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 Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:19 pm
...Would you want the adoptive couple/person to share your views? And which views?
Would it matter what religion/political party/race/sexual orientation the couple/person was? If they were married or single or divorced or cohabiting? What sort of income they made? What sort of neighborhood they lived in? What jobs they had? Anything else?
If you are male - pretend that you and your (hypothetical, if needed) partner are looking at open adoption. If you are against adoption - pretend that you aren't please! *big grin*
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:23 pm
I would prefer to give a child to a gay couple - both because they have the most trouble fathering a child (needing to get a donated ovum and a surrogate mother), and because I do feel that it would be easier to find a gay couple that I would trust to raise a child "the way I would want them raised".
Race and religion (or lack of religion) wouldn't matter to me - though I guess I would be more likely to give a child to a NeoPagan couple if one was availible - but I would like to find a couple where both had good jobs with flexible hours. A nice neighborhood would probably sway me as well.
Also, I would really prefer a potential adoptive couple who has pets, because I feel that pets are very good for people.
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:28 pm
I know that everyone is different and not everyone will share the views as I do or may just disagree on things.
If I had a child a couldn't care for it. I would just pick parents or a parent that I think could be trusted and would be able to give the child a good home.
I don't care about their religion, race,sexual orientation, or weither they're married or not as long as they are a good, decent person/people and is able and willing to care for it (even it it has special needs) then i'll be happy.
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:36 pm
I would prefer they have the same sort of values that I would raise my child with if I was able to. I would prefer they be able to afford to give my child a good life. Someone who was willing to sacrifice for my child should the need arise. Adoptive parents are people you're trusting with a child. Even if it wasn't my own child, if it was someone else's child and I had to find an adoptive parent (Say, a baby was left on my doorstep that I couldn't care for) I'd want that child to be raised in the manner that I think is the best way to raise a child.
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:37 pm
I wish I could be that sure about such things - I really don't know if I could feel okay giving up a child that shares my genes (I can't say "my child" because they wouldn't be anymore) to some of the couples I see that say things like: "we believe in traditional discipline and traditional Christian values". Maybe I am just too choosy of person?
Of course, I hope to not have any children until we plan to have them (and so can afford them in all ways). And we take precautions to keep this from happening. But, if I did get pregnant, and knew soon enough to stop drinking and smoking (I don't think it would be right of me to bring a child with fetal alcohol syndrome into this world - though I do not drink much or often - so of course I would ask about it before doing anything drastic), I would give the resulting child up for open adoption.
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:37 pm
My ideal couple would be
English (or british whatever) - because I live here and It would be nice if they were kinda close
Gay- because I feel they have a harder job getting chosen because it is more unconventional and I would like to help them for this reason
Race - I really don't mind. As they would be a gay couple most people will gather the child is adopted anyway so there wouldn't really be issues of bullying because it didn't look like their parents ^_^
Religion - I'd love for them to be pantheist but as that's unlikely I don't actually mind. As long as they loved and respected the child its all good.
Pets - Pets are important to me, so It would be lovely if the child had a dog or cat for a companion. I think they are really good for children.
Home environment - Ideally i'd like them to have a garden so the child can play safely and learn about the natural world. As long as they were able to provide for the child I wouldn't mind what job they had and if one decided to stay at home and care for it I would not mind whether they did that or chose day care if good day care was available in the area. Whatever they thought was best.
I've considered surrogacy for homosexual couples before as something I might like to do one day when I'm settled because from what i've seen it is a little easier for them to get a surrogate child than an adopted one as at least one has paternal rights to it so there isn't the paperwork, as well as adopting a child as a sibling for my biological children to give a child a home they might otherwise not have had,
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:38 pm
lymelady I would prefer they have the same sort of values that I would raise my child with if I was able to. I would prefer they be able to afford to give my child a good life. Someone who was willing to sacrifice for my child should the need arise. Adoptive parents are people you're trusting with a child. Even if it wasn't my own child, if it was someone else's child and I had to find an adoptive parent (Say, a baby was left on my doorstep that I couldn't care for) I'd want that child to be raised in the manner that I think is the best way to raise a child. You know, I might keep a doorstep baby, if it was possible to do so. Because it would be like I was fated to have that baby. Please don't drop off babies on my doorstep though. *grin*
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:41 pm
Anardana I've considered surrogacy for homosexual couples before as something I might like to do one day when I'm settled because from what i've seen it is a little easier for them to get a surrogate child than an adopted one as at least one has paternal rights to it so there isn't the paperwork, as well as adopting a child as a sibling for my biological children to give a child a home they might otherwise not have had, I don't know if I could be a surrogate for a couple I didn't know. But I did offer my one friend that if he ever wants a child - I would carry it for him (and we'd probably just be able to do the "turkey baster" method). I think I would have to really know the person/couple before I would ever consider carrying their baby.
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:44 pm
For me, it is very important that whoever I might give my child to share some beliefs and core values with me. I wouldn't care about what religion they were as long as they 1) were tolerant of other religions 2) didn't think that I (an atheist) am going to be tortured for the rest of eternity. I wouldn't care what political party they belonged to, although there are some beliefs that I would want them to hold that I think you are more likely to find in one political party than in another. Race makes no difference. I do have a homosexual/non-traditional religion preference because I feel that homosexuals/people of a non-traditional religion are less likely to be given a child that a straight Christian. I would prefer that there be two people to adopt my child because I think it's harder to properly raise a child on your own. Marital status isn't important, although I would want the person to be committed if they were in a relationship. I would want the person to have a decent enough income to support my child, although I would also prefer that they not be really, really rich. If they were really, really rich I would want to make sure that they had a game plan to make sure that my child not end up jobless and living off of their parents even after the child becomes an adult. As long as the neighborhood didn't look like it would pose a danger to my child, I wouldn't care, although I would like it if they lived within traveling distance of me. Job makes no difference as long as it doesn't look like it will compromise how they would care for my child (for example one of them works 80 hours a week? eh . . .).
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:45 pm
WatersMoon110 I wish I could be that sure about such things - I really don't know if I could feel okay giving up a child that shares my genes (I can't say "my child" because they wouldn't be anymore) to some of the couples I see that say things like: "we believe in traditional discipline and traditional Christian values". Maybe I am just too choosy of person? Of course, I hope to not have any children until we plan to have them (and so can afford them in all ways). And we take precautions to keep this from happening. But, if I did get pregnant, and knew soon enough to stop drinking and smoking (I don't think it would be right of me to bring a child with fetal alcohol syndrome into this world - though I do not drink much or often - so of course I would ask about it before doing anything drastic), I would give the resulting child up for open adoption. Not all Christians are bad or strick. My mom is a Christian and I got to do alot of things alot of others got to do while growing up. I may not agree with some of her beliefs but it's not a horrible thing (some of the things me and my mom have in common are interest in horror films,mysteries, and medical dramas/series).
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:48 pm
WatersMoon110 Anardana I've considered surrogacy for homosexual couples before as something I might like to do one day when I'm settled because from what i've seen it is a little easier for them to get a surrogate child than an adopted one as at least one has paternal rights to it so there isn't the paperwork, as well as adopting a child as a sibling for my biological children to give a child a home they might otherwise not have had, I don't know if I could be a surrogate for a couple I didn't know. But I did offer my one friend that if he ever wants a child - I would carry it for him (and we'd probably just be able to do the "turkey baster" method). I think I would have to really know the person/couple before I would ever consider carrying their baby. I won't want to be a surrogate either, the couple could easily change their minds and decide not to have child after all for one reason or another. Maybe if it's for a close friend and I know that's what they want.
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:51 pm
Me? Its not so much religion, politics, race, and nationality that I'm concerned with. Its the care they offer and are capable of. They could be communistic, hippie, satanists...but if they proved they were 100% capable of caring for the child, clothing it, providing them with they're own room, bed, food, hygiene, edge-a-ma-cation, I'd be fine with it.
My only one need and request is that the child is taught to fluently speak another language of their choosing, and taught to play an instrument of their choosing once they are old enough. Also, that the training in a martial art (preferable Tae Kwon Do) is taken at the age of four. I believe that knowledge of another language, music, and the art of the body are all essential to keeping one healthy and intelligent beyond what is recommended.
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:51 pm
sachiko_sohma Not all Christians are bad or strick. My mom is a Christian and I got to do alot of things alot of others got to do while growing up. I may not agree with some of her beliefs but it's not a horrible thing (some of the things me and my mom have in common are interest in horror films,mysteries, and medical dramas/series). Oh - I agree. My husband and my sister's girlfriend are both wonderful Christians. Many of my friends are Christians. I like Christians, for the most part. But I have found that many people who claim to have "traditional Christian values" don't really seem to follow the teachings of Jesus, the Christ, so much as they enjoy using their religion as an excuse to feel better than other people and condemn "teh gayz". So, though it is probably unfair of me, I just don't tend to trust people who claim that sort of thing. Also, as others have said - such couples are often preferred by other birth mothers/couples - so I would rather give a non-traditional couple or a single person a chance to be a wonderful parent. And, anyone who would teach my biological offspring that I am going to Hell for not being Christian probably doesn't "deserve" to raise said offspring.
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:54 pm
Tiger of the Fire Me? Its not so much religion, politics, race, and nationality that I'm concerned with. Its the care they offer and are capable of. They could be communistic, hippie, satanists...but if they proved they were 100% capable of caring for the child, clothing it, providing them with they're own room, bed, food, hygiene, edge-a-ma-cation, I'd be fine with it. My only one need and request is that the child is taught to fluently speak another language of their choosing, and taught to play an instrument of their choosing once they are old enough. Also, that the training in a martial art (preferable Tae Kwon Do) is taken at the age of four. I believe that knowledge of another language, music, and the art of the body are all essential to keeping one healthy and intelligent beyond what is recommended. Wow - those are really good ideas. I want to have my child/children educated in at least one other language from a young age. And I would, of course, encourage them to learn an instrument (we all took piano lessons - but I am so not musically talented). But martial arts is a really good idea, and one I didn't think of. Especially for girls, who are somewhat more likely to need hand-to-hand combat skills for self defense.
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 2:06 pm
WatersMoon110 Tiger of the Fire Me? Its not so much religion, politics, race, and nationality that I'm concerned with. Its the care they offer and are capable of. They could be communistic, hippie, satanists...but if they proved they were 100% capable of caring for the child, clothing it, providing them with they're own room, bed, food, hygiene, edge-a-ma-cation, I'd be fine with it. My only one need and request is that the child is taught to fluently speak another language of their choosing, and taught to play an instrument of their choosing once they are old enough. Also, that the training in a martial art (preferable Tae Kwon Do) is taken at the age of four. I believe that knowledge of another language, music, and the art of the body are all essential to keeping one healthy and intelligent beyond what is recommended. Wow - those are really good ideas. I want to have my child/children educated in at least one other language from a young age. And I would, of course, encourage them to learn an instrument (we all took piano lessons - but I am so not musically talented). But martial arts is a really good idea, and one I didn't think of. Especially for girls, who are somewhat more likely to need hand-to-hand combat skills for self defense. Godamnit if the last girl I ever sparred with wasn't 15...she didn't looked 15. She looked 17, could have passed for 18 if she was wearing make up. She was a second degree black belt...and gladly handed me my green belted a**...but she was SO hawt about it eek I would defiantly prefer all of that learned form a young age as well. The young mind is inquisitive, open, saturates and absorbs every thing like a sponge and retains it with greater ease. If I could, I'd teach my child to learn fluent Spanish and Korean, so i could take them to Spain where they could learn to play the Spanish guitar directly from a master, I would have them travel to Korea later, have them learn Tae Kwon Do and Tang So Do under the Korean eight month regiment.
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