, however, did not have a real loyalty to anything - he loved his family, his pride, but they held nothing for him now and he knew that. That was where they conflicted in their hearts. Issy was loyal to nothing, and she was loyal to it all.
"No, you aren't," he said finally, turning his eyes away from her and staring down at his own paws. He could tell in the way she acted that she wasn't. It wasn't the same as when he'd first met her, it was different and less obvious, but this seemd to be.. more painful. "If I've done something, Emba, I'm truly sorry. I never meant to.. make things complicated. I just wanted to see you home safely.""oh don't apologize," A sob came from her maw, but it was a happy one... as well as pained. There was something between them that was ... more than she'd ever felt with Ndege. Even when she had loved Ndege, Embamba had always known that from the very beginning it had been something she'd learned not something she.. fell in to. Was this what she had done now? Now when it was... "Oh please don't apologize... not.. not for this."
And he knew, that was the worst of it. Issy knew without being told.He heard the sob, though he couldn't have said what had caused it. The sound of her voice made his heart throb in his chest, pulsing violently. He had never felt this close to anyone, had never been able to say he truly knew what it felt like. He had loved his family, yes, but this was ultimately different. He couldn't describe it, though he knew it complicated so many things. He took a deep breath, turning his eyes up to look at her.
"You're right, I won't.. apologize for this. It is.. real, true." He stood slowly, hesitant, before he moved to sit down slowly at her side, "but I do not know what it would mean for you, what.. it might mean to your pride. I apologize for that, for.. complicating things if I have." She had to say it. She had to... but it hurt so much. "I have a mate... .." Embamba's ears lowered. "Sort of."Issy gritted his teeth as he heard to the words, eyes turning sharply to look away. He wasn't sure it was his place to feel as he did, to feel.. jealous of all things. He couldn't help it. However, when he spoke, it was not the jealousy that lurked in his voice, it was a form of anger. "What mate lets you feel the way you did, Emba? What mate.. makes you want to die from lonliness?" "That's why its 'sort of,'" She replied slowly, unable to look at him. The anger she assumed was directed at her, at least partially, and she thought she deserved it. No, sh eknew she did... certainly she'd mentioned a mate before, but not for... not for many days now. Ever since they'd begun flirtations... "I don't love him. Oh its horrible of me, but i don't! I ... I did.. once.. a long time ago.. but it was a hard love.. one i had to learn to feel."
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Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 9:17 pm
He shook his head, teeth gritted again, and for a long time he could find no words to say. The thought of a mate treating her in such a manner made his blood boil - and Isithunzi was not very often such a fiery creature. "He should be ashamed of himself," he said finally, shaking his head, "losing the love of such an amazing lioness." He shifted his eyes back towards her finally, watching her in silence as he tried to voice what he was thinking. He'd never found it so hard to put thoughts into words before. "If you feel that you need to stay with him, then I will not.. get in the way of that, Emba, but if you want.." He shook his head, sighing slowly, and shut his eyes. He could not push her to this - he was being greedy. "Forgive me, it is not my place to say such things."
"I've... I was trying to break it off.. before you came." She admitted. "... he has no idea who I am, and I can't pretend anymore that he does... that was... that was why I was out there. I couldn't bear to be around him anymore."
"Then.. let me know you Emba," he said finally, after a long moment's silence. He forced his eyes open, forced them to look upon her despite every urge to turn away. With the emotion swimming there, he felt vulnerable, and he hated that - but he needed to be vulnerable to her. "I am not perfect and I know that I am not exactly what you might have wanted in a mate, but I feel as if.. I belong here, with you."
And there it was. The thing they had discussed without ever.. stating it. She shivered in fear, fear of what Ndege would do, of what her pride would say. Her loyalties brittled and snapped.. and broke. If he left her, now that they found one another, Embamba didn't know what she would do. This was a eeling that went beyond "i need you this and you need me for that." No.. this was something.. far more equal than that, and less neatly laid out... and exactly what she'd been wanting for oh so long.
Her ruby eyes lifted to his face, breath still caught in her throat. Then she surged up out of her prone state upon the ground and pressed herself to his chest wordlessly, head tucked under his chin. She didn't care.. she'd fallen, and fallen hard.
He let out a slow sigh as she pressed her body against his, his chin lowering slightly as she tucked her head beneath it. His eyes shut as he leaned back into her, one foreleg coming up to wrap her close to him. He had been waiting for that precise moment for a long time, though he hadn't realized it until it happened.
He just let the silence stretch out because for once, it was not awkward - it was perfect. He couldn't have explained how it happened if he was asked, he couldn't have told anyone what he had done to bring this about - he just knew that it was right. This was how it was meant to be, and no matter all the complications along the way and those that would come afterward, he meant to stay by her side.
"I will go where ever you lead me," he whispered softly, meaning every word. If she wanted to stay with her family, to go back and face whatever was thought of her for her 'heathen' lover, he would face it with her. This was too perfect to lay to waste.
Embamba gave a teary sort of sigh, though she didn't cry. Her face turned, pressing more into his mane until she'd hidden herself. It was going to be difficult with her pride... but she wanted to try. "I'd.. prefer if we decided together," She replied, half-teasing and gave a weak chuckle. The smile, however, was real as was the fluttering in her breast.
Her entire life she'd planned every step, thought everything out rationally, never let herself just.. go with the moment, it always had to be explored and thought about until it was ready to die from scruitiny... that wasn't the case with this, though. It merely was, and it was a relief.
A part of her was sorry for what she was dong to Ndege. He thought he had feelings for her, even if his every action screamed that he did not. She couldn't care too much, though, not enough to stop this. "may we try my home? ... i have to at least try.. or tell them what has become of me."
He simply nodded at her words, unable to say more as she burrowed herself so tightly against him, making him lose all thoughts. He had never thought he would find comfort in being so close to another, but to be here now with her was overwhelming most of his senses and setting his soul in a peace he had never quite accomplished before this. It was all still almost too good to be true, though he knew that it was real.
"I would like nothing more than that, actually," he said after a few moments, opening his eyes enough to look down at her. He didn't know her family, didn't know if they would accept him, and furthermore, he had no idea what the pride might think. He was willing to try though, to keep her family close to her, to uphold those loyalties he knew she felt towards them. Being with her was enough for him. "You said the king might accept me, didn't you? I can try, so that perhaps at least you may be close to what you know."
"Warithi," She reminded, because he would need to learn. "he's my cousin and... dear to me." She blinked. Not too long ago she'd been so angry and hurt with him that she could barely keep even that in her stomach. yet, now... now she just prayed that her cousin was stil the kind, loving boy she'd always known. They hadn't spent much time together since she'd returned. If he helped her through this, no matter the shame he was sure to feel for her hopping so quickly to another male, she would do anything he asked of her. Never again would she resent him for what the fates had dealt--if he hadn't lived, she may never have wandered here and found... him.
Once more the lioness rubbed herself into her new mate, her true love, the one she'd spent so long longing for. It was a strange sensation to have found something you never realized you had looked for in the first place, but find it she had. "We can try.. we must try...." She laughed, "but i suppose we should find the pride first."
"Warithi," he repeated slowly, nodding as he digested the word. He would have to learn a few things, he suspected, and learn them quickly if he was going to manage to make any impression upon the pride at all. "Well, if he is your cousin, then I suppose.. I will have to try twice as hard. I want not only the king to accept me, but your family as well." He nodded again after that and cuddled his body closer to hers, taking in the scent of her now that he had no fear of being.. inappropriate.
He opened his eyes slowly at her next words, letting out a slow laugh as he turned to look up towards the horizon. They really should get going, but thinking of moving from her put a painful stab in his chest. He had finally gotten something he realized he had wanted since he spent those first few days with her, and now to think about having to move away to continue their quest made him groan. He did, however, know that she needed to get home - she was not made for long travels. "Do you want to go then, or do you need to rest a little longer?" He glanced back down at her, his green orbs meeting her own with a smile on his maw. he sight of her truly made him smile.
"I think... rest for now." Embamba silently agreed with him and continued to cuddle close to him. "Can't force these things, you know... besides. I didn't say when we needed to find the pride." As much as she was eager to get back home, Embamba also felt fear of the unknown. It was better, to her mind, to stay tucked right where she was.
He smiled, laughing gently at her words even, and simply nodded along. She had voiced his own opinion, his own feelings, and amused him with it yet again. He was sure he had a long road ahead with her, and she would probably never cease to surprise him. "Then we will stay here for a while," he whispered softly, leaning down to lick her cheek, head nuzzling against her own. These really were moments he could learn to live for.
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