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 Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:02 pm
AIM Log between Felyn and Dr Umeda
Tejasvi'Nila & Usha
Tejasvi had found refuge in an small copse of trees, her body curled among the foliage that sprouted from the tangled roots, glad that there was at least one small place left for her to escape to. Being a queen was hard work, and though she could not show weakness to her pride, she could at least get away and let her mind have rest on some occasions. She wouldn't trade her place for the world - her journey was nearly over, her soul would finally get to rest in peace, assuming that she did everything properly. Since her talk with Kianga, however, she had realized what she ached for the most - companionship. The lioness had talked about the females that had raised her, so close to her. An Adhi-raj had little time to be close to anyone, and even then, the closeness was not exactly the same. Her title always seperated her from everyone else - even her own family, on some occasions.
The blue-pelted lioness sighed softly, laying her head across her paws, and ignoring the distant chatter she could hear from the closest clan. She wondered, idly, if Usha ever had this sort of problem. She laughed to herself idly at the thought of taking a male simply to cure her lonliness for a time, shaing her head. She wouldn't have the time for him right now, and she didn't really want to put up with a Male's nonsense at the moment anyway.
Ironic that Tejasvi and Usha, two queens and the two highest ranking females both sought to escape from the pressures and aloofness their rank seemed to require. They could not afford to fall in love, at least not right now. And any other companions seemed out of the question with their duties. Tejasvi used nature to hide. Usha hid in plain sight. She had a sharp mind and good intelligence but she didn't like to be serous almost constantly as her position demanded. So she hid her problems by being so flamboyant and flirtacious with everyone, being a little social bug when it suited her.
At the moment though, she had wandered off by herself. Usually she never travelled at all far from the pride center if she travelled away at all. She did not travel into the copse or even pay much attention to it. It was dense and she had no mind to travel through it. And she had no conscious thought of the shelter it offered. But regardless she paused. It was silent here. All except for the singing of birds. It was very rarely that she got to pause and listen to them. Not that she helped by playing the extrovert.
It was a bit of a coincidence that she had been thinking about the other Adhi-raj, and then she just happened to appear. Even as deeply bedded in the copse of trees as she was, she saw the pink-toned queen cross the open expanse before her. She watched her for a moment, a soft smile on her maw, before she pushed herself up slowly to her paws. If she had come to answer her lonliness, then Tejasvi would not pass up the opportunity to talk with her. It was hard to have a moment to herself, let alone a moment alone with her co-ruler.
"Usha," she said with a gentleness to her voice, her body appearing from the shade of the trees she had been using for shelter, "what are you doing so far out from the pride?" She knew Usha's habits, how she was a little social butterfly. The other queen very seldomly steered away from the presence of others, unlike her counterpart, and it struck Tejasvi as a little odd that she would be out so far.
Usha looked over, her attention whipping together onto Tejasvi as she came out from the dense growth. It was a bit startling that Tejasvi could be so quiet that Usha had not even sensed another being in the location. Well, a lion one, that is. She had no need to ask Tejasvi what she was doing out here. Locale revealed, it was pretty clear as to what her intent had been.
Usha sucked in a cheek. "Well," she started. "Well, I don't know, actually. Just kind of did. Funny, huh? I know it's not something I usually do. But let's not ruin my reputation, 'kay?" She gave a little rueful wink as though to say she said it in jest and really didn't care who found out about her escapade. Usha had very little use for secrets of her own although she had been successfully intrusted with those of others.
Tejasvi smiled weakly as she saw the surprise written across Usha's features. The girl must have been listening too hard to those birds chirping or had something troubling her mind for her to let Tejasvi surprise her like that. Of course, Tejasvi really was skilled at sneaking and hiding - she had practiced and enjoyed it as a cub. She simply smiled though, shaking her head, and sat herself down near Usha.
"Well, I promise not to tell if you don't," she said with a small smirk on her maw. While it wouldn't be a problem if Usha was known to travel out this way - if anyone found out that Tejasvi had been hiding in this particular copse, it was likely that she wouldn't be able to anymore. After all, only one lioness needed to know where to find her before they all seemed to. She'd had hiding places spoiled before.
Usha smirked playful. "Deal! Besides what better game is there than hide and seek?" It wasn't a jest or anything of the sort. So she meant no insult by it. But she did see this sort of hiding one's secret place when they would be sought after by others to be a form of that childhood game. It was one Usha had always enjoyed playing. Sadly, it had never been one she was good at. At least, not when she wanted to be.
She sat down so that both of them appeared at ease. Usha looked up at the sky through the leaves, squinting for the added effect and then back down at Tejasvi. "You think the journey our mothers and their mothers and so forth made was worth it? That we've found the right place?" Of course she did not question the journey but she always wondered if they had made the right choice. It was a fear of hers that this might not be the place they were meant to find but simply a resting place their mothers had chosen. She couldn't help but voice it now in the protection of the trees with only Tejasvi to hear it. But of course, no question of her's was complete without a smile as though she were trying to throw off the seriousness of her question.
"I can't think of a better one," she said with a small laugh, gentle on her breath as she turned her eyes outward towards the rest of the pride. She could see others in the distance, walking together or alone, conversing in small groups. It filled her with a sense of pride to know that these were her people. As frustrated as she was to be so young and have so much responsibility, she loved them all just the same.
"I trust my mother, and your mother, and their mothers before them," Tejasvi said after a few moments, the time it had taken her to consider her question had been a silence that had grown for that short time. She shrugged slowly, turning her bright, lime eyes towards Usha. "I trust that they knew where we were meant to be, and I feel that this place really is our home now." She had never been troubled with the thoughts that seemed to plague Usha. She accepted this as home, accepted the wisdom of her clan and their ancestors.
Usha smiled warmly. "I suppose you're right. I guess it's just those stupid plaguing fears. You know, like the silly ones that children have, telling you if you see a human, you'll die. Well, actually I don't think that plagues them." She let out a chuckle, amused by herself.
While she recognized the wisdom their ancestors had to have had and the teachings that they had, she still wondered about these things. She couldn't shut them out of her mind. They didn't overwhelm her. She knew better than to let them do that. But she certainly hadn't and wasn't quite sure how to drive them out. And there was always that statement she remembered hearing - unless she made it up herself - that it was healthy to worry over something that mattered. And the health and prolongevity of the pride mattered to her. Had her fear been more commonly known, someone probably would have told her there was a better way to worry over them. But Usha had had plenty the dream of endless marching. Whether it was from a past life, the future, or simply her being darn tuckered out, she hadn't settled on one, always keeping the options open. Maybe one day she'd stop having the obsurd idea.
"I'm sure they aren't stupid, Usha," she said with a weak smile, her tail flickering as she too turned to look up at the sky for a moment. It cascaded down through the leaves, speckling the ground with green light, dappling them and their surroundings. It was the beauty here, the unique lands she was sure could only be one of kind, it was everything - all of it reassured her that this was where they were meant to be, that there was no other place in the known world where their pride should have been.
"You'll forget them, in time, I'm sure," she said with a smile, glancing back to Usha. "All that we need worry about is leading our pride like we should, being the best Adhi-Raj that we can be." She nodded, as if it were as simple as that, and turnd her attention back out towards the pride. "We owe it to them to accept what we have been given and to rule with it the best we can," she said lowly, her tail curling around one of her hind legs. "It is the weight of the duty that gives me turmoil, not the uneasiness that we may not be where we were destined to be."
Usha nodded hopefully but caught up on Tejasvi's last statement. "Turmoil is still turmoil. It is the duty of our jobs that causes turmoil. How can it not. But we're only young. Our countless royal ancestors beared the burden so we know that while things might bother us, ruling is in our blood. We can do it." Yea, some pep-talk that was. But neither did Usha practice speeches or bother with eloquent words. She left that to those more willing and nature about such things to do so.
"But I need you to bear my gossip a while longer. Now I promised not to reveal her so I shall not name names although you may come to know of whom I speak soon enough. I just... need to tell someone, I suppose you could say. Her decision plagues me although it is her's to make, even as it is that she has decided to disregard my advice. You see, a lioness I know quite well finds herself in the gasht rank, certainly not the most desired. She's a very friendly sweet gal but the problem is, she has gone off and promised her heart to a lion not of our pride. She wants to bring him here. And even so I can tell that she would not be doing the ruling and am sure she might be in danger of being ruined. Clearly that she appeared ignorant by her following statements after I warned her." She paused, drew a breath, and reviewed everything she had just said in her mind. "Is there a point to the story? No, not really for nothing has come to fruit yet but I really had to tell you. It's so very frustrating." She shook her head. Tejasvi probably thought her silly for saying such a thing. Silly for even worrying about such a thing. After all, Tejasvi's own half-sister had brought dishonor to the Nihang pride if only temporarily. If Usha's cousin really did do the same although in a different fashion, wouldn't that just "make them equal"?
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Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:05 pm
Tejasvi smiled softly at the small pep talk that Usha offered her, letting her eyes trail back up towards the sky, where the sun only glittered in small glimpses. "You are right," she said lowly, finally, almost in a whisper - as if speaking too loudly might wear away the confidence she had managed to build. "We were born to rule, by the grace of the gods, and I suppose that, in the end, we were meant to do it and we will find our place and our peace with it." She nodded, seeming satiated for the moment, and let her attention fall back to Usha and the words now coming out of her mouth.
"She simply disregarded your advice?" she said finally, eyebrows knitted in the confusion now coursing through her mind. "She would let a male rule her, and risk the.. toh?" She shook her head, sighing wearily, and shifted her paws where she sat. "At least it is.. not a matter that would bring risk upon the whole clan. This is against her soul alone, for it is not a clan's choice what a female does with her male. I could forgive her for loving, but for choosing to let him rule?" She shook her head, teeth gritted and her eyes glancing away furiously towards the pride before them, "but I cannot forgive her for going against our beliefs. I feel that neither will the great goddesses, when her time comes to pass." She would not dig to find who it was that this was - she would find out soon enough, she was sure, and it was Usha's choice to tell her in the first place.
Usha bit the side of her lip. "Well I mean, she didn't say he would and I'm sure she wouldn't mean for him to. So I suppose while she probably certainly wouldn't rule him, I don't think most a lioness would notice. Unless of course such displays are put on within the clan den. If one earns their rank by the deeds done in past lives, I should say she is doing herself no good in preparing for the next. But I must agree that she is putting herself at too great a risk and should know what is good for her than to keep him so close to her. I just hope that she can hide it from me least I be forced to reveal it to the pride and have her sent to the council for judgement." Had Usha know his exact appearance she might have commented on the further dishonor the female thus brought to any offspring created from that union. Alas, she did not so was not able to offer any further criticism or advice to said lioness.
Usha looked up towards the sky again, looking for a sign that might give her an answer ...or a call to action. But if she had been given one, it was none that she could read. "I hope I have misunderstood her. For her sake at least. If only one could afford to be so careless with how they live their lives and how many rules they break, teachings they go against." She shook her head although a part of her heart wished for such a luxury, the luxury to fall in love and be loved by a mate. But she could not. If she had a mate, her mate was the pride and her duty to it, the way it could never and would never be towards any male mate. Oh if only...
"Yes, but to let her heart rule her that way is still going against everything that the pride stands for. It goes against what our ancestors set down for us to follow," as she spoke, her voice seemed to grow more and more weary of what she was thinking. How could someone allow themselves to be ruled in such a manner, even by one's own heart? She knew her place, she knew her duties, and she knew that there was no room in her world for a mate. While it was not the mate itself that she looked down upon, it was still a concept she fond it hard to grasp. Males were for the furthering of their species, a way to produce stronger, brighter females for the next generation. While she would never say it was impossible to fall in love with one, she could honestly say she would never allow him to rule her.
"Then I hope, for your sake as well, that she is capable of hiding this from you and her clan. If I happen to see it, or become aware of the problem, I too may have to send her to the council for judgement." She sighed, head shaking, "in the end, it is her life, and she is the one risking it. We can only hope to guide her, Usha. We are no less for not being able to do so, and if she is set back in life, it will be her own doing."
Usha nodded. "You make a good point. I guess I just didn't want to see it to such a length, the true length of such an action. You may think me foolish but I think back to our mothers and ancestors and wonder how they dealt with such things. And if so, how often does this happen. We are a strong race of females. Are we not raised so that the very thing will not happen? There are selfish, careless places of our hearts that would let us give our hearts to males but we know that is weakness, that it is the temptation that males hold against us but as legend shows, we have risen above. To think there are those of us who would sink back to those lesser times." She looked down and knitting her brows together shook her head. "Talking about her is exhausting. She brings the folly upon herself. May she see the error of her ways or take the least amount possible down with her."
"But now, have you anything pleasant to indulge me with or must we go searching for it?" the twinkle in her eye said she had no problem searching for something. Usha could only be sad and troubled for so long before she began to feel the annoyance of her worries. And she was never one to let herself be sad for long.
Tejasvi nodded slowly, listening to her cohort talk and ramble on about the the misfortune of that girl. "I think they dealt with it in the same manner that we will deal with it now. There are only so many choices for us." She nodded, turning her attention back to Usha and away from the pride spread out before them. Trying to figure out who it was would lead her no where. "If she is weak enough to fall to the nature we have fought long to rid ourselves of, then it is only further proof that she is not fit for the rank the goddess saw fit to grant her. She will live her life as she chooses, and her judgement will be brought upon her at her death. I would not be surprised if her soul were given to the Shikar-i in her next life."
She laughed at Usha's sudden change of subject, her tail wavering behind her as she shrugged. "The only news I have to indulge you is the prospect of a new member. She says she comes from a pride where she was raised by lionesses, and she aches for the comfort of companionship again." She smiled, remembering the pink female from earlier.
Usha lifted a brow. "Oh? Well this is good news then. Her views should not be too far from our own. New members with a healthy, unwanning appreciation are always looked forward to." She indulged her mind by fancying fanciful stories about the prospective member. It was something occupying to do and fully aware that almost anything she could think of would not be accurate, had no problem with it. And with it she almost forgot about the troubling lioness.
She looked over her shoulder back at the pride and then back to Tejasvi. "You know, this really is a good hiding place. I don't think we've been anywhere close to being disturbed this entire time!"
She nodded slowly, glancing up at the sun. "I think she will be a very good addition to the pride. She will fit well, and although she can only hope to be a gasht, they are well enough." She smiled and glanced back to Usha, a laugh on her maw, "she seems to generally want to be here. She seems eager to share our beliefs. If there were more pride members like her, I think.. we would not have had the conversation that we did today."
She pushed herself up slowly to her paws, laughing at Usha's words. "Well, I am sure it would suit you just fine if you were the type to go around hiding from your problems like I do." She nodded to her, giving Usha a bow of her head, "if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go and find Soyala. I feel as if I have been neglecting my sisters lately, and I should not."
"I can only hope that there are less and less conversations like the one we had over time. That the teachings remain strong." It was really a fruitless hope ...the first part at least. "But it is good to know we need not expect such extreme rule-breaking from her."
Usha nodded respectly, echoing quietly, "you should not..." Usha had no immediate family of which to speak of and could not enjoy the sort of family interaction Tessy could. And thus she lacked the sort of appreciation one with a family would have. "Good day to you."
Tejasvi simply smiled to the other and began to trot off towards the direction of her clan's home. The thought of the conversation they had had was fresh in her mind, and it lurked in her thoughts like a leech. She knew there would be many more conversations similar to that with Usha - they had been destined to share them the moment each of them were born. In the end, she figured she could have a worse life - the second Adhi-raj could have been someone awful, she could have had no family, and she supposed there was even the horrifying thought that she could have had to face this all alone. She felt assured there would always be others there for her when she needed them - be it Usha, or her sisters, or someone else.
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