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 Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 7:57 am
Something was coming. She could sense it on the wind and in the sand. She could feel it all around her, shifting and changing in such a way that she hardly recognised her home anymore. She didn't know what it was and part of her didn't want to. She wanted to bury her head, close her eyes and pretend that nothing was going on.
But she couldn't.
She could feel the tension, the atmosphere so thick that she had to battle through it with her claws. Since the birth of her children she'd become somewhat distracted from the uneasiness in the pride, focusing all her attention on teaching them, now that they were older and less dependant...Ripuka couldn't help but notice the changes around her.
"What has happened to us Finar-si?" She sat down and yawned, enjoying the warmth on her old bones. The Goddess did not answer her question and Ripuka was beginning to think she never would. So instead the old lioness closed her eyes to rest, glad for a little peace and quiet for a change.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 8:16 am
Uzulu wasn't going to admit ever, nor was Mpaji, but Azarax could feel it. He always had - there was something different about him than the rest of the slaves. He had noticed it long ago, but it had never made any sense at all to him. He was just another one of them, and yet, unlike the rest of them, he had never been punished with a beating. He did just as much work as any other slave, but when he did something bad, he never quite had to fear a beating. He wasn't complaining about the lack of such severe punishment, but he would at least like to know why it was.
Azarax ambled along with his head down, staring at his paws. His ears were pinned against the side of his head - to block off noise. He was already in trouble if he were discovered, since he was slacking off and wandering a little to think, so it would be better if he didn't realize he was caught until he finished his thoughts.
First and foremost on his mind, as always, was his dream. That flame red lioness that appeared, fiery and vivid against the otherwise colorless world that he existed in. Every night her image plagued his dreams, and he had no idea why. Who was she, and what... what did she want from him? He ambled along, his paws moving instinctively to keep from sliding as the sand shifted beneath his weight. What would it take to make her go away, to simply vanish from his life forever and stop plaguing his thoughts?
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 8:24 am
Irritable, Ripuka got back onto her paws and shifted sideways, determined to rid herself of the onimous clouds that insisted on floating above her head. Her one, piercing eye traced the landscape, looking for a nice little hollow she could spend her day sleeping in.
Sleep was good, nothing could bother her in sleep and it was rare that Ripuka dreamed of anything nowadays. Luckily, she preferred the emptiness of restful sleep. Dark, comfortable and warm. She felt safe there, untouched by her fears of what was to come.
Because though she would deny it, Ripuka knew - as others seemed to know - that a storm was brewing. Maybe this was Finar-si's doing. Maybe she was testing them yet again. Maybe, if a fight did break out because of Kidondo's reckless actions then Finar-si would come to aid them. Ripuka had always believed this the case, always believed in the Goddess.
And she would continue to believe until her very last breath.
Speaking of which, her next breath brought her a scent that was both familiar and strange. A scent that brought both joy and heart-wrenching grief.
Azarax.
She lowered her body, good eye seeking to find him. He had to be somewhere close by.
She pulled herself up the nearest dune, peering over the golden crest to glance around. And there he was. He was growing well, stronger and more muscled than a slave. Anyone looking at him could tell he was no mere inferior lion.
Tears pricked at her eyes. Her little Azzie...if only his pelt were red, he would have made the finest Firekin one could ever lay eyes upon. She stood, intending to watch him pass by, not noticing until it was too late that the wind had changed, carrying her scent straight to her abandoned son.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 8:36 am
Recently, it seemed to Azarax that all the lions of the high class of the pride were not so focused on making sure the slaves did what they were supposed to do. It had only started recently, this sneaking off to be alone, and only when he had detected a change in Uzulu's priorities. Though admittedly, slaves had never been anywhere near the top of the mighty lion's list of priorities. Still, recently, they had seemed to have fallen even farther down on that list, so the young lion had been taking advantage of this gradual change accordingly.
The sand colored lion was still buried in his thoughts of the fire red lioness that haunted his dreams when the wind shifted and brought to his nose a smell. It wasn't a slave. It smelled of high-end, true Firekin, and though it was one that he could not have known before, there was something that nagged at him about it.
Then he stopped. Oh, curse his sense of smell! Now he knew he was in trouble, and there was no point in running. He had grown accustomed to that feeling of defeat whenever he was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing. As a cub, he had tried to fight the power, and it had never ended well for him. Running away only served to bring harsher punishment, and so he had learned since that he should just stop and wait. At least that way, minimum punishment was allotted.
So he stopped where he was and simply sat his rump down into the sand, not bothering to look up. It didn't matter who it was that would undoubtedly be coming nearer soon. The result would still be the same, and it was easier for him if he didn't see any faces and didn't have any grudges for whoever turned him in. He didn't want to deal with sulking over anything he could do nothing about.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 11:12 am
Tears threatened but she swallowed them back bitterly. She had thrust the cub from her family as a tiny cub and hidden herself from him since, as if not seeing him would make him fade from existance. But here he was, older and stronger.
He sat.
Ripuka watched for a long while, not knowing what to do. Her mind was screaming at her to turn and leave, to dissapear before he looked up. What if he recognised her? What if he looked up and knew her to be the mother who had so heartleslly abandoned him? Her chest constricted and heaved as she struggled to breathe.
So then why did she remain? Why were her feet rooted to the spot?
She knew why, though she tried to deny it. Her heart would not let her go. No, his pelt was not red, nor black nor white, he was not any of the colours that distinguished him as a firekin, but it was there all the same, twined in his mane. Her colour was there and it melted away the cold shell that she had surrounded herself with.
What had she done?
A tear escaped, trailing it's way softly down the side of her muzzle, moistening the fur so that it sparkled with sunbeams.
"What have I done?" Her white muzzle, threaded with grey, tensed as she bit back a groan of grief. She knew then that her heart would not let her turn away from him. Not this time.
Maybe he wouldn't remember her. Maybe she could approach him, speak with him and leave again. Maybe...maybe...
Suddenly, much to her horror, she realised she was moving, padding softly down the slope of the dune towards him. He hadn't looked up. Hadn't moved. She could have turned, left before he had even realised who was there.
But I can't, she thought to herself, I can't abandon him again.
She continued until her shadow fell over him then conjured the first words that came to mind.
"It's not safe..." She hesitated. "To wander out here alone." Her voice was firm but not unkind.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 7:14 pm
Though he still had his ears pressed against his head, he knew that she was coming. He could hear the soft sound of paws against sand in his head. And then her shadow fell and a moment later, she spoke the strangest words he had heard from one of... those... lions. He didn't know what it meant, the words were nothing condemming, and the tone with which they had been spoken was not harsh.
It wasn't safe. No, it really wasn't, but she knew that, so why did she have to tell him? She was going to drag him back to Uzulu anyway, whether or not he knew it was unsafe to be out alone. None of it made any sense in the little lion's mind, so he only nodded and shrugged, still staring down at the colorless sand beneath his paws.
So he sat for a moment, and then with a pang he realized that she hadn't yet done anything. She had talked to him, but she hadn't beat him, and she certainly hadn't taken him back to Uzulu. His mind whirled as he tried to think of what exactly she could be doing.
And then he couldn't stand it anymore, just sitting and wondering while she stood there beside him, and he looked up to see who exactly this was. Who exactly was she that was not doing anything to drag him back to where he was supposed to be?
For a moment the glare from the sun made him blink, and he felt his world flare with the brightness. Then his eyes accustomed to the light and he could see who it was and... He froze. His heart skipped a beat and then he felt himself take an involuntary step backward.
It was her. From his dreams, the one who had appeared and simply stayed there without ever saying a word except his name. He had wondered for so long who she could possibly and now, all of a sudden, here she was. It couldn't be a dream.
And then, forgetting that he was just a slave and she was not, he spoke. "Who are you?"
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Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:07 am
She would have smiled but her heart seemed heavy. What was he thinking in that head of his? What were his eyes seeing? Did he know by instinct who she was or was the time that had passed between them enough to dull his senses.
She wanted to say something, to reply to him, but the words caught in her throat. She wanted to tell him the truth now, to tell him she was his mother, a cruel and heartless mother who had abandoned him to the slaves who had not been worthy of raising him.
But what else could she have done? Her love for the Goddess was stronger than any other. Rearing such a cub would have soured poor Finar-si's heart.
And yet...and yet...
Ripuka felt the familiar p***k of tears in her eyes but she pushed them away, almost angrily.
"I..." Her voice croaked, her throat felt thick. "I am Ripuka." Her body quivered. "You shouldn't be here. It's not safe." She turned her head then, suddenly afraid of being spotted herself. Wha would Kimeti say if he saw her talking to an inferior, talking instead of beating.
She had beaten many slaves in her past, even cubs. He would know, as any other member would know, that something wasn't right here. She'd be discovered, thrown out in shame.
No, she couldn't be thrown from the desert. If she left it again she would die. The sand was her soul and it was already breaking away beneath her paws.
"Go now Azarax before they spot you here." And the name slipped out before she even realised.
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Posted: Tue Jan 01, 2008 7:34 pm
Ripuka. So that was her name. He felt himself shaking, felt almost cold despite the heat of the desert. Now that he knew that she had a name, she was no longer just a creature that haunted his dreams, she was real. And that... that just did not make sense.
And why was she still just talking to him? He got a feeling that from he words, she was only going to stand there trying to make him leave. She wasn't going to do anything to actually force him back to Uzulu. And for what? He wanted to know. Why was she here, and why was she doing that. She wasn't being what she was supposed to be. She wasn't beating the slave.
"You... You know my name," He felt something akin to fear building up inside him as he wondered once again who she was. "How do you know my name?"
There was something about her. Something that was distant, and yet somehow far too close for him to ignore it. It disturbed him, this something. It was as if he had seen her before, but hadn't. The way she had said his name, it sounded like she had said it a million times before, and somehow it seemed to fit. It was like she had known him even before he did himself, and that... that couldn't be right.
He shook his head. No, now that he had found her, he wasn't leaving without some answers. He wanted them answered, he had asked them all his life. Asked himself, asked Mpaji even, although he knew that Mpaji wouldn't know either. So she would have to answer them for him.
"What... what do you want? What do you want from me? Why are you always there? Isn't it good enough that you appear every night, you have to show up in real life too?" Right then he didn't feel like just a slave. He felt like, for once, something more. Something far more than just a slave.
((Eee, sorry for the wait. My internet wouldn't connect for two days x.x))
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Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:27 am
(( s'okay hon <3 ))
She flinched. She said his name? Why had she said his name? Oh for the love of Finar-si she should just leave now before she got herself in too deep. Then he asked the question again and her chest clenched, suffocating her. She tried to breathe but she couldn't she tried to think but her mind had stopped ticking.
What could she say?
What should she say?
She opened her mouth to speak though she did not yet know the words that she was going to say, partly thankful that the youngster interrupted her again. Thankful at first and then suddenly, terribly grieved. He had dreams about her? No, nightmares most likely. But what was she supposed to do? Just say sorry that she had hurt him so, that she was his dispicable mother.
She broke her gaze, turned her head almost shamefully. "I'm sorry." She winced at her own apology, how often had those two words left her lips? She couldn't remember ever apologising to anyone, especially one younger than herself, but there it was and she meant it. She truly meant it.
She meant to leave then, to turn and walk out of his life. But her feet were rooted to the spot.
"Azarax..." The name was spoken softly, affectionately. Tears blinded her one good eye and slowly but surely she turned her head back. "I know your name because..." No, don't say it, DON'T say it! "Because I was there when you were born."
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Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 10:51 pm
Sorry? Though he did agree she should be sorry, he didn't quite know for what. What had she done to him, ever? Except make his life feel like it roiling nightmare and haunting his thoughts, he had no idea she even existed before now. But something deep within him told him. She did have something to be sorry for - something to be dreadfully sorry for - but he had no idea what.
But she must know. She must know, otherwise, why would she be apologizing? He didn't know much, but that her apology was genuine, he could tell. He could feel it, and somehow that feeling was enough for him to believe it.
What she said next stunned him. She was... there? She was there when he was born? How could that be? She was not a slave. Even he could see that. Why would she have been there when he was born? He was nothing special. At least not to his eyes, though even to one so young as he, it was obvious that he was different from those he had grown up with. But that didn't make him anything special.
"You were there?" He echoed softly, trying to piece it all together in his mind, though none of it made any sense at all to him. "Why... Why were you there?" He asked, looking up. There was a fire in his eyes that demanded answers. It said all too loudly that he wasn't about to leave, or let her leave, until he knew what was going on. Now that he had found her she was going to answer them. He was sick of living in the dark, because he had always known there was something different somehow.
So now he would know what.
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Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 1:12 am
Azarax could have been a fully grown Firekin male, the way Ripuka cowered away from him slightly. Ripuka never cowered, never. She was too stubborn, too proud to do such a thing! But looking into Azarax's very Firekin eyes, she saw strength in there that would only grow with age. He was a lion, she realised, who she could quite easily come to fear if he turned against her.
But he was within his rights to take his revenge on a mother cruel enough to abandon him when he as barely old enough to walk.
"Because..." And she choked miserably on her words. Why was she doing this? Why?! Oh, if Finar-si was looking down on her now, what would she think? But then, she was Finar-si's daughter and Finar-si had left her to fend for herself.
The only difference was that Finar-si hadn't shown up again, and wouldn't, not in Ripuka's lifetime anyway.
"Because you...you are my son Azarax." She bowed her head and with those words a huge weight lifted from her soul.
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Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 4:41 am
Her words sent him reeling back in shock as his mind tried then to process everything that she had said up until now. He had met her only moments before and yet, somehow, she had already managed to bring his life crashing down around him.
"I-I am what?" He blinked, quite unable to form words, as much as he struggled to find something to say. That he was her son... this stranger's son... felt so unreal. There was no way it was possible. And yet, it made sense in a way. It justified all the time her image had spent haunting his sleep and the way he felt instinctively something about her that was too close, and yet too far away all at once.
But it couldn't be possible. He shook his head, frowning as he struggled to cope with this new relevation. She was his mother. He wasn't just a slave then, he was a Firekin. But he hadn't been raised as one, and...
"No. I... I don't have a mother. That's what Mpaji said," He heard himself say. Although, come to think of it, what had Mpaji told him? That he didn't know who his mother was. That didn't mean he didn't have one. Only that he had always assumed he hadn't. Mpaji was his family.
But perhaps it finally occurred to him that she was telling the truth. After all, what reason would she have to lie? Of course, through it all, he was still the slave of the two and it wouldn't be that much of a surprise if Ripuka had simply made this up to mess with him. But he doubted she had the time to do so, and she had seemed to genuine. Still, how could she be his mother?
"But why...?" He said finally, softly, as he tried his best to figure out why he had spent his life without his mother. Why was he the slave if she was not?
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 8:47 am
Ripuka quivered. She felt afraid. Afraid of what she was saying, afraid for her son's reaction and afraid of what would happen after this little conversation of theirs.
"You had a mother...once. When you were no more than a tiny ball of fur. Then she abandoned you because of her fear, because of her belief." Her head bowed sadly, remembering the moments when she had birthed her three beautiful children. She remembered setting eyes on her tan-pelted son and remembered her heartache at teh realisation of his unusual colour scheme.
Why couldn't he have been red?
"And do you know why she--I abandoned you?" Her face twisted with sadness. "Look at me Azarax. Look at my pelt then look at yours..." The word was a hoarse whisper, choked with grief.
"That is why you never knew your mother."
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Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 3:47 pm
Abandoned? That one word shook him to the core. She had abandoned him?
All of a sudden a million thoughts began rushing through his head, none of which he could grasp or even remotely begin to understand. He heard voices, floating out of nowhere, calling his name. And then he felt as if he remembered something.
She had been there then too, only she was walking away. She didn't look back and he couldn't understand why. Only then, Mpaji had appeared moments later and after that, Azarax hadn't felt all that lost anymore.
He jolted back to the present with a small frown indicating his confusion when he realized she was still talking.
Look at me Azarax.
So he did. He took a look at her pelt, even though he didn't need to. He knew what it looked like. He'd seen it every night when he closed his eyes and went to bed. Then he looked down at himself, his tail curled around and lay on the sand beside him. With the exception of that tail, everything he saw was black or gray.
"Because I'm not red." He said rather sullenly as, finally, he began to understand what was going on around him.
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Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2008 8:45 am
The memory of that day hurt her deeply, caught in her soul to nag at her every day. She looked over Wakia and Jua, looked into their dark faces and was reminded of the third cub she had lost, the cub she had given up because of her traditions. She had regretted it deeply but, thinking back, would she have done it differently? If she were ever to have more cubs, would she keep them if they oddly coloured?
No, she couldn't have. She'd do to them what she had done to Azarax and all because of her love for Finar-si and her pride.
She nodded at his declaration. He wasn't red. She closed her eyes and drew in a shaky breath. "Azarax..." She wanted to hug him close, to tell him she was sorry and that she wanted him back. But she couldn't. Whether she wanted him or not didn't come into it.
He was tan and she was red. They couldn't be together as mother and son. Not ever, though it killed her to think it.
"I never stopped thinking of you. Never stopped wondering how you were." Her legs felt weak. "If it could have been different...if I could have kept you with me then...then..." No, what was the point of making excuses, what was done was done.
"I'm sorry."
Was this what tradition did? Was this what it was good for? Tearing families apart? It wasn't fair! As far as she was aware Azarax was full-blood Firekin. He didn't have the pelt but he had the heart, he had the blood and he had the spirit. Was that not enough? If she could have given her red pelt to him she would have.
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